What happened. Overnight she changed. me.

[broken4good]

Hello, I’m new to this forum. I’m having a horrific time and I need support, help, and any insight anybody can give me.

Just so you know, I have started on anti-depressants (about a week ago) and saw a counselor last Friday, and am going to be continuing that every two weeks. That being said, here is my story. Sorry for the book, I just want to paint the full picture. So bear with me and again thank you for any support and help.

 

My Ex-girlfriend and I met on match November 6th 2017. She lives about 85 miles from me. We hit it off immediately. We were texting non-stop and met for the first time 4 days later. It was phenomenal. We ended up in bed together and for her, she had never done that before. After that night our communication was intense. Always texting all day and all night(even during our work hours) and she would call me on her way to work, most the time at lunch, on her way home, and we would talk every night before bed. So that’s how it started.

 

Now about her. She was steal dealing with issues from her ex-husband even though they have been divorced for over two years and he has a girlfriend living with him. She has 2 boys, 16 and 19. The 19 year old moved about two hours away for school two months after we started dating and her 16 year old lives with her 95% of the time.

 

So back to my story… For the first two months it was a little bumpy, I helped her with issues over her ex and other things. But XMAS was fantastic. We both spoiled each other. Really felt like we were in love already. In fact I know we were. Then it just got better. Everyday was non-stop communication for the both of us. Being 85 miles apart was not a big deal because of how open and how much we communicated with each other. By march we were already looking into the future (2 years) of when we would be able to live together. With my girls and her boy, either of us moving to the others town was unreasonable at that time. Our relationship continued to blossom and just get better. She found out her brother was getting married in September and insisted that I was going, which I was all on board for that. My relationship with her youngest son was amazing. We got along great and I treated him like my own, just like she did with my girls.

 

She would leave me notes I would find in my work stuff or leave perfume scents on my pillow and I would do the same. Each of us sending selfies out of the blue, or just I love you or I miss you texts at random times. It felt so right and so perfect. I never felt like this even with my ex-wife of 14 years. I can’t explain it, all I knew is that I was happier than I have ever been and she seemed the same way.

 

Now here’s some of the bad. She did have a lot of baggage and drama in her life. Whenever her oldest son would visit, there was drama and we wouldn’t see each other that weekend. I only really met him a handful of times and we never got to know each other. And then she was having some health and work issues as well. But through all of this I did nothing but support her and have her back without judgment or question. I gave her all of my unconditional love through everything. I did get a little sore when she would cancel our weekend or flake out at the last minute because of her son, but I didn’t understand why all of us couldn’t be there together.

 

So back to my love story…Everything was great until August, she was having issues with her oldest son again(he had court **** from an assault charge) and so we hardly saw each other again that month. Then we she was going to purchase tickets in late august for all of us to go to her brothers wedding, she told him I was going and he made a stink about that and said he thought it was going to be a “family” trip with just her and his brother, then told her that he planned on enlisting in the marines after the wedding which crushed her. So now, I wasn’t going. She just said thanks for trying to understand and that was that. September was a little bumpy. She seemed to be pulling away a little, which I didn’t understand or had a hard time with, especially since just a couple weeks before everything was awesome.

 

So came time for the wedding… They drove up here and I dropped them off at the airport. She saw how hurt I was then and sent me a text “I’m sorry for this” after I dropped them off. That night she tried calling me and I missed that call, I texted back and tried calling twice and never got a response back. The next two days/nights I tried to let her be and only sent a couple texts, which when she responded, it was short, brief, and no intimacy of any kind. Even the day of the wedding, I only texted her once in the late morning and she just said “ heading there now to get set up” and then about 10:00 that night I sent another asking how it was and she just said “I’m exhausted and cleaning up” That was it. No “I love you or I miss you texts” all weekend.

 

Not even one month before she went there for the bachelorette party and was texting and calling me the whole time “I love you” and “I miss you” and it was one night shorter than the wedding. I would think that she would text or talk more on a wedding weekend than on a bachelorette weekend. It was like I was texting a stranger. When I picked them up from the airport, she acted like she hadn’t seen me in a year and I expressed that It was a hard weekend for me. They went home that night. The next day, again hardly any texts from her all day and it turned out that she had the day off, so she was just sitting at home. Keep in mind that before this she would blow me up all day, even at work.

 

We talked that night on the phone and I asked her about the weekend. She told me like she was reading an itinerary. No details or emotion about anything and she seemed almost irritated. Then she went to bed. So for the next 3 nights, again hardly any communication from her and everyday she would say I’ll call you tonight. Every night she would say that she’s not feeling up to it and talk to me tomorrow. After the third night of that I called her out on it and she got all pissed off…

 

Very soon after that she sent me a text saying we needed to take a break. WTH? I was lost and confused. And in one of the texts, she said that “I’m not a hypocrite” and that “it was never intentional” and that “maybe I’m not meant to be in a relationship”. But she never clarified what about. After two weeks we got back together. We took a weekend retreat to the coast. She told me about a lot of issues she was dealing with, and also went in to detail about the wedding weekend, which for the wedding night some things didn’t quite match what she told me before. And she also told me about this guy that asked her if they wanted to go to his hotel room and make bad decisions. She kind of laughed about it and I asked her like what? And she just said I don’t know and that was the end of it.

So for the next couple weeks things seemed a little better. We were talking about the future again. But when we were apart she seemed distant.

 

It is now Oct 28th and I was going to go there for the weekend. I asked her if she wanted me to come down Friday or Saturday, and she left it up to me, so I told her, I’ll come down after work. Friday about 1 hour before I was going to leave she texted me saying she wasn’t up to it and to come down Saturday. Again I was hurt, and she got pissed that I was hurt. WTF. So I came down Saturday and we spent the night together and Sunday I asked if I was staying the night and she said no. So Sunday about 5PM I started loading my **** up and she asked if I was leaving(I wasn’t yet, just packing) I was joking and told her yes. She said she almost started crying thinking I was leaving. But then she didn’t want me to stay over. Very confusing. Well I went home late that night(I still don’t know why I couldn’t stay over? I went home when we would of went to bed).

 

So that week again communication slowed way down. And the following weekend, she was “sick” and we didn’t see each other. So now it’s Tuesday Nov. 7th 2017. This is the day we agreed would be our “anniversary” of meeting each other. I had arranged for her to get flowers 3x’s that day. I thought it would be romantic. When she received the second batch. She sent me a text saying and this is exactly how it read “ Seriously more flowers? We talked about moderation. They are beautiful.” Not really the response I was looking for. So I told her that there was a third batch coming and if she wanted me to cancel. She said no and that she feels like an *******. And all she told me that day was “happy Nov 7” . nothing about us being together for a year, ect. Well I was going to surprise her by going down there and taking her to dinner, but “she had to work late. Like til 10:30” so that never happened. The next night she texted me saying that “ I’m going to start volunteering at the animal shelter on Saturdays. So..”

 

Then sent another one saying that she was going to spend time with Justin this weekend so we won’t see each other. So that would make it 3 weeks with no physical contact if we saw each other the next weekend. Well that night I ****ed up. I was going to send that flowers text she sent me to her friend to try to get an answer, and I accidently sent it back to her. Well she lost it. Then the next night she called me and broke up with me. She said that wasn’t the reason, but I think it was an easy way out for her.

 

She told me that she was “broken” and “not meant to be in a relationship and don’t know if she ever will” She had also told me right after our “break” that if I wasn’t in her life, there would be nobody and she would be content being alone.

Well the break up sucked. I lost my ****. I got back on match within a week(out of spite and loneliness). She found out about that. Then she found out that I had talked to her friend again and basically blocked me out of her life completely. I don’t understand. All I was trying to do was find answers and trying to understand what happened. I did find out not even a month and a week after we split up she had started dating someone else and still is. That really hurts, especially since the reason we broke up was because “she’s not in a place for a relationship”. Remember now when she broke up with me, she didn’t know I had talked to her friend and she wanted the best for me. So WTH?

 

Anyways after all of this, I’m still left not knowing what changed in her. I didn’t change. I was the same I always was through the whole relationship. It’s like something happened and she became a different person overnight.

I’ve tried not to facebook stalk, but it’s hard. I tried texting her this week and asked her for a couple minutes and she just said NO.

I just want answers. This is an incredible pain that won’t go away. I think about her from the time I get up til the time I go to sleep. I think about her being with someone else and it kills me. I can’t stop.

 

How do you end that? I’ve even dated and “been” with someone since, but while I’m with them I think about her. I’m severely damaged now and don’t know if I’ll ever be right. It’s been hard to have motivation to do anything. The ****ed thing is that if she were to contact me and say “lets try again” . Everything would change and I would be better. I could forgive her for anything. ANYTHING!.

Help me please. Any suggestions or insight on how or why she changed over a weekend, and how to get past this.

 

Thanks for your time and your input.

Edited January 27, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Zahara]

I just want answers. This is an incredible pain that won’t go away. I think about her from the time I get up til the time I go to sleep. I think about her being with someone else and it kills me. I can’t stop. How do you end that? I’ve even dated and “been” with someone since, but while I’m with them I think about her. I’m severely damaged now and don’t know if I’ll ever be right. It’s been hard to have motivation to do anything. The ****ed thing is that if she were to contact me and say “lets try again” . Everything would change and I would be better. I could forgive her for anything. ANYTHING!.

Help me please. Any suggestions or insight on how or why she changed over a weekend, and how to get past this.

Thanks for your time and your input.

 

I'm so sorry for your pain.

 

Unfortunately, there are no answers. No matter what she tells you it will never satisfy your needs. These things happen. People lose their feelings. They lose interest for whatever their reasons. Maybe she met another man -- maybe that comment about meeting a man at the wedding was her way of passively planting a seed in your head. She didn't change over the weekend. Most times dumpers are going through the process of breaking up long before the break-up. They're mentally and emotionally preparing themselves and when they're ready, it often feels like a surprise to the dumpee because they never saw it coming. And during that time dumpers will continue to play the part until they're ready to conclude. She didn't just decide over the weekend. She was ruminating for awhile.

 

You're hurting and grieving. It's going to take time for you to heal and move on. Don't even think of dating because it will hurt you even more and it wouldn't be fair to the other person sitting across from you.

 

Lean on your friends and family. Be gentle with yourself.

[d0nnivain]

School boys reach out to the friends of an SO for answers. Adults know how to keep their own counsel. I can see where you reaching out to her friend would upset her.

 

I hate to say it but you may have been her transitional relationship . . . meaning she needed you to get over her EX but never really saw a long term future with you. The intensity of the beginning . . . texting all the time, early sex, an over the top Christmas made her gloss over the loss her of marriage but didn't force her to focus on your compatibility as a couple.

 

He kids seem to need a lot of attention. The OM at the wedding probably helped her realize that she is attractive & maybe made her want to spread her wings.

 

All of that suck for you & hurts because you didn't see any of it coming. All you can really do now is focus on your healing. Don't let this bad experience change your generous romantic spirit but maybe show a bit of restraint in the early months