jdesey Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It’s been one year and 6 months since we broke up. I’ve reached out here and there but she doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m 51. And she’s 49. We were engaged and together for 2.5 years. I try to date but that sucks. I feel lost. Wish I knew how she’s doing. How long one will this last? I am still so sad over it. Huge regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 ^J.D. I hear you. May I ask: Did you break up with her or vice versa? I broke up with a woman in mid-2017 and I feel TERRIBLE about it now. Totally regret it and wish I had not been so dumb. But she is long GONE now...she waited for me for a few months. Can't blame her for moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Bluspark- just curious, you had ended it. Why do you feel terrible now? Do you realize it was a mistake? (Just curious) Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdesey Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 She broke up with me this final time. She had broken up with me many times and we got like together every single time. To make matters all that much better I dated a woman back in September of last year who cheated on me three weeks into a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 She broke up with me this final time. She had broken up with me many times and we got like together every single time. To make matters all that much better I dated a woman back in September of last year who cheated on me three weeks into a relationship! As you get up there in years the pickins get slim. Those around are usually single for a reason. It sucks but you don't want to live a life where your SO breaks up with you like a bodily function. I'm ~1.5 years out of my 7 year RL (which was mostly awesome). It's been tough, but I see indifference on the horizon. Shooting for the 2 year mark. Time will tell. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DevastatedJDC Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It sucks but you don't want to live a life where your SO breaks up with you like a bodily function. I like this quote - it sums up how I'm still feeling 11 months post break up. I've finally accepted that he's not coming back, but I just can't get over the fact that he could just walk away from 11.5 years without a care in the world, no feelings, nothing - just coldness and ghosting. How could I have invested 11.5 years of loving a person, only to find out they were a totally different person than the one I thought I loved (and thought they loved me) for 11.5 years. What kind of person just walks away and expects you to just be fine with the huge hole they've left in your life? My feelings are turning for hate towards them, and that makes me sad..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Young mind Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I like this quote - it sums up how I'm still feeling 11 months post break up. I've finally accepted that he's not coming back, but I just can't get over the fact that he could just walk away from 11.5 years without a care in the world, no feelings, nothing - just coldness and ghosting. How could I have invested 11.5 years of loving a person, only to find out they were a totally different person than the one I thought I loved (and thought they loved me) for 11.5 years. What kind of person just walks away and expects you to just be fine with the huge hole they've left in your life? My feelings are turning for hate towards them, and that makes me sad..... This is absolutely normal, at the 11 month, the feelings wear and tear, acceptance and anger interchange. Don't ever think for one minute you didn't have an impact on their lives, it only feels that way because they decided to leave. We are all humans, there is no memory wipe, just suppression and mixed with someone else in the picture. Glad you got to that stage and keep going! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jdesey Posted January 28, 2018 Author Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well least it’s good hear that I’m not alone. It’s like a part of me has died. I hate this feeling. Like the other posters I don’t see how she could walk away after all we went thru. We were truly the love of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) Bluspark- just curious, you had ended it. Why do you feel terrible now? Do you realize it was a mistake? (Just curious) Don't want to derail the thread. In a nutshell, I ended it and looking back I think I was foolish for ending it. Had a great thing going and just threw it away. I miss her greatly. She waited for me for a few months but she is LONG gone now. This will haunt me for a long, long time. Edited January 28, 2018 by BluSpark Link to post Share on other sites
Broken broken Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 BluSpark, just curious about why did you ended it? and how long did it took you to realized and if you had try to reach to her? Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 BluSpark, just curious about why did you ended it? and how long did it took you to realized and if you had try to reach to her? I ended it in May 2017. I did not realize my mistake until late November 2017. That is when she starting seeing someone else. We have no contact anymore. She broke off contact once she starting seeing someone in late November. The last time we saw each other was in May 2017. She'd be crazy to take me back. She gave me plenty of chances. My loss. My fault. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 Well least it’s good hear that I’m not alone. It’s like a part of me has died. I hate this feeling. Like the other posters I don’t see how she could walk away after all we went thru. We were truly the love of our lives. Mate, the love of your life doesn't break up with you repeatedly. And going through a lot of bad stuff together doesn't warrant staying for more. I know you miss her. But you're talking real dysfunction here. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 I like this quote - it sums up how I'm still feeling 11 months post break up. I've finally accepted that he's not coming back, but I just can't get over the fact that he could just walk away from 11.5 years without a care in the world, no feelings, nothing - just coldness and ghosting. How could I have invested 11.5 years of loving a person, only to find out they were a totally different person than the one I thought I loved (and thought they loved me) for 11.5 years. What kind of person just walks away and expects you to just be fine with the huge hole they've left in your life? My feelings are turning for hate towards them, and that makes me sad..... It's amazing how people can do this. I broke NC against most advice and my ex of 7 years didn't even bother to reply. I guess that sums up what she feels for me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 28, 2018 Share Posted January 28, 2018 It's amazing how people can do this. I broke NC against most advice and my ex of 7 years didn't even bother to reply. I guess that sums up what she feels for me. Wow..no reply. Seems rude. Are you sure you have the right number...could be an old number? Link to post Share on other sites
DevastatedJDC Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 It's amazing how people can do this. I broke NC against most advice and my ex of 7 years didn't even bother to reply. I guess that sums up what she feels for me. Same here - have broken no contact a few times and NOTHING - radio silence, he has so little respect for me and our 11.5 years that he can't even respond at all - just sad here that I believed his BS for so long, he's a terrible person. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Wow..no reply. Seems rude. Are you sure you have the right number...could be an old number? Positive. To be clear here's how it went down: 3 months post Me: text - I've been thinking about you a lot Let me know if you'd like to talk Her: Silence 9 months post Her: email - offered to take care of a logistical thing (or so I thought) Me: Thank you so much, it's been a long time. I'd love to see you again Her: it has been a long time. Silence 15 months post Me: Call - give me a call back, I'd really like to speak with you. Sent to VM after 2 rings Her: Text - I'm sure you're doing great but it's my busy time at work. I ask if you want to catch up we do it after the holidays (sounded almost angry) Me: Text - Still love you, haven't stopped thinking about you. Blah blah blah Tell me if you feel the same. If not I'll leave you alone. Her: Silence So I guess she responded a bit, but didn't even have a shred of human decency to say "No thanks" "Bad idea" "I don't think so" "I've moved on" etc. I didn't feel reaching out was going to get me anything, but the first time I was prompted by a female friend and the last time by my female therapist. After 7 years I would give a former lover at least a definitive reply. No cheating (of which I am aware, definitely not by me) or abuse or yelling. Just one day she told me she "I'm not sure" and didn't come home. After 3 months of trying to work it out (lots of sex, lots of talking, etc) she just walked out of my life for good. So bottom line is she doesn't give a F. Most exes don't. Sure does suck, but it gets easier. You get numb to it and craptacular becomes your new norm. Perhaps things will get better one day, but when you reach a certain age you lose the capacity to deal with this s@&t anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluSpark Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 ^ That sucks. I "broke up" with her and after waiting for me for a few months she is with another guy now. She broke off all contact with me and blocked me on all social media, etc. Six weeks and no contact. We ended on "good terms" but I am under no illusion that it is ever 'good' for the person that got dumped. All that said, I miss her and wish I hadn't been so foolish to let her go. Nothing I can do but move on.....that ship has sailed. Link to post Share on other sites
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