Blakey Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Hi guys, I'm in desperate need of advice on how to properly and nicely ask a close family older relative of my SO to change the privacy of our photos together that she posted publicly on her facebook account. I don't want to make her feel bad or anything as she has been very nice and very sweet to me for the past 6 years but I am very uncomfortable having any photos of myself available for the public to view or download. I have former friends and cousins who have habits of downloading my photos and again, I'm not comfortable with that but I'm clueless on how to let them know without sounding weird to them or offend them because they are proud that they are with me that they post them publicly and they may think that I'm not. Please help me construct the right words to say. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I am very uncomfortable having any photos of myself available for the public to view or download. I have former friends and cousins who have habits of downloading my photos and again, I'm not comfortable with that Why are you so concerned about having the "public" view your photos? Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blakey Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 It's just a matter of privacy. I have a facebook account myself and I don't have a single status or photo that is available for everyone to see, everything is strictly set to FRIENDS ONLY. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I'm with you. I have strict privacy settings. Ideally you'd ask your parnter to do it because it's her family. But if your partner doesn't care, then try "Hey old person, I don't know if you're aware, but those photos you've got are set to 'public' which means that anyone in the world can see them. I'm not comfortable with this. Would you please change the settings to 'friends'. If they don't comply, then all you can do is untag yourself. And refuse to be in any photos they take in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blakey Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) Like as of right now. One of the photos has been shared 42 times and I couldn't even see who did. Obviously it hasn't been shared by my family and friends that are on my friends list, otherwise I would be able to see. That is just very uncomfortable for me. Edited January 25, 2018 by Blakey Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 That is just very uncomfortable for me. I completely understand... I have no social media accounts, whatsoever. I'm not comfortable with any pictures or information out there. If someone is really that interested in me, let them search public records. I just not going to make it easy for them by posting stuff myself. Have you thought about just getting rid of your social media?? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Blakey Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 Have you thought about just getting rid of your social media?? I have disabled all my accounts exactly the day after my 29th birthday. I had come back to facebook a few months ago because 2 of my brothers moved overseas along with my nieces and nephews and facebook is where they all are and I want to see how they are. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I have disabled all my accounts exactly the day after my 29th birthday. I had come back to facebook a few months ago because 2 of my brothers moved overseas along with my nieces and nephews and facebook is where they all are and I want to see how they are. Can you "Skype" with them at prearranged times?? Have them e-mail pictures to you?? I had one friend who moved far away and I didn't want to do Facebook to keep in touch with him, so I went "old school" and wrote letters. I actually put a stamp on an envelope and mailed my letters to him. It was fun to write back and forth and fun getting something in the mail that wasn't a bill!! LOL!! Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) i am not a fan of being tagged.......i actually have my privacy settings pretty high....my friends list is private ..because i dont want anyone getting to my friends through me or by me..............i believe my friends list to be private...... now i have to check it out again...i have hardly any photos of myself i sort fo regret that...i am elusive when it comes to photos preferring to be the one taking the pics....i look weird i feel...like a chubby child..sometimes...and i feel exposed as such.............. when i get tagged i feel like i have a target on my back.....even though people who tag me are beautiful peoples...and i love them......i cringe when i see you have been tagged come up....but because i love them ....i let them tag me and i give my love.........and i just hope the photo sinks quickly i dont know if my photos that i am in tagged are public viewing on facebook and i think ill just bury my head in the sand like an ostrich about that...and pray to god they arent ..... for you here are some words....... hey such and such how have you been i hope you are well..i was thinking about the time .(you said she is sweet to you how .....insert a fond memory here that makes you miss her company)... i have a favor to ask if you can help me there's been a few posts lately about identity theft on facebook it has me concerned about my own security/privacy and yours as well...you are such a trusting soul.......so i have increased my security and privacy settings so my photos and timeline are not public.........i wonder if you have your photos and timeline on private and not public viewing.... facebook have suggested this as a method for peace of mind and personal safety....if you want to know how to check out your privacy settings and your security i can help you....i would like to know my photos are private on your facebook as well......i have seriously considered not even having facebook closing my account and going old school.....with an envelope and a stamp...might be fun to recapture the old days of letters among the bills for my friends and fam overseas....and call them in an emergency it would be good to hear their voices anyway..... you have a lovely day such and such and i hope we can chat soon about this matter as i feel a bit uncomfortable with my photos or info being able to be seen publicly........ something like that maybe....if she is older chances are she hasnt been on facebook long and sweet souls are trusting souls......i hope i have given you some ideas..i have also added some ideas from other posters.......i actually also agree with you maybe shutting facebook down again and finding alternative contact methods for your fam overseas....maybe you can do contact turn in turn out.....over skype or some other method..........good luck.....deb.... Edited January 25, 2018 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Take the person out to lunch or pick another quiet time. Ask some questions about her general social media knowledge. She may not be aware that you can change the privacy settings. Offer to help her make her site more secure. The explain you are a private person & in that vein in a soft voice ask if she would mind taking the picture down, untagging you or whatever it is that you want. If she says no, then you have to respect that. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I have a friend who used to try to take really bad photos of me and post them and I simply told her no more photos. You have to prevent the photo from being taken to begin with. Just don't agree to it. You can't stop her from what she's already got. But you can prevent future ones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I get where you're coming from. In your place I might send a group message to all of your family and SO's family even though your family knows not to post photos of you. You could say something like, "Just want to let everyone know I'm sqeamish about having photos of myself on FB so pretty please don't post any photos of me! Thanks so much!" That said, in this day and age it's next to impossible to control photos others may post of you online. It helps my career to have photos posted of me yet I cringe when I see some of them as many of them aren't flattering. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 A tip: When at a gathering where photos are taken, YOU bet he one taking them so you're not IN them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Like as of right now. One of the photos has been shared 42 times and I couldn't even see who did. Obviously it hasn't been shared by my family and friends that are on my friends list, otherwise I would be able to see. That is just very uncomfortable for me. Blakey, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a photo being shared 42 times and by people you don't know. What made this photo worth so many shares? Trying to make sense of the situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Blakey, I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a photo being shared 42 times and by people you don't know. What made this photo worth so many shares? Trying to make sense of the situation. I'm guessing it might be a group shot of a lot of people?? If so, there's really nothing you can do except be leery of getting into photos you have no control over in the future. I get how you feel and I wouldn't like this either if it wasn't a photo of myself I approved. I have my Facebook set so that if I'm tagged in a photo it does not show up on my timeline, but I can't control if someone else chooses to post a photo I'm in on their own Facebook page. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I can't control if someone else chooses to post a photo I'm in on their own Facebook page. A reality in this digital age. The only was to stop these photos is to avoid any gathering at which they might be taken. Your reaction still seems a little over the top... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Hi guys, I'm in desperate need of advice on how to properly and nicely ask a close family older relative of my SO to change the privacy of our photos together that she posted publicly on her facebook account. I don't want to make her feel bad or anything as she has been very nice and very sweet to me for the past 6 years but I am very uncomfortable having any photos of myself available for the public to view or download. I have former friends and cousins who have habits of downloading my photos and again, I'm not comfortable with that but I'm clueless on how to let them know without sounding weird to them or offend them because they are proud that they are with me that they post them publicly and they may think that I'm not. Please help me construct the right words to say. Thank you! Tell them the truth like what said in the bolded and I'm betting they will no longer post pictures of you or at least change the settings to friends only. Link to post Share on other sites
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