Is it LOVE? or Are we just Comfortable with each other?

[smashingorange]

How do you know when there is still LOVE in

the relationship.???

 

How do you know if it's just the fact that you've

been together so long, and you're just comfortable with

each other?

 

I've been with my girlfriend going on 6 years. I love her very much,

But there are times when her ways just annoy me a bit. Honestly,

Sometimes I think "We're so different, I wonder why I'm still with her"..

 

She broke up with me once, to go and "find herself" then she came back.

SHe broke up with me AGAIN, to sort of "Find Herself" and I took her back

again, when things didn't work out for her. I was so cut up and hurt, i just

wanted her back more than anything. But sometimes i wonder if I just

wanted her back because I was scared of being Alone or I was just so

comfortable with her....

 

That was a year ago, we're fixin to get married in about 7 months...Yet, I

still feel like were just getting married because we've been together so

long, like, it's expected.

 

I love her, i care about her, but I'm feeling lately like I'm not "IN" love with her.

She doesn;t inspire me....(maybe it's because she doesn;t do much of anything,

no hobbies, no career goals, gets down and depressed pretty easily, she's very

senisitive and self concious about herself.)

 

Anyway....I don't want to just call it quits. But i guess i'm coming on here looking

for other's views....I know that LOVE isn't perfect and that Nobody is perfect and no

Relationship is Perfect, for that matter.

 

I'm just trying to figure stuff out...

[Outcast]

What would your life be like without her? If she died tomorrow, how would you feel?

[bobo]

I dont think you can ask that question. My husband and I just split and I would be upset if he died tomorrow but I dont want to start a realtionship with him again. I was asked if I could see myself at retirement age spending everyday when him and being happy. When I said no, I knew he wasnt the one for me.

[RecordProducer]

You seem to see things from all angles yourself. Nobody can tell you if this is due to incompatibility or merely the fact that the infatuation fades out and turns into peaceful love with time.

 

If you can't imagine spending the rest of your life with her and feel like you have nothing in common, if you don't like sharing anything with her or the sex sucks and you argue a lot then perhaps it's better for you to call off the wedding.

 

But if you're truly comfortable with her and love doing almost everything together, if you don't have major problems and seem compatible in most spheres then you shouldn't be worried about her not inspiring you. Nobody can inspire you for decades. Even if you fall in love again and again and again, all relationships will lose the initial sparkle with time.

 

You could help her find hobbies and set career goals, encourage her to make new friends and make her feel more cheerful. If you're upbeat yourself, you will probably influence her behavior as well.

 

If you have turned into a moody, grumpy, unsatisfied guy yourself, it might or might not necessarily be her fault. You need to find inspiration for life and joy in yourself, not in others only.

[smashingorange]

I love her very much, I care about her very much.

her ways just bug me now. They didn't bother me

when we were younger (6) years ago, but she hasn't

changed much and it's bumming me out now.

 

 

On the good side:

 

-We hardly ever argue or fight.

 

-We can hang out all day long and not get tired of each other, Usually.

 

-She tells me she loves me all day long. I do the same to her.

 

-We like the same kinds of things(music, art, outdoors)

 

-She's a very affectionate person, "public displays of affection"

and I like that. I'm a very kissy, hugging kinda guy

 

-I'm attracted to her physically. She digs me too.

 

 

 

On the bad side:

 

-her self-esteem is ALWAYS low. I encourage her tons, but she's so

sensitive, sometimes she'll get quiet and not want to talk about it.

It drives me batty. I can't stand it. It gets annoying now.

 

-The Communication is not very good in our relationship.

She'll get quiet and not say a word when she's angry or mad about something.

And i constantly have to ask "What's wrong"...her response: "nothing"......ugh.

She doesn't like to talk about anything SERIOUS or about our past break-ups.

 

-Sometimes I worry. Her responsability with her own bills, calling people back,

taking care of stuff, is horrible. She's super messy and unorganized.

 

-She's very very Lazy and can cancel on: get togethers with friends, dates with me,

dentist appointments, doctor's appointments, very easily, because she gets Lazy.

She won't even go with me to the grocery store sometimes, because she doesn't feel

like walking around.

 

-And last thing, The SEX has kinda stopped. She gets tired a lot, and I feel like it's

always me who initiates it. She'll tease a lot, but never wants to actually "Get to it".

I'm not a pig, i have tons of respect for her, so i never pressure her for sex. Another thing

though is that..She's not on the Pill. We use condoms, only. That bums me a little bit. She

keeps saying she's going to go see the doc about some(she used to use them, but never

went back when she ran out, got too lazy) But she just gets lazy. It's not a priority I guess.

 

 

Anyway, There needs to be some reshaping of the relationship....I'm willing to work on it,

But my patience is running low, because she never ever seems to want to change.

 

 

thanks for reading my rants....

[FWIW]

That sounds like a recipe for a bad marriage, to me. Be VERY careful about the commitment you'd be making. You need to talk seriously about this to her, before it all gets very ugly. Good luck!

[sundrop]

How about some good 'ole pre-marriage counseling?

[confused12321]

I wouldn't call the wedding off right away, but DEFINITELY "postpone" it. You obviously aren't totally into the marriage thing with this girl, and I do believe that things can only get worse with time.

 

If these things bother you now, why won't they bother you 10 years from now?

 

You have to remember that for the most part, people don't change. Maybe for a while they can seem different, but in the long run, expect to see a repeat of habits.

 

To "postpone" the wedding, you will have time to think more thoroughly about the commitment you are about to make. A wedding is a major thing to have, costly and emotional, so you should be 100% positive that you love this girl and that you can really see yourself with her when you are old. Can you see her having your children? Being a grandmother? Handling household duties? etc, etc.

 

Think about it...

[seachange]

I know this is an armchair diagnosis but...those symptoms sound like depression to me. Has she been to therapy?

[lanni]

I love her very much, I care about her very much.

her ways just bug me now. They didn't bother me

when we were younger (6) years ago, but she hasn't

changed much and it's bumming me out now.

 

 

On the good side:

 

-We hardly ever argue or fight.

 

-We can hang out all day long and not get tired of each other, Usually.

 

-She tells me she loves me all day long. I do the same to her.

 

-We like the same kinds of things(music, art, outdoors)

 

-She's a very affectionate person, "public displays of affection"

and I like that. I'm a very kissy, hugging kinda guy

 

-I'm attracted to her physically. She digs me too.

 

 

 

On the bad side:

 

-her self-esteem is ALWAYS low. I encourage her tons, but she's so

sensitive, sometimes she'll get quiet and not want to talk about it.

It drives me batty. I can't stand it. It gets annoying now.

 

-The Communication is not very good in our relationship.

She'll get quiet and not say a word when she's angry or mad about something.

And i constantly have to ask "What's wrong"...her response: "nothing"......ugh.

She doesn't like to talk about anything SERIOUS or about our past break-ups.

 

-Sometimes I worry. Her responsability with her own bills, calling people back,

taking care of stuff, is horrible. She's super messy and unorganized.

 

-She's very very Lazy and can cancel on: get togethers with friends, dates with me,

dentist appointments, doctor's appointments, very easily, because she gets Lazy.

She won't even go with me to the grocery store sometimes, because she doesn't feel

like walking around.

 

-And last thing, The SEX has kinda stopped. She gets tired a lot, and I feel like it's

always me who initiates it. She'll tease a lot, but never wants to actually "Get to it".

I'm not a pig, i have tons of respect for her, so i never pressure her for sex. Another thing

though is that..She's not on the Pill. We use condoms, only. That bums me a little bit. She

keeps saying she's going to go see the doc about some(she used to use them, but never

went back when she ran out, got too lazy) But she just gets lazy. It's not a priority I guess.

 

 

Anyway, There needs to be some reshaping of the relationship....I'm willing to work on it,

But my patience is running low, because she never ever seems to want to change.

 

 

thanks for reading my rants....

 

`If you don't feel the butterfly's every time you are near her, it is not i sign that your stomach is messed up, it is a sign that your heart is not capeable of sending butterfly signals to your gut any longer.

 

Bro............. it's time to cry, morne,and then painfully move on to the one who makes the butterflys . memories make warm companions.

 

it takes one to replace one.