Going to try for separation again.

[amelia0607]

Hi Amelia, as a college professor you are a highly qualified person worth her weight in gold. Have you ever thought of writing a book yourself? Why not try it? Also, do not hesitate to join those other ladies in your church group so that you can participate in social activities with them. It will work wonders for your self esteem and feel good mood. Can you not do a PHd at this stage of your life? Also, can you not apply to colleges in other states where you would get a better remuneration than what you ate getting at present? This would help you move out from your home and away from the toxic atmosphere that exists there. No harm in researching new opportunities. If you have a positive attitude good things will start happening. Warm wishes.

 

 

I've looked into getting the PhD but its very expensive and honestly, I would have to work way too long to just pay for it. I have thought of moving to where my oldest lives and yes the salary would be more but so would the cost of living. Just don't think that's an option.

[amelia0607]

Hi Amelia, how are you doing? Among the books I recommended for you there is another which I think is tailor made for you. It is titled "Presence. Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges", by Amy Cuddy. She is a professor at Harvard and has also given a TED talk on the subject of her book. I think it will do you tremendous good. I would also recommend it to Midlife and others who are facing crises of their own. Just try it. You can get it on Amazon but I am sure you would find it in your college library. Warm wishes.

 

 

Thank you. I am doing a bit better. About a week ago, he actually noticed I was depressed and asked. I explained to him that since he refuses to go to counseling, I have two choices - leave and be broke and lonely or stay and be lonely and miserable. He was truly shocked when I put it to him that way. I tried to explain to him that he can just spend whatever he wants on stuff and I never say a word but I can't park my car in the garage, I can't have a pet, I can't spend money, and he basically broke a major promise to me regarding my retirement. He really didn't say much - just looked very confused. I came home a few days later and the garage is cleaned and I can now park in it.

 

 

I don't think he really gets that its not just those specific things that are depressing to me but he has made an effort so I will try discussing with him again and see where it goes. And I am reading and it is very helpful - thank you!

[Happy Lemming]

WOW... that is a first step.

 

I would now try to get him to agree to a monthly budget (on paper), where a healthy amount goes into a retirement fund. And he has to stick to the budget!!

 

I would also tell him that one boat is enough, sell the other four and put that money into the retirement fund, as well.

 

If that works, start pairing down the extra toys he no longer plays with.

 

Do you think that would be a good start towards repairing the financial aspect of your retirement planning??

 

Just my two cents...

[Just a Guy]

Hi Amelia, great news about the garage space. It all boils down to a positive attitude. You've got to give up on the 'woe me' spirit and start making small little improvements in your mental attitude. Definitely make friends with those ladies in your church group. Also try and find friends in other social circles. Start thinking of yourself as rich and unconstrained for money and gradually your subconscious mind will start making it true for you. One thing I can advocate with certainty and that is you have to give up on fear. Fear is what keeps us held back. You know you gave your husband two options open to you and sadly, both were negative and coloured with fear. Fear of the unknown and fear of being alone or fear of being lonely. You have to discard this and learn to live without fear. I can understand concern but not fear. There is a big difference between fear and concern. Concern will help you plan on what to do to avoid putting yourself in an awkward position. Fear just paralyses you and stops you from thinking clearly and decisively. So get rid of fear.

 

I guess you will find yourself in a better place, you just have to start visualizing a better future for yourself. Remember, you are your own best friend so help yourself to a better life. Warm wishes.