Is my husband jealous or upset ?

[lovelywife]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

[Space Ritual]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

 

Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

 

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

 

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

 

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.

[lolablue17]

Sadly, I do not think HR is even going to be much help to you. You have seemed to have left a very obvious trail of Workplace Shenanigans on your very own. In Illinois, this will probably sink any case you have. Based on the fact of your nefarious track record around men, I'm sure if it came down to it, all the guys you'e messed about with will get their stories straight and you will have Tire Treads on your back after you get thrown under the bus.

 

By your own admission you publicly allowed people to do things with you. Crap like that floats downhill.

 

Not only are you probably going to lose your marriage in the not too distant future, but maybe your job too...And then everyone on Devon Avenue will wonder why you are divorced and unemployed.

 

God Luck. I have to say things are probably going to change for you in the near future.And not for the better.

 

Don't you agree that when a person (especially female) says NO, it's a NO? Even if she has a reputation of that kind, she has the right to say "No more". If she proves that she did say NO in a very clear and unambiguous way... that she doesn't want it any more, the other side must stop, and will find it very hard to defend themselves, while facing a solid evidence of the NO that was clearly pronounced.

[d0nnivain]

Thanks to everyone who gave me the genuine advice and suggestions.

 

 

i have made my dos and donts which is more restrict.

 

 

Today some of my male colleagues tried to flirt or sexting me, i told them now these things should stop and i am married, they started questioning me, whats wrong with me ? its just sexting and flirting, they are not having physical intimacy with me,

 

 

i told them, i can make it an HR issue, they were shocked what happened to me,

 

 

last sunday, i tried my husband to kiss him he said, 6 months and things doesnot work out, then be ready to sign on divorce paper.

 

 

I came back to Chicago.

 

 

I didn't realize that you had been sexting coworkers but it figures. At least you understand that now has to stop. I applaud you for trying.

 

 

As a first step I suggest you inform your husband of this progress & how you said no. He can't see that from all the way in LA.

 

 

At this point if your husband is not kissing you & is talking about a 6 month trial to see if you can behave, he already has one foot out the door. He is obviously concerned because he spend the money to have a post nuptial agreement & a divorce complaint drawn up.

 

 

Transparency & lots of affection for him, even if it's not returned, is in order. Suggest that you two get some MC when he comes back to Chicago. I doubt you will be able to heal the rifts without professional assistance.

[Poutrew]

Look lovelywife, just tell all your men friends that its temporary. Just explain to them that your husband threw a hissy fit, and laid the law down to you (yuck yuck ) and you just need to lay low until he calms down. So no crotch grabbing, or twerking or sexting for a few weeks until you put lovely husband back to sleep, and then it'll be fun fun, fun, fun, until the sun goes down once more.... and besides, even if you do get a Divorce and can no longer be lovelywife, you still can be lovely mistress to all those lovely office hunks... no need to deprive them of their fun after all....after you explain the situation to them I am sure they will understand and back off for the required time...

[usa1ah]

LW I think it might be best for you to see a marriage counselor on your own.

 

Ask your husband to find one for you. Then explain everything you have done during the three years of your marriage to this person. After the counselor picks their chin off the floor, listen to what they say. Because you have no clue what it means to be faithful. It’s not about rules it’s about loving the one you are with. If you did, you would have never acted out the way you have.

 

He gave you 6 months to realize yourself why the things you were doing were wrong. Hope you are able to figure it out.

[BluesPower]

Does anyone else...find it hard to believe that LW has not slept with any of these guys since she has been married?

 

I am not accusing anyone, I am just asking the question?

[lolablue17]

Does anyone else...find it hard to believe that LW has not slept with any of these guys since she has been married?

 

I am not accusing anyone, I am just asking the question?

 

I know women who are sexually liberal, but still have the ability to tell the diference between sexting \ twerking than explicit sex. So yes' it's possible.

 

Remember, her female friends let her do all this stuff with their husbands because they know her, she's their friend and they probably trust her her. Her husband, however, isn't friends with any of them. Of course he shouldn't trust them, and I think even if he did, her actions alone bother him, without the need to suspect cheating.

Edited January 30, 2018 by lolablue17

[Try]

Maybe. But for her sake I hope this was the wake up call she needs. The husband sounds like a doormat but I suspect there is a cultural aspect to this I'm missing.

Man you are tough. The husband met the OP at the airport with divorce papers and a post nuptial, and told her to sign whichever one that she wants, yet you call him a "doormat"? Just because he does not want to spend much time getting angry and laying down the law for the rest of his life, does not make him weak. When he had enough, he took decisive action.

 

In the Infidelity section, I am going to regularly start suggesting that OP's in that section hand their out of line spouses divorce papers and post nuptials, and to tell them to sign whichever one that they want. That is just so bad ass. If more posters did what the OP did, many of the treads in the infidelity section would be much shorter.

[lovelywife]

hi,

 

yesterday came back to Los Angeles,to spend some time with my husband.

 

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

i was shocked, what kind of comment is this,

 

but i said sorry, i just wanted to share those things,not to put you down.

 

my hubby replied " sometimes, i can be humorous,and he laughed.

 

i dont know what to tell.

 

still he is distant and silent, not even holding my husband or giving me hug, not even a kiss,

 

i am dying of not able to touch him, caress him or making love to him.

[d0nnivain]

Try -- I actually think the doormat finally had enough & is standing up for himself.

 

LovelyWife

 

At this point you have a lot to make up for. Do what your husband wants & put your needs on the back burner. Do be flirtatious with him. Listen. Be respectful & devoted to him.

[usa1ah]

hi,

 

yesterday came back to Los Angeles,to spend some time with my husband.

 

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

i was shocked, what kind of comment is this,

 

but i said sorry, i just wanted to share those things,not to put you down.

 

my hubby replied " sometimes, i can be humorous,and he laughed.

 

i dont know what to tell.

 

still he is distant and silent, not even holding my husband or giving me hug, not even a kiss,

 

i am dying of not able to touch him, caress him or making love to him.

 

You still can’t see the problem. You were playing the hotwife and your husband knows it now. These guys coming up to you expecting you to go along with what they wanted just proves it to your husband.

 

You acted like you were single while married.

[road]

shared my experience with hubby,how i had faced the situations and numerous promiscuous offer from opposite gender and the way i handle those situation.

 

My hubby passed a comment ,usually he don't pass such comments.

 

It looks like you are famous amongst men and they are approaching for their entertainment.

 

 

The area that I highlighted is your husbands observation of

what other men think of you.

 

They think (these other men) that you are easy to get in bed

from the way that you act with these other men in public.

Even if your husband is there you act inappropriate with the

other men right in front of your husband.

 

You will have to stop this behavior and never repeat such

behavior again. You need to keep showing your husband

that your new behavior is permanent by never acting

inappropriate with other men again.

[Space Ritual]

Don't you agree that when a person (especially female) says NO, it's a NO? Even if she has a reputation of that kind, she has the right to say "No more". If she proves that she did say NO in a very clear and unambiguous way... that she doesn't want it any more, the other side must stop, and will find it very hard to defend themselves, while facing a solid evidence of the NO that was clearly pronounced.

 

I absolutely do. However as you can tell by LW's last post she still is not getting the point of the entire exercise. So how can you expect her to actually even get to a point where it becomes an issue? I mean look at her replies....

 

That whole scenario isn't even in the equation. The simple fact is that she continued the behavior because she LIKED it.

 

************************************************************

 

 

OP, I am sorry, but your head is too far in the clouds to even be close to your husband feeling safe around at present.

 

I feel sad for you. Your posts would lead most to conclude that you really have no idea what you have been doing to your husband.

 

You may not have slept with any of these men(cough). However, by even acting out in public like that in front of your husband is pretty much second only to having sex in front of him with another man in the Disrespect My Spouse Department. Some people put up with it for a long time and accept their spouse's conduct as Fate. Some put up with it for awhile, then stop. Some refuse to put up with any of it from the outset.

 

In due time, your husband may come to the same conclusion and will be one of those who had put up with it and stopped,

 

You better get your head on straight and get it straight Toot Suite. You can't ask for reconciliation when you don't even understand that your husband is waiting to see what ACTIONS you are taking to make you a safe partner.

 

He is giving you every opportunity to either redeem yourself or hang by the rope you keep leaving behind you.

 

 

OP, you have a very hard road ahead of you. Good Luck

[smackie9]

It seems you only know to behave sensual, because you crave attention....low self esteem much? This is how you gotten by throughout your life to be accepted. Time to grow up. You need to shut it off, be mature and respectable. Time to put the french maids outfit into the closet.......in fact just burn it.

Edited February 3, 2018 by smackie9

[JS84]

Like I said before, I don't think you realize how much you've disrespected and embarrassed your husband. Married men or women, should not be acting the way you've acted around the opposite sex. Again, I don't recall an explanation given by you for why you thought/think it's okay to behave that way when you're married, or in a committed relationship at all.

 

Your husband was just saying exactly that in fewer words. Men see you as a flirt and most likely an easy lay. Someone to get their jollies off a little maybe, and not much more than that.

 

I have a feeling someone like you, who seems to have little self or situational awareness, would be extremely surprised and even more hurt if you had any real idea how people in your life truly see you.

 

If I were in your husbands shoes, I imagine I'd have little respect for you at this point and would be trying to maintain as much dignity and self-respect as possible for my own sake.

 

As someone else said, maybe ask what you can do to help your husband. And I forgot if you said you were in therapy or not but again I'd recommend it.

[lovelywife]

so finally i told my husband ,we have to be more open and i do understand my acts and texting and flirting were in appropriate,but i will need some time to change those things, for that you have to trust me,

 

i am ready to work on that, but it seems to be that you are not even ready to put any effort into this.

 

my husband replied really ? or are you serious ?

then he started laughing.

 

after that i started crying, he asked me politely to stop crying,

 

after wards he ordered pizza for us and he fed the pizza through his hand.

 

i was happy and i asked him, can we sleep together on the same bed and without clothes,

 

my husband quickly replied no way.

 

then today early morning i came back to chicago.

 

i know, its a long way to go for both of us.

[d0nnivain]

so finally i told my husband ,we have to be more open and i do understand my acts and texting and flirting were in appropriate,but i will need some time to change those things, for that you have to trust me,

 

i am ready to work on that, but it seems to be that you are not even ready to put any effort into this.

 

Three things:

 

He is not required to make an effort. He is the wronged party. You have to do all the work making it up to him for what you put him through.

 

He doesn't "have to trust you." You have to earn his trust.

 

Finally, there is no "time to change." You need to stop flirting like a shameless hussy immediately, right now, not over time. It's an on/off switch.

 

In your shoes I might send him nightly love letters / emails so he knows you are home thinking about him not out screwing some other guy.

 

Best wishes. I do hope you can turn this around but I'm not optimistic. You don't seem to understand how gravely you messed up or what is required to fix this & it's not sex or getting naked.

[Cephalopod]

Does anyone else...find it hard to believe that LW has not slept with any of these guys since she has been married?

 

 

 

 

Yo! Right here.

[Marc878]

so finally i told my husband ,we have to be more open and i do understand my acts and texting and flirting were in appropriate,but i will need some time to change those things, for that you have to trust me,

 

i am ready to work on that, but it seems to be that you are not even ready to put any effort into this.

 

my husband replied really ? or are you serious ?

then he started laughing.

 

after that i started crying, he asked me politely to stop crying,

 

after wards he ordered pizza for us and he fed the pizza through his hand.

 

i was happy and i asked him, can we sleep together on the same bed and without clothes,

 

my husband quickly replied no way.

 

then today early morning i came back to chicago.

 

i know, its a long way to go for both of us.

 

Sounds like he's had enough of your behavior and is repulsed.

 

I suspect if you don't turn it around quickly you're going to get dumped.

[lovelywife]

Those who are questioning about my loyalty and faithfulness towards my husband on this forum,let me tell you guys, i have never cheated on my husband or slept with anyone.

 

i do understand my issues are serious and i am working on it,i am having a session with therapist and counselor.

 

i will do anything to save my marriage and honestly speaking after therapy session, i am able to understand those concerns,

 

and i am grateful to my husband for the chance.

 

today morning i have texted my husband ; love you till my last breath, love you,miss you and thanked him, apologized also

 

finally my husband responded : have a good day and i love you too.

Edited February 7, 2018 by lovelywife

[olivetree]

Those who are questioning about my loyalty and faithfulness towards my husband on this forum,let me tell you guys, i have never cheated on my husband or slept with anyone.

 

i do understand my issues are serious and i am working on it,i am having a session with therapist and counselor.

 

i will do anything to save my marriage and honestly speaking after therapy session, i am able to understand those concerns,

 

and i am grateful to my husband for the chance.

 

today morning i have texted my husband ; love you till my last breath, love you,miss you and thanked him, apologized also

 

finally my husband responded : have a good day and i love you too.

 

By seeing a therapist, you're finally showing him with ACTIONS that you're serious about permanent change.

 

This is what he needs.

 

Keep it up and good luck.

[atreides]

LvWife,

 

You have already cheated on him, cheating is not just sex (even though you have done things way too inappropriate that for me personally would be a deal breaker) but thought to action that allows you to conduct behavior that crosses boundaries you know are there. Cheating is the "betrayal" of boundaries you accepted as a married woman. You accept this by choice of entering a marriage just as the choice to have illicit behavior.

 

Your husband did do the right moves thus far... but your issues is that you are thinking about you and not him which is a red flag to me in your journey to try and reconcile this... A marriage is 2 parts but when one is not working by betrayal like behavior not conducive for a marriage unless agreed to, then that person should be the one to fix themselves.

It is the same advise waywards get, the cheater must fix what is wrong inside to allow them in crossing boundaries, this is done individually, it is not a marriage issue and thus not the context for marriage counseling.

I would dig deep and look in the mirror, get some counseling to discover the whys, whats and hows of your behavior. You will learn more about yourself and end up being a better you, a better wife if that is something you ultimately find yourself wanting to be.

Your posts sound too much about you (like posts in how attractive you are and male responses along with things you write in how you respond such as trying to get your husband to say what you already know is wrong by your behavior, so again it all sound too much about you) with sprinkles of some guilt but not remorse yet in my opinion. I think you are going through the motions because your H put you on notice. This is not being genuine to yourself or your H.

The key to this is being honest with yourself first because if not, any attempt to be honest with your H will fail.

You have to come to terms that you did cheat on your H and do work to yourself to fix that. Before you react to the above statement, again i remind you, cheating is not about "levels" it is the thought to action of betrayal whether it be an emotional interaction to full physical... it is cheating as it betrays boundaries.

Come to terms with it, your H would have never had papers drawn up if all was innocent and playful. This is why others here are saying you are in the clouds.. I am trying to be blunt and brutally honest with you.

Fix yourself first, you H, the man you love so much will love you even more for it.

 

*update, i did not see your last post, i am glad you are going to therapy... continue, it is not an overnight process.

[RonJames21]

I guess I'm confused. Why are you, a married woman, dancing in a "sensual" way with ex bfs?

[RonJames21]

Those who are questioning about my loyalty and faithfulness towards my husband on this forum,let me tell you guys, i have never cheated on my husband or slept with anyone.

 

i do understand my issues are serious and i am working on it,i am having a session with therapist and counselor.

 

i will do anything to save my marriage and honestly speaking after therapy session, i am able to understand those concerns,

 

and i am grateful to my husband for the chance.

 

today morning i have texted my husband ; love you till my last breath, love you,miss you and thanked him, apologized also

 

finally my husband responded : have a good day and i love you too.

 

You do not respect your husband. How could you dance with an ex bf in front of him like you did? Let other men kiss your navel?

 

I feel bad for your husband that he has put up with this. You disrespect him.