Feel jealous about other people's happy relationship/marriage

[maybejune]

I never had those jealousy toward other people's happy relationship and marriage, until last year when my relationship didn't go well and I saw friends posted lovely smile faces with their SO ( I am happy for them) .

 

I really wanted to settle down and have my own family, but I couldn't have it. And the jealousy gets worse after my BU. At the beginning I would need to hold my tear when I saw couples holding hands, not to mention kissing. Now I still feel so sad and void when I see couples kissing on the street or bf looking after gf. It makes harder for me to go out, it seems like happy couples are all over the places.

 

Do you have those moments like me?

[carhill]

We want what we don't have, then we get what we and want something else.

 

Since becoming an adult, what's the longest continuous period you've been alone? No relationships, no dating, just friends, family, pets, school, work, etc.

 

IME, feeling positive about oneself, no matter what the life circumstances are, is key to accepting and feeling positive about other's relationships/marriages. Nothing in life is perfect. Not being single, not being in a relationship, not being married. It's all a mixed bag.

 

When you were in a relationship, did all those other people hugging and kissing and being together matter? How? Why? Stuff to work through.

 

Good luck and best wishes in your relationships!

[maybejune]

We want what we don't have, then we get what we and want something else.

 

Since becoming an adult, what's the longest continuous period you've been alone? No relationships, no dating, just friends, family, pets, school, work, etc.

 

IME, feeling positive about oneself, no matter what the life circumstances are, is key to accepting and feeling positive about other's relationships/marriages. Nothing in life is perfect. Not being single, not being in a relationship, not being married. It's all a mixed bag.

 

When you were in a relationship, did all those other people hugging and kissing and being together matter? How? Why? Stuff to work through.

 

Good luck and best wishes in your relationships!

 

 

I had very long period of time out of any kind of romantic relationship, over five years. It didn't bother me much at that time.

 

Like I said, when my relationship with my ex was good, others' kiss and hug never bothered me, I and my ex were the couple showing PDA. It was when my ex and I didn't get along well and he didn't want PDA, and I felt jealous.

 

I know other couples have their own difficult time which they keep to themselves. I know there is not perfect couple there, for relationship or marriage. You're right, I want things I couldnt have.

 

Thank you!

[carhill]

So, it appears the change is related to specifics with your ex.

 

In the past, if/when a relationship ended, how long was the resolution period? Death of a relationship is, for many, similar to physical death. There are stages of grieving. How does it go for you?

 

Any unfinished business with this ex? If yes, that IMO is worth examining.

[Frostedflake]

It's just a little bitterness.

 

Once you're in a relationship again you won't feel so aware of what other people are doing. But, you should really have a sit down with yourself before jumping back in there. Think about what you want different in a new person. Think about what you need to work on and do differently too. Marriage and children are extremely obtainable. Many rush it to get the experience and check the box. Make sure you're doing it to make it last.

[Fair]

Of course, it's perfectly natural to feel jealous of other people's relationships when you're alone and lonely... we all want someone, and sometimes it doesn't seem fair that others have what we want. We start to question ourselves.... and when we have no one of our own can feel excluded, in a way, from life itself.

 

Don't feel guilty. It doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you human. And don't be put off by others refusal to admit they get jealous of other people's relationships, because they do.

 

If you believe you're alone in this, it doesn't help. It just has the effect of making you feel worse about yourself. Jealousy isn't an emotion people ever want to admit to... there's so much fake bravado and proud refusal to admit to vulnerabilities amongst most people. And that doesn't connect... it divides. You end up feeling less about yourself and disconnected. But rest assured your feelings are totally natural.

 

So long as you're not trying to wreck someone else's happiness ... it's okay. But try not to dwell on it, and focus on your own life. Get off social media... that helps a lot.