Conflicted about girlfriend

[Devbc]

My girlfriend and I are in our 20s have been going out for over almost two years now. Things are great when it comes to getting along, hanging out, doing things etc. It's very good in the overall sense. But I don't know how to deal with her being very, very flirtatious all the time. She reassures me she's just being friendly. But she also gives her number out to random guys all the time. She says she's just trying to make friends.

 

What bugs me is that she has a justification for everything she does. She'll hang out with her guy friends all the time but say they're just friends. She even sleeps over some times.

 

What really got me concerned is how intensely she flirts with my neighbor who is my friend. Whenever we hang out they just flirt non stop but she says they're just being nice. She started hanging out at his place now before I get home.

 

I also don't know why she insists on wearing very revealing clothes. Especially around my friends. She says she just feels good about herself. And that it's not sexual. But everytime I get home and call her, she leaves my friend's place with a really revealing top, new clothes she didn't have. She says I'm being possessive and jealous but she's showing a lot of her breasts and her legs to my friend. Like I said, they say really flirtatious things but brush it off as friends.

 

We get along really well otherwise. She says there's nothing going on but I think she really pushed it. I so believe her Carrie she's very forward but she's also very different in some situations.

 

She is going to Dominican Republic with my neighbor friend now and that's what got me to post. She's defending it saying it's just friendship. I can't go because of stuff going on in my life. They're talking about their drinks and how they'll watch out for each other. I asked her not to go but she said I'm being jealous. But that's because they've staying in the same room.

 

I've never seen them do anything but she's smiling when she leaves his place. Maybe I'm stupid for believing her, but everything else is great. I've never caught her doing anything yet.

 

She wants to marry me and everything but she also says she is who she is and will always be friendly. Please help. It's good and bad.

[Mysterio]

I think that you should give her one more month and then call it quits. The style of relationship for you and her is not working for you.

 

Why bother trying to force her to be less flirtatious. Its her nature. I also think that she is not doing a good job keeping you scute. One more month and if you can't take it. Then just say you should be friends and move on.

[sandylee1]

Why are you putting up with this nonsense.

She's disrespecting you with no regard. There's plenty girls who will respect you and not go on holiday with another man. Get rid of her.

[PegNosePete]

She says I'm being possessive and jealous

There is a very big difference between possessive and jealous. Jealous is coveting something you don't have, whereas possessive is protecting something you do.

 

You need to wake up and smell the coffee here. This girl is certainly banging your neighbour. And if she hasn't yet then they definitely will when they are on holiday together.

 

She has been acting like a single girl for a long time now. Giving her number out to guys is something that girls who are in relationships simply do NOT do. She has made it 100% clear to you that she has no respect for you or your relationship. If you don't respect yourself then who will? You need to end this "relationship" ASAP.

[Gaeta]

You must be the laugh of your group. You need to wake up and see she is cheating right under your nose. I don't know any man that respects himself that would put up with that.

[sdraw108]

Her behaviour is completely unacceptable in a relationship. Taking your neighbour on holiday and sharing a room with him? You don't need to be "possessive" or "jealous" to realize that that isn't right.

 

I suggest you show her this thread where no doubt every reply will agree that what she is doing is wrong. And then break up with her. Let her see if she can find a boyfriend who won't be "possessive" under such circumstances.

[sandylee1]

She's pretty much cuckolding you in plain sight.

[road]

She's pretty much cuckolding you in plain sight.

 

She is cheating.

She does not need to flirt hard or give out her number

to be friendly.

 

Do you honestly believe that she will not be sharing the

same bed with your friend and having non stop sex with

him on this vacation?

[ZayKayWill]

As a guy who is incredibly pro opposite gender friends, this would not be okay with me. It's okay to hang with guy friends in moderation but she really seems to be pushing it. It sounds to me like she's not even being the least bit considerate as to how all of this is making you feeling. She's controlling you and not even giving you a chance to put your 2 cents in and that is not cool.

 

Sadly you can't tell her to not be friends with these guys, but you can establish proper boundaries. So for example you can tell her to not spend as much time with these guys or tell her that it bothers you when she wears such revealing clothing. She has every right to wear whatever clothes she wants, but that doesn't mean it's not okay to express how it makes you feel and have a conversation about it.

 

Sadly I agree with the other posters it seems kind of fishy to me. I wouldn't have a problem with my girl having guy friends to hang with here and there, but not on a consistent basis when I'm not around. I don't trust her from what I've read.

[ZayKayWill]

There is a very big difference between possessive and jealous. Jealous is coveting something you don't have, whereas possessive is protecting something you do.

 

You need to wake up and smell the coffee here. This girl is certainly banging your neighbour. And if she hasn't yet then they definitely will when they are on holiday together.

 

She has been acting like a single girl for a long time now. Giving her number out to guys is something that girls who are in relationships simply do NOT do. She has made it 100% clear to you that she has no respect for you or your relationship. If you don't respect yourself then who will? You need to end this "relationship" ASAP.

 

I don't entirely agree with this. I think it's okay to still make new opposite gender friends even while in a relationship but the friend has to have come from somewhere meaningful. So like did they meet at a Meet up group or are they just friends that met at the bar etc. I wouldn't like my gf randomly giving her # out whenever we went to the mall or something though.

[Mysterio]

None of my Friend's SO would ever be doing something like this. There is no need to constantly be seeking out new relationships with the Opposite sex, that you could turn into a relationship.

 

Have the guts to walk away and if she wants you back. She will make an adjustment. Its not like the guy she is going on vacation with has a GF or he is childhood friends with her. That would be different.

 

She is in a state of wanting a lot of attention. You are not like that so politely say good bye.

[d0nnivain]

I'm a flirty girl but there are lines & your GF has crossed all of them.

 

 

She can dress how she wants & I'm not going to call her out for flirting.

 

 

However, getting random guy's numbers is a no no. These guys think she's free to date.

 

 

It's nice when your SO is friendly with your friends but her hanging out with them all the time, in your absence, is trouble. I have gone places & done things with my husband's buddies, occasionally but not routinely & usually it's while we're waiting for him to show up.

 

 

Her going to another country & sharing a room with a guy is a bridge too far. That would be a deal breaker for me. When you asked her not to go, she didn't even take a few minutes to consider your feelings. There is no way on earth these two are going to be in a romantic resort, drinking & sharing a room & not end up hooking up.

 

 

Sorry but it's ultimatum time -- if she goes on this trip you need to dump her because you are being played for a fool. After you break up at least one of your buddies is going to confess to having nailed her.

[ZayKayWill]

I'm a flirty girl but there are lines & your GF has crossed all of them.

 

 

She can dress how she wants & I'm not going to call her out for flirting.

 

 

However, getting random guy's numbers is a no no. These guys think she's free to date.

 

 

It's nice when your SO is friendly with your friends but her hanging out with them all the time, in your absence, is trouble. I have gone places & done things with my husband's buddies, occasionally but not routinely & usually it's while we're waiting for him to show up.

 

 

Her going to another country & sharing a room with a guy is a bridge too far. That would be a deal breaker for me. When you asked her not to go, she didn't even take a few minutes to consider your feelings. There is no way on earth these two are going to be in a romantic resort, drinking & sharing a room & not end up hooking up.

 

 

Sorry but it's ultimatum time -- if she goes on this trip you need to dump her because you are being played for a fool. After you break up at least one of your buddies is going to confess to having nailed her.

 

Honestly I wouldn't be one to tell my S.O. that she can't vacation with a guy friend even in my absence but there are too many red flags prior to said incident for me to want to allow it if I were in the OPs shoes.

[doyathinkso]

She doesn't sound like much of a girlfriend.

 

I'd just ghost on her.

 

Let her go fark herself, and the neighbour. His loss.

[d0nnivain]

I'd just ghost on her.

 

 

Even when they behave as badly as OP's GF, you don't just ghost somebody you dated for 2 years. You have the maturity, the integrity & the common courtesy to break up with them in person not via text or social media.

[Chilli]

Yeah .sorry about the replies it's gotta hurt l know but no guy would or should put up with that or would any women if it was you acting like that , you can bet on that one.

 

You won't be able to stop it or ever trust her to stop it, it'd just go on behind your back instead. women like that can't help themselves even if she wasn't acting on it , it's still a constant ego feed thing she'll always look for at the very least.

[Mr. Lucky]

She is going to Dominican Republic with my neighbor friend now and that's what got me to post. She's defending it saying it's just friendship. I can't go because of stuff going on in my life. They're talking about their drinks and how they'll watch out for each other. I asked her not to go but she said I'm being jealous. But that's because they've staying in the same room.

 

Come on Devbc, you really don't need us to point out the obvious flaws in this scenario. And even if she did board the plane with fidelity in mind, there's an awful lot sunshine, ocean breezes, rum and shared accommodations can do to undermine that...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Guildford]

OP. You have been dating this girl for two years. That is enough time to decide if you want to marry her. She says that she wants to marry you, but she behaves in a manner that you find disrespectful (I would assume that she was having sex outside the relationship). You have a choice: marry this girl and accept her behavior (the leopard does not change its spots), or terminate the relationship so that she can look for a guy who will marry her and accept her as she is, and you can find a girl who behaves in a more reserved manner. I believe that it is wrong to continue dating someone when they want a spouse and you know you will never enter into a matrimonial relationship with them. Cut the cord and move on.

[kgcolonel]

D,

 

This can be really simple....do YOU really want a GF who is willing to put you through all this and then go on VACA with another guy??? Really, don't you deserve better than that??

 

Just tell her that you really hope she has a great time in DR and she should enjoy it to the fullest......AS A SINGLE WOMAN.

 

If you live together, be sure you have either packed her things or your things before you tell her, this way, it is a clean break.

[Aiuta le mani]

Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! I am sorry that you feel this way about your relationship!

It seems to me like you and your gf do not have the same expectations on what your relationship is supposed to be! I suggest that you are very clear with her on what you are not in agreement with each other and negotiate what you are willing to do to for each other to keep the relationship working. If you cannot live with what she is willing to give, then you need to decide if you want to continue with the relationship or not! Take control of this situation and move forward my friend!