Mother found my honest letter about her

[donotmicrowave]

I’m dealing with a mother who has decided to neglect me. I’m planning on moving out soon, am looking around for apartments right now.

I’ve been getting help from a psychologist. She has asked me to write a letter about mother. Write down all my feelings and such. English isn’t my native language, but I wrote the letter in English nevertheless, as it’s easier for me. I should also point out, I had titled the document „A letter about mother – psychologist’s recommendation“.

 

I had temporarily moved my computer to a different office. Did not have connection there and without noticing it, tried to print out the document. Nothing, obviously.

 

A few days go by, I go to my mother’s office (we work right next to each other) and she is holding those papers. Apparently they got printed out later. She started asking „what is this, why in English, what kind of a psychologist asks you to write letters,“ and so on. She claimed I intended to leave those papers at the printer, so she’d find them. The document wasn’t even FOR her, it was ABOUT her. It wasn’t mean. All my feelings and thoughts were there.

 

We had a somewhat civil talk a few days ago. She had embarrassed me at a big meeting, my father had told me to „go **** myself“, I’d had it, and had a nervous breakdown. Mother and I agreed to leave our family life out of work, but that’s all we really accomplished. All the horrible things she’d said and done to me, she’d magically forgotten. Those things were all written down in that letter, looked like she remembers it now.

 

I’m not really sure what to do. It will take some time before I can leave their home. Instead of trying to understand the letter, she’s mad and even more disappointed in me.

[Miss Clavel]

keep moving. over to the psychologist's office and tell her what happened! get her help. in the meantime, keep looking for your own place. move out.

 

 

the best you can do at this stage is to move away and hope you're adopted.

[darkmoon]

I had a terrible mother, so I know their delusions, their sense of entitlement.

 

Your mother will always be difficult, "difficult" is a polite way of describing obnoxious people, and is not age-related, look, I suspect others have versions of your problems with her.

 

So I ask - - has she got many long-term (over five years, say) friends? Let us look at mother closely...

Edited January 15, 2018 by darkmoon

[preraph]

Sounds like you need to ask your psychologist what to do and maybe get your mother into a session or two with you to hash it out. Hey, the truth hurts.

[donotmicrowave]

I had a terrible mother, so I know their delusions, their sense of entitlement.

 

Your mother will always be difficult, "difficult" is a polite way of describing obnoxious people, and is not age-related, look, I suspect others have versions of your problems with her.

 

So I ask - - has she got many long-term (over five years, say) friends? Let us look at mother closely...

 

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

I'm feeling a lot of anger towards her now as I'm typing this, I'm sorry if it shows.

 

Mother is extremely fake and two-faced most of the time. Cares about her reputation more than anything. A close friend of hers is at work, a guy she had an affair with years ago (she'd decided to bring me along with them to the beach once, probably thought I wouldn't remember seeing mother kiss another man and call him "honey". I was a toddler back then). The rest are "family friends" that she tries to impress, and friends that come over to drink and party. They yell, blast music, and everything. I know my father has a problem with alcohol, mother denies it.

 

People who have seen through her expensive style, fake smiles and attitude, know that she is a straight up witch. Family friends have also started to see that one child (me, the special snowflake) is ignored most of the time. So mother blames it on my "introverted nature".

 

She has been straight up bullying me today. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, I skipped the last 3h of work due to it. She started telling me how I'm just there to joke around, how people saw that I'm missing and so on. When I responded with a valid argument that made her a hypocrite, the response was that I'm not allowed to bad-mouth her.

 

I feel like something is about to break soon. I have been suicidal for weeks, it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

 

I also feel terrible because I keep thinking of revenge. I keep thinking of moving out, ignoring her, then leaving the country and never talking to her again, hurt her back. I don't know why I want it, I'm not like that.

[darkmoon]

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

 

I'm feeling a lot of anger towards her now as I'm typing this, I'm sorry if it shows.

 

Mother is extremely fake and two-faced most of the time. Cares about her reputation more than anything. A close friend of hers is at work, a guy she had an affair with years ago (she'd decided to bring me along with them to the beach once, probably thought I wouldn't remember seeing mother kiss another man and call him "honey". I was a toddler back then). The rest are "family friends" that she tries to impress, and friends that come over to drink and party. They yell, blast music, and everything. I know my father has a problem with alcohol, mother denies it.

 

People who have seen through her expensive style, fake smiles and attitude, know that she is a straight up witch. Family friends have also started to see that one child (me, the special snowflake) is ignored most of the time. So mother blames it on my "introverted nature".

 

She has been straight up bullying me today. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday, I skipped the last 3h of work due to it. She started telling me how I'm just there to joke around, how people saw that I'm missing and so on. When I responded with a valid argument that made her a hypocrite, the response was that I'm not allowed to bad-mouth her.

 

I feel like something is about to break soon. I have been suicidal for weeks, it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.

 

I also feel terrible because I keep thinking of revenge. I keep thinking of moving out, ignoring her, then leaving the country and never talking to her again, hurt her back. I don't know why I want it, I'm not like that.

 

You are like that due to pressure she puts on you, so follow the dictates of your heart and stop getting caught up in her perceptions of you.

 

It is perfectly ok to not bother with an enemy. Move, ignore, and/or emigrate - - these are all good ideas to suit you, not her.

 

Do not tell her your plans, or she will even bully you some more. Sorry you have such a doozy for a mother. There can be no love at this time, just independence, which means freedom and fun.

 

Save up to rent your own flat. Go to meet up groups to take your mind off all this and to make new friends. In other words, build a new life for yourself.

Edited January 16, 2018 by darkmoon

[donotmicrowave]

I decided to share my situation with you guys. Typing this on my phone, I apologize if there are any typos or errors!

 

Two days ago, I met with my doctor. I shared my situation with him (very suicidal when backed into a corner, not enough money to continue paying psychologists and psychiatrists long term, yadiyada. He was very kind and understanding. He had planned 20 min for me, but we talked for an hour and a half. I felt a lot better after that, I was very thankful. He offered me a doctor’s notice or however to put it, that would let me stay off work for a short while, to get my mojo back. I declined.

 

Later I go home, and I get confronted the second I step in. “Where were you, why do you need a doctor, why were you there for so long,” these type of questions. Then the insulting follows, then the threats. I was very calm and sitting on a couch, but one second I just completely zoned out. I can’t remember everything that happened. I went up to my room, heard father yell that I’m a coward for running away, and so on. I drop my bags and just collapse on the floor. I don’t know for how long I sat there, but I remember thinking “my face is wet”, well I cried a lot. One second I just stand up, go downstairs, put on my shoes, coat and gloves, and just walk out (mind you, it was late in the evening, windy and -18 degrees C. I was wearing a skirt, a thin coat and a blouse). I walk out, as we live outside the city, go walk by the empty highway and again, just collapse. I threw up right after. And then I just kneeled there in the snow and cried. For a very long time. Someone nearby used a flashlight on me, but that was all. Then eventually a car drove by, and 3 random men pick me up in a small ugly car. They were very kind. I couldn’t speak at all for the first 10 minutes, I don’t know why. But long story short, they drop me off in the city and I walk to my grannys. I just remember how cold it was, not much else.

 

I’m okay now and with my grandparents. I’m actively looking for a new job.

 

What happened with my parents two days ago wasn’t even that bad, I guess something just really did break in me. I have blocked them on my phone. If they need to contact me, they can only do it about work and on my email.

 

I hope I don’t sound too dramatic..

Edited January 19, 2018 by donotmicrowave

[darkmoon]

"wasn't that bad"?

 

The incident was one of several, adding up over time, pushing you into ultimately really moving on, which is only natural. Who would not need an escape from bullies? You blew your top, and then your survival instincts took over.

 

Because you were not living in a happy home, I suspect that behind closed doors, your parents are not that happily married, and with you gone now they have to confront each other.

 

Stay gone, you do not need psychiatry etc (maybe a bit to talk to somebody impartial), you need a new life, new friends, new job, a life you like, not one that drove you nuts.

 

Start quickest with a hobby, dancing, reading, painting, animal welfare...

 

As for the "coward" accusation from these two bullies, parents are supposed to teach you how to do things, not use your lack of life experience against you.

 

I say spend time doing what you enjoy, popularly called "me time", a nice long quiet bath is one example, a valued hobby is another, keeping a diary is another one. Memories are made from the present. Good times, created by you.

Edited January 19, 2018 by darkmoon

[donotmicrowave]

"wasn't that bad"?

 

The incident was one of several, adding up over time, pushing you into ultimately really moving on, which is only natural. Who would not need an escape from bullies? You blew your top, and then your survival instincts took over.

 

Because you were not living in a happy home, I suspect that behind closed doors, your parents are not that happily married, and with you gone now they have to confront each other.

 

Stay gone, you do not need psychiatry etc (maybe a bit to talk to somebody impartial), you need a new life, new friends, new job, a life you like, not one that drove you nuts.

 

Start quickest with a hobby, dancing, reading, painting, animal welfare...

 

As for the "coward" accusation from these two bullies, parents are supposed to teach you how to do things, not use your lack of life experience against you.

 

I say spend time doing what you enjoy, popularly called "me time", a nice long quiet bath is one example, a valued hobby is another, keeping a diary is another one. Memories are made from the present. Good times, created by you.

 

I really have to thank you, Darkmoon. Your replies are very motivating, make me realize that I finally am in control over my life. It really is that simple for me to have a happy life, now that I think of it. Just gotta get out and do my own thing.

 

I bought a new sketchbook (I’m an artsy-person) and tonight I’m gonna say “screw it” and go out clubbing!

 

Again, thank you so much for your input!! A neutral and rational point of view is very helpful!

[preraph]

Your parents aren't helping matters. Don't let that stop you from continuing to go to therapy and live your life.