Really dislike OLD

[nospam99]

If a senior citizen man can still breath he will get some

interest from the ladies.

 

So in theory it actually only gets better as we get older then right.

 

That's damn nice to know just encase all else fails in the meantime.

 

LOL But .... As the 'odd man out' in this opinion thread I've got to posit two factors:

- Picking - I've been told via PM that my selection 'process' is better than average

- Maturity of the ladies - The youngest woman I've met is 55. The youngest who seemed 'interested' is 58. I strongly suspect that by 'that age' they've 'got their acts together' i.e. know what kind of a relationship they want and what to do to get it to a greater extent than younger OLD women. In particular I'm not meeting any women whose ulterior motives have anything to do with finding a 'provider' for their children.

[Imajerk17]

I used to be an avid user of online dating and dating apps, but I have no desire to use that medium of meeting anyone, anymore. To me, it just doesn't seem to be 'real'. So you sign up to something, send messages to random people and hope you get on enough to form a relationship? In my experience, this hasn't led to anything lasting more than two years - and often with people who are emotionally/mentally unstable/lonely/just broken up and looking for a rebound.

 

I've had a woman cry immediately after sex because she missed her ex. I never saw her again.

 

I dated a woman who was in a relationship with someone else and who'd just had a baby with him; she pursued me relentlessly with promises of leaving him. She never did. She broke up with me when he found out.

 

I was with another woman for 1.5 years; she had nowhere to live at one point and I suggested that she stay with me until she found somewhere. She ended up staying for the duration of our relationship and did nothing but emotionally abuse me and then left me for someone else.

 

I met another who was psychologically abusive, emotionally abusive, was overly religious and broke up with me every other week. For two and half years.

 

Another I went on a date with said she'd been abused as a child and cried because she danced and flirted with someone else while we were on a date. I never saw her again.

 

Basically from my POV OLD doesn't work, and seems to be full of unstable people. The type of person I would like to date doesn't even seem to exist on these websites; a creative, successful, mature woman. I'd imagine she's out socialising and not on a website trying to meet someone.

 

I mean no disrespect to those that use OLD but it just doesn't work for me. And to top it off someone on here keep putting the same comment into one of my threads, telling me to date to get over my ex - I just don't see how that's the answer at all.

 

Whatever happened to meeting people organically? People you strike up conversations with, or meet through friends? Or meet doing things you like? Why are we all so accustomed to OLD? Feels like an episode of Black Mirror. No-one seems to want to deviate from the norm.

 

No disrespect bro, but your picker needs some serious work. I mean, with any of these women, why did you stay **so long**

 

You have to take responsibility for your relationship disasters too. It's not ALL the fault of the women online. Many are very good but that won't help if you keep picking the wrong ones

 

OLD is indeed a mixed bag. I had some interesting experiences. But I don't think I ever had it anywhere near this rough. There are plenty of people on the site who....really should not be dating. But there are some cool chicas too. You do have to screen out when too many red flags start flying too soon though.

Edited January 20, 2018 by Imajerk17

[BluEyeL]

Yeah it's horrible, it's a chore, is fake, it's an exercise in being rejected daily, but I found my husband that way so I don't care, I'm happy. I think the pain was worth it. No pain no gain.

 

I have several other friends who also met their spouses that way. If you find someone IRL it's better, yes.

[clist8511]

No disrespect bro, but your picker needs some serious work. I mean, with any of these women, why did you stay **so long**

 

You have to take responsibility for your relationship disasters too. It's not ALL the fault of the women online. Many are very good but that won't help if you keep picking the wrong ones

 

 

1. *Sis - I'm gay.

 

2. Not discussing personal life in this thread. Will just say that I didn't say it was ALL their fault, but they were all quite unstable. Check my post about the woman I met IRL; no issues there.

 

3. It's called domestic abuse, don't ask a domestic abuse victim why they 'stayed so long'. Domestic abuse is complex and not as easy as just walking away.

Edited January 21, 2018 by clist8511

[clist8511]

Let's keep the discussion to OLD and quit asking me why I remained in situations for whatever duration in time, and questions about my 'picker'.

 

Thanks.

[clist8511]

Yeah it's horrible, it's a chore, is fake, it's an exercise in being rejected daily, but I found my husband that way so I don't care, I'm happy. I think the pain was worth it. No pain no gain.

 

I have several other friends who also met their spouses that way. If you find someone IRL it's better, yes.

 

That's a nice positive story Thanks for sharing.

[clist8511]

For those people that keep asking me why I remained with someone for so long;

 

She didn't present any abusive symptoms until well into the relationship. By that point she had already been abusing me emotionally and psychologically in small, insidious ways. This means I wasn't hit, I didn't KNOW I was being abused. I only came to terms and understood emotional abuse way late into the relationship - I didn't even know there was such a thing as emotional abuse. I was destroyed mentally, emotionally and physically.

 

I'd been isolated from my friends and family and dependent on her - I don't know how it got to that point and had I have KNOWN it was happening, and not thought that in some way it was my fault, I would have stopped it. I have never been in a domestic abuse relationship before, so I didn't know this was what it was. It took several professionals and HOURS of research on my own and MONTHS to come to the realisation that it was abuse, as well as realising that it wasn't my fault (as she kept making it look).

 

It's very triggering for people to keep saying "why did you stay?! fix your picker!!" - there is no set victim for domestic abuse, and I shouldn't have to explain myself in a thread that isn't about this topic.

 

If you want to know more about domestic abuse, Google is indeed free and you're welcome to look it up. I'm not dredging through painful memories because you read a few lines and think I'm stupid for staying in a situation.

 

Any further comments about this will be ignored. This is the last time I'm addressing this.

[nospam99]

1. *Sis - I'm gay.

 

 

Whoa, OP, that's a whole 'nuther ballgame. OLD is not monolithic. There are demographics of gender, age, economics, education, history, parenthood, AND sexual preference. I've posted on this thread that I like OLD. But my context is that I'm a guy dating old OLD women. A lot of the younger hetero guys have agreed with your dislike. I've seen lots of posts on LS from women who dislike OLD. But I think the best responses to your specific complaints would come from other gays. That said, I have to recognize that my relatively positive experience almost certainly has something to do with the hetero factor. So if I reply again I'll do my best to keep it general to all OLD demographics. Peace

[clist8511]

Whoa, OP, that's a whole 'nuther ballgame. OLD is not monolithic. There are demographics of gender, age, economics, education, history, parenthood, AND sexual preference. I've posted on this thread that I like OLD. But my context is that I'm a guy dating old OLD women. A lot of the younger hetero guys have agreed with your dislike. I've seen lots of posts on LS from women who dislike OLD. But I think the best responses to your specific complaints would come from other gays. That said, I have to recognize that my relatively positive experience almost certainly has something to do with the hetero factor. So if I reply again I'll do my best to keep it general to all OLD demographics. Peace

 

Trust me, it is. The OLD world is smaller for gay women (gay men I think have more apps at their disposal) - and it's much harder for us to meet anyone.

 

Thanks for the interesting reply. I can't comment on heterosexual dating with 100% clarity, only what I know from media, friends, etc. But I'd imagine for gay women/hetero men, the approaching women part may be quite similar.

[SevenCity]

Trust me, it is. The OLD world is smaller for gay women (gay men I think have more apps at their disposal) - and it's much harder for us to meet anyone.

 

Thanks for the interesting reply. I can't comment on heterosexual dating with 100% clarity, only what I know from media, friends, etc. But I'd imagine for gay women/hetero men, the approaching women part may be quite similar.

 

Lesbian app for dating? Seems like a gold mine - look into making one as I've heard more than one complaint from gay females about the lack of options.

 

For approaching, even in female/female couples there is usually a feminine/masculine dynamic. With the masculine being the pursuer. Is that the case with you? If so, I suspect you suffer the same plights of hetero men.

[Logo]

In a little over a year on OLD, I have managed to go on six dates. That's right, 6. And that was through 4 different apps or websites. I could have gone on another 10 dates, but the women simply flaked out. Sometimes they would message me only to disappear after the second message. Many times I would message them only to be ignored or when I did get a response, it was a one word response. Not exactly a "conversation".

 

Out of the 6, I would like to have gone on a second date with one. But she lived too far and although she showed extreme interest at first, it was gone within the first 30 minutes. I know it wasn't me. I think she had such low self esteem that she thought I wasn't interested in her so she wasn't cooperative enough to want to go on a second date, despite my showing interest. Perhaps she was offended.

 

The rest looked different than the photos they posted on their profiles and I didn't find myself feeling any physical attraction toward them.

 

In real life, I prefer not to date people I work with. As for my social circle, most of my friends' acquaintances and siblings are either married or live far away.

 

I have tried a couple of social groups and the people that showed up were very timid and very nervous to the point that they seemed socially awkward. I felt out of place.

 

I have yet to meet anyone at bars that was serious enough about a relationship and most of the women were defensive and preferred not to be approached. Some even showed hostility when I simply smiled out of sheer politeness and a natural tendency to be gregarious.

 

[Miss Spider]

idk it's just my experience nvm

Edited January 21, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[William]

Folks, the OP does not wish to discuss their personal situation here and has asked that this thread remain a general discussion about OLD.

 

It is correctly placed in the General Discussion area so let's keep the thread as intended. ~T

[Zippy2000]

And the guy who verbally abused me and told me that I was a stuck up ***** who thought I was better than everyone else because I sent him a message that said "thanks for your message. Unfortunately, I don't think we have very much in common but I do wish you well in your search..."

 

No, thank you. I would much rather be single than sign up for OLD again...

 

I guess this is why some women dont reply to messages. Either its because they are frightened of verbally abusive messages for rejection.

 

Or

 

They dont know how to reject men politely so its better not to reply.

[Zippy2000]

In a little over a year on OLD, I have managed to go on six dates. That's right, 6. And that was through 4 different apps or websites. I could have gone on another 10 dates, but the women simply flaked out. Sometimes they would message me only to disappear after the second message. Many times I would message them only to be ignored or when I did get a response, it was a one word response. Not exactly a "conversation".

 

Out of the 6, I would like to have gone on a second date with one. But she lived too far and although she showed extreme interest at first, it was gone within the first 30 minutes. I know it wasn't me. I think she had such low self esteem that she thought I wasn't interested in her so she wasn't cooperative enough to want to go on a second date, despite my showing interest. Perhaps she was offended.

 

The rest looked different than the photos they posted on their profiles and I didn't find myself feeling any physical attraction toward them.

 

In real life, I prefer not to date people I work with. As for my social circle, most of my friends' acquaintances and siblings are either married or live far away.

 

I have tried a couple of social groups and the people that showed up were very timid and very nervous to the point that they seemed socially awkward. I felt out of place.

 

I have yet to meet anyone at bars that was serious enough about a relationship and most of the women were defensive and preferred not to be approached. Some even showed hostility when I simply smiled out of sheer politeness and a natural tendency to be gregarious.

 

 

Interesting post. For me out of all my dates I ve NEVER had anyone stand me up. Its happened to 4 of my female friends which I ll later go into. There were 2 women who changed their minds on the day. The red flags where being hoisted up towards date night.

 

One woman when silent on the day and I had to message her to say if she was still up for meeting up. Still hadnt heard from her until 2 hours before the date and I ws about to board the bus to go up town when I recieved her message to say she couldnt make it. She flaked citing she wasnt feeling well.

 

Second woman again on the day I had to message. Her messages also slowed down towards date night. Message her to say how she was getting into town when she replied one hell of a clanger. She said she didnt know it was on as I hadnt mentions a time and a place. Had to call her out on that one when I told her to RE-READ her mail. That was one of the biggest disappointments from old. She had no excuse and didnt apologise either. She just never went back online again.

 

So unless guys chicken out. Ive had 5 of my female friends where the guy didnt show up.

 

One who text the guy to see if they were still on as hadnt heard from him all day and he never replied. She didnt go out to meet him as she could see on Messenger he had read her message but didnt bother to replly.

 

My other friend when out to meet a guy at a bar. She went to get drinks in and they were queueing st the bar and when she got the drinks in. Turned around to hand over his drink. She saw him walk out the door!

 

Another female friend had a similar situation where went to a bar to meet her date when he mentioned he had to go to the toilet. He never came back and after 30 minutes she left and burst into tears on how someone be so cruel.

 

A close female friend of mine went to a restuarant and the giy never showed up. She messaged him after being there for 45 minutes on her own. Only for the guy to reply "Sorry, the traffic was so bad I had to turn around and go home"! They didnt speak to each other after that!

 

This is why OLD doesnt work for most folk. Some may be lucky but all these horror stories do exist.

[nospam99]

This is why OLD doesnt work for most folk. Some may be lucky but all these horror stories do exist.

 

Lucky? Careful? Favorable demographics? I feel like I'm sounding 'like a broken record' (LOL at any of you post-Boomers who maybe have never seen a 'record' and don't get the reference). Zippy, your female friends' stories are of situations that suk. I agree that the men in question behaved TERRIBLY. By contrast, my worst OLD 'date' was a first meeting where the (BEAUTIFUL) 'young' (55) woman was clearly uninterested in me and, after a 20 minute walk through a well-known local park where she talked non-stop about anything other than what we'd do next, we never met again. No no-show, no walk-out, not bad in comparison.

 

My point has to be that blanket generalizations about OLD don't hold. The OP is a gay woman. An OLD meeting is what people my age call a 'blind date' albeit one arranged by a computer program rather than by a chain of friends. From my own experience AND from what I read on LS, results are HEAVILY dependent on gender, age, goals, honesty of ones OLD presentation/profile, and the local culture (among other factors).

[SevenCity]

Interesting post. For me out of all my dates I ve NEVER had anyone stand me up. Its happened to 4 of my female friends which I ll later go into. There were 2 women who changed their minds on the day. The red flags where being hoisted up towards date night.

 

One woman when silent on the day and I had to message her to say if she was still up for meeting up. Still hadnt heard from her until 2 hours before the date and I ws about to board the bus to go up town when I recieved her message to say she couldnt make it. She flaked citing she wasnt feeling well.

 

Second woman again on the day I had to message. Her messages also slowed down towards date night. Message her to say how she was getting into town when she replied one hell of a clanger. She said she didnt know it was on as I hadnt mentions a time and a place. Had to call her out on that one when I told her to RE-READ her mail. That was one of the biggest disappointments from old. She had no excuse and didnt apologise either. She just never went back online again.

 

So unless guys chicken out. Ive had 5 of my female friends where the guy didnt show up.

 

One who text the guy to see if they were still on as hadnt heard from him all day and he never replied. She didnt go out to meet him as she could see on Messenger he had read her message but didnt bother to replly.

 

My other friend when out to meet a guy at a bar. She went to get drinks in and they were queueing st the bar and when she got the drinks in. Turned around to hand over his drink. She saw him walk out the door!

 

Another female friend had a similar situation where went to a bar to meet her date when he mentioned he had to go to the toilet. He never came back and after 30 minutes she left and burst into tears on how someone be so cruel.

 

A close female friend of mine went to a restuarant and the giy never showed up. She messaged him after being there for 45 minutes on her own. Only for the guy to reply "Sorry, the traffic was so bad I had to turn around and go home"! They didnt speak to each other after that!

 

This is why OLD doesnt work for most folk. Some may be lucky but all these horror stories do exist.

 

I'd never not show up but I did cancel one date after thinking about our conversation where she spent most of the time warning me not to waste her time like her ex and reminiscing about the great times they had. She also got angry at me for trying to keep the conversation light and funny. After sleeping on it I thought "what the hell am I doing" and told her I wasn't feeling well that morning.

 

Other times I wish I had the balls to just walk out like some of the the stories you told. I don't like to be rude but sometimes you know it's not a match and you waste your time.

[act00]

For me, OLD is just a way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Back in the day, there were people you met at school, and we would have study groups, "spaghetti night," and head out to bars and parties regularly, and of course you "never meet relationship material in bars." I don't do bars anymore. I don't like them. I don't have a huge social life. I like being at home and watching a movie. I'm kind of a homebody and probably lean more in the introvert direction than extrovert. I don't need or want to be surrounded by people all the time. I'm at work a majority of my waking hours, and dating within the workplace is just not the best idea, not that there are people you necessarily want to date. When I'm done with work, I'm tired. I want to go home. My weekends are for relaxing and dealing with errands and chores. Half the time I don't even want to bother bathing and putting on makeup and shaving and going out. I'm taking opportunities to get out more because my social structure is practically nonexistent, but at this point, most people in my demographic are married, have kids to deal with, recently divorced, and hanging out at the BBQ is not bringing in lots of available singles, and you run into the issue of "dating in the workplace" that if this relationship doesn't work out, the ex has a high likelihood of being within your social group, and depending on the relationship, you could lose friends over it. Everything is risky.

 

The opportunity to meet singles isn't what it was back in my youth, and OLD is a reasonable medium to me. No, I have yet to meet anyone long-term. My experience with OLD has been much the same as when I was in a smorgasbord of available singles back in the day - there are jerks, nut jobs, guys after sex only, and potential LTRs that fall flat after a couple months, maybe longer...they just don't work out, and there is definitely more "baggage." No matter what, there are simply just a lot of frogs out there and maybe you increase the odds of meeting frogs by using a dating site, where you otherwise would not have encountered them, but you also increase the odds of meeting Prince Charming, or Princess as the case may be. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't. My only advice is if you choose to use it, take a break and disable your profile when you feel like things are just headed south. You can sign back on later if you're up for it...or just delete and move on.

 

I do agree that meeting people organically first is probably better, but this is also why you want to meet someone on OLD fast. Don't extend the texting out for weeks...meet fast, see how it goes. Meeting organically through a meetup, through friends, through work is still no guarantee that this person you meet isn't a nutjob.

[SevenCity]

For me, OLD is just a way to meet people you wouldn't otherwise meet. Back in the day, there were people you met at school, and we would have study groups, "spaghetti night," and head out to bars and parties regularly, and of course you "never meet relationship material in bars." I don't do bars anymore. I don't like them. I don't have a huge social life. I like being at home and watching a movie. I'm kind of a homebody and probably lean more in the introvert direction than extrovert. I don't need or want to be surrounded by people all the time. I'm at work a majority of my waking hours, and dating within the workplace is just not the best idea, not that there are people you necessarily want to date. When I'm done with work, I'm tired. I want to go home. My weekends are for relaxing and dealing with errands and chores. Half the time I don't even want to bother bathing and putting on makeup and shaving and going out. I'm taking opportunities to get out more because my social structure is practically nonexistent, but at this point, most people in my demographic are married, have kids to deal with, recently divorced, and hanging out at the BBQ is not bringing in lots of available singles, and you run into the issue of "dating in the workplace" that if this relationship doesn't work out, the ex has a high likelihood of being within your social group, and depending on the relationship, you could lose friends over it. Everything is risky.

 

The opportunity to meet singles isn't what it was back in my youth, and OLD is a reasonable medium to me. No, I have yet to meet anyone long-term. My experience with OLD has been much the same as when I was in a smorgasbord of available singles back in the day - there are jerks, nut jobs, guys after sex only, and potential LTRs that fall flat after a couple months, maybe longer...they just don't work out, and there is definitely more "baggage." No matter what, there are simply just a lot of frogs out there and maybe you increase the odds of meeting frogs by using a dating site, where you otherwise would not have encountered them, but you also increase the odds of meeting Prince Charming, or Princess as the case may be. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't. My only advice is if you choose to use it, take a break and disable your profile when you feel like things are just headed south. You can sign back on later if you're up for it...or just delete and move on.

 

I do agree that meeting people organically first is probably better, but this is also why you want to meet someone on OLD fast. Don't extend the texting out for weeks...meet fast, see how it goes. Meeting organically through a meetup, through friends, through work is still no guarantee that this person you meet isn't a nutjob.

 

The bolded EXACTLY describes me and my life. That's the problem with meeting people who are introverted and home bodies - we typically are not out!

 

Every profile I read is about traveling the world and doing all these great things while being out. It's exhausting just to think about it.

 

But OLD is typically where 99% of my efforts have been focused as a result.

[jay1983]

I always delete it after about three weeks, a month tops.

 

It's like a part time job being on there.

[dichotomy]

Its been a long time since I used OLD, back at one point it actually was not something you told people you were using.

 

It also seems like there are SO many specialized OLD site these days - for what ever you are seeking. Age, sexual preferences, income, medical, political, STD, etc.

 

When I used it I was between marriages and frankly where I lived there were no divorced or single people in my age range to meet locally. OLD provided access to date. Most if not all had issues. Ha - I guess I had mine as well at the time coming out of a bad divorce and looking for love.

 

If I was to become single now - there would be more women in my area who would be single (divorced) because of our age.

 

However if I go all the way back to college in person dating time - I would say there was a number of unusual/unstable girls then as well.

 

Maybe its just difficult to find compatible partners - period.

Edited January 21, 2018 by dichotomy

[grays]

Every profile I read is about traveling the world and doing all these great things while being out. It's exhausting just to think about it.

 

People seem to think it's required that they claim to love travel, extreme sports, and yoga. They don't really, though. Never yet had a guy even willing to go hiking with me. But the ones who don't try to make themselves out as some kind of jetsetter superhero are way more appealing to me.

[Shanex]

Yeah, if the guy suggest only Netflix and chill instead of going out as his profile suggest, much less travel the world, I would feel a bit... lied to as well.

 

I am with jay1983 here: I get online for about 2 months, if nothing happens I turn it off and take an extended break. I'm about to reach this after my BU in november 2017. If my current efforts don't pay off by the end of the week. Then adios for a while.

 

SevenCity, you have made some great posts in this thread, I wanted to add.

[SevenCity]

People seem to think it's required that they claim to love travel, extreme sports, and yoga. They don't really, though. Never yet had a guy even willing to go hiking with me. But the ones who don't try to make themselves out as some kind of jetsetter superhero are way more appealing to me.

 

Most of the women I've met were recently back from a trip to some exotic country. Last one I dated had no money because she would travel on a whim.

 

What might skew this is these are chicks in NYC. Where, despite it being the center of the universe for them, they have to leave fequently.

 

The *few* profiles I've read that didn't mention traveling, were usually from women with kids. Most literally start with "Travel, ..."

 

I have yet to read a profile that mentions anything of substance. It's all about what they like/want and what you can do for them.

[SevenCity]

Yeah, if the guy suggest only Netflix and chill instead of going out as his profile suggest, much less travel the world, I would feel a bit... lied to as well.

 

I am with jay1983 here: I get online for about 2 months, if nothing happens I turn it off and take an extended break. I'm about to reach this after my BU in november 2017. If my current efforts don't pay off by the end of the week. Then adios for a while.

 

SevenCity, you have made some great posts in this thread, I wanted to add.

 

Thanks brother. And good luck with OLD.