preraph Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Thanks. It’s only been three months and people are acting like I’m a monster who has been stringing this person along for a long time. She told me she had strong feelings for me once before and I flat out told her that I didn’t and I still only wanted something casual and she said she was fine with that and that we can keep things the way they have been. She hasn’t mentioned anything about feelings lately so I’ve just been going with the flow but I still don’t feel right about it. But to say I’m a piece of garbage who is stringing this person along is ridiculous. I’ve been up front with her multiple times:” I don’t want a relationship with you” But she sticks around anyway. So how am I the bad guy? Women or men never really mean they're ok with keeping things as they are. That's just desperation talking and it really means it's time to completely cut them off so they can move on eventually. Any contact just keeps their hopes up and ends up being crueler. If you get a protest about "can't we just be friends," it's best to just say, "That doesn't go well after a breakup and I'll be dating again soon and don't want any confusion with the new woman because someone I used to date is still hanging around." All true. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I certainly think if you've been dating for maybe a year or if you've had a commitment of any type, then in person is probably in order, but why put you both through the theatrics after a short round of dating? She will humiliate herself getting emotional. Whether she knows it or not, she's better off not doing this in person. And get off the phone if she gets real emotional: "I'm going to go now. No point in stringing this out. It just makes it harder for both of us. Have a great life. I mean it. Bye." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Do it by phone OP if it means its even one day sooner. I know you will feel so relieved. Good luck and know you are doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Why exactly does a breakup have to be in person? I really never understood that. I don’t care if its “the right thing to do”. The persons feelings are going to be hurt regardless of how you break up with them, you really think they’re gonna care whether you do it in person or on the phone? Are they gonna hate you a little less after you break their heart because you did in it person. I think I’m gonna go the phone call route because I really don’t want to see her today and just want this to be over. I think a phone call is fine, we’ve only been dating 3 months. I’ll send her a check for my share of the trip and then go complete no contact. Now I’ll await for people on here to call me awful things because I didn’t break up with someone in person. LOL. What does it matter as long as I end it??? I’ll never see this person again so who cares how I break it off. I might even consider a text message. She’ll get over it. Cristoforo, in the beginning of this thread, you seem to have pride in being a nice person. And I think it's good to be a nice person. Kind, thoughtful...all that stuff. But this line of thinking is not that of a nice person. Not nice or kind at all. Instead, they are the words of someone who doesn't give a toss about someone else's feelings and doesn't care about the hurt they may inflict. Perhaps you've been triggered by some of what was written here and this is not your normal behaviour. I hope it's the case. Otherwise, you may have to rethink your description of yourself as a nice person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
igotoverit Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Can you give us an update? have you broken up with her and if so, how did you do it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cristoforo Posted January 27, 2018 Author Share Posted January 27, 2018 Cristoforo, in the beginning of this thread, you seem to have pride in being a nice person. And I think it's good to be a nice person. Kind, thoughtful...all that stuff. But this line of thinking is not that of a nice person. Not nice or kind at all. Instead, they are the words of someone who doesn't give a toss about someone else's feelings and doesn't care about the hurt they may inflict. Perhaps you've been triggered by some of what was written here and this is not your normal behaviour. I hope it's the case. Otherwise, you may have to rethink your description of yourself as a nice person. Lol, so anyone that doesn’t break up with someone face to face is a bad person who isn’t nice? I’ve been dating this person for three months. Breaking up with them over the phone doesn’t mean I’m not nice and don’t care about their feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 I'd go on the trip just to see how it goes. Plus it's already paid for. Don't let her have to juggle plans because you bailed on her. That seems rude to me. Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Why exactly does a breakup have to be in person? I really never understood that. I don’t care if its “the right thing to do”. The persons feelings are going to be hurt regardless of how you break up with them, you really think they’re gonna care whether you do it in person or on the phone? Are they gonna hate you a little less after you break their heart because you did in it person. I think I’m gonna go the phone call route because I really don’t want to see her today and just want this to be over. I think a phone call is fine, we’ve only been dating 3 months. I’ll send her a check for my share of the trip and then go complete no contact. Now I’ll await for people on here to call me awful things because I didn’t break up with someone in person. LOL. What does it matter as long as I end it??? I’ll never see this person again so who cares how I break it off. I might even consider a text message. She’ll get over it. Dude. Chill. I'm on your side. As a woman who has been dumped via text and fb while in her 50s, I respect a man who has the balls to end things in person. A phone call, while not ideal IMO, is better than a text. Yes, it's "only" been 3 months, but based on the actions and attitudes of your dating partner, she read more into them than what was there. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 Lol, so anyone that doesn’t break up with someone face to face is a bad person who isn’t nice? I’ve been dating this person for three months. Breaking up with them over the phone doesn’t mean I’m not nice and don’t care about their feelings. It's not the breaking up by phone I'm referring to. It's the callous manner in which you describe how little you care about how she feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 27, 2018 Share Posted January 27, 2018 (edited) Lol, so anyone that doesn’t break up with someone face to face is a bad person who isn’t nice? I’ve been dating this person for three months. Breaking up with them over the phone doesn’t mean I’m not nice and don’t care about their feelings. but this below does mean that you can be careless I’ll never see this person again so who cares how I break it off. I might even consider a text message. She’ll get over it. you should care about her just because you don't want to be with her....doesnt mean you should be careless...nice guys care to be thoughtful...not thoughtless and flippant..have a bit of humanity.....then if soemone ever breaks up with you hopefully they will have humanity with you....because you cared enough to be a little thoughtful too.... Edited January 27, 2018 by todreaminblue 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cristoforo Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 I truly do care about her feelings which is why I’m having such a hard time breaking things off. I don’t want to hurt her but it’s only fair to let her go find someone who wants the same thing she wants. Saying i didn’t care is me trying to make this easier for me to do, but I didn’t mean it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I truly do care about her feelings which is why I’m having such a hard time breaking things off. I don’t want to hurt her but it’s only fair to let her go find someone who wants the same thing she wants. Saying i didn’t care is me trying to make this easier for me to do, but I didn’t mean it try not to say things you dont mean..it becomes habit and an easy way to avoid conflicting feelings in you...... it doesnt help you at all to pretend... or does it give others a true perception of who you are and what you are about to truly help you with advice...........if you truly care do this face to face.....is my advice to you.....some good thoughts that are caring are in your thread from other posters see which one resonates with you and say that or do that....i wish you well...and a quick resolution for you both.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 So how did it go? How are you feeling now that its all over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cristoforo Posted January 29, 2018 Author Share Posted January 29, 2018 Lol, I ended up getting sick on Saturday and we couldn’t hang out. I can’t see her til this Friday so I’ll have to do it then unless I just get it over with a phone call. I’m such a wuss because I’m havent such a hard time actually doing what I need to do and ending this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Lol, I ended up getting sick on Saturday and we couldn’t hang out. I can’t see her til this Friday so I’ll have to do it then unless I just get it over with a phone call. I’m such a wuss because I’m havent such a hard time actually doing what I need to do and ending this. being a nice guy means doing things the right way.....breaking up is never easy...but when you are thoughtful and considerate it minimizes the hurt and time it will take for the person to get over rejection....its never going to feel good....its not meant to feel good.....just be kind..... face to face doing it that way...makes you a gentleman...good luck...deb Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 29, 2018 Share Posted January 29, 2018 Lol, I ended up getting sick on Saturday and we couldn’t hang out. I can’t see her til this Friday so I’ll have to do it then unless I just get it over with a phone call. I’m such a wuss because I’m havent such a hard time actually doing what I need to do and ending this. Good luck this Friday! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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