Say it isn’t so

[FlyingTiger]

Hello, not sure if I’m in the right forum or not but I’m in need for help and advice.

I was dating this girl for about 7 months, we had some bumps but it was normal stuff. For the most part we talked and reconciled it. So about a month ago she said she didn’t feel like we were a good fit and she needed some space. I respected her wishes and gave her some space, and a few days later we got together and talked about it. It was things that we just needed to work on and we were good. As if we didn’t break up, just gave some each other some time apart because we were seeing each other basically everyday.

 

Well she has been under a lot of stress lately, with work, living situation, family issues. She completely shut down from everyone and didn’t hear from her for a few days. Gave her some space but she didn’t want to talk about any of it because “it was too much, feels like my life is falling apart and didn’t want to think about it.” So being respectful, I left it alone until she talked to me about it.

Everything was going good. One night we went out to dinner, flirty the whole time, did normal couple stuff. The next day I called to set up something and she said “I think we should just break up, felt like she lost feelings” that I’d find someone who would treat me right “better than me” and she wanted us to be friends but she felt that I couldn’t be her friend.

 

Thinking this was a freak out, I said okay we can talk about this later tonight. 2 days later we exchanged stuff and had NC for a few days. She kept gifts I gave her and some of my clothes, which I know she still wears. I decided to stop texting her and let her be the one who initiated it. She’s text me eveynight, usually talking about a show we started watch together. And the other night she started asking how I was and how things are going. Still liking my social media stuff, sends me stuff too.

 

I know this is still new but I need help and advice..

What I’ve done: started hobbies, focused on work and bettering myself. Deleted some stuff of hers on my phone and hide things to remind me of her.

What I haven’t done: call her, contacted any of her friends or family, ask anything too personal other than how she was or about her day. Told her how I feel.

 

I’m not sure if she’s staying in contact because she wants to be friends, if she feels guilty about something, or if there’s feelings of regret/loneliness there. I truly do love and care for this girl. Even though things won’t go back to how they were, I’ve thought about it and I’m willing to start fresh and work on things. How can I get the ball rolling to see where she stands between us? How do I know if there’s still hope for us or if I should just let her go?

[Zahara]

I’m not sure if she’s staying in contact because she wants to be friends, if she feels guilty about something, or if there’s feelings of regret/loneliness there. I truly do love and care for this girl. Even though things won’t go back to how they were, I’ve thought about it and I’m willing to start fresh and work on things. How can I get the ball rolling to see where she stands between us? How do I know if there’s still hope for us or if I should just let her go?

 

Yes, she wants to be friends. Yes, she feels guilty and you accepting contact alleviates her guilt. Yes, she's missing the familiarity and needs you as a transition crutch.

 

You can't start fresh on anything when she has ended it nor can you be friends. You can't cultivate a friendship when you are emotional.

 

She told you where she stands with you. Her contact isn't indicative of interest but more so a bandaid as she moves on.

 

Yes, you should let her go. Strict NC. She can't value the loss of you if you are right there. If she does, she may come back. If not, you'll be well on your way to healing and moving on.

[zombi24]

She can't value the loss of you if you are right there. If she does, she may come back. If not, you'll be well on your way to healing and moving on.

 

I agree with this statement. NC is a win win scenario in my book, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

 

If you go NC, she'll either come to miss you and want you back, or you find someone new and you move forward.

 

But if she wants to be with you, she'll make it clear.