Bailey621 Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 I’ve been living with this man for 5 years. It has been pretty rough for most of our time together. I have just recently come to the conclusion that he is a true narcissist. I always knew he had issues (trust me, I’m not perfect myself), but I never could put my finger on exactly what caused him to do or say things that he does. It actually came to me in Facebook when I kept seeing memes that really hit home for me. They were all about narcissism. It was like a lightbulb went off and the more I read, the more I knew that is what he is. I know that I have to leave, the verbal and emotional abuse is unbearable, but he has gotten me to the point where I have nothing of my own (no job, car or money) and am totally dependent on him. I’m sure that was his plan. There are times when the relationship is wonderful but before too long he just snaps and starts literally screaming and cursing at me for what I think is nothing. (Misunderstanding his directions when I’m driving, speculating on why something happened, asking him if he wants tomato on his sandwich, etc) The first time he did that was 6 months after we started living together. He is only really happy with me and tells me he loves me when I am doing something for him. He is very demanding, belittling and mean. I’ve started to do things for him just to keep him from flipping out on me. If he starts to bully me and I “dare” to stand up for myself, then I am a “bitch” or a trouble maker, and he lately will yell at me that he doesn’t need me in his life and to get the f*** out. He knows I can’t leave so he is safe that he will still have me here to keep on abusing. Financially this is the most stable relationship I have ever been in, emotionally it is the worst. I’m looking for work now, but I know I will have to just keep on taking the abuse for a while until I can financially be on my own. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Can you crash on a friend's couch, until you find work?? I had a friend who's wife threw him out at about the same time as he lost his job. He was completely 100% BROKE!! We put his belongings in my garage, and he crashed on my couch for about 2 months until he got re-employed and saved up first month's rent and security deposit for an apartment. At the time, I was working A LOT and didn't really see much of him. He wasn't a picky eater, so meals were easy. Just throw an extra potato in the pot, as the saying goes... I probably built up some good karma from this act. Do you have any friends willing to help you?? Is this an option?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bailey621 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Share Posted January 18, 2018 Can you crash on a friend's couch, until you find work?? I had a friend who's wife threw him out at about the same time as he lost his job. He was completely 100% BROKE!! We put his belongings in my garage, and he crashed on my couch for about 2 months until he got re-employed and saved up first month's rent and security deposit for an apartment. At the time, I was working A LOT and didn't really see much of him. He wasn't a picky eater, so meals were easy. Just throw an extra potato in the pot, as the saying goes... I probably built up some good karma from this act. Do you have any friends willing to help you?? Is this an option?? Unfortunately no, I don’t have any friends and my nearest family member is 1000 miles away. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 (edited) Unfortunately no, I don’t have any friends and my nearest family member is 1000 miles away. Ouch... Can you get a loan from a family member to pay first month's rent and security deposit?? Also, they may have to co-sign the lease if you don't have a job, yet. How is the room rental market?? Renting a room in a private home can be cheaper and they may not require a lease. Again, this is contingent on a family member being able to lend you some money... Nothing else is popping into my brain... Edited January 18, 2018 by Happy Lemming Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Oh this is a bad situation. You are completely dependant on an abusive person and have absolutely no means of providing for yourself - nor have any legal protections that marriage would bring? If you aren't married, have no job - why can't you just pick up and flee to a family members place? Is he allowing you to look for work? What is your job experience? I know the market here is wide open for those looking for work - unemployment is so low, I am scraping the barrel trying to hire an assistant in my office. That would be my # 1 goal, work, any work, asap. Can you sign up with a temp agency? You can't allow yourself to continue to be dependent on this man. It's not fair to yourself nor your future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Is this the same man you were posting about being trapped with in 2014... With no car, no job, no friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 he has gotten me to the point where I have nothing of my own (no job, car or money) and am totally dependent on him. Bailey621, nobody gets you to this point, you allow yourself to be taken there. Understanding the difference is important to your recovery from this mess. Financially this is the most stable relationship I have ever been in How is it a "financially stable" relationship if you have no job, no money and no resources? What stops you from getting a job, even if at the local McD's or Walmart? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 In your situation I think you need to contact a women's refuge. I assume he would go nuts if you made any attempts to get a job. If you would struggle to make contact with people that could help you could try booking an appointment with your GP - they have a duty of care and will have contact info for places that could help. If you are in the US then take a look in the Abuse section in here- there is a pinned thread at the top with advice for those in abusive situations. You might find some options in there. You know that this will only get worse the longer you stay. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 Unfortunately no, I don’t have any friends and my nearest family member is 1000 miles away. You have no job so what keeps you from going back to your family 1000 miles away? Call them, tell them your situation, and go back home. I was 4 years with a narcissist, he destroyed me, it took me 4 years to get over the mental and emotional abuse he put me through. One day we had a huge fight in which he was forbidding me to leave our home, I had to escape. I drove to my brother and collapsed in his arms crying. I never went back and solved all of our house matter from a distance. Link to post Share on other sites
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