Instagram and relationships boundaries. Betrayal or not?

[Nikki0501]

So i have been married for 5 years. I always trusted my husband and never thought he could betray me or disrespect me in amy way shape or form. He's my entire universe. We have 2 kids together.

 

Last week I stumbled upon 10 plus pictures of a woman his phone while sorting through pics. I checked dates and he started this in September so obviously i don't check his phone or else i would have noticed. I saw the images were from instagram. So i looked at his instagram account. I found he had commented flatterimg things to her. I found he had liked over 50 photos of her since September which is when he started following her. I asked who she was and he said it was a former coworker. He made no private contact with her through messages or texts throughout this time. Some of the photos were sexual, for example one of her sitting on the bathroom sink with her tongue showing in a sexual way and legs wide open. One was her crotch area in pink panties. He commented and liked both of these too. He didnt give any other women attention at all or anyone else om instahram in all this time just her. I think all of our mutual friends saw this and i am embaressed. I asked why he had her pics saved and he said he just like the pictures and it meant nothing. Should i be worried or even upset. Could he be lying to me or himself? It still hurts me but i don't know how to feel about all of this. I'm afraid to overreact and make something out of nothing. Is this consideted disrespectful?

 

He lied to me for 3 days and minimized it. Took me 3 days to get the entire truth out of him. It's only because of my detective work. I'm feel crushed and betrayed and disrespevted on so many levels

[d0nnivain]

Because he knows her it's troubling. If she was some random cam girl I'd tell you to calm down.

 

 

Sit down with him & discuss how hurt & betrayed you feel. Don't make it accusations. Talk about how you feel & ask how he'd feel if you were flirting with some man in front of him.

 

 

I don't know what the solution is but you need to air your hurt & keep your eyes open

[Grapesofwrath]

If you *feel* hurt and betrayed, then you are hurt and betrayed. A caring person will address those feelings and try to help you feel better, not minimize your reaction and criticize you for it.

 

It's time to have a talk with him about social media boundaries to be sure you are both clear on what the rules are in your relationship. What other people do in their relationships isn't really important. What's important is how you feel and what you are okay with in your relationship.

[NomiMalone]

To me, the fact that he saved some of her photos onto his phone is a real cause for concern.

[Gaeta]

Yes it is disrespectful.

 

Why 2 married people are on Instagram? Tell him from now on both of you will be off social networks.

[NomiMalone]

Yes it is disrespectful.

 

Why 2 married people are on Instagram? Tell him from now on both of you will be off social networks.

 

There are many, many married people who use Instagram and don't do s*** like that.

[Standard-Fare]

Hammer it home to him that "something's going on here that doesn't feel right" in a way you feel undermines your marriage.

 

While he has the right to view and admire whatever photos he pleases, explain to him that it becomes your business — and everybody's business —*when he is constantly publicly adoring this woman's sexy pics without discretion.

 

And reiterate that there is no good reason for him to have any of this woman's (or ANY other woman's) photos saved on his phone. That suggests "treasuring" them and revisiting them.

 

This isn't about controlling his thoughts or behavior, it's about insisting upon respect.

[Gaeta]

There are many, many married people who use Instagram and don't do s*** like that.

 

If you are mature enough to enter a marriage it's because you're done your teen-phase where you need to follow celebrities and the random hot-girl. Social media is a waste of time. It's becoming the 1st cause of disagreement and break up. If it causes this much disruption in one's life then eliminate it.

[NomiMalone]

If you are mature enough to enter a marriage it's because you're done your teen-phase where you need to follow celebrities and the random hot-girl. Social media is a waste of time. It's becoming the 1st cause of disagreement and break up. If it causes this much disruption in one's life then eliminate it.

 

I agree Gaeta. I'd never date a guy obsessed with social media, particularly if they habitually follow models, or worse, women they know in real life. At my age, it'd be creepy and weird.

 

In this day and age though, it's expected that most people have some sort of social media presence. I'm ok with it as long as a guy isn't constantly glued to his phone, or evasive about who he connects with on there. I myself love to follow fashion bloggers on Instagram.

[KBob]

This isn't about controlling his thoughts or behavior, it's about insisting upon respect.

 

Exactly. Its naive to think your man isn't going to ever look at pictures of sexy women; almost all of us do it. However, commenting and liking said photos of a woman he knows isn't respectful behavior while in a relationship.

 

Social media isnt the problem here, and neither is using it as an older person, those are simply opinions. The problem is your boyfriend's suspicious behavior, so let him know how it makes you feel and put your foot down.