religion

[Sea]

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married for 5 years. We have a one year old son.

 

My husband comes from a fundamentalist Baptist home. I'm not denegrating the religion, but I have been subjected to a variety of insults from his family since we began dating in high school. I am Jewish. When, in college, he announced his plans to marry me, his family disowned him completely and his mother stopped speaking to him. No one in his family attended the wedding and his uncle even called and threatened to show up with a gun! Luckily, they laid low.

 

Fast-forward 7 years. Upon discovering that I have had our first son, his parents come forward and want to be in our lives. Up until this point, my own parents have shouldered the burden of parenting my husband. They gave him a place to live when he had been kicked out of his family. They attended his graduation, they supported him emotionally. They invited him on family vacations and welcomed him with open arms.

 

Now they have never admitted fault or apologized to me. But my husband is overjoyed that he can now speak with his family again so I am keeping quiet. But there has been increasing pressure on me to attend church with them, to go to church functions, to convert to being Baptist. I have repeatedly said, over the past year, that I am uninterested. I do not want to associate with his family without my husband present.

 

After 7 years of getting disturbing phone calls where I was screamed at and called a "bride of satan" a "whore" a "sinner" and "evil", I am unwilling to forgive and forget. I received bizarre letters that I had to throw away after reading the first few sentences. Even my family was subject to criticism not only by my in-laws, but by everyone in their church, who apparently prayed for me every Sunday. Forgive, yes, forget, no.

 

My husband has seemingly forgotten the last 7 years. I cannot. I have kept my feelings about his family to myself for these last 7 years. I have never once said anything rude or critical about them. But I WILL NOT be friends with them. I even go to dinner at their house once a week now. How can I tell my husband about my feelings without hurting him? And how can I stop his mother from lecturing me on being a good Christian woman when I am not Christian? I don't want an apology, i don't want anything but to be left, finally, peacefully, ALONE.

[Ed]

You seem to be a very concise and articulate person. I think you have handled this situation in a good manner. Much better than most.

 

My suggestion to you is to print a copy of what you posted on this message board and give it to your husband. Also print copies and give to your in-laws. Then take it from there.

[sparkle]

I couldn't agree more with Ed. I can't think of anything better than to give them a copy of this post.

 

Or describe the situation to your husband just the way you've written it. Explain to him how you feel about it, just like you did to us. What his family did to you was awful and unacceptable, and you don't have to tolerate them one bit now. Firmly and clearly tell both your husband and his parents how you feel about all this, and how you don't want them interfering in your life trying to change your beliefs.