Things I have learned about dating over the years

[Imajerk17]

Hey y'all...

 

I have been dating for over half my life, and it has been an extremely interesting journey for myself. I went from being a socially awkward logical Nice Guy growing up, to someone who discovered PUA and went through that, to someone who is now past that, and having success. Anyway, this is a list of things I have learned.

 

Fair warning ahead of time. Some parts of this list are more idealistic but some parts may sound more cynical. This is my experience as a man dating women. As a heterosexual man, I do not have experience dating men, so surely there are things I am leaving out.

 

 

1. Women both want to be RESPECTED but to feel sexual attraction, they also need to be LED by the men in their life. It's the balance that we as men have to get down when it comes to our relationships with women. Show me a guy who knows how to tease and call a woman out on stuff, but also knows how to comfort her and tell her how amazing she is when she is feeling down, and I will show you a guy who is great with women.

 

2. Most guys don't get the above point, that women respond to a man's leadership. The last couple generations of us grew up under feminism, and while we respect your empowerment, many of us are left confused what you want from us. (Nice guys in particular are great at the respecting part, but they aren't good at the leading part.)

 

3. Guys who do well with women are great at initiating and leading the Mating Dance, and they don't bend to social tension. It's why so many thugs and Bad Boys do so well with women--they are who they are, and they don't care what society thinks. It may not impress an employer but it definitely does attract women.

 

4. The Circle Of Life goes from men, to women, to children. It's why women love men who are protective to them, and it is why many many women go gaga over babies--even if they aren't sure if they want one of their own. Guys in the MGTOW Movement whine about the unfairness of it all, and it is why the are out on their own island.

 

5. Many many guys believe that women think as a really good-looking High-Status-Man would. Because, well, they seem (from the vantage point of many of us anyway) to approach dating as a High-Status Man would--being the selector, expecting anyone of the opposite gender wanting to date them to do much of the work, having a list of things they tend to next their dates for, ect. This mindset is wrong and causes guys so many issues! (More below.)

 

6. Many men treat impressing a woman as getting into Harvard (except he has to be better-looking too). It's folly. Women generally do not go home after a first date evaluating you on your job title, career prospects, list of countries you've travelled to, your looks, or even how clever your jokes were. When it comes to job and career, they DO care that you are gainfully employed, but after that, when it comes to the second date, they instead go by how they FELT around you.

 

7. The one thing you as a guy can do to get better with women is to put yourself out there more. In general the more women you talk to, the more confident and comfortable you will be around them.

 

8. Take PUA with a grain of salt. It does help to know a few cool things to say at certain times. But, women feel attraction when they feel YOUR personality, NOT when you are repeating a routine you heard off the Internet or making a cheesy sales pitch.

 

9. Getting back to Point 1. in the above list, women also want to feel RESPECTED, and so women are distrustful of plans to get her to have sex with you by memorizing a routine stack and refining a bunch of tactics.

 

10. Getting back to Point 5. above, women actually are incredibly self-protective. It's why many younger women seem to "play games". They need to feel secure in your interest in them, and throwing a wrench into things and seeing how you react is the instinct of many.

 

11. Showing strong interest is the new Playing It Cool. Yes, you do want to take the hint and no you don't want to be a stalker. But too many guys wait too long after a date to make contact again, or they give up after one not-responded-to text. See the previous point why this is so bad!

 

12. Ghosting is one of the most frustrating things to men (both genders actually). We I think are especially challenged by it because we are logical--we go our word. Generally speaking, a woman will ghost on you when the reason why she doesn't want to continue the relationship is either too awkward to explain, or she doesn't feel you deserve an explanation. [Typically the more mature the woman the less likely she is to ghost.]

 

13. Reasons of ghosting that (may) have to do with you:

--You creeped her out/made her feel unsafe (there she will feel that you don't deserve an explanation and if you really did corner her then rightfully so).

--Awkward connection (she may feel that there is no need to explain this to you, she isn't your dating coach or tutor)

--She changed her mind about you (she came on strong last night but rethought things the next day--no easy way to put this!)

 

14. Reasons for ghosting that do not have anything to do with you:

--There is someone else in her life, either a boyfriend she just back together with, a friend she has sexual tension with, another guy she has been seeing and decided to become exclusive with. She may not feel like explaining this to you, a stranger, so she may ghost.

--Anxiety issues about dating, her therapist told her not to date ect. Again, awkward to explain so ghosting is the likely outcome

 

15. Hiding who you really are in the hopes of getting a woman to like the person you are PRETENDING to be is pointless. Even if she does fall for it, the acting gets old!

 

16. The right women will love your weirdness. Too many guys try to come up with the list of "cool" hobbies. It IS great to broaden your horizons, but as a science nerd who has dated plenty of women who never took a physics class, I can tell you that you are better off following your heart.

 

17. People act not so much according to their best interests but instead more according to how they see themselves. It is astounding how this bit of insight explains a lot of otherwise baffling human behavior.

 

18. A very important thing to screen on is CHARACTER, which is doing the right thing instead of just following your emotions. How does she treat the people she dates? What about her friends? Is she a reliable employee? Does she live within her means and pay her bills? On a related note, always follow someone's ACTIONS more than their words.

 

Anyway that is my list for now, I am sure there are more things I can add.

Edited January 15, 2018 by Imajerk17

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Excellent post! Really great insight and writing.

[LuckyM]

Also,

everyone, especially females expects and wants others (especially men) to be nice, kind, honest, sensitive to their feelings. Men want the same things.

But the man or woman usually does not reciprocate this in a satisfactory way.

You want someone to be kind to you, but you are not that kind to them.

I know this from much experience at all ages, gender, culture.

 

Human nature or hypocrisy?

[igotoverit]

Also,

everyone, especially females expects and wants others (especially men) to be nice, kind, honest, sensitive to their feelings. Men want the same things.

But the man or woman usually does not reciprocate this in a satisfactory way.

You want someone to be kind to you, but you are not that kind to them.

I know this from much experience at all ages, gender, culture.

 

Human nature or hypocrisy?

 

I think what people don't realize is that the majority of the human race is messed up and have unresolved issues such as codependancy, insecurities, unresolved child hood trauma. if you ask me, it all comes down to parenting. A lot of people never should have had children. I make sure my son has stability and his own things. hehis feelings are validated and he's quite secure which makes me hopeful he will not end up on this website.