road Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 It depends on how you define successful. If you're after a woman who has low self esteem, then I guess it's the key to success. Mind you, this is the kind of woman who many abusers go for...which is exactly the man you and alpha were admiring in this point. Arrogant, Jerk = abuser. If you're after a woman who has integrity and self worth, you'd be setting yourself up for a massive failure. There's no way she'd settle for rubbish like that. What kind of woman do you want? Are you after a woman with low self esteem who you can abuse? I am just after my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 I think the list is spot on. When I followed it women never left. When I deviated is when I was chucked. Falling to deeply in love can cause your behaviors to change. Also, for the opposition, I offer these words of wisdom: “If you want to learn how to fish, do you ask the fish or do you ask the fisherman?” 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Yes, she had purchased this HUGE vase many years ago, on a whim. Her mother asked her why she purchased it. She told her mom, one day a guy will bring me flowers big enough to put in this vase. Well, one did... It made me happy that she was so excited to receive them and use that HUGE beautiful vase. I've had better luck treating women, the way I wanted to be treated. I kind of like the ole "Golden Rule" about treating people the way you want to be treated!! me too happy.......it is a gold rule for a reason...its true and simple.....its spiritually true because its a simple rule that makes life so much easier...edit ...happy can i keep your story and turn it into a childrens book.........deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 “If you want to learn how to fish, do you ask the fish or do you ask the fisherman?” Would you go ask the fisherman who has an empty net? Where is the OP's fish? Did she swim away? And its a bad apology. The fish do not want to be caught, us women? We DO want to be caught! And in that sense, if you want to learn the most about fishing, either watch a successful fisherman, or if you want the real dirt - learn how to study fish. I think the list is spot on. When I followed it women never left. When I deviated is when I was chucked. Falling to deeply in love can cause your behaviors to change. So, whats your advice with this tidbit? Don't fall too deeply in love if you want things to last, or? Mine? Don't put up an act, or a show, or try to change your natural behavior to follow some guru's rules. Instead, be true to your character, then there is no facade, and your behavior is less likely to change when in love. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 me too happy.......it is a gold rule for a reason...its true and simple.....its spiritually true because its a simple rule that makes life so much easier...edit ...happy can i keep your story and turn it into a childrens book.........deb Of course... Enjoy!! The sunflowers were redish, I really don't know the species, but they were quite pretty. They were at a grocery store called "Trader Joe's"; if that adds to your book. I'm very happy you liked my story so much you want to turn it into a children's book. You made my day!! Thank you... 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Would you go ask the fisherman who has an empty net? Where is the OP's fish? Did she swim away? And its a bad apology. The fish do not want to be caught, us women? We DO want to be caught! And in that sense, if you want to learn the most about fishing, either watch a successful fisherman, or if you want the real dirt - learn how to study fish. So, whats your advice with this tidbit? Don't fall too deeply in love if you want things to last, or? Mine? Don't put up an act, or a show, or try to change your natural behavior to follow some guru's rules. Instead, be true to your character, then there is no facade, and your behavior is less likely to change when in love. Exactly. Don’t fall so deeply in love that you rely on the woman for your happiness. I had that “Us against the world” and lost it. I was incapable of dealing without her as a result for a long time. It’s not something that is fake or guru following, it can be a natural progression over a long period of time. It’s dangerous and self defeating and will drive women away. One they leave, it’s a F of a time igetting back on your feet again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Of course... Enjoy!! The sunflowers were redish, I really don't know the species, but they were quite pretty. They were at a grocery store called "Trader Joe's"; if that adds to your book. I'm very happy you liked my story so much you want to turn it into a children's book. You made my day!! Thank you... i will send it to you when i finish thanks for the colors they are important...what hit me was the empty vase and the invisible hope she placed in it........hope that was invisible that turns into sunflowers that can be seen as beautiful as they are.......do you like that.....:0)..i love it....you inspired those thoughts in me ..i think they are lovely.....its is you happy.....who made me day brighter and more lovely...thankyou ..i hope i can do your true life experience...justice......:0)......deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Exactly. Don’t fall so deeply in love that you rely on the woman for your happiness. I had that “Us against the world” and lost it. I was incapable of dealing without her as a result for a long time. It’s not something that is fake or guru following, it can be a natural progression over a long period of time. It’s dangerous and self defeating and will drive women away. One they leave, it’s a F of a time igetting back on your feet again. The type of love you are talking about comes from an unhealthy place inside of us. Yes it's dangerous because you lose yourself. You were not 'whole' before meeting her. I have experienced the type of love you are talking about and it will not happen to me again and I am happy it won't. Now I love with no holding back, none, but I love differently. The answer is not to *not fall in love too deeply* the answer is *love her, but love her better* 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 what hit me was the empty vase and the invisible hope she placed in it........hope that was invisible that turns into sunflowers that can be seen as beautiful as they are.......do you like that..... Deb... I like it very much!! Great job!! you inspired those thoughts in me ..i think they are lovely.....its is you happy.....who made me day brighter and more lovely...thankyou ..i hope i can do your true life experience...justice......:0)......deb Thank you!! I'm sure you will do a GREAT job, and it will be perfect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Exactly. Don’t fall so deeply in love that you rely on the woman for your happiness. I had that “Us against the world” and lost it. I was incapable of dealing without her as a result for a long time. It’s not something that is fake or guru following, it can be a natural progression over a long period of time. It’s dangerous and self defeating and will drive women away. One they leave, it’s a F of a time igetting back on your feet again. No, never burden someone else with controlling your happiness. You are correct about that, but incorrect it has to do with being in love. Us against the world doesn't work? Tell that to the man I have been with for 16 years, we are madly in love, and that is tie that binds us. I also see this in my father, and his wife of 25 years. Making someone responsible for your happiness may drive women (and men) away. Thats your job, not theirs. Not loving someone completely? Deeply? With all your heart? That is a relationship killer... and if not, a soul killer. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Deb... I like it very much!! Great job!! Thank you!! I'm sure you will do a GREAT job, and it will be perfect. is you gf spiritual at all.....because your story reminds me of this.... 1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1...maybe its me projecting ....she seems like she has real faith thats all.....cheers happy.....thank you again...deb Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 is you gf spiritual at all.....because your story reminds me of this.... 1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1...maybe its me projecting ....she seems like she has real faith thats all.....cheers happy.....thank you again...deb The woman with the sunflowers is not my current girlfriend. Sadly, the sunflower woman & I parted ways. She had "baby fever". She had waited too long to attempt to start a family and was worried about her biological clock running out. Very early in the relationship she wanted to start a family and I wasn't ready for that. I think "having children" is a very important step and one that shouldn't be rushed into. We parted company in a friendly manner. The sunflower woman was religious (Methodist, if memory serves). My current girlfriend is the one who really likes books and opals. She likes flowers, but preferred chocolate. Although, the chocolate had to be discontinued because of a recent diabetes diagnosis. So, now I'm working on sugarless treats and trying different items with Xylitol. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 never underestimate the value of being a man who knows how to dance cook There. Fixed it for ya. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 The type of love you are talking about comes from an unhealthy place inside of us. Yes it's dangerous because you lose yourself. You were not 'whole' before meeting her. I have experienced the type of love you are talking about and it will not happen to me again and I am happy it won't. Now I love with no holding back, none, but I love differently. The answer is not to *not fall in love too deeply* the answer is *love her, but love her better* I would say "Love her, but love yourself more" And interesting that the deepest love and connection I've ever experienced in my entire life came from a place of dysfunction. Not saying that I disagree with you at all though and I never plan to love that way again. Honestly, I think I'm incapable of it. But like you said, perhaps that a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 great input/feedback so far...keep it coming Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Not everybody will agree with me but I think a lot of this stuff is overcorrection to what society is trying to turn men into. The kind of men some feminists claim to want is the opposite of what many women are turned on by even if they themselves don't realize it. There is another thread where a woman is claiming she wants her husband to take charge more and in her words take her like an animal. Good luck trying to get men to take that risk in this era of affirmative consent. Threads such as these are an extremely unhealthy and toxic balancing act to that. In other words it is toxic masculinity and the cure for that is healthy masculinity. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 No, never burden someone else with controlling your happiness. You are correct about that, but incorrect it has to do with being in love. Us against the world doesn't work? Tell that to the man I have been with for 16 years, we are madly in love, and that is tie that binds us. I also see this in my father, and his wife of 25 years. Making someone responsible for your happiness may drive women (and men) away. Thats your job, not theirs. Not loving someone completely? Deeply? With all your heart? That is a relationship killer... and if not, a soul killer. It's difficult when the other person feels the same way and you enjoy being with them above all else. I would have much more fun with my ex than with friends or family. It was a natural progression to "us" against the world. When you've met someone who finally "gets" you, it's hard not to get caught up in it. I'm glad it's working for you, but it worked out pretty ****ty for me. Had I held back and put myself before her, I would have been in a much better place when it ended...or it may not have ended at all. So going back to the OP, I fully agree that you should invest as much as you are willing to lose and put yourself first. Interestingly, when I did that they never left. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 You have to love yourself to love someone else completely. You have to love yourself in order to allow someone else to love you fully (few things are more heart breaking than loving someone who can't love themselves). If you feel incomplete before that person entered your life - then you do not have a complete person to offer to the one you love. Instead you will have holes, that the other person must fill for you - that's the burden of placing the responsibility your happiness on someone else. Yes Iove yourself first. Be a whole person. But that does not mean restrict your love for them. I like to say sometimes 1 + 1 equals something even greater than two. I think this is true for happy couples. If both of you are bringing less than a whole to the table, then yes.... That can lead to issues. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 You have to love yourself to love someone else completely. Indeed.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) l've got a list for ya. What do you notice about people you know that have been married 30yrs, 50, 60yrs ? l know quite a few couples like this.l mean happy couples , couples that love each other. Two things l notice they all have in common. The first things is , they're really good to each other, even if one , usually her ,seems a bit picky or grumpy , deep down between the lines you see they really do love each other and would be totally lost without each other, if not dead. l think that would have the internet label , codependent , these days. The second thing l notice is the women are a special breed for nowa days, they're the true meaning of strong women, guts and determination ,they both do, and a no way this marriage and family is gonna fail. l've seen it in all of them l know of. You know the guys seem to roll over and take all the blame but really women are just as bad , so many are weak and selfish these days, it's not only guys.they're leaving more marriages than guys, that says it all tight there because no way guys mess up any more than women do, there's plenty of terrible wives out there too, it's a 50 50 thing. No one is better than the other. Most of these couples have been through hell and back though their lives, yet they survive. l know because some are in my family. Things most all over the internet couldn't even imagine these days. Even two of my older brothers, the things their family and them as a couple have been through. Actually it's enough to make you swear of marriage from the outside tbh , but eh, they make it through. Things my own parents went through, my God it'd implode LS , really. Yet if you read round the internet , at the pathetic tiny little things , flag , leave it, move on , run ., next and all the rest of it, yaknow , the mentality is really out of reality. lf married couples l know said that they wouldn't have made it past the honeymoon. The other thing l notice just in general all over the internet , is that there are just as many women having all the same problems finding or keeping men , as their are men women. lf we could getem all in the one room , they'd all find their perfect match right there l'm sure of it. Ah well . Sad crazy world out there these days. Edited January 25, 2018 by Chilli 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I think the list is spot on. When I followed it women never left. When I deviated is when I was chucked. Falling to deeply in love can cause your behaviors to change. Also, for the opposition, I offer these words of wisdom: “If you want to learn how to fish, do you ask the fish or do you ask the fisherman?” You're comparing asking a fish who can't talk how to kill it with a woman who can talk on how to make her feel loved and appreciated. Not even a close comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 The woman with the sunflowers is not my current girlfriend. Sadly, the sunflower woman & I parted ways. She had "baby fever". She had waited too long to attempt to start a family and was worried about her biological clock running out. Very early in the relationship she wanted to start a family and I wasn't ready for that. I think "having children" is a very important step and one that shouldn't be rushed into. We parted company in a friendly manner. The sunflower woman was religious (Methodist, if memory serves). My current girlfriend is the one who really likes books and opals. She likes flowers, but preferred chocolate. Although, the chocolate had to be discontinued because of a recent diabetes diagnosis. So, now I'm working on sugarless treats and trying different items with Xylitol. im not sorry that you arent with sunflower lady everything happens for a reason....i am however surprised..... because of the way you spoke of her you treated her and talked about her fondly with lovely thoughts i melted her into your current gf....my take on you through the honesty you have given..... .you are an emotionally mature man who values commitment you dont hold grudges..you find beauty in many things....not just gfs...you arent afriad to work and you aren't afraid to express how you feel.....you are thoughtful kind and generous...your gf is blessed to have you in her life.....and the previous gf too...you leave people better knowing you than when they didnt know you.....the fact you left on friendly terms is a testament to your heart...now ill stop being soppy for a minute to say..this is what women look for.....you traits and characteristics make you a serious contender......rock on... men need to know that good women are watching....and observing the little words and actions...and looking more at what is not said .....you dont remain single for long do you? i could be totally wrong...wouldnt be the first time.....you also arent on loveshack searching for for advice too much are you.......you are a giver............deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I am just after my wife. OK, so we're talking about a specific woman. Is she one of low self esteem who's OK with you sometimes acting like an arrogant jerk? She's OK with putting your own needs above hers rather than being equal? Or is she a confident woman who wouldn't put up with that rubbish? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 im not sorry that you arent with sunflower lady everything happens for a reason....i am however surprised..... because of the way you spoke of her you treated her and talked about her fondly with lovely thoughts i melted her into your current gf....my take on you through the honesty you have given..... .you are an emotionally mature man who values commitment you dont hold grudges..you find beauty in many things....not just gfs...you arent afriad to work and you aren't afraid to express how you feel.....you are thoughtful kind and generous...your gf is blessed to have you in her life.....and the previous gf too...you leave people better knowing you than when they didnt know you.....the fact you left on friendly terms is a testament to your heart...now ill stop being soppy for a minute to say..this is what women look for.....you traits and characteristics make you a serious contender......rock on... men need to know that good women are watching....and observing the little words and actions...and looking more at what is not said .....you dont remain single for long do you? i could be totally wrong...wouldnt be the first time.....you also arent on loveshack searching for for advice too much are you.......you are a giver............deb Thank you for the kind words. I would like to post more with you about your thoughts, but I don't want to hi-jack this thread. Do you know how to start a thread in the "water cooler" section and you can tell me more about the children's books you write?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OneLov Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) never underestimate the value of being a man who knows how to dance Secret to pulling off the Moonwalk is the “snap.” Plant with your “snap” foot and glide with the weight on your heel of your “glide” foot. You’ll be a “Smooth Criminal” in no time. . If you’re not hitting that note—you’re likely flat. Raise that s***. The Music Never Stopped . Edited January 25, 2018 by OneLov 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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