Married but feeling trapped, stuck, and depressed.

[Rosecat]

So here's a little backstory:

 

I got married summer of 2014

Didn't feel 100% sure about the marriage from the very beginning, but it was all or nothing because he wasn't a citizen, and it was the only way for us to be together. I couldn't bare the thought of losing him, and I have known him many years and have loved him a long time... So we decided to get married.

 

I currently live with my mother in law, who's extremely difficult to live with, to the point where I try to avoid her as much as possible.

 

I cannot afford to support myself alone, let alone my husband, so we have a discounted rent of $240/ month (plus utilities) to live in a living room with almost no privacy. (I work 30hrs at a job, and then 1-2 days a week as a part time caregiver for my mother who lives 45min away)

 

My husband has been living here with me, paying for himself using loans, while he tries to launch an online business that he feels passionate about and has confidence in. He has been successful in the past with simular work. He expects about 3 months left until it launches. That is a rough guess though because he thought it would only take a year to launch and it's already been more than 3 years...

 

Meanwhile we have been "saving money" by us living here. For me, it's suffering. For him it's just "ok."

 

He knows how I feel, and he's so close to launching his business though (so he believes) that we both agreed to try to wait it out till it's finished (whenever that is.)

 

But for months now, everything has felt worse than before. We are intimate about once a month (most of our marriage) and things just don't feel right. I know I'm depressed because of the situation, but why does it feel like we are just roommates who love each other? He's handsome. We both have sexual feelings. He's interested in me, but I feel so platonic towards him.

 

I thought that waiting to move was the answer. Mainly because I feel completely uncomfortable being intimate with him while his mom is home, and she only leaves the house once per week. I thought my sex drive had shut down due to privacy issues.

 

So would waiting till we finally move help?

I don't know.

 

I just know I'm depressed and emotional.

And I feel like my life has been put on hold. I'm turning 30 this year, and we've been married 3.5 years now. It feels like nothing has changed (for the better) since marriage. Furthermore, sex just hasn't felt right. I've had no issues with my former partner, and I am a sexual person. I worry that I might not be into my husband physically, even when we finally have our own place and privacy. I'm scared.

 

I put everything into making this marriage work and he's such an amazing person that I admire and look up to in many ways. He's everything I ever wanted in a partner, except the physical/intimate aspect hasn't been working so well.

 

When we first got married, I would cry after we were intimate, because something felt off and I couldn't explain what it was. I don't know if I even have the words for it now, other than just not feeling good.

 

Anyway, I just feel so lost and stuck right now. I don't know if I'm just supposed to wait until the day we finally have the money to move, or if I should be thinking about another path. All I can say is that I'm very emotional about all of this, and I really do want things to work.

 

I'm the kind of person who will try to do everything in my power to make my relationship work, and I don't walk away without trying my best.

 

But right now though, I need an outside perspective. I appreciate feedback.

[Mr. Lucky]

My husband has been living here with me, paying for himself using loans, while he tries to launch an online business that he feels passionate about and has confidence in. He has been successful in the past with simular work. He expects about 3 months left until it launches. That is a rough guess though because he thought it would only take a year to launch and it's already been more than 3 years...

 

Is there a reason hubby can't get a job and "launch an online business" in his extra hours and days off? I know he'll say it can't be done - but what do you honestly think ???

 

The main source of your stress is a result of his 3 years of unemployment. Were I you, telling him you expect him to fix that so you can get your own place is where I'd start...

 

Mr. Lucky