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My girlfriend invited my friend for sleepover??

Theonlyone92

By Theonlyone92,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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Theonlyone92

Theonlyone92

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According to her, she wasn't cheating. She kept this a secret from me for almost a year until one of my friends finally told me about this. She told me they didn't do anything and she invited him over because he needed comfort from a friend. He told her to keep it a secret and she did. They both knew how I would feel about that. She thinks because he's a guy I'm assuming they did things, but I mean she hid that he slept over for the longest time. They were both people I trusted with all my heart. Even if she didn't I still don't consider that any less hurtful. I don't feel there was even a need for him to sleepover. If he really needed a friend I was literally down the street from his house instead he took a 40 minute train ride to my girlfriend's. They didn't even know about each other's existence until I started dating her.

tldr: Would you consider this cheating?

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Sparta

Sparta

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Ask yourself this if you didn’t do anything wrong why hide it.? People hide stuff because they know they did something wrong.! I’m sure she’s going to push that idea that nothing happened.! I would tell your girlfriend this, “OK well you might as well have slept with him because as far as I am concerned she slept with him, and that’s what probably happened. Because that’s why people hide stuff that they are guilty of.! everything is pretty much commonsense.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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It's not cheating but it's certainly not right.

 

I have comforted male friends of my husband & past BFs. The man in my life knew about it & was generally present.

 

The whole keeping it secret thing is the problem. Explain to her that while you want to trust her, your trust has been broken because she kept this from you for so long. Also talk to your so called buddy about why he would turn to her behind your back. If it was all so above board why couldn't you know about it?

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BluesPower

BluesPower

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Of course they slept together, please...

 

Dump her, today. She is lying and you know she is.

 

Of course it is cheating.

 

If there was nothing wrong with it, why keep it a secret?

 

You would be a fool to stay with her.

 

Question is, how long have they been sleeping together?

 

Move on from both of them...

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BarbedFenceRider

BarbedFenceRider

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Of course they slept together, please...

 

Dump her, today. She is lying and you know she is.

 

Of course it is cheating.

 

If there was nothing wrong with it, why keep it a secret?

 

You would be a fool to stay with her.

 

Question is, how long have they been sleeping together?

 

Move on from both of them...

 

^^Thank you! Why keep it hidden if it was all above board. And why is HE your friend if he hides things from you...

But from a man's perspective. Who in the right minds rides a freakin' train 40 mins away and just to "cry on a shoulder.." Riiiight.

She is cake eating, and hoping you go along for the view if not the ride..Obviously the other guy is getting that!

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O'Malley

O'Malley

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An overnight visit that both parties concealed until another friend let the cat out of the bag? Something smells quite rotten...

 

You can confront both her and your friend, but your SO has went into gaslighting mode and my guess is that your (possibly soon to be former) friend will attempt to cover his rear as well. The mutual secrecy and the year long lie by omission is all the evidence that you need.

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BarbedFenceRider

BarbedFenceRider

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Im just wondering how and if I should confront them and if so how they might react??

 

Who cares. I wouldn't be angry or vindictive. You don't have enough invested with her to really go that far. Just go your own way...Without her. And as your ex "friend". I would meet in person at a pub or something. And tell him he is poison as a friend and you expected better, but your not doing it anymore. Ghost him. He needs to be gone. If another person sees that you can be door matted with this, other more serious things in life could harm you later. Just read the news. You see it everyday from supposed "friends".

 

Have pride in yourself. And realize that better people can fill these roles for you and not do such shady crap and make you miserable!

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lolablue17

lolablue17

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Here's the math:

 

1. She has deceived you all along, a whole year.

2. Therefore she can't be trusted, you can't really believe anything she says.

3. She says they didn't do anything.

4. Remember section 2? Her word means nothing, she has proved it to you.

 

So after eliminating her testimony (because she's not a reliable witness), what's left? Very simple - A liar gf who invited a guy for a sleepover, while assuring you won't be there, and won't even know about it.

 

Looks bad, ha? Adding the fact that the "she can't be trusted" thing, applies to the future as well, it means that you have a gf that can't be trusted. It doesn't go away. Trust is very easy to ruin, very hard to rebuild.

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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According to her, she wasn't cheating. She kept this a secret from me for almost a year until one of my friends finally told me about this. She told me they didn't do anything and she invited him over because he needed comfort from a friend. He told her to keep it a secret and she did. They both knew how I would feel about that. She thinks because he's a guy I'm assuming they did things, but I mean she hid that he slept over for the longest time. They were both people I trusted with all my heart. Even if she didn't I still don't consider that any less hurtful. I don't feel there was even a need for him to sleepover. If he really needed a friend I was literally down the street from his house instead he took a 40 minute train ride to my girlfriend's. They didn't even know about each other's existence until I started dating her.

tldr: Would you consider this cheating?

 

Hmmm..Let's see. Let me have about 10 seconds to find a reason or 2

 

This happened a year ago. You are finding out now.

 

The "comforting friend" line makes an early appearance.

 

A 40 minute train ride to comfort a friend ending in a slumber on the floor.

 

A Third party informed you of this

 

There's 4 reasons right there to dump her.

 

Look kid. people cheat, and cheaters lie..ALL cheaters are liars..

 

Usually the Lies are the same starting with...you guessed it: "Nothing happened"

 

And it goes downhill from there...nothing happened turns into "Well, we hugged...well, we kissed just once and stopped... well, we had sex one time...well, we've been having sex for months".

 

Your girlfriend was, and is cheating on you. Probably has for the entire relationship.

 

I'm sorry. That was not too difficult to deduce.

 

But she isn't the one who came here. You did. The truth hurts, but we both know what happened.

 

Just walk away from her and this "friend".

 

You'll get all the blubbering, mascara apologies, and all the other pathetic crap that comes with it when she realizes you are walking.

 

Don't believe a word of it. If it was all so innocent then why keep it from you....had your other friend never told you, you'd have never known.

 

Matter of fact, why not pay her back in her own coin? That currency is usually the best value for the effort.

 

Just go dark on her. Cease any and all contact and drop off the face of the earth, Go get a new Girlfriend. Then in a year when she sees you one day and she says where have you been...just tell her you've been seeking the comfort of a friend and liked that comfort a little better...but you forgot to tell her. Oops!

 

Yeah buddy. she's so full of crap her teeth are floating.

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road

road

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He was never your friend he just pretended to be.

Go NC with him.

 

She has lied. There is no way that I could believe that there

was no fooling around that night. Also those two have gotten

alone together more than that one time.

 

If I received a dollar for every time that I heard a wife/GF say

nothing happened I would never have to work..

 

She can never be trusted. Go NC with her.

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smackie9

smackie9

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One of your friends came forward.....why now? How did they find out? Did they keep it a secret for a long time?

 

I suspect they are still having an affair behind your back and the friend is hoping you will put 2 and 2 together.

 

If nothing happened, then no one would see a point in alerting you.

 

BTW don't bother confronting the guy...your GF has already notified him to get their story straight.

Edited by smackie9
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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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Thinkig about ending this

 

Thinking?

 

How bout Doing?

 

Look, my goal dispensing advice on your thread is to spare you needless drama at the hands of 2 people who deep down, do not care enough for you to be honest with you. For at least a year, if ever.

 

This is a no brainer. You are better than this, and your GF and this friend of yours do not deserve anything other than crickets.

 

Think abut this,,,In order to have kept this from you for over a year took a LOT of effort, and a certain degree of callousness.That effort could have been better placed by your girlfriend into what you thought was a fairly good relationship

 

Instead they've been rolling their eyes and exhaling in relief that you have been kept in the dark. Which means the temptation to repeat the episode was certainly there. And probably acted upon multiple times over the past year.

 

The last year of your life has been a lie.

 

The Curb...find the nearest one and kick both of them to it.

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Theonlyone92

Theonlyone92

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Thinking?

 

How bout Doing?

 

Look, my goal dispensing advice on your thread is to spare you needless drama at the hands of 2 people who deep down, do not care enough for you to be honest with you. For at least a year, if ever.

 

This is a no brainer. You are better than this, and your GF and this friend of yours do not deserve anything other than crickets.

 

Think abut this,,,In order to have kept this from you for over a year took a LOT of effort, and a certain degree of callousness.That effort could have been better placed by your girlfriend into what you thought was a fairly good relationship

 

Instead they've been rolling their eyes and exhaling in relief that you have been kept in the dark. Which means the temptation to repeat the episode was certainly there. And probably acted upon multiple times over the past year.

 

The last year of your life has been a lie.

 

The Curb...find the nearest one and kick both of them to it.

 

What kind of callousness??

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Space Ritual

Space Ritual

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What kind of callousness??

 

perhaps sharing intimate things, such as secrets or genitals with each other unbeknownst to you.

 

Look...This happened a year ago. To keep that secret in this day and age is no small feat. Guys talk, girls talk. People tell each other things and it goes to all their social media friends.

 

They conspired to keep important info a secret from you for a year.They had to communicate more than once about it behind your back (example, if one of them wanted to tell you and the other convinced them it what you didn't know didn't hurt you). I mean after all, they interacted with you together this past year didn't they? Maybe they felt bad about keeping the secret, but not bad enough to tell you.

Imagine for a moment you are all out together and at one point you take off to take a leak, they are elbowing each other and smirking at each other while you are in the can.

 

Another person...a true friend was the one who told you. Do you understand what that means?

 

Does that begin to cover Callousness a little bit for you?

 

It's your life...continue in this relationship at your own peril.

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Theonlyone92

Theonlyone92

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perhaps sharing intimate things, such as secrets or genitals with each other unbeknownst to you.

 

Look...This happened a year ago. To keep that secret in this day and age is no small feat. Guys talk, girls talk. People tell each other things and it goes to all their social media friends.

 

They conspired to keep important info a secret from you for a year.They had to communicate more than once about it behind your back (example, if one of them wanted to tell you and the other convinced them it what you didn't know didn't hurt you). I mean after all, they interacted with you together this past year didn't they? Maybe they felt bad about keeping the secret, but not bad enough to tell you.

Imagine for a moment you are all out together and at one point you take off to take a leak, they are elbowing each other and smirking at each other while you are in the can.

 

Another person...a true friend was the one who told you. Do you understand what that means?

 

Does that begin to cover Callousness a little bit for you?

 

It's your life...continue in this relationship at your own peril.

Thanks for the info

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Darren Steez

Darren Steez

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Im just wondering how and if I should confront them and if so how they might react??

She told me they didn't do anything

 

Thought you already confronted?

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GoldenR

GoldenR

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Come on,man....

 

 

They had sex. And they're probably still having sex. Something prompted him to come forward. And when he did come forward,he minimized.

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Theonlyone92

Theonlyone92

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Come on,man....

 

 

They had sex. And they're probably still having sex. Something prompted him to come forward. And when he did come forward,he minimized.

It was a mutual friend that told me

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GoldenR

GoldenR

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It was a mutual friend that told me

 

Either way....

 

Grown ups of opposite sex don't have "sleepovers" just to talk and sleep. The entire story that she is giving you is ridiculous

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