I am being blackmailed by pervert colleague.

[stella1979]

I really need some advice.I really do not know what to do here. I feel stuck. Where can I go to talk to someone about this?I just want this over so my life can go back to normal.My cycle is messed up from all the stress that I've been under.

 

 

I need advice.Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.I don't know how to get out of this situation?I have a very strange situation to handle.I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost.I don't know what to do?For the past two years since december 2015 i am an office manager. I am a 38year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress slutty at all. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and i am tall, and I appreciate that.If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. I am always on high heels and full make up on.I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person.I usually stay away from anything too revealing.I am describing myself because i want you to know the complexity of the situation. On september 4th 2017 this woman new H.R. manager started working at my office.She is skinny really short like 5ft3 ugly wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine 53year old woman.On her second day she came up behind me while I was at my desk and started rubbing my shoulders.I I was very flustered and said to her “I’m sorry, I have a thing with personal space.”I explained to her that it is making me uncomfortable.She apologized and said that she is an extroverted, touchy-feely, huggy person.On december 11th 2017 she called me in her office and said to me that she hacked my account (on my office computer) and download everything she could get her hands on to.She got some VERY private videos and photos of me and email messages with sensitive material that is damaging to my career.Also she told me that she has a journal about my performance at work.The journal is mostly immature and childish...but still something that would hurt my reputation.The journal has things like what time I come into the office, or leave the office (mentioning mostly personal reasons, like I had to go home and take care of my sick daughter) never mentioning the counless hours I spend at home working until the wee hours she also mentions when I call in sick - implying that it's bogus (which I've only called in sick one day in the last 4 months), times that she has disagreed with my management decisions, also there are instances where she has completely fabricated journal entries and discusions, she also has written about personal phone calls I have received at work...things that are completely none of her business...I mean I'm here BOSS, not the other way around...I do not report to her, I am her superior...she reports to me. If I want to take a damn phone call at work then I will do it. And if I want to stay home with my daughter when she is sick then by-God I will do it.She than told me she wanted to touch my boobs.She told me if i refused she will post the video's online.I agreed.Then I get a hand extended so I'm like okay here it goes... and she was not shy about just full palm feeling all around and getting a real grab!I was walking out of her office and she groped my butt, kinda fondled it, then slapped it hard.Since then this woman my colleague is constantly groping me at work . I mean like multiple times a day, grabbing my breasts and rubbing and slapping my butt.Sometimes, I'm just standing there, and she'll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt.

 

When I bend down within ten yards of her, she's right there, grabbing and smacking my butt.She acts like its all a big joke, laughs, etc. I make it clear I don't like it, but she acts like that's part of the joke, too.Also she always jiggles my breasts.She is constantly all over me.This pervert women is saying to me that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them and resting her head on them comforting.She said that she finds great comfort doing this when she's stressed.It is all my fault.She thinks that my breasts are a readily-available source of comfort for her.She is feeling up and squeezing my breasts on every occasion and commenting that they are squishy and big and soft.She keeps touching my breasts any time her hand is near them.Also i think she is always grabbing,slapping and rubbing my ass to show dominance over me.It is so annoying.She also will kind of...hold me from behind with her hands on my breasts very tightly in a way that I can't move, even when I'm trying to get away from her.She is always placing her hands on my breasts while facing me talking about work .Any time I'm even within arm's reach of her, I feel her caressing me.She is very into rubbing my back with her left hand and with her right hand rubbing my whole front side concentrating on my breasts while i am standing stiff as a board not saying a word.Sometimes she does it in a hallway in front of other women coworkers too!Also she enjoys walking behind me with her hands all on my butt.This short skinny woman is always commenting that i am so tall,big and soft.She tells me often that she likes that i am always dressed up in satin and silk and that she likes touching my clothes.I feel deeply ashamed of myself.Other women my colleagues(all female workplace) already think that i am ok with it.My breasts have been grabbed numerous times in jest by her in front of other women colleagues also she always place her hand on my ass when i stand beside her in front of them.I know other women my colleagues probably laugh at me behind my back because of this situation with this pervert woman(H.R. Manager of all people).One woman said to me that i make stupid faces while this pervert creepy short skinny woman is groping me and touching me.She also said that it is bizarre that standing next to this pervert H R manager i look like i giant and i let her get by with it.I just laughed and replied to this woman that we(H R manager and me) just have a weird bond like that.I am towering over other women at work. I am considered by women at my office to be extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy.This pervert woman wants to to publicly embarass me and ruin my reputation for absolutely no reason at all. Also she is attempt to undermine my authority.So she is doing it for malicious reasons - only in attempt to ruin my credibility. I'm at a loss as to how to proceed. I just feel hopeless..I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget.This has been eating at me.I feel like a failure. I am afraid, If I don't do what she asks she will post the video's online. That will ruin my life.This is a smallish town.

She knows i can't go to the police and i can't tell anyone. Help me i don't know how to get out of this mess. As far as having intimacy with a woman? That's just something that I haven't done and will probably not do so.Im a straight woman never got turned on by a women.Usually when this short skinny ugly old geek woman who shouldn't be touching me try to...I just kinda... let her do the groping, touching,rubbing and hugging , but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly.I have no desire to do anything sexual with a women.I am 100% straight.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.I am divorced since november 2013.

I have 11year old daughter. I was married for 8 years.I don't know what to do? I don't know what to do anymore?I don't know how to handle the situation.

[GorillaTheater]

To quote the Duke of Wellington when faced with a blackmailer: "publish and be damned".

 

 

Fire her ass, immediately seize her computer/hard drive, and go the cops if she carries out any of her threats. You may take some lumps as you fear, but the alternative, submitting to this chick, is intolerable under any circumstances.

 

 

And in the future be very wary of what you make available on your office computer.

[SammySammy]

Seek an attorney's advice.

 

I'm quite sure he's going to advise you to go to the police and go scorched earth suing everybody. Your employer and this woman. Sometimes the mere threat of a lawsuit is enough to get things done.

 

See an attorney.

[Arieswoman]

stella1979,

Why have you put up with this for all this time?

 

This is sexual abuse.

 

Why have you not pushed her away, yelled "stop that!" Or objected loudly?

 

See a solicitor.

[preraph]

Why on earth would you let her touch you? You need to go to the police with this. If you go to the employer, who knows if they'll handle it. So if you go to the police first they will know it's serious and they better handle it. If the police do nothing, get an attorney. Or start with getting an attorney.

[Rockdad]

She may have some type of information that you want to be confidential however she is in way deep for her actions. Sexual harassment and sexual assault. If I read correctly others have seen her do this to you. I so agree with what MidKnightDreams advised and consult with an Atty.

 

I am in business myself and I have my Atty on speed dial.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Start wearing scratchy wool instead of silk satin and maybe she won't touch you?

 

Also, stop saving salacious material to a work computer and turn her skinny, wrinkly face in.

[mrs rubble]

Why do you think you can't go to the police? Sexual assault and blackmail are illegal.

[stella1979]

Why on earth would you let her touch you? You need to go to the police with this. If you go to the employer, who knows if they'll handle it. So if you go to the police first they will know it's serious and they better handle it. If the police do nothing, get an attorney. Or start with getting an attorney.

I am terrified to report this awful woman H R manager to the police for fear of her posting the pictures and videos. Its giving me really bad anxiety and I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to go to the cops. She has the videos and pictures and other sensitive material that is damaging to my career.She is threatening to send them to my colleagues, friends and family.This woman is a short,skinny,old perverted weirdo but I confess I am a bit afraid of her too.I can't just punch her in the face.I am physically stronger than her,standing next to me she looks like a midget,she is short and skinny,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.

[SammySammy]

There are legal consequences for blackmailing you. There are legal consequences for hacking. There are legal consequences for invasion of privacy. There are legal consequences for releasing personal videos, pictures, and other effects.

 

I'm not a lawyer. I don't know the legal terminology or process for dealing with these things. That's why I suggest talking to someone who does. Let them guide you.

 

I'd rather be proactive and handle the situation rather than living my life in fear.

 

If you really want it solved, then talk to somebody who can help you.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Nobody is advocating a physical altercation, but she's committing a crime. More than one. What's on the videos?

[stella1979]

Start wearing scratchy wool instead of silk satin and maybe she won't touch you?

 

Also, stop saving salacious material to a work computer and turn her skinny, wrinkly face in.

The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.I am not going to change my dressing style.That is part of who i am.It is my whole wardrobe.I dress like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.I feel much better when I dress up and present myself as the best I can be.Dressing up makes me feel good because it makes me feel like i can do anything.I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That's just who I am.I love dressing up, I've tried dressing down, but I always end up changing.

my clothes are there to be worn!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.I am not going to change my dressing style.That is part of who i am.It is my whole wardrobe.I dress like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.I feel much better when I dress up and present myself as the best I can be.Dressing up makes me feel good because it makes me feel like i can do anything.I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That's just who I am.I love dressing up, I've tried dressing down, but I always end up changing.

my clothes are there to be worn!

 

No need to apologize for how you dress. I was being facetious about the wool You do need to report this woman, though. Sounds like you have witnesses.

[anika99]

what account did she hack? You mean that you kept all of this personal stuff on a work account or a computer belonging to your company?

[healing light]

What more damage can be done to your reputation considering this woman is sexually assaulting you in front of co-workers and you're going around telling them that you just have a "weird bond" like that? Not to make you feel worse, but I'm sure you're office fodder over the lunchroom given all that odd behavior. I don't know how the power structure is in your office, but you don't want to make it look like you're sexually inappropriate at work, too. Your appearance will already make you a target in that regard for the jealous types.

 

Were you storing inappropriate files on your work computer? Or did she use your work info/e-mail to get access to your personal e-mail?

 

You need to start documenting everything that has occurred at specific dates and times with this woman, including when you're working at home after leaving work early to tend to your daughter. Cover your ass. Document everything somewhere and start with the date and all the details that you can recall from that first confrontation. Start publicly expressing that her advances are unwelcome when she does it in front of your co-workers. You need witnesses that this isn't welcome. Do you have any close friends among your co-workers? If it becomes your word against hers you may need to consider that some people around you will be interviewed about your reactions.

 

Go to a lawyer pronto and get advice about your situation, when to involve the police, and how to fire her.

[kgcolonel]

The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps!I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe.I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way.I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.I am not going to change my dressing style.That is part of who i am.It is my whole wardrobe.I dress like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.I feel much better when I dress up and present myself as the best I can be.Dressing up makes me feel good because it makes me feel like i can do anything.I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That's just who I am.I love dressing up, I've tried dressing down, but I always end up changing.

my clothes are there to be worn!

 

Listen, I get it....you don't want to lose your identity in the way you dress and I doubt that it would have an effect on this individual anyway. Most of the time people do this, it is not for sexual gratification but to either demean or belittle that person. She saw you were vulnerable and seized the opportunity. Doing this in front of others likely gets her jollies even more. That said...you also need to stop passing this by to your peers as "we have a unique kind of bond". This is letting them think that you are okay with this...

 

The next thing if it were me would be to gather all my strength emotionally of course because....just for a second, think of where this is headed. Things like this do not go away by ignoring them....this will escalate.

 

My suggestion is to see an attorney, explain the sensitive nature of the situation. I am confident that there is a way that her electronic can be seized without warning to be "sanitized" and then the legal battle begins...think not only about what you have to lose but she's an HR Manager (if i understood correctly). Once this gets out that she was blackmailing an employee, her career is over....this can be managed but you need to be both smart and strong to do it....do it for your kids, your value as a lady and as an employee who is being mistreated by one that should be protecting their employees.

 

Be Strong!!!!

 

KG

[stella1979]

Nobody is advocating a physical altercation, but she's committing a crime. More than one. What's on the videos?

I recorded videos of me pleasuring myself and talking dirty for my boyfriend.This awful woman H R manager says horrible, horrible things every day to me!She says that i am a stuck up cow,arrogant upper middle class snob and that i think i am better than everybody else.She considers herself "super-smart". She makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason.I have seen this H R manager laughing with some malice at me, behind my back, when I ask questions that seem silly to her. Also, she always tries to "help" me when I ask for somebody else's help (without asking her).She is very sarcastic.This short skinny old creepy woman is the kind of person that makes you walk around eggshells when you're around her.

 

What do I mean by that? I mean that she has the potential to make a cutting/ironic/sarcastic comment/joke about everything you do.

 

Every little thing from dropping my pencil or pen to my computer malfunctioning is something she makes a comment about that demeans either my intelligence or character.

My computer at my office breaks. "I wouldn't touch computers any more if I were you". Said with a grin in a demeaning, sarcastic tone.

 

I drop something or make a minor mistake. "I wouldn't trust you with fragile objects" etc. etc.

 

I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person.This creepy short skinny woman hasn't pushed me into having sex so far. It's just the obsessive touching me and groping me. Like she can't keep away from me.Since december 11th 2017 she has to have her hands on me anywhere at work.She is taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that she will just go even further.She is also very mean and sarcastic with me.She frequently invites me to have lunch or join her for feminist workshop . She texts me at random times to ask if she can drop by to say hello. I feel very creeped out and fearful that something strange will happen.This woman my H R manager is hard to read because she has this bizarre sense of humor.She is some kind of local feminist activist.I am a 38year old woman.What is wrong with me?Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself.This pervert woman touches and messes with my hair, holds my hand (interlocking fingers).She is totally obsessed with my boobs.She is hugging me bouncing her face against them. She ALWAYS has to be grabbing them.In my office she is grrabing me from behind around my waist rubbing against my body.Carresing me from behind while rubbing my breasts squeezing them uncontrollably.She'll just grab my breast randomly or place her hand on my ass.She is obsessed with my breasts. She touches them and talk about them all the time.Also she is saying that I have a round and firm butt and that she adores my ass a little bit too much.She is always slapping or grinding on my ass.This repulsive short skinny geek H R manager doesn't just touch me or grope me, but she always seem to be out to embarrass me somehow.

[darkmoon]

"I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious"

 

be a grey rock, which means be bland, a grey rock is boring, the grey rock technique is what therapists recommend, it has credence

 

I agree with the attorney idea, you need a strategy, you will feel better once you have control of the situation

 

she is old, she has been/done something like this before, pesky, inappropriate, blackmaily ... what might there be in her background?

[LivingWaterPlease]

See an attorney and come up with a plan to involve the police so that her office and home computers, tablets, phones, etc, are confiscated as soon as she's put on notice that you have turned her in.

 

If all of her electronics are taken away and scrubbed, and you get that stuff off of your own computer, before the authorities apprehend her, then she won't be able to blackmail you.

 

Since she hasn't posted anything yet there has to be a way to get it out of her hands before she's able to.

 

Once that's done, press charges for sexual assault.

[stella1979]

What more damage can be done to your reputation considering this woman is sexually assaulting you in front of co-workers and you're going around telling them that you just have a "weird bond" like that? Not to make you feel worse, but I'm sure you're office fodder over the lunchroom given all that odd behavior. I don't know how the power structure is in your office, but you don't want to make it look like you're sexually inappropriate at work, too. Your appearance will already make you a target in that regard for the jealous types.

 

Were you storing inappropriate files on your work computer? Or did she use your work info/e-mail to get access to your personal e-mail?

 

You need to start documenting everything that has occurred at specific dates and times with this woman, including when you're working at home after leaving work early to tend to your daughter. Cover your ass. Document everything somewhere and start with the date and all the details that you can recall from that first confrontation. Start publicly expressing that her advances are unwelcome when she does it in front of your co-workers. You need witnesses that this isn't welcome. Do you have any close friends among your co-workers? If it becomes your word against hers you may need to consider that some people around you will be interviewed about your reactions.

 

Go to a lawyer pronto and get advice about your situation, when to involve the police, and how to fire her.

I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself.I'm confused and my mind doesn't stop. I really worry that I'm going to lose myself completely! I don want to waste anyone's time but I had to get some of this out of my head.I'm just lost. Should I even be upset?I'm SO embarrassed.I can't relax and its constantly on my mind.I know other women my colleagues probably laugh at me behind my back at work because of the situation with this awful woman H R manager.They are weirded out but most of my colleagues think that we(me and this creepy pervert woman ) just have a weird bond like that because i am just standing or sitting there like paralyzed making stupid faces not saying a word while she is groping me touching me rubbing me.Most of my colleagues think i am stuck up arrogant and a bit of a snob.Alot of people have told me that I look unapproachable,arrogant and stuck up. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. I work for a good company. I am good and competent at my job.It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy,well endowed,well built and always on high heels standing next to this pervert woman i look like a giant.Because of that I am not taken seriously by my colleagues.I'm feeling really frustrated.I feel like the most spineless person. I need help so desperately for this.I am like frozen, detached and numb while she is touching me and rubbing me.

[preraph]

Well, if she's HR, then I would go to the attorney first. He will likely tell you that the first thing you need to do is tell her to stop so others can't say you liked it or whatever. But you need to do something. She's way over the line. Get yourself an attorney. They will likely settle with you. You can always plead that because she IS HR, you feared reporting it internally. So get yourself an attorney. Whether you keep your job, don't know. But if you wait around and make her mad on your own, then you won't. If you don't do something, it will end up bad for you, not her. If you get an attorney and get it on record and follow his/her advice, then you will have more credibility. Tell the attorney you'd like to keep your job but not have to see this woman.

[RSCoach]

First thing I would like to say, when you write such a long post could you make it reader friendly by forming short paragraphs? This is very hard to read. Trust me as I have been a copywriter for year

 

Now on the topic at hand two obvious questions; why don't you want to report this to police? And why would you have such content on your work computer?

 

She definitely has a huge problem and she feels a weak link in you that she's taking advantage of.

 

If being your subordinate still doesn't scare her to blackmail you it's because she must be feeling that you are scared. It is never good to let someone dominate you in such way, because things could go so way out of control.

 

Even if you're scared I would suggest that either you report this to the police of you find a way to show her that you're strong and won't take this any longer. If not God knows how far this could go...

[Frostedflake]

I am a 38year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt.

It is bizarre because i am 5ft10 tall,curvy,well endowed,well built and always on high heels

I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done.

 

Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.

 

[basil67]

"She is skinny really short like 5ft3 ugly wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine"

 

"short skinny ugly old geek woman"

 

"This woman is a short,skinny,old perverted weirdo"

 

"This short skinny old creepy woman"

 

"this awful woman"

 

Frostedflake didn't go near catching all the superlatives you've used to describe your physical self. However, I also noticed all the insults you gave the other woman regarding her appearance.

 

Why all the focus on physical appearance? Do you believe it's somehow relevant to the situation?

[GemmaUK]

Looks like I'm the only one finding this story all a bit far fetched.

 

You work in HR and you are her superior. I'm confused as to why you deemed it acceptable to store videos of you pleasuring yourself on a pc belonging to the company.

Thinking that the best way to deal with this is to punch her in the face is ridiculous.

The story just doesn't add up either, the extreme and public behaviour you describe would naturally make others uncomfortable and they would report it no matter whether you gave it an excuse such as a wierd bond.

 

You'd be better off finding a new role asap and leaving. At the same time do some research into what constitutes professional behaviour in the workplace including proper use of company equipment.