Alphamale's guide to keeping women around

[road]

OK, so we're talking about a specific woman.

 

Is she one of low self esteem who's OK with you sometimes acting like an arrogant jerk? She's OK with putting your own needs above hers rather than being equal?

 

Or is she a confident woman who wouldn't put up with that rubbish?

 

Taken totally out of context.

[alphamale]

What do you notice about people you know that have been married 30yrs, 50, 60yrs ?

 

the average marriage these days lasts 8 years

[CptInsano]

I don't quite understand why I would want to "keep a woman around".

[alphamale]

I don't quite understand why I would want to "keep a woman around".

because women end 80% of relationships

[RecentChange]

because women end 80% of relationships

 

What is your source of this statistic? From my anecdotal experience it doesn't ring true.

 

All relationships? Or divorces, or a certain age rage or demographic, or?

 

And if the hope of this list is to prolong a relationship, why would someone want to extend something that is unhealthy and disrespectful?

[CptInsano]

because women end 80% of relationships

 

But is keeping a woman around for a long time a goal in itself? I mean, I could live with somebody who may be financially or otherwise dependent on me, and while she would certainly be around, I'm not sure that it would add much to my (or her) happiness.

 

P.S.: I ended roughly half of my relationships.

[Gaeta]

the average marriage these days lasts 8 years

 

Maybe because nowadays people don't take time to date anymore and just jump to living together after a few months. I don't know how many stories we came across on here of women and men with stories starting with: we moved in pretty quickly after a couple of months. But they're convince it has nothing to do with their relationship falling apart after a year or 2.

 

Also, what do you call nowadays? My brothers have all been in relationships for 10+ years, one of them 25 years, my parents 53 years, I was married 15 years, my colleagues have been with their husband for 10+ years.

[Gaeta]

because women end 80% of relationships

 

70% of women initiate divorces here is why:

 

the women who reported more dissatisfaction in this study also reported that loss of independence and controlling husbands were the primary cause of their unhappiness

 

Here is the article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-third-wave/201705/who-initiates-divorce-more-often

[Gaeta]

Here are the 5 reasons women initiate divorces:

 

Notice place #1: Men behave badly

Notice place #5: Women expect more out of marriage

 

https://goodmenproject.com/divorce/5-reasons-women-are-more-likely-to-ask-for-a-divorce-dg/

[5x5]

Maybe because nowadays people don't take time to date anymore and just jump to living together after a few months. I don't know how many stories we came across on here of women and men with stories starting with: we moved in pretty quickly after a couple of months. But they're convince it has nothing to do with their relationship falling apart after a year or 2.

 

Well I can relate to what you describe above, except for the bit about the relationship falling apart after a year or two.

 

For my wife and I after having sex on our third date, neither of us were planning on being together for a long time. She was supposed to be my winter wench, while my wife was thinking she'd just have sex with me a few times for fun before she'd let me go.

 

Yet despite that and despite us being an office romance, and despite my moving into hers after a few months. We have so far been happily together for 21½ years, inclusive of having been married for close to 19 years as well.

[Gaeta]

 

Yet despite that and despite us being an office romance, and despite my moving into hers after a few months. We have so far been happily together for 21½ years, inclusive of having been married for close to 19 years as well.

 

I am happy it worked for you both but you are not representative of the norm.

[wmacbride]

I read the list, and while that may be helpful if all you want is a roll in the hay, it is not helpful if you want a long term, sustainable relationship.

 

If a woman is attracted to you because you are the proverbial "alpha male", then what will happen when someone even more "alpha" comes along?

 

To my way of thinking, if you are looking for a long term relationship ( or are at least open to one), it makes more sense to be yourself, and find someone who loves you for who and what you really are. Someone you can be yourself with and who shows traits like loyalty, honesty, and a willingness to be a true partner. Someone who acts like an adult and who isn't looking for a "daddy".

 

I would think that pretending to be someone you are not would be mentally draining and not sustainable over the long term.

[RecentChange]

Maybe because nowadays people don't take time to date anymore and just jump to living together after a few months. I don't know how many stories we came across on here of women and men with stories starting with: we moved in pretty quickly after a couple of months. But they're convince it has nothing to do with their relationship falling apart after a year or 2.

 

 

I moved in with my husband 6 months after meeting him. We have been together 16 years.

 

My dad and step mom married less than 8 months after meeting. They have been married over 25 years now.

 

Sister moved in with her husband almost immediately (she was young, San Francisco, everyone has roommates and she was due to move). They have been married 20+ years.

 

My brother met his wife senior year of college. As soon as they graduated, they moved in together. That was 25 years ago.

 

I know all anecdotes - but I haven't heard a lot about early cohabitation and short marriage.

 

Age at time of marriage, if it's a 1st, 2nd etc marriage, eduction levels of the partners etc tend to be the biggest variables when it comes to divorce rates.

[wmacbride]

Well I can relate to what you describe above, except for the bit about the relationship falling apart after a year or two.

 

For my wife and I after having sex on our third date, neither of us were planning on being together for a long time. She was supposed to be my winter wench, while my wife was thinking she'd just have sex with me a few times for fun before she'd let me go.

 

Yet despite that and despite us being an office romance, and despite my moving into hers after a few months. We have so far been happily together for 21½ years, inclusive of having been married for close to 19 years as well.

 

My husband and I met in a bar when we were both in college. We got "engaged" a few days later and pretty much moved in together. We have been married 20 years now.

 

I know that's not the norm, and we have sure had our ups and downs, but for some, it can and does happen.

[Miss Spider]

Can confirm. I followed this guide and now I can't seem to get these women away from me.

[todreaminblue]

My husband and I met in a bar when we were both in college. We got "engaged" a few days later and pretty much moved in together. We have been married 20 years now.

 

I know that's not the norm, and we have sure had our ups and downs, but for some, it can and does happen.

 

I agree with yiou

i dont think there is a norm that you dont make yourself in marriage........and when people start looking at what they are doing and feeling its outside the "norm" they are concentrating on others relationships and not actually their own......if you think your marriage is going to fail...it will ..i.if you work on your marriage with the belief you can work through it together any issues face them side by side...........you will do that...if both parties forget what is normal or common.....it doesnt matter if you marry after one date or three years of dates....what matters ...is that you are married and you have to be willing to work with the commitment you made firmly in place..... and not worry about statistics or other marriages that fail to make it.....you have to have faith and faith doesnt subscribe to statistics.....wma your posts are always honest i appreciate them...........deb

[SevenCity]

As mentioned, women initiate most of the divorces. I think it’s as simple as supply and demand.

 

Women notoriously have a much easier time finding a mate nowadays than they did 20, 30, 50 years ago.

 

Some of it is good - women weren’t able to leave abusive husbands in the past (without great difficulty). Some of it not so good - they are unwilling to deal with much time of not being happy. Women will deal with unhappiness on a scale depending on their own tolerances. Sure, some women are ultimately hooked and will never leave, but the majority of unhappy women will. When it comes time for divorce the courts lean toward their favor which smooths the transition.

 

Gone are the days when people would work through their problems or accept that their partner is less than perfect. “why should I settle?” they think.

 

Guys realize nothing is ever perfect and don’t expect it in a relationship. When things come to an end (for the woman) they are faced with having to find someone new (which most guys hate) as well as deal with financial repercussions.

 

If the roles were reversed and men had the upper hand (in divorce settlements and in finding a replacement), I would venture a guess they would be leaving more often.

[basil67]

As mentioned, women initiate most of the divorces. I think it’s as simple as supply and demand.

 

Women notoriously have a much easier time finding a mate nowadays than they did 20, 30, 50 years ago.

 

Some of it is good - women weren’t able to leave abusive husbands in the past (without great difficulty). Some of it not so good - they are unwilling to deal with much time of not being happy. Women will deal with unhappiness on a scale depending on their own tolerances. Sure, some women are ultimately hooked and will never leave, but the majority of unhappy women will. When it comes time for divorce the courts lean toward their favor which smooths the transition.

 

Gone are the days when people would work through their problems or accept that their partner is less than perfect. “why should I settle?” they think.

 

Guys realize nothing is ever perfect and don’t expect it in a relationship. When things come to an end (for the woman) they are faced with having to find someone new (which most guys hate) as well as deal with financial repercussions.

 

If the roles were reversed and men had the upper hand (in divorce settlements and in finding a replacement), I would venture a guess they would be leaving more often.

 

I think that finding a mate is just as easy now for women as it always was. I've been reading my late grandmother's diary from 1938 when she met my pop. She and her girlfriend had a number of men hitting on them at the same time.

 

Of the women I know who've left relationships, it was never done lightly. Of the more recent ones...one left a cheater. One left an alcoholic. One left an abuser. One left a man who refused to address the issues in the marriage.

 

Actually, the most recent separation I know of had the man leaving the woman because she refused counselling for so long.

 

Of the older women who leave marriages, many are not seeking replacements. They are happy to have the freedom which being single brings.

[basil67]

I am happy it worked for you both but you are not representative of the norm.

 

And I'm another one who moved in quickly. Given all the responses to your comment, perhaps success is not so rare after all?

[Woggle]

My wife and I actually moved in fairly quickly but I insisted we be engaged for at least a year before we tied the knot.

[jay1983]

Some times that lease is expiring and your roommate is going somewhere else. Gotta do something.

[todreaminblue]

Some times that lease is expiring and your roommate is going somewhere else. Gotta do something.

 

please explain further jay can you clarify this riddle....deb

[jay1983]

please explain further jay can you clarify this riddle....deb

 

I'm sorry, I meant to imply that if you were someone who needed a roommate, you'd be more inclined to move in with someone you're currently dating, because you need a roommate to split the rent with. That's very common in US cities suck as new York or San Francisco, the rent is so high that can not afford the cheapest thing and you need someone else. Well ehat better than someone you know who has a job, pays their bills and you're also dating? That's a common theme around couples who move in together quickly.

[todreaminblue]

I'm sorry, I meant to imply that if you were someone who needed a roommate, you'd be more inclined to move in with someone you're currently dating, because you need a roommate to split the rent with. That's very common in US cities suck as new York or San Francisco, the rent is so high that can not afford the cheapest thing and you need someone else. Well ehat better than someone you know who has a job, pays their bills and you're also dating? That's a common theme around couples who move in together quickly.

 

 

thank you jay for clarifying.......co habitation is common as you say....but do you believe that the reasons why you begin to live together if based on financial security and splitting bills rather than wanting to actually love a person is a recipe for a long lasting relationship or is it a recipe forcreating a relationship of convenience.....deb

[jay1983]

thank you jay for clarifying.......co habitation is common as you say....but do you believe that the reasons why you begin to live together if based on financial security and splitting bills rather than wanting to actually love a person is a recipe for a long lasting relationship or is it a recipe forcreating a relationship of convenience.....deb

 

You're forgetting the timeline and locations I quoted.

 

People who can afford to live alone or have a steady roommate are usually not as enticed about the idea of moving in with someone they started seeing so soon. They're more likely to give it more time and test long term dating or serious and exclusive relationship with this person. Then after after a year or two, they decide if they'd like to live with this person they're dating.