How to get over fear of rejection and social exclusion?

[drakon12]

Hello everyone. In last days, I have realized something about me. That I was being a people pleaser. Even though for long years I've buried that fact about me, thinking I wasn't a loser, covered it with excuses, etcetera. But now, when I reflect upon my behavior, I'm a total people pleaser. So how do I get over it? I started to assert myself more and it feels good, but what are other things that might help me?

 

Also, confrontations make me tense, even thinking about them makes me anxious. For my personal development I know I have to destroy these aspects of mine. That's where I'm asking for your help, what should I do?

[todreaminblue]

to put yourself in positions where you might face the very thing you are afraid of.....reclaim the night.....and your right to exist.....to feel what you feel to accept yourself...and move on one step closer to being whole as you are inside and out........

 

my theories are pretty whack but i have one for this i call it the outsider theory....its not an outsider people pleasing as soem peopel may have percieved you to be.........it is you the outsider wanting to be accepted for who you are by the people you try to please........ outsider and all...flaws and all..ACCEPTANCE......and the first step is recognising who you are ..flaws and all.and loving that person....thats the battle..and you have to fight.....you have been drafted in the fight to love who you are and every part of you that makes you want to please others(realize its good to care what others feel....)........im right beside you.....deb

Edited January 23, 2018 by todreaminblue

[bebe23]

Hello everyone. In last days, I have realized something about me. That I was being a people pleaser. Even though for long years I've buried that fact about me, thinking I wasn't a loser, covered it with excuses, etcetera. But now, when I reflect upon my behavior, I'm a total people pleaser. So how do I get over it? I started to assert myself more and it feels good, but what are other things that might help me?

 

Also, confrontations make me tense, even thinking about them makes me anxious. For my personal development I know I have to destroy these aspects of mine. That's where I'm asking for your help, what should I do?

 

I'm the same way, especially the bolded. Growing up in an abusive environment made me jumpy when it comes to raised voices, and anger and conflict of all kinds. I don't know how to overcome it, it affected my job, in that I'm nervous to work with troubled teens (as a teacher) when it comes to laying down rules and discipline.

[d0nnivain]

Practice saying no. At first just to small things.

 

It's OK to be a people pleaser. It's not OK to always suppress yourself but if you are going to do something anyway & it's a small tweak without a lot of effort to so something nice for someone else, go ahead & be nice. However, if you will be overwhelmed & practically oppressed to help, don't.

[StoicHusband]

What you're going to need to do is like they said, start saying no.

 

Secondly you need to understand that even confrontational a-holes like me get anxious in confrontation. You're not feeling anxiety, you're feeling a threat or danger... which there is... or you would have no need to confront it.

 

What you've done in the past is let it roll over you. Realize that and maybe it will help.

 

This is my best advice. I hope it does help.