lostgirl87 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 It is a lot to throw away, but she would be welcome to have him, in my humble opinion... He made his decision about the marriage when he decided to have sex and then continue an affair with another woman. There would not even have had to be a pregnancy for me to ask him to leave. Quite honestly, I would never tolerate an ongoing affair between my husband and another woman, especially an escort who puts my health at risk - no way! So the reason, or a primary reason at least, for you staying with him is so the girlfriend can't have him? Now that's sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 (edited) So the reason, or a primary reason at least, for you staying with him is so the girlfriend can't have him? Now that's sad. How did you get that from my post? I think you misread what I wrote. What I said was, regardless of the pregnancy... this guy would be out of my life, no questions asked. He could be in her bed tonight and I would not think about them for another second of my life... I expect more from my husband. I will settle for nothing less than a faithful man and a monogamous relationship. I will not tolerate infidelity. Edited January 27, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I say: if he's in love with that girl, let him go. He'd be staying for you just for the children. But if he's not convinced of spending his life with her (marriage requires sacrifice and she might not be that person), see what the DNA test says: if the baby is his, he can register as the father, and you both will provide a monthly check, and assure regular visits. You'd also have to talk to your children, saying they have a brother or sister. That should happen only after the baby is born. You'll have to get it out in the open, because you don't want to damage the child who has no fault in all of this. And you don't want to deprive your children of the relationship with a half brother/sister. Many children who got to know the truth later on in life developed very negative feelings, and strong judgment for not being able to be in touch with that half brother or sister. So make sure you avoid that. It's better that your children live in a loving environment than in a hateful one. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
unit1 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Nah maybe it's not as bleak as all that. The less the behavior is tolerated, the less it will happen. And very many people truly are monogamous for all or most of their lives. There's a really good TED talk on people and monogamy. Really it's like any other biological urge - we have the urge to urinate, but most of us don't pee in the street. We have the urge to protect our territory, but most of us don't shoot our pushy, boundary-toeing neighbors. Do u remember the title of talk , or the link? that is great to hear..... Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe. Good point. I personally, would never have agreed to this arrangement. But, that's beside the point. OP has agreed to this arrangement and it seems, it's been acceptable to her for a long time. So now, with the changed circumstance, she needs to decide if she still wants to continue with this arrangement, or not. This arrangement may have worked well for them, until it didn't. OP always has the right to change her mind. I'm curious to know what she decides. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm curious to know what she decides. OP hasn't been back since the first day she posted a week ago... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostgirl87 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 How did you get that from my post? I think you misread what I wrote. What I said was, regardless of the pregnancy... this guy would be out of my life, no questions asked. He could be in her bed tonight and I would not think about them for another second of my life... I expect more from my husband. I will settle for nothing less than a faithful man and a monogamous relationship. I will not tolerate infidelity. Oh I'm sorry! I meant to quote the OP. Accidentally quoted you. I don't know how you could attribute that to your post bc it seems completely off topic. The OO has written that if she divorced him then he'd be ok with divorce bc the other woman liked him and he'd go be with her and that she didn't want that. Something along those lines. Again sorry- not meant for you. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Oh I'm sorry! I meant to quote the OP. Accidentally quoted you. I don't know how you could attribute that to your post bc it seems completely off topic. The OO has written that if she divorced him then he'd be ok with divorce bc the other woman liked him and he'd go be with her and that she didn't want that. Something along those lines. Again sorry- not meant for you. No worries. Your point is well taken. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I'm not understanding the backlash aimed at the husband. She told him to find sex elsewhere and he did. Now, it's irresponsible of him to get someone pregnant, but it's a lifestyle choice they made. I'm not sure the leave him stuff is accurate as far as the involvement with the other woman goes... leaving because he got her pregnant, maybe. I think the unprotected sex evokes a visceral response. This man had a wife and family. He got a hall pass. All he had to do was not get emotionally involved and use reliable STI/pregnancy prevention. What does he do? Get someone else pregnant. When someone fails to do the barest of bare minimum after getting special treatment (most marrieds are expected to be monogamous), people get irked. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 I got the impression that the hall pass was a temporary thing while they weren't having sex - not sure whether the OP knew that it continued so long until H or the OW told her so. And yes, the unprotected sex is just unforgivable. Link to post Share on other sites
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