Alphamale's guide to keeping women around

[unit1]

First I don't think it's funny to laugh at men's insecurity. Men have always had these questions about charmng a woman on different levels. Before the Internet we just didn't hear men openly speak about it. Now that they finally do open up thanks to the anonyma of Internet I don't think it's nice to put them down, laugh at them or belittle them because of their inner fears.

yea, it surprised me that men have so many inner insecurities, ....

the male friends I know they would like go alcoholic rather than talking to their partners, don't know why....

[basil67]

Here are the 5 reasons women initiate divorces:

 

Notice place #1: Men behave badly

Notice place #5: Women expect more out of marriage

 

https://goodmenproject.com/divorce/5-reasons-women-are-more-likely-to-ask-for-a-divorce-dg/

 

Along with women doing more domestic work than men, there's also this gem about Emotional Labor I found recently. While most women won't break up over this alone, it can certainly add to the cons when listing the reasons to stay or go.

[todreaminblue]

You're forgetting the timeline and locations I quoted.

 

People who can afford to live alone or have a steady roommate are usually not as enticed about the idea of moving in with someone they started seeing so soon. They're more likely to give it more time and test long term dating or serious and exclusive relationship with this person. Then after after a year or two, they decide if they'd like to live with this person they're dating.

 

thankyou jay......im a bit tired and i did forget the timeline and location...what you say now makes perfect sense........deb

[5x5]

thank you jay for clarifying.......co habitation is common as you say....but do you believe that the reasons why you begin to live together if based on financial security and splitting bills rather than wanting to actually love a person is a recipe for a long lasting relationship or is it a recipe forcreating a relationship of convenience.....deb

 

I think it's possible for people to find a long lasting love in a variety of ways. It can start with lust, convenience or a myriad of other things.

 

When I moved in with my now wife it was convenient, in that she lived closer to our work and I was looking for a new place to live.

 

Combined with the fact that we had quickly reached the point where I was also sleeping with her every night except on the occasions she sometimes visited her mother.

 

Plus I had also seen everything of her and had inadvertently experienced a lot with her. Since none of her family stepped up to the plate to help her. So I stayed with her for a few weeks before I moved in, while I helped her shower, go to the toilet and all the rest until she was able to walk again.

 

As a consequence of her having been hit by a speeding car (which missed me by less than an inch), while next to me at the end of a date. which saw her have smashed knees, while requiring plastic surgery to fix her face (she now has a tiny scar on her face). This event also saw two other pedestrians critically injured with spinal injuries (paraplegics), broken bones, penetrative wounds, brain damage, the works.

 

At the time though we didn't love each other in the beginning. That said we did enjoy each others company and had a visceral sexual and aesthetic attraction for each other. Yet we were both on the same page in that our relationship started on a foundation of lust with no long term goals hopes or desires.

 

As it turned out though we ticked each others boxes, we thought the other was hot, we liked the sex we shared, we were up for lots of things. We weren't very soppy, we weren't needy, insecure and unsure, were both very blunt. While we shared several interests and had similar outlooks on life. Plus we fit well by personality as well, in ways we hadn't with others (her being INTJ and me being ENTJ).

 

We're still together today because we still enjoy being together, share lots of fun and still happily enjoy lots of sex together. At the same time though, we still afford each other plenty of space, don't smother one another, don't need constant reassurance and validation and are fine both together and apart (days, weeks and over 15 years ago that sometimes event meant months).

 

We want each other, yet neither of us need each other.

 

As to convenience, if us being together became inconvenient, I expect that our sexual and marital relationship would come to an end. Unless/Until that happens we will both enjoy the convenience of the love and other stuff we share together.

[Logo]

I think the bottom line is that what the OP described works with a section of society that have either relied on their looks most of their lives, hence the issues they project, or they come from a home where either parent was a bad role model.

 

Women that come from a home where the parents are socially and mentally well balanced normally do not have issues.

 

 

I’ve just spoken to a 35 year old woman who behaved like a 19 year old. Some just don’t mature and stay emotionally stagnant.

 

 

That whole in sickness and in health ideal seems to be rare these days.

 

 

Who are this generations role models because it seems to be the worst in terms communication and social skills? Or put succinctly, “attitude”.

 

 

Someone upstream mentioned lust. I think a lot of people, both male and female, these days confuse lust for love. I think love is an antiquated idea in today’s society. It might still exist in some countries, but I’m not sure.

 

 

 

People these days are more materialistic and shallow. They ask themselves, “What can I get out of this relationship? A better social status? A better financial status? Is he popular or a strong public figure? Perhaps I could use him to climb the social and business ladder?”

 

 

Watch the series Goliath.

 

 

Romance and love in the traditional sense, in that Hollywood sense is almost extinct.

 

 

Let’s not forget that people are individualistic and selfish these days. The sense of community, that tie that binds people, has all but withered.

[drakon12]

I'd rather not say "be a jerk".. But I think you should never be afraid of coming off as a jerk. Of course I'm not implying being a psychopath or sociopath, but putting your own needs first is labeled as "being a jerk" in this world. My needs come first. I am important. I won't spend my time and energy just to get a pat in the shoulder. In my eyes it's not being a jerk.

 

Also I think women like duality in men, just like we love duality in women. Ever heard of the "A lady on the streets but a freak in the sheets"? Probably you did. Healthy men like that, women who they can introduce to their parents but also wild and passionate in the sack. Just like that, I think that women would appreciate you "being a gentleman" when you're out, but they would also like it when you tease them and make fun of them, or when you don't back down for what you believe in. Nice and "jerk", 2 in 1. I think it's crucial to strike a balance. If she's bored and leaves you, too much Nice Guy. If she is suffering because of you and decides to end things in order to protect herself, too much "jerk". Most men doesn't want to date total prudish virgins, or "town bikes", think it this way. Deep down we all are looking for balance in everything, and love.

 

Also, I think being sexual can also improve your chances. Think of 2 different men, one of them owns his desires for women and sex, and the other one PRETENDS in order to be seen as a good boy so he thinks he can get what he wants this way. Man 1 would seem honest and at least respectable but Man 2 would reek of guilt and lies. I've made this mistake before, I've been Man 2. As a recovering Nice Guy, I made a promise to myself that I won't do it again.

[basil67]

I'd rather not say "be a jerk".. But I think you should never be afraid of coming off as a jerk. Of course I'm not implying being a psychopath or sociopath, but putting your own needs first is labeled as "being a jerk" in this world. My needs come first. I am important. I won't spend my time and energy just to get a pat in the shoulder. In my eyes it's not being a jerk.

 

I beg to differ. It's the way that you put your own needs first is what makes you a jerk or not.

 

A man/women who is assertive with their own needs is not a jerk. This is because assertiveness is not pushy or arrogant. It's about looking after yourself while still being respectful to the needs of those around you.

 

It's those who are dominant or arrogant who push their own needs without concern for others who are jerks. This is the domain of people who haven't learned how to play well with others. A person like this won't end up with a happy, long term relationship. They'll either find themselves dumped or with someone who's equally damaged and unhappy.

Edited January 28, 2018 by basil67
punctuation