CantTakeMySmile Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 This encounter was 100 percent not about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 You think so? I think he could have smiled at her without speaking You could have left the cafe when you saw him and none of this would have happened. It's incredible how you continue to show up where he is. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 If we both moved on with the day, where's the issue? My issue is what I took to be a boundary violation on his part. I didn't acknowledge him but I was not rude and did not create any drama. He crossed the line. He knows he hurt me, he should have more respect *especially* in light of my recent request. The truth is he isn't even thinking about you. He saw your child standing right in front of him and his first reaction was to speak as would any other normal human being. His problem isn't her, it's you so why would he take it out on an innocent child. I'm thinking that if he hadn't spoken to your child you would be complaining about that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 It's astonishing that you think a guy who knows your kid politely acknowledging her was the *wrong* move. I dated a woman with children, and even if I don't speak to the mother anymore, my stomach turns at the thought of seeing them all in passing and just walking past with no acknowledgement toward the children. Young children don't have the emotional capacity to understand any of this relationship BS, but I can tell you that an adult they know seeing them and ignoring them would make most of them feel horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 The issue is that you're being petty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Was walking down the street on Friday - maybe Thursday - and saw ex. Didn't smile or anything, he waved. What is he not getting about not acknowledging me in public? Feel this is so rude. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I don’t think he could do anything that you would view as appropriate. I have a sense that if he didn’t acknowledge you that you would be posting about that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) Wow. I *really* thought I had moved on. Apparently not. I was walking "downtown" (where my ex lives) and sure enough saw a girl exit my exes building. I wasn't even looking - I had just turned my head! I just knew it was his new girlfriend. Strong intuition is both a blessing and a curse. I became instantly super anxious, almost burst into tears, and the emotions just took over. I went to his apartment and banged on the door. I didn't say much, really, except to say "so this is why you're not texting and calling" (his response: "We haven't BEEN texting and calling." Ugh. Fair enough.) Like I said, there wasn't really much to say, but I did say "You told me you didn't have time for a relationship. You just didn't have time for a relationship with me! Right?" He just said we tried it, moved too fast, it didn't work out. (The same lines.) He said "Look, if you want to talk, let's talk later. I don't want to do it at my doorway." I said "There's nothing to talk about. You're a liar, and a player, and one day someone's going to hurt you too" (he's been the dumper for literally all of his relationships.) I stomped away and he was just standing there with the door open and I shouted "Good bye!" I texted him to never talk about me, to not acknowledge me in public, and to never contact me again (LOL I'm sure he was like "no problem!") I blocked his number, his email, his Facebook. I finally took the rest of his **** back to his apartment and stomped a radio he'd given me. I had been so proud of myself for having composure and truly felt I had moved on. I'm kind of embarrassed but mostly hurt. He rejected me. He said he was learning how to be alone/single. It was just ME he didn't want to be with. He found someone else, and quickly, sure enough. Don't beat yourself up over confronting him. You shouldn't have done it but we are human. We slip up and make mistakes. The current reality is your ex and you are over and he will likely move onto date new women. One of them, he will fall for and she will become to him what you were back in the day. That is a heavy..heavy..thought. And what's heavier is that you will have to accept it...this is why the grieving process is slow. Be conscious of it and be okay with it. You will only be over him and your situation when that thought fails to break your heart. Edited January 28, 2018 by Beachead 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 So I've been NC for almost three weeks (yay me!). Today at the gym I saw his ex - girl he dated for a year before we dated (yes I was a rebound). She left the gym but then came back and introduced herself. We talked for like ten minutes, just basically talking about our mutual ex haha. As we were leaving she said "oh, by the way, I thought you should know that he and I were sleeping together in October and November. A lot in November." (At this time he was pulling away a lot and said he needed time to himself - clearly a lie.) Holy cow. This was a guy who was strongly anti-cheating and all about openness and honesty. Cheated on me throughout!? I'm very thrown for a loop here. I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway. It's just really intense. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 So I've been NC for almost three weeks (yay me!). Today at the gym I saw his ex - girl he dated for a year before we dated (yes I was a rebound). She left the gym but then came back and introduced herself. We talked for like ten minutes, just basically talking about our mutual ex haha. As we were leaving she said "oh, by the way, I thought you should know that he and I were sleeping together in October and November. A lot in November." (At this time he was pulling away a lot and said he needed time to himself - clearly a lie.) Holy cow. This was a guy who was strongly anti-cheating and all about openness and honesty. Cheated on me throughout!? I'm very thrown for a loop here. I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway. It's just really intense. Move on..How long are you trying to stay on the drama train for? He hurt you,cheated on you..So, Why in the hell not consider it a blessing and get on with your life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author flooded Posted February 3, 2018 Author Share Posted February 3, 2018 Move on..How long are you trying to stay on the drama train for? He hurt you,cheated on you..So, Why in the hell not consider it a blessing and get on with your life? It's a betrayal. I'm not on any drama train. She came up to me and told me this information. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 (edited) It's a betrayal. I'm not on any drama train. She came up to me and told me this information. I read through some of your other posts about showing up several times,uninvited,at his place. To me..that's drama. So,she told you something about him..big deal. Sounds like she's on the same train as you. Let it go. Edited February 4, 2018 by Praying4Daylight Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Personally, I would just cut myself off from any information about him. Tell others you don't wish to hear any news about him. You aren't going to get back with him, so hearing any information about him is not productive at this point. You have all the information you need to know that he was not a good match. There's no need to entertain the idea of confronting him yet again. It sounds like he didn't conduct himself properly during the relationship. but from what you're saying, he's doing the right things post-breakup. I agree with the poster who said you are likely to find fault in whatever he does if you two cross paths, whether it's politely acknowledging you/your daughter or carrying on as though he doesn't see you. You have a young daughter to consider right now. Resist the temptation to occupy precious mental energy dwelling on everything this guy does or doesn't do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 I want to confront him but I know he'll deny it and it won't make any difference anyway. Don't confront him. The pounding on his door business was more then enough. Confronting him means you still care. Hate is not the opposite of love. It's the other side of the same coin -- negative passion. Indifference is where you need to be. You now have info about his cheating which should spur you to indifference. This man lied to you & cheated on you. Your next step needs to be a doctor for an STD test. If he cheated on you with the EX who told you in the gym, who knows how many others there were. If the test is positive, then you can send him the bills for all your medical treatment. He won't pay but that's as much confrontation as I'd do. Let him go already. He's clearly scum. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Don't confront him. The pounding on his door business was more then enough. This man lied to you & cheated on you. Let him go already. He's clearly scum. Amen! Well said. Link to post Share on other sites
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