I want to fight for my wife.... But don't know how

[BarbedFenceRider]

She says she loves you? Really? And you buy this...

Please remember, another man's penis went into her vagina. Period. To be blunt, you have to be honest. Her idea of love is twisted. You had a moment of mania, as well you should have...Your life was turned upside down. But now, you have clarity and should realize you are worth so much more. And all the folks here have the best intentions for you. They want you OUT of infidelity.

 

Your soon to be XWW loves manipulation and cuckoldry. She enjoys your pain and wants to keep you around to get her fix. Sick! That alone is some hannibal lecter ish right there....

 

Hard 180, go NC. And get an attorney. You are worth so much more than this bag of crap she just gave you.

[Cephalopod]

You seriously need to get away from this woman. She is warped.

[Lostsoul2515]

I talked to her yesterday. I told her i am not taking all the guilt anymore. It is killing me physically (lost 15 pounds in a weak) and mentally. I also told her the only this works if we do it together. I told all those talks were bull**** and this is the last one now.

 

I was prepared for what was coming. She started to shift the guilt back. She focused on me going nuts and using the gun as a sign. Scared,need time, abuse...bla bla bla. I took it and told her that the decision is then made. I told her that she walked out of the house that day, but i feel she never came back.

 

I think she somehow realized that this was not me apologizing for her **** and it was also not me begging and telling her i wait forever. She then got hurt? mad? sad? I dunno no anymore how to tell what she feels or who she is.

 

I noticed she had no ring on. When i confronted her she said it slipped of and she forgot it on the desk... I knew the rings was getting too big, but i also knew that she never took it of and once when it slipped of she panicked. So there was another sign....... At the end i took my ring of and placed it in the middle console. As a sign.

 

This morning she called and told me to buy a bed because sleeping on the couch sucks and she wants me to be comfy.... What a madness.... I told her not to worry about me anymore. I told her that she can now pursue her goals and be free. She said she worried and she don't ever want me to leave no matter what. I told her that the only way for us is when we fight together, but it means sacrifices. I told i am not sitting her weeks waiting while she is doing whatever and then one day gives me the grace to touch her or some Bull****. I told her i am not walking behind you in the shadows, until you call me back like a dog. I told that will find a job and get on my feet and somehow our son will slowly learn and adapt.

 

She seemed very upset, but again, i can't tell you what she feels or thinks. After all she did to me, all the pain she kept inflicting over and over, all the guilt she made me take... I can't think of anything good. This here sucks and makes me crazy.

 

I just walked in the bedroom to write this and on the bed in the corner i saw a sex toy.............. that sting in my heart hurt so bad. The thought that wile i was living out there like a dog and trying to make my son happy, dying inside

and she is in here having some phone/skype whatever sex with this piece of **** ..... ****ing hurts. Dunno were to go now and how to focus. Somehow i need to move on and right now i guess hate helps a lot.

 

The dude btw. is out of reach for me. All is in her phone and i have no means to get my hands log enough on it to see his number. All i have is his name and i seen his pic. Yes exposing him to his wife (if he has one) would feel great, but it is not an option.

 

Thank you all for being here... at least i know i am not all alone!

[BarbedFenceRider]

I mean seriously..."I'm going to continue seeing OM and you can't do anything about it..." Then, when asked about quitting the marriage..."I don't know".

 

She does know. She wants to regale herself in your pain and relish her indiscretion and infidelity. Wacked!

[grassisorisntgreener]

Why are you on the couch if she is the one who cheated?

[BluesPower]

Why are you on the couch if she is the one who cheated?

 

Correction... Still cheating and does not give a S*** if her husband knows it or not.

 

Wacked...

[BrokeInside]

Hi,

 

I am right now in a very dark hole. I don't know if I lost my wife or not. I hear those damn voices in my head telling all this negative stuff and preventing me from clear thoughts.

 

Here is my story:

 

Last Saturday I found out that my wife cheated on me. My whole world fell appart. I never would've thought anything like this. My wife was always my soulmate, my second half. This was not her, she was always such a perfect loving person. She doesn't smoke,drink or party the whole night. Most of the time (like 99%) we spent together, so she also had not like a bunch of kontakt.

I was shocked and hurt. She called me and I thought she would cry and ask for forgiveness like in a Hollywood movie. But she didn't. She was almost mad and told me we talk when she is home, whenever that would be. After she came home we had a talk. She apologized but also said she needed this and that it was sex and that she needed to do this and that it was a special obsession.

She told me she still love me and that I should not fear. I was out of my mind, but not in anger,in fear,the fear to loose her. The next days were strange for me, she wanted time with me,but she also acted sometimes cold, like nothing happened. We had more talks and I went into pure desperation,the whole program from begging to crying... I expected her to somehow react to it, but it didn't happend. I learn that she has depressions and that a lot of things I've done over the years had hurt her badly. I didn't do it in purpose,but I also ignored all signs.

 

Then it all became a nightmare last Thursday. She was so extremely cold that day and the pain and fear grew into pure madness. We got loud and I snapped, I told her instead of killing me slowly,why doesn't she just get the gun and end it, pull the trigger. In that moment she lost it, she wanted to leave the room,but I held her,I cried and begged her not to go. She told me to get my hands of her and left the house. She sat into the car locked the door and called someone will crying. I was in shock, my desperate and stupid metaphor was meant to express my love for her, but instead it made her go bersek. I left the house and later came back. She was furious,told me that I f'ed up totally and that from now I can stay on the couch, for now we are roommates. She also told me that she will see this guy again, but that this is not my concern anymore. I asked her if she wants a divorce and she said that she is not sure. Then over the course of the next days we talked a bit more. She told me that she doesn't want me to leave the house, I can stay on the couch. She also said she didn't know if this will work again. I am now for her on the level of dating. She said I scared her so much,she can't get over it right now. She told me that she still feels for me and love me,but right now she wants no bodily contact. She also will leave nextfriday with this guy because he wants a new couch and ask her if she wants to come with him. She will be back Saturday.

 

I told her that I will give her all freedom and time she needs right now. I think she has bad depression's and maybe even a midlife crisis.

 

Right now I am dying inside. I want to fight,but I don't know how. I heard she needs her time now and I respect that. My biggest pain is,that she is texting that dude on daily basis and that so soon she goes back to him. I don't know how to fight this? I mean he is the damn saviour right now and I am the guy who scared her and made feel bad... How can I win this????????? We spent some time together yesterday and today and it was hard for,but she said she had a good time. She also told me she loves me. She said she doesn't know what is going on right now,it is like she flipped a switch and now everything is different.

 

How can I fight? What can I do... She is here but still so far. She is the love of my life, I can't imagine to be without her.... How can I fight this stranger and the depressions and her crisis. How can I show her that I love her more than anything in the world...... It hurts so bad

 

Hello :

 

- Welcome to the club, when i read your post, i was feeling that i could have wrote it, i made mistake, wanted to fight, i love my wife to the death ... the whole guilty process

 

I was, like many other, in a situation somehow similar like yours and it was three month ago.

 

- My wife, the one that was supposed to keep our family together and who made some vows, was juste a cheating and lying whatever you want to name her.

 

It's hard, because they are on a pedestal, we love them to the death and the betrayal is like your heart is ripped from your chest and eating alive.

 

- My wife, like yours, didn't give a **** about me, didn't respect me and like you, i let her ... I fought for her, like a dumbass, during month and the results at the end : i was dumped for the other guy.

 

So i know exactly were you are and for the kids, i have two, 2 years old and 4, so i know too how it's afraid to think about your family being destroyed.

 

I'm not afraid to say this anymore, month ago, i was near to kill myself. I couldn't handle the pain, it was too much to process, the end of my marriage, the guilt of my mistake, the kids, the betrayal, the cheating ...

 

I landed in this forum, share my story to relief some pain and this forum opens my eyes. After reading story after story, this is almost all the time the same pattern with the cheater, they blame you for their behavior, they are selfish as **** and the only thing who matters is their fantasy.

 

And they often face weak and empathic people able to think "She cheat on me, but this is my fault, i made too much mistake ... ".

 

It's gigantic bull****, if they cheat on you, it's because they are ****ty person, period. You don't have to cheat on anyone, you end the relationship then do whatever you want, but some people are coward and it made me think off your wife who doesn't know if she want to leave but she's going to see the other guy.

 

So put this in your head "You may have made mistake" but "It's not your fault". Forgive yourself for the mistake you did, ask her forgiveness for them and move on.

 

Right now, you are the only one who counts (and your child of course). Protect him, he needs you.

 

If you want to save your relationship, it's still an open way but, it's on her part now. You can't save anything if the other part don't want, so just focus on yourself. Maybe she will realize how wrong she is right now but again, it's on her, you can't do anything.

 

And if you want to know if you will survive to this ?!

Yes, i'm not dead and everyone here is well alive and will be here to help you get through this. I'm not going to tell you it's not hard, but you will do it.

 

Right now, focus on yourself, make exercise, try to eat again, buy new clothes, make things on your own and full no contact.

 

Don't argue with her, don't insult her, don't do anything silly, they will turn everything you say and act against you.

 

If she wants to bang another guy while you are still together, sorry but you are better without her.

 

Ive got some tears when i think about you and your situation, it's reminds me so much my wife and how cruel she was.

 

You are not alone and you will do it.

[S2B]

File the divorce papers.

 

She will realize you're not planning to live through this crappy behavior she's showing for an extended period of time.

 

 

And pack her one bag and put it on the front steps - why are YOU sleeping on the couch? That's ridiculous!!

Edited January 23, 2018 by S2B

[Lowrider93]

If you have to play this game,

You better make your own rules.

 

You need to tell her how it's gonna be.

[doyathinkso]

The next time she goes out, you go into YOUR bedroom and pack up all of her clothes, cosmetics, sex toys and whatever into as much luggage or garbage bags as you need and then put it all out on the front porch.

 

Then call her and tell her to pick it up before it's stolen and cart it over to her loverboy's place. Tell her that's her home now. She is not welcome in YOUR house anymore.

[Lostsoul2515]

My situation need is difficult. 5 years i left Germany for my wife. I gave up everything and left all behind to be with her. The last 5 years i stayed home and took care of the house, since her income was enough for all of us. Right now i have no DL or job. The house we live in owned by her aunt. I never thought about all this because for me this was a forever thing and there was no need to keep some kind of plan b around.

 

As for right now i am struggle to know how to proceed. I am right now convinced that she is messed up mentally.... i think she has a super heavy mental all destroying breakdown. That doesn't mean i take all the **** from her, but it worries me for her and my son. She is so far that as right now she even uses him to weaken me and feed on my weakness! I guess she realized that she looses control and that i rather stay under a bridge than to suffer on this ****ing couch. This is pure madness and she spirals down so fast, its hard to keep track of it.....Whatever came back that Saturday, its not my wife... It's like i am in a movie and should call an exorcist!

 

So far i stay strong and try to be as cold as i can without letting my emotions taking over. Otherwise i will give her more power over me and more **** she can feed on and use against me...

 

Pure Nightmare!

[d0nnivain]

That is unfortunate. In the short term, get a DL. Then try to get a job. Talk to a lawyer ASAP. Since you gave up your job for her, as a SAHD you should be entitled to at least temporary support / alimony.

[S2B]

File for divorce today! Request spousal support! Request child support!

 

Show her what the penalty will be if she keeps acting this way.

 

If the D goes through you will have support money to live.

 

Start getting a plan together. Find apartments available and find a job where you can start soon. Something close by so you can walk.

 

At the minimum get an ID card from the DMV so you have a picture ID for a job.

[BrokeInside]

My situation need is difficult. 5 years i left Germany for my wife. I gave up everything and left all behind to be with her. The last 5 years i stayed home and took care of the house, since her income was enough for all of us. Right now i have no DL or job. The house we live in owned by her aunt. I never thought about all this because for me this was a forever thing and there was no need to keep some kind of plan b around.

 

As for right now i am struggle to know how to proceed. I am right now convinced that she is messed up mentally.... i think she has a super heavy mental all destroying breakdown. That doesn't mean i take all the **** from her, but it worries me for her and my son. She is so far that as right now she even uses him to weaken me and feed on my weakness! I guess she realized that she looses control and that i rather stay under a bridge than to suffer on this ****ing couch. This is pure madness and she spirals down so fast, its hard to keep track of it.....Whatever came back that Saturday, its not my wife... It's like i am in a movie and should call an exorcist!

 

So far i stay strong and try to be as cold as i can without letting my emotions taking over. Otherwise i will give her more power over me and more **** she can feed on and use against me...

 

Pure Nightmare!

 

This is a very hard situation. All my heart is with you.

[BluesPower]

My situation need is difficult. 5 years i left Germany for my wife. I gave up everything and left all behind to be with her. The last 5 years i stayed home and took care of the house, since her income was enough for all of us. Right now i have no DL or job. The house we live in owned by her aunt. I never thought about all this because for me this was a forever thing and there was no need to keep some kind of plan b around.

 

As for right now i am struggle to know how to proceed. I am right now convinced that she is messed up mentally.... i think she has a super heavy mental all destroying breakdown. That doesn't mean i take all the **** from her, but it worries me for her and my son. She is so far that as right now she even uses him to weaken me and feed on my weakness! I guess she realized that she looses control and that i rather stay under a bridge than to suffer on this ****ing couch. This is pure madness and she spirals down so fast, its hard to keep track of it.....Whatever came back that Saturday, its not my wife... It's like i am in a movie and should call an exorcist!

 

So far i stay strong and try to be as cold as i can without letting my emotions taking over. Otherwise i will give her more power over me and more **** she can feed on and use against me...

 

Pure Nightmare!

 

Listen... You need to wake the He** up.

 

Are you a legal resident? Are you guys married?

 

You need to talk to a lawyer, yesterday. Scrounge up some money and DO something about your life.

 

You see how being trusting and weak has gotten you in to this type of situation?

 

How old are you? You could file for divorce and get her to pay you child support. But you have to find out the details.

 

It does not matter if she is sick in the head or not, what she is doing is wrong, and you should not stand for it.

[grassisorisntgreener]

My heart goes out to you.

 

You clearly need her income, so I think the advice you will get moving forward wouldn't be the same advice we would give someone who wasn't dependent on their spouse.

 

You need to figure out ways to get more self sufficient, in a hurry. There is no way I'd be attracted to someone who lived off my income. Absolutely not. And this is NOT a dig at SAHM's. That is a job. You say your son is 13, so what are you doing all day when he is in school?

 

I hate to even utter these words as a feminist, but you need to man up. You need to fake it until you make it. Act comfortable in your skin. Act like you're okay with everything that's going on. Do your best to be more attractive. It will mess with her more than you begging and crying will. Nobody want a beggar or a crier. That makes her feel justified.

[dichotomy]

If I may take a shot at predicting your future.Using my own life experience.

 

You will continue to try to talk her out of it -talk some sense into her, make her understand or other reasons. You will feel you are "fighting for her and you". Your scared hurting and a mess.

 

Within 6-12 months you will be divorced. I hope a good lawyer will get you what you need.

 

You will be be a mess for a year after this divorce. Maybe longer with a kid(s) involved. You wont trust women, won't date, may seek therapy.

 

Then in 2-3 years you will be embarrassed by your past actions, words, and feelings about her and the end of the marriage. You will wonder why you wasted so much time and energy - when you could have gotten on with your life.

 

But you are only human. I was too.

Edited January 23, 2018 by dichotomy

[Lostsoul2515]

If I may take a shot at predicting your future.Using my own life experience.

 

You will continue to try to talk her out of it -talk some sense into her, make her understand or other reasons. You will feel you are "fighting for her and you". Your scared hurting and a mess.

 

Within 6-12 months you will be divorced. I hope a good lawyer will get you what you need.

 

You will be be a mess for a year after this divorce. Maybe longer with a kid(s) involved. You wont trust women, won't date, may seek therapy.

 

Then in 2-3 years you will be embarrassed by your past actions, words, and feelings about her and the end of the marriage. You will wonder why you wasted so much time and energy - when you could have gotten on with your life.

 

But you are only human. I was too.

 

 

I hope i can make it without the first part. I love her, but the amount of pain she gave over just a week and the level of evil already start to shift my feelings from pain and despair to hate and anger.

[BarbedFenceRider]

Good...Now take that anger and do something positive with it. Remember, you are worth it! File divorce papers. Seek housing and custodial arrangements. Don't worry about a car. You live in the city? Do you have a bicycle? Get a job. Doesn't matter if it is pumping gas, or making a darn burger..Just do it. Having a job is such a great morale booster.

 

You will be such a happier person. And your wife will be in shock and awe. You being happy is not on her radar. Then you will be the laughing one!

[wmacbride]

What everyone on here is recommending makes so much sense.

 

it's not about trying to win her back. In fact, it's all about picking you up and giving you some of your confidence back, and finding yourself again.

 

Who were you before you met her? What did you like to do? What gave you joy and made you feel good about yourself?

 

it's time to invite those back into your life.

 

If you need a pick me up, try getting out and joining a gym, a job seekers group, meet with an employment counselor, etc. These will get you out of your home and around other people, and it will also show you that you have a lot to offer the world.

 

Whatever you do, Do Not just sit around waiting for her to make up her mind. For now, treat the situation as being that she already made her choice, and it wasn't you. You choose you and your son. I'm not going to lie and say it will be easy or it won't hurt...it will. Consider that the price for your freedom.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey! Thanks for sharing your story here! It is good that you are starting to make some decisions to move forward and that you are getting support from a therapist as well! You have been given some good ideas in here! Whatever you decide to do, do not let other people choose how you should live your life! Take care of yourself and your son and let your wife make her own choices. If you do think that she is going through depression or some kind of condition, maybe you can suggest that she sees a therapist as well! Above all, take control of your life! Find a job, set some boundaries and find people that you can trust! I pray that you find company and strength around you as much as you have found here! Move forward my friend!

[aliveagain]

You need to talk to a lawyer so you know your rights. She will owe you child support as well as spousal support as a stay at home dad. Her new found sexuality will leave her in the poorhouse. You are the main caregiver to your son so most likely you will continue and she will only get him part time. You are in a much stronger position then you think. Please talk to a lawyer.

[unit1]

your wife met someone randomly online and went to hotel room with him?

she seems to be ......

or I m feeling your marriage already had some problems,

do u ever feel lacking real communication during the last few years ,

or you both just care about work, daily life, kids etc....no exciting romantic fun ?

 

sometimes a woman ,especially she stays home all day , when she feels the marriage is only about cooking, washing, kids etc, she feel she is buried, she wants to find something to break this.

 

then she actually knows she is wrong, but she also desperately needs such kind of "break",....

 

if she is a wise woman she will seek such "break"from elsewhere, or find a counselor, or just do random chat online with men but no real action.

 

we r all human.

nobody is perfect.

I m not standing by her side, just trying to understand what's wrong.......

[Lostsoul2515]

I need to get out of here. Dunno what about my son. Hurts so bad to be around her... She is so ****ing cold. I think she dumped me , that is it. But for some sick reason she keeps me around. Telling me I can stay forever.... Wtf is going on

[Lostsoul2515]

your wife met someone randomly online and went to hotel room with him?

she seems to be ......

or I m feeling your marriage already had some problems,

do u ever feel lacking real communication during the last few years ,

or you both just care about work, daily life, kids etc....no exciting romantic fun ?

 

sometimes a woman ,especially she stays home all day , when she feels the marriage is only about cooking, washing, kids etc, she feel she is buried, she wants to find something to break this.

 

then she actually knows she is wrong, but she also desperately needs such kind of "break",....

 

if she is a wise woman she will seek such "break"from elsewhere, or find a counselor, or just do random chat online with men but no real action.

 

we r all human.

nobody is perfect.

I m not standing by her side, just trying to understand what's wrong.......

 

Dunno how she found him. She never went out alone. Yes our marriage was not all fun and games and yes she might have missed something. She is also depressive. But in no way that I would see this coming. I mean we never had a talk or anything that would have indicated this. She left one day and back came a monster. Since then she did everything to hurt me and treat me like some stray dog. It's like every spark of love, compassion and empathy is gone.....