Is my husband jealous or upset ?

[BluesPower]

Here's the thing.....

 

Your husband responds in silence because he can't believe you do not know what is wrong. His silence should have brought forth apologies from you, because you have done many things that need apologize for. On your knees begging, apologizing every day unprompted kind of thing.

 

And he asks you if you are happy, if you want to be with him.

 

Do you know why that is?

 

Because your behavior makes it appear that he is not enough for you, and that you are seeking more. Your behavior makes it appear that you do not value your marriage, therefore must be unhappy with it.

 

It's your actions. All this flirting, all this inappropriate behavior is telling him that he is not man enough, and you don't give a $h!t about this marriage.

 

As they say, actions speak louder than words.

 

And then we have the betrayal about your sexual history.

 

This is bigger than you may think. First of course there is the fact be that you know.... Perhaps he valued a fellow virgin, rather than a girl who had one night stands and casual sex.

 

Because not only can this make him feel insecure etc, but also shows that you two have fundamentally different views with your approach to sex. He is cut from the wait until marriage cloth, and you....you are cut from the casual sex cloth. Very different approaches.

 

And in your daily life, it sounds like he conducts himself in a more conservative way, in line with his views about sex. And you? Well.... Sounds like you like to party like a Girls Gone Wild special.

 

And you didn't let him know that, before he vowed to be with you forever.

 

Now here he is, dumbfounded to discover you are not prude wife, but a very sexualized woman.

 

Showing your body on Skype was icing on the cake. He wants you to turn down the sexual stuff. Stop trying to use sex for attention, or problem solving. He is trying to talk to you about some very deep and important things (which sounds difficult for him), and you just don't get it - and show him your body instead.

 

When you go to visit. Don't try to manipulate him with sex. Talk to him. LISTEN TO HIM.

 

Wow, that is just a great post...

 

OP, if you cannot understand this, well there is no hope...

[BarbedFenceRider]

"there are certain instances where I have touched, groped or cuddle with my best friend husbands, and my best friends are fine with their spouse that they also do with each other irrespective of the gender,"

^^This alone sealed the deal...Don't be surprised when she posts on the Divorce page. And she never saw it coming. The BH is silent...Because he is allowing her to hang herself and leave her dangling. OP only wants this marriage because of the security and financial gains she gets... She even admitted it.

Edited January 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language ~T

[GoldenR]

My response: you meet my emotional, physical need and financial needs and other requirement and there won’t be better man than you in my life.

 

You are clearly answering his you think he wants you to answer, and not giving him the truth. If he fulfilled all of your needs, you wouldn't be acting like a tramp when you're out with friends. You wouldn't be embarrassing him the way you have, bc if you truly are fulfilled by him, you wouldn't have even considered dancing with your ex. Your friend's husband wouldn't have even had the opportunity to kiss your naval. The concept of twerking on a male co-worker would never have entered your mind.

 

I think that you WANT to love your H, probably bc you don't think you could find anyone that could take better care of you. But unfortunately, you just don't love him like a wife is supposed to lobe a husband.

 

Divorce him.

[S2B]

That conversation shows you aren't sexually attracted to your husband and he realizes that.

 

You're bored with him, aren't you? But you don't want to give up the lifestyle/the money he makes...?

 

He realizes you're using him for his money.

[BarbedFenceRider]

I'll add that the compartmentalization and disconnect is astonishing....

 

You probably need to seek mental help. Seriously. You wouldn't be good to anyone as you are right now.

[S2B]

What are YOU commuted to changing about yourself to save your marriage?

 

 

Please answer this question.

[smackie9]

He is silent because he wants to hear in your own words what you have been doing wrong and that he shouldn't have to tell you. He doesn't want you being all sexy to him, and all that crap because to him you are just buttering him up in hopes he will let it go...well this time it isn't going to work.

 

What you should do? Admit to your husband that your actions have been inappropriate for a wife, and you will give yourself respectable boundaries as to how you interact with other men, men friends, others husbands from now on. That you realize that without acknowledging it before how much it has hurt him/his feelings and you apologize for that.

[d0nnivain]

My husband reply: i believe action is more effective than words, look if you are unhappy you don’t have to lie and your happiness matters, may be not with me, may be with someone else.

 

 

My reply: good night, love you,

Then sent some kisses over the skype call and showed my body.

 

 

My husband response: good night, you don’t have to do such things over the skype,

 

 

 

By the way I have booked tickets for Los Angeles ,eagerly waiting to hold my husband in my arms.

 

 

How would I approach for further talks with my husband?

Any suggestions or advice ?

 

 

My suggestion is that you learn how to be classy. Classy people do not get naked on Skype. Your husband didn't want to see your lady bits through a computer screen. Since he is already disgusted by the way you behave toward other men he is now questioning how many other men got that same show, via the computer or IRL

 

 

If you have any prayer of holding on your marriage you must do as he asked & show him by your actions that you want him & only him. That means NO hugging, kissing, cuddling, groping, teasing, flirting or otherwise carrying on with other men. Until you can show him & the rest of the world that he is the ONLY man you care about, you are headed for divorce court.

 

 

Can you do that? Can you stop flirting with every man in your life?

[Imajerk17]

This whole thread just looks really bizarre.

 

Anyway OP, first and foremost, you are disrespecting your husband at every turn. No self-respecting man would put up with this from his wife. Even if you were single, your behaviour still comes across trashy. You need to stop dancing sensually with your ex, stop cuddling w your best friends' husbands, and for the sake of Pete please stop twerking your coworkers--or any other random man.

 

OP, is English your first language and was this an arranged marriage? Your grammar/syntax does seem tortured. And more to the point, if I read correctly in your Opening Post, you waited until marriage to get intimate with your husband. (4th paragraph from the bottom)

Edited January 23, 2018 by Imajerk17

[S2B]

On another note - stop disrespecting your friends by doing those things with their men/husbands.

[road]

 

 

 

Thats a pretty big detail to omit when marrying someone - so he had to wait till after the marriage to have sex with you - but you didn't tell him you weren't a virgin?

 

 

 

 

 

How did I miss this?

 

So, OP how did you, and why did you make your husband wait?

[todreaminblue]

op can i ask some questions so i can know how you feel

 

why did you feel the need to dance sensually with your ex.....

 

why you find pleasure in cuddling other womens husbands.....

 

what need in you feels fulfilled in these actions...what do you feel after .......deb

[sandylee1]

You need to start behaving more grown up than this. That behaviour is how a single person behaves...not a respectable married woman.

 

If you keep this up, he'll end the marriage. If you don't want that, you need to change your ways.

 

If my husband was kissing another woman's naval and dancing sensually in my presence...he'd be very sorry I can tell you.

 

I'd find it disrespectful and humiliating.

 

Start respecting your husband.

[RecentChange]

I am just going to say....

 

Men, no matter how much your ego is bruised by the actions of a woman - responding in violence is NEVER okay. NEVER.

 

Even joking about it is disgusting and shows a lack of class.

[William]

I am just going to say....

 

Men, no matter how much your ego is bruised by the actions of a woman - responding in violence is NEVER okay. NEVER.

 

Even joking about it is disgusting and shows a lack of class.

 

I will leave this post here even though I have deleted the posts that prompted it as I agree with what RecentChange has stated here.

 

There is no need for using any sort of violent imagery to get your point across and posts like that are eligible for sanction when taken too far.

 

This is an advice forum, the idea is to help others. Let's keep that in mind when drafting our replies. ~T

[Marc878]

Your actions have told him you can't be trusted.

 

He's weighing his options.

[niji]

As much as I'd like to think the OP is just here to entertain us, I'm actually inclined to believe her account, as I've seen married people do these kinds of things before, who act like they're single teenagers crushing on single men when their husbands aren't around.

 

OP, you - right now - are not marriage material. Divorce your husband, go have several more one-night stands and have your fun. There's nothing wrong with it. That's not something I would ever do because the risk:benefit ratio is too high for me to consider but I have no objection to it from a moral standpoint.

 

If I did any ONE of these things to my fiance even before we were engaged, he'd have "the talk" with me and I firmly believe he would have let me go in a flash. What's disturbing to me is you not knowing (or pretend not to know) that these behaviors are completely inappropriate. I mean... does your mother do these things with men other than your father? Does she dance with her ex "sensually"? Just think about that... (on that same account I shudder to imagine my mom doing such a thing )

 

You remind me of some other posters who seem to be very privileged/spoiled women who have no idea of how to behave like a decent grown woman in society. I'm just not sure where to start giving you feedback. Maybe go back and review other adults' behavior, and possibly consider ditching that "friends" circle of yours. If I was your friend and my husband did what you described, he'd be gone. But your "friends" seem to share your values of no boundaries/acting like single teenagers, which, let me tell you again, is completely inappropriate in any society's standards. Western, Eastern, Northern, Southern, whatever. It's just as inappropriate in a Western (ie. American/European) society as it is in an East Asian culture (Chinese/Japanese etc etc). If you're living on EARTH, your behavior is inappropriate for a married woman, period.

[lovelywife]

Update,

 

 

Yesterday arrived in Los Angeles to meet my husband, he came to the airport,

 

 

I tried to hug him or kiss him, he refused to do that and maintained distance,

 

 

Through out the driving back to the hotel, he was silent and distant,

 

 

When we entered our suite, he told me he will be staying in a king suite bedroom and I have to live in a different room, I asked him the reason for this, he asked me, if I want to freshen up and eat food and relax, we will talk after that, I agreed.

 

 

I went to shower alone and had a nice bath and then we had diner together,

 

 

After diner, he gave me an envelope, consisting of documents, the moment, I opened it up, I saw post nuptial agreements and divorce paper documents,

 

 

I was shocked, tears came through my eyes and like lot of emotions were going in my mind, I asked him, why all of a sudden, these things, he said, his signature is already there on the postnuptial agreement, but not on the divorce paper,

 

 

He requested me to go though these documents, and sign on the postnuptial agreement document,

 

 

Then after going through that document, I have signed it but I told him, I am not going to sign on divorce paper, we need to talk,

 

 

I told him, I know you are not happy and I am sure, I might have done something which upsets you.

 

 

Then he came near to me, wiped my tears, he told me that he will try his best never to hurt me,

 

 

Then conversation started, few excerpts are here

 

 

My husband: Then he asked, did I ever hurt you or upset you.

Me: No.

 

 

My husband: do you love me or trust me or do you have faith in our relationship

Me: Yes

 

My husband: You can’t change your past, and I can’t change mine, but hiding your past and present, not sharing with each other, and doing certain acts or things which is very strange for a married woman or a married man and to indulge in other activities, raises many doubts, and questions in my mind, where I am lacking or where my support to you or faith in you went wrong.

 

 

You are the first person with whom I started my relationship, we fell in love with each other, I lost my virginity to you after marriage, you were my emotional support, I have never cheated on you, neither I have hidden anything from you,

 

 

You know when we do sexual act, or when we cuddle or kiss or caress or do any other intimate acts.

 

 

It means a lot to me, because emotionally I am connected to you, that’s why I enjoy those things with you. I consider you as my soulmate, life line, a kind of motivational and essential factor for my survival, these things mean a lot to me.

 

 

I am not getting those kinds of feelings towards you anymore,

 

 

If you feel certain changes are required from my side, please tell me.

 

 

Can you answer that?

 

 

Me: I do understand your concern, and what I have done, those are bad things, which I am not justifying, but will you give me another chance.

I am sorry for that, I am sorry I did hurt your feelings, trust, emotions.

I beg you to give me another chance.

 

 

You give me the boundaries setup, and border line, I will change, if not you are free to take decision on that.

 

 

Let me tell you, the best thing happened to me is our marriage, the best person in my life is you, and the best sex or intimate activities, or excited physical activities, I have done is with you.

 

 

Then I started crying.

 

Husband: I don’t feel good to make you beg or feel sorry,

but after all you are my companion, if I won’t share my feelings with you, then I don’t know with whom I will share.

 

 

Me: can I kiss you or hug you ?

 

 

 

and

 

 

I started crying, he hugged me, and wiped my tears.

 

 

Then again, we had a conversation for few hours, my husband told me, you are not a bad person, we have setup the certain timeline period and dos and don’ts.

 

Now we are taking rest in our separate rooms in the same suite.

 

Honestly speaking, I am happy that we had a talk, and I am going to take some positive steps, and deep down inside I know, I will be incomplete without my husband, my life will be meaningless without him.

I am happy to have such a wonderful, loving, loyal, caretaking and happy going man as my husband.

[d0nnivain]

I am happy to have such a wonderful, loving, loyal, caretaking and happy going man as my husband.

 

Then I hope you can finally act like it.

[usa1ah]

That’s just st it d0nnivain, it’s just an act for LW.

 

She is changing because her husband was going to divorce her. She didn’t change because she loved her husband. She didn’t change because she got married. She didn’t change because her husband was enough.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.

[DKT3]

Well, if your husband has to set YOUR boundaries then your Marriage will fail 100%.

 

Even asking him to suggest that maybe you are not ready to be married.

[lolablue17]

your husband knows that your "honest" promises are doubtable, so that's why he is suspecious with you.

 

After getting the silent treatment you had the chance to come clean, and to put on yourself some boundaries and to tell him that. Instead, you started negotiating. Instead of giving him a full confession, you only asked him questions for him to show you his cards first... Why??

 

The only explanation I can think of (and probably your husband thinks that too), is that you didn't come clean and promissed to change, because you had a hope to maintain your wild lifestyle... Why giving it up if you don't really have to... This is a negotioator way of thinking, not a totally loving wife.

 

People here warned you. So actually you had your second chance, you could have promised to change a few days ago. But you blew this chance, and now you seek for a 3th chance. your husband might give it to you.

 

Do you want a strong advice how not to blow your 3th chance, too? When your husband sets his boundaries for you - Don't try to follow this boundaries. Set your own boundaries which shuld be much harder than the rules your H will ask. Put yourself tighter limitations.

 

This is your only chance to succeed. If you will only fullfill your H rules, this will be a proof for your H that you haven't leared anything. That you're only thinking how to do the minimum and still keeping your H.

[Darren Steez]

Remarkable memory, where you recording this?

[usa1ah]

Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.

 

It sounds a lot like the post coming from India. A traditional husband marries what is past off as a traditional bride. But the bride is not, she has been in sexual relationships with her bf’s. That’s is why she never told about her past. She knew her husband would never have married her if she did.