Why does he want to see me now?

[alexa11]

Years ago I had just came out of a long relationship when I heard from this guy I had known growing up because we had mutual people we knew. He also had came out of a relationship, and he asked to hang out since he probably knew I was newly single. I had not caught up with him the last few years, but I accepted it kind of being aware he’s a ladies man. We were about 24 then. Well I ended seeing him for months, and developed feelings for him. Our thing was basically talking, hanging out, having sex, etc not strictly just sex but we had really good sexual chemistry. At first I didn’t mind not being exclusive since I had came out of something so serious and I honestly had never dated much to begin with. But he made it clear he wasn’t looking for exclusivity, and when it did start to bother me I stopped seeing him completely. He’s not very out there as far as telling how he feels about things or about me really, I never knew if he even really liked me enough that way. I also figured mutual people we knew was one of the reasons he didn’t want to take it there because they are very judgmental set of ppl we both know.

 

After we stopped talking, he ends up dating a younger girl (though still reaches out to me, I didn’t accept) and we lost all contact once I eventually started dating someone he knew but isn’t friends with. I wasn’t looking to get into the relationship it just kind of happened, after dating and running into jerks I wanted to be stable. I was surprised to know he was dating her still as years went by, figured she was the one who finally sealed the deal with him. They break up and he contacts me a couple months after, saying he would like to see me knowing well I am still dating the same guy and live with him. I told him I couldn’t see him out of respect to my bf but I do keep in touch with him because I genuinely like him as a person, and I admit I do have lingering feelings for him. He did clear up that once he started seeing his ex it was hard for him to get out when he wanted to and sort of got comfortable. He also clarified why he didn’t have anything serious with me was all him and had nothing to do with me or it being my fault. In many ways I feel I’m in that situation myself (still trying to figure things out) my bf is aware of my doubts by the way. Well it’s been months and we don’t talk often, every here and then and he still asks when can he see me? Even just to pass by or he does so I see him, he has also made clear he vividly remembers our sex life. But has said he really just would like to see me even for a few. I’m curious to know why would he want to see the girl who stopped communicating cause he didn’t want to be exclusive who now has a bf that he is an acquaintance of, why want to see me? Better yet maybe even sleep with me? I know after coming out of a long relationship he’s not looking to settle, which is why you would think I would be the last girl he looks for. He’s a good looking man, can get any girl he wants. I’m just curious any thoughts or relatable experiences?

Edited January 21, 2018 by alexa11

[MsJayne]

This guy has no feelings for you at all, he just thinks you may be available as a casual sexual partner. I wouldn't even bother returning his next contact for two reasons, one is that he couldn't care less about you as a person, and two is that even just chatting to this guy is disrespectful towards your partner. Of course, if you keep encouraging him, you will end up being used and you will also lose your partner.

[Zahara]

I’m curious to know why would he want to see the girl who stopped communicating cause he didn’t want to be exclusive who now has a bf that he is an acquaintance of, why want to see me? Better yet maybe even sleep with me? I know after coming out of a long relationship he’s not looking to settle, which is why you would think I would be the last girl he looks for. He’s a good looking man, can get any girl he wants. I’m just curious any thoughts or relatable experiences?

 

It's not a matter of whether you're the last girl or the first girl, he's looking for A girl that is available to him now that he is single. He can get any girl he wants but you're a girl that is familiar to him and one he does not have to pursue or entice/resume dating process/do the work to get sex. You've always shown him you're available so he believes you could be a potential casual partner when he needs it so he's trying to get you to submit.

 

When he was in a relationship with another woman, he tried getting to you. When you are in a relationship, he tries getting to you. He has no boundaries when it comes to getting what he wants. And you have shown him you haven't either and he knows it -- and no, he's not a nice person. He's just trying to bait you to see if you can be a temporary fallback while he looks for what's out there.

 

Out of respect for your partner, stop communicating with him. He only wants to use you.

[alexa11]

I haven’t always made myself available to him. When I was single and so was he it was mutual I did like going out with him, seeing him and having sex. I enjoyed that and chose that. When he met his ex and tried a couple times to see me (at first started to be with her) I wasn’t available cause as I stated earlier, I shot him down. Just to clear that up.

I also think it’s more work in this case? He’s spent months trying to see me, he’s been single almost a year at this point. With me comes knowing I eventually wanted something serious and I stopped talking to him because of that, also risking his ego because I have a strong association with his best friends (I’m their family). That’s the point of this thread, I’m confused as to why put himself through the trouble.

Thanks for the input.

Edited January 22, 2018 by alexa11

[sandylee1]

He enjoyed your company and the sex ....so he wants to go there again.

 

He's hoping the fact that you have feelings for him is enough to get you back .

 

Have you firmly told him you aren't interested?

Because your response of "out of respect for my BF" shows he could have you otherwise.

 

He's hoping to get you at a weak moment....

[Space Ritual]

I’m curious to know why would he want to see the girl who stopped communicating cause he didn’t want to be exclusive who now has a bf that he is an acquaintance of, why want to see me? Better yet maybe even sleep with me? I know after coming out of a long relationship he’s not looking to settle, which is why you would think I would be the last girl he looks for. He’s a good looking man, can get any girl he wants. I’m just curious any thoughts or relatable experiences?

 

Because he wants to have sex with you again for the nostalgic element. We guys have fragile egos, so unless an ex really did something horrible to us(which did happen in my case), the fact that you stopped seeing him gnawed at him for a while. He wants to see if he can bed you again, based on that, and that alone.

 

He has zero feelings for you other than the nostalgia of tapping the ass of the one that got away one more time. It would validate his ego that he could get some from you after such a long time. since you apparently dumped him, banging you now would give him some of his internal power back, Because you dumping him hurt more than he ever admitted, and he lost control over the direction of the relationship. when you wrested it from him by breaking it off.

[BMI03]

I haven’t always made myself available to him. When I was single and so was he it was mutual I did like going out with him, seeing him and having sex. I enjoyed that and chose that. When he met his ex and tried a couple times to see me (at first started to be with her) I wasn’t available cause as I stated earlier, I shot him down. Just to clear that up.

I also think it’s more work in this case? He’s spent months trying to see me, he’s been single almost a year at this point. With me comes knowing I eventually wanted something serious and I stopped talking to him because of that, also risking his ego because I have a strong association with his best friends (I’m their family). That’s the point of this thread, I’m confused as to why put himself through the trouble.

Thanks for the input.

 

It’s not more work, and it has very little risk. Being rejected doesn’t really matter to his ego anymore. He has had you so his ego safely falls back on that fact every time. No risk because even if unatanable, he knows he has done so. Basically, if you have claimed Mount Everest successfully, doesn’t matter if you try a second time and don’t make it. You already did it and have the photo from when you made the summit.

 

And it’s no work to him. He is just firing off texts. He is probably sending the same string of texts to the last half dozen women he was successful with. I had a friend who would literally write a girl a text, then copy/paste the exact same text to 10 more girls. He could get 8 texts in before he has to put the ‘work’ in to type out a unique text to one of them based on the predictable responses. So don’t kid yourself...he isn’t secretly in love with you and longing for you and no other I am afraid.

 

And if you have questions about your current relationship, spot talking to this dude and figure that out. It’s infair and deceitful to be communicating with this fella and keeping that secret to your BF...not cool.

[alexa11]

Because he wants to have sex with you again for the nostalgic element. We guys have fragile egos, so unless an ex really did something horrible to us(which did happen in my case), the fact that you stopped seeing him gnawed at him for a while. He wants to see if he can bed you again, based on that, and that alone.

 

He has zero feelings for you other than the nostalgia of tapping the ass of the one that got away one more time. It would validate his ego that he could get some from you after such a long time. since you apparently dumped him, banging you now would give him some of his internal power back, Because you dumping him hurt more than he ever admitted, and he lost control over the direction of the relationship. when you wrested it from him by breaking it off.

 

So is this situation with him ever reparable? Let’s say down the line if I were to be single, and eventually end up talking to him again in that way. Can I change his perception of me as only to “bang one more time” if I didn’t give in to him easy. Does a man always see a woman as just that if he used to have that type of situation with her? He’s known that I’m a long term relationship girl. First one lasted 10 years, which is why I didn’t push him about getting serious at that time. This relationship now has been 3 years. I guess my question is, will he only ever see me as just “that?” For him. Yes you’re right now we’re practically in our 30s, but we are always aware of one another because some of my family members have been close to him all of their lives. I’m curious for your opinion. I appreciate your advice as well.

Edited January 25, 2018 by alexa11

[Zahara]

I haven’t always made myself available to him. When I was single and so was he it was mutual I did like going out with him, seeing him and having sex. I enjoyed that and chose that. When he met his ex and tried a couple times to see me (at first started to be with her) I wasn’t available cause as I stated earlier, I shot him down. Just to clear that up.

I also think it’s more work in this case? He’s spent months trying to see me, he’s been single almost a year at this point. With me comes knowing I eventually wanted something serious and I stopped talking to him because of that, also risking his ego because I have a strong association with his best friends (I’m their family). That’s the point of this thread, I’m confused as to why put himself through the trouble.

Thanks for the input.

 

When he contacts you, you are available, even when you have a boyfriend. "I told him I couldn’t see him out of respect to my bf but I do keep in touch with him because I genuinely like him as a person."

 

And no, it's less work. You're familiar to him and you send him signals that you still have some level of attachment and he's hoping at some point you will cave and you will give him what he wants.

 

It's really no trouble. I am sure he's out there prowling other women, you even said he is a ladies man and you're probably one of the many that gives him the attention he needs, not the level that he wants but enough for now.