When a man asks you out, what style do you prefer?

[Bobbyb82]

When a man ask you out, what style do you prefer?

 

 

A: Using the word date/more direct

 

B: Let’s get together/hangout(less pressure)

 

I know guys nowadays tend to try and avoid rejection, just wondering what the ladies opinion is. Also, on the direct approach, is the word date important, or is that simply implied if you get asked for dinner or drinks by a male?

[d0nnivain]

Age will play a factor.

 

I never liked the "wanna hang out" style. That implied too casual to me, he didn't care about me & just wanted NSA sex.

 

When I was younger < 30 I needed to hear the word date unless is was a classic dinner date. Even a request to go to the movies could be befuddling. On a date I expected him to pay since he asked but if we were just going as friends, I assumed Dutch treat so I preferred clarification up front.

 

As an adult, I assumed any specific request to get together at a designated place at an agreed upon time was a date.

 

While I wouldn't fly off the handle at some poor schlub who had the audacity to say "wanna hang out" or "let's get together sometime" I also knew there was little chance of that ever happening because I wasn't about to clarify his inability to ask a straightforward Q nor did I want to spend lots of time with somebody who didn't have the skill set to ask.

[lovephule]

I think hanging out implies something different from dating. A gal might agree to hang out with a guy but may very well shut him down if he tries to change horses midstream.

[Cookiesandough]

let's hang out guys get nexted. The only guy who ever said that to me was a very obvious PUA scholar.

[Versacehottie]

Either word is fine, to me! I am very easygoing person (and i like to think intuitive) so even when guys say "hangout" if we've been flirting I pretty much know what they mean and that it just suits their style of speaking or way to ease into things. The one caution, i guess, is that if someone uses the "hangout" word are they going to be the type of guy who doesn't want to commit and is dragging his feet a few months later--gonna guess there is a higher correlation to use of the hangout word and that subsequent event. It still wouldn't stop me though. I think you need to go with your own style--in other words if a guy I knew who was otherwise very very informal used the word "date" it might be awkward. Also sometimes guys who you haven't really given any indication (like flirting) outright ask for a "date" and it's super stiff and formal and you realize they have been dreaming up a connection in their heads that never has really existed.

 

Generally though the use of the word "date" spoken with conviction just sounds like a guy who is manning up and knows what he wants--which is a good thing. Also once or twice I had said yes to "hang out" when i really thought I was going to hang out with a guy friend and then found myself on a date and didn't really want to be a date with that person because i only saw as a friend--so if you use "hangout", make sure you have had some reciprocal flirting first."

 

I also think it's about how long and in what context you know the girl. If she has been a friend or part of a close group for a long time you might want to ease into things, thus "hangout" is appropriate. If you don't really know her but meet her out one night through friends, date is fine. With OLD, i think anything goes--i mean everyone knows what their purpose is on there. Though as I said above it may convey YOUR seriousness to girls who may have knee-jerk reactions to use of word "hangout" for fear that you are not serious. It wouldn't bother me but some girls it definitely would. I just think overall it's important to be yourself and the right girl won't mind. Good luck

[LivingWaterPlease]

"I'd like to take you to dinner (or wherever)," "I have tickets to ______and would like for you to go with me," "Would you (like) to go to_______with me Saturday night?" "I'd love to go to _________! Would you (like) to go with me this weekend?"

 

No to using the terms "hang out" or "date," either one. Hang out is too sloppy, date is too stuffed shirt.

[d0nnivain]

I just think overall it's important to be yourself and the right girl won't mind. Good luck

 

Absolutely this.

 

I am not a casual easy going person. So a chill guy & I am not compatible. That doesn't mean he isn't perfect for a chill girl.

 

Even if you don't use the word date asking with specifics avoids confusion. "Wanna grab a drink / coffee?" is still better than wanna hang out. You don't have to go all the way to "would you do me the honor of accompanying me on a dinner date to [fanciest restaurant in town] on Saturday night at 8:00 p.m.?"

[O'Malley]

I prefer an invite to a specific event (no netflix and chill, or dinner at his house). I asked my SO out for brunch when we first met, so it's not hard to be straightforward about what you want.

 

The offer to 'hang out' is ambiguous and implies a more casual intent. That's fine for some people, it's just not my style.

[Versacehottie]

"I'd like to take you to dinner (or wherever)," "I have tickets to ______and would like for you to go with me," "Would you (like) to go to_______with me Saturday night?" "I'd love to go to _________! Would you (like) to go with me this weekend?"

 

No to using the terms "hang out" or "date," either one. Hang out is too sloppy, date is too stuffed shirt.

 

Actually this is a middle ground that shows maturity & conviction, a plan and isn't so stiff. I definitely like when a guy asks like this and it avoids all the debate going on in your head about which word to use. I still don't mind either hangout or date but this is an excellent solution and IMO always works well.

[Maggie4]

If I want the man, I don't even hear the difference between the two ways of asking. It gonna be a DATE cos I'll make sure of that. He can say whatever. It's a date !!!

 

If I only like the man as a friend, then I prefer "get together".

[d0nnivain]

If I want the man, I don't even hear the difference between the two ways of asking. It gonna be a DATE cos I'll make sure of that. He can say whatever. It's a date !!!

 

Exactly how do you do that?

 

To me if a man says "wanna hang out" it means I'm willing to let you have sex with me. How do you as a woman change his mindset & elevate that to a respectful getting to know you time? (It doesn't exclude sex between consenting adults but date vs NSA sex are vastly different IMO)

[Maggie4]

To me if a man says "wanna hang out" it means I'm willing to let you have sex with me.

 

OMG!! It does?! I've heard that before and I had no idea. I thought "hang out" meant sit around and chat.

[d0nnivain]

OMG!! It does?! I've heard that before and I had no idea. I thought "hang out" meant sit around and chat.

 

I suppose it could mean that too but I always took it to mean that the guy was willing to talk to you but was unwilling to put in effort to sleep with you.

 

So again, how do you turn this conversation into a date? A date to me by definition is a time when two people spend time together to get to know each other in an effort to determine if they can sustain a romance. "Hanging out" means no possibility of romance / relationship, just laziness & possible friendship which may or may not include sex.

 

Your 1st post said when a man you like asks you to "hang out" you make sure you turn it into a date. That's some alchemy. So how do you do it?

[MeadowFlower]

"I'd like to take you to dinner (or wherever)," "I have tickets to ______and would like for you to go with me," "Would you (like) to go to_______with me Saturday night?" "I'd love to go to _________! Would you (like) to go with me this weekend?"

 

.

 

^ ?

 

 

Ask in a friendly, no pressure, not too formal way.

[Gaeta]

To me "wanna hang out" means the same as someone asking if I want to go shopping with them. Between friends we say "wanna hang out", we don't say that toward someone we wish to date.

 

The word 'date' does not exist in my native language. We say I would like to invite you to....It's a formal invitation so to us it's a date.

[Cookiesandough]

"Wanna hang out" while often lazy hookup line, can often be said by guys too scared to be rejected as well - as OP says. 'Hang out' is just ambiguous enough to put low expectations on the girl, therefore she's more likely to agree than if you asked her on a date even if she's not attracted. Then, once they are "hanging out" once or a few times (which can often be indiscernible from *dates*),the guy may try to steer it in a sexual or more likely romantic direction. And the girl will be like "Sorry, you're a great friend, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now" then proceed to talk to him about all her guy problems.

Or if she's more meek she will just dodge and duck 'til she can make an an excuse to leave.

 

I think what livingwater said is the most common way to do it and imo the best!

Edited January 19, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Lamartine]

I prefer the word date. It's more direct; it leaves no ambiguity as to his intentions; and it shows confidence.

 

I'm a little older, though (36).

 

I would still go out with someone who asked to "hang out," but my preference would be the more straight-to-the-point approach.

[Lamartine]

"I'd like to take you to dinner (or wherever)," "I have tickets to ______and would like for you to go with me," "Would you (like) to go to_______with me Saturday night?" "I'd love to go to _________! Would you (like) to go with me this weekend?"

 

No to using the terms "hang out" or "date," either one. Hang out is too sloppy, date is too stuffed shirt.

 

Yes. I like this approach a lot.

[nospam99]

A date to me by definition is a time when two people spend time together to get to know each other in an effort to determine if they can sustain a romance.

 

I quoted this just because I liked the definition.

 

My own recent approach, noted for reference and comment but without prejudice, was to list a number of 'fun' couple's activities as options (dinner, dancing, movie, skiing) and to follow (literally) with 'wanna go out next weekend?'

[Interstellar]

Women like confidence right? Let’s go for Mexican food on Wednesday at 6pm on 611 Fifth Avenue.

 

Can you make it?

Edited January 20, 2018 by Interstellar

[Popsicle]

I honestly don’t care which way he asks or which word he uses. What’s more important to me is how he acts once we are face to face and after. Does he act like he’s into me? Is there good energy? How do I feel about myself when I’m around him?

 

A guy who won’t risk something so simple as asking me out and making it nice is not a guy who’s going to send my egg to college. (This is just a figurative example)

Edited January 20, 2018 by Popsicle

[SevenCity]

I honestly don’t care which way he asks or which word he uses. What’s more important to me is how he acts once we are face to face and after. Does he act like he’s into me? Is there good energy? How do I feel about myself when I’m around him?

 

A guy who won’t risk something so simple as asking me out and making it nice is not a guy who’s going to send my egg to college. (This is just a figurative example)

 

That's quite a leap there.

 

Many guys don't like to be rejected so try to minimize the occurrences. Most women are so fearful of rejection they will never ask a guy out.