Women these days in my age bracket just don’t know what They want. Help!

[jdesey]

Is it just me? It seems like women these days in my age bracket 51 just don’t know what They want. Especially women on the on line dating apps. It’s like they’re on these applications just to get some attention but not actually meet. When I was first single nine years ago or so it was so much easier.

 

So guys what Its like lately? At times I think I should just give up. The effort is just not worth it

[basil67]

What's happening when you contact them?

[LilySun]

Online dating tends to be this way for all age groups. People might show interest and then just disappear. This way of dating presents endless options, makes it very easy to pass up one person for another, etc. It's frustrating. Yet in your 40s or 50s you aren't out socializing as much as younger crowds so meeting new people is less often and online dating is the only substitute. Meeting someone "naturally" is almost extinct anymore. All you can do is keep trying and a good connection will probably happen eventually.

[nospam99]

So guys what Its like lately? At times I think I should just give up. The effort is just not worth it

 

[nospam hits Rewind and Play] I'm a little bit older, 64 next month. What's it like lately is pretty darn 'reasonable'. Four months on just about all the major OLD sites, looking for LTR rather than hookup, met in person five 'good' women, dated two, scheduled for a first date with a superficially (profile read and 40 minute phone chat) 'great' woman next weekend, would have to go back and count the number of 'cordial' exchanges of messages, NO ghosting (yet). I've been told my 'picker' is pretty good. I do feel that I'm 'selective'.... while looks count (a lot), I pretty much only contact women who are age-appropriate and in their profiles indicate that they are looking for what I am looking for, have compatible interests and values, and sound like they have their acts together. We only meet after we have become 'pen pals' i.e. we seem to already like each other after message exchanges and phone calls. Although no 'happy endings' (yet) I can 'fall in lust' with these women pretty easily.

[road]

[nospam hits Rewind and Play] I'm a little bit older, 64 next month. What's it like lately is pretty darn 'reasonable'. Four months on just about all the major OLD sites, looking for LTR rather than hookup, met in person five 'good' women, dated two, scheduled for a first date with a superficially (profile read and 40 minute phone chat) 'great' woman next weekend, would have to go back and count the number of 'cordial' exchanges of messages, NO ghosting (yet). I've been told my 'picker' is pretty good. I do feel that I'm 'selective'.... while looks count (a lot), I pretty much only contact women who are age-appropriate and in their profiles indicate that they are looking for what I am looking for, have compatible interests and values, and sound like they have their acts together. We only meet after we have become 'pen pals' i.e. we seem to already like each other after message exchanges and phone calls. Although no 'happy endings' (yet) I can 'fall in lust' with these women pretty easily.

 

Not trying to burst your bubble. Or insult you by claiming that

you have an inflated self worth from your delusional thinking

that you are a 10, at least a 9+ at the worst.

 

I wonder how much the action you are getting OLD is based on

demographics.

 

Demographics?

 

Yes. Being that men die younger than women by the time it is

social security time there are not enough single men, 62 and

over for all of the single women in that age bracket.

 

So how much is success based on demographics?

[nospam99]

Not trying to burst your bubble. Or insult you by claiming that

you have an inflated self worth from your delusional thinking

that you are a 10, at least a 9+ at the worst.

 

I wonder how much the action you are getting OLD is based on

demographics.

 

Demographics?

 

Yes. Being that men die younger than women by the time it is

social security time there are not enough single me, 62 and

over for all of the single women in that age bracket.

 

So how much is success based on demographics?

 

Not guilty of thinking 9+. I said in another post that I might be as high as a 9 but only if restricted to my age bracket.

 

I agree with you that a LOT of my own success is based on the demographics you describe. On a relative basis, among other minuses, I'm 5'8'' so demographics worked against me 40 years ago. I'm certainly not complaining 'if what goes around comes around'. In any case, the question was asked about what's it like lately and I answered.

[Popsicle]

[nospam hits Rewind and Play] I'm a little bit older, 64 next month. What's it like lately is pretty darn 'reasonable'. Four months on just about all the major OLD sites, looking for LTR rather than hookup, met in person five 'good' women, dated two, scheduled for a first date with a superficially (profile read and 40 minute phone chat) 'great' woman next weekend, would have to go back and count the number of 'cordial' exchanges of messages, NO ghosting (yet). I've been told my 'picker' is pretty good. I do feel that I'm 'selective'.... while looks count (a lot), I pretty much only contact women who are age-appropriate and in their profiles indicate that they are looking for what I am looking for, have compatible interests and values, and sound like they have their acts together. We only meet after we have become 'pen pals' i.e. we seem to already like each other after message exchanges and phone calls. Although no 'happy endings' (yet) I can 'fall in lust' with these women pretty easily.

 

So you haven't met up with any of these women in person yet, and are still talking/chatting etc. without pressure to get to know them? This may be the approach to take in the older demographic, instead of rushing to meet in person.

[jdesey]

Common you two. You sound like a couple of girls with the insults.

This was supposed to be a helpful vent/discussion

[nospam99]

So you haven't met up with any of these women in person yet, and are still talking/chatting etc. without pressure to get to know them? This may be the approach to take in the older demographic, instead of rushing to meet in person.

 

I'm not sure what I wrote that was ambiguous. I've met five women face to face/in person and dated two of them. The only one I am still talking with is the one I am scheduled to meet for dinner next weekend. So far neither I nor any of the women have pressured each other. In my view each contact is a developing process of message exchange, to maybe phone calls, to maybe meeting in person, to maybe dating. The 'end game', at least to my mind, would be a long-term relationship.

[nospam99]

Common you two. You sound like a couple of girls with the insults.

This was supposed to be a helpful vent/discussion

 

Me and road? If so, there was no intent to insult him on my part. Road, if you feel insulted, I apologize.

[road]

Me and road? If so, there was no intent to insult him on my part. Road, if you feel insulted, I apologize.

 

Not insulted.

 

No intent to insult.

 

Intent to use a little humor to introduce how much

does demographics effect success.

 

I am married. I do not want or wish to be single. All

this internet driven socializing is way before my time.

Though it makes me wonder how I would find OLD if I

was 21 now. Or even now as me being old enough to be

a grandpa.

 

Though I do not think I have to be 21 again now to see

how I would do on OLD today.

 

I think it would be harder for with all the women getting

so many responses they would be passing on average Joe's

as me.

[Arieswoman]

jdsesy,

It seems like women these days in my age bracket 51 just don’t know what They want.

I don't really think age has got anything to do with it.

 

I think you need to be realistic when engaging in OLD. You need to get away from the pre-conceived notion that it will be full of wonderful people just waiting to have a meaningful relationship with you.

 

OLD is a microcosm of society. So you'll get just as many flakes, fruitloops, nutjobs, eccentrics, emotionally damaged/unavailable people as you would in real life.

 

It's a numbers game, so just keep going

[nospam99]

jdsesy,

I don't really think age has got anything to do with it.

 

I think you need to be realistic when engaging in OLD. You need to get away from the pre-conceived notion that it will be full of wonderful people just waiting to have a meaningful relationship with you.

 

OLD is a microcosm of society. So you'll get just as many flakes, fruitloops, nutjobs, eccentrics, emotionally damaged/unavailable people as you would in real life.

 

It's a numbers game, so just keep going

 

I agree that OLD is a microcosm of society. But I disagree about age. I have observed that people go through 'stages' as they age. Hormones change. Attitudes about one's mortality change. Children are raised and leave the nest. Sadly, some relationships break down as a consequence of these stages.

 

My stereotypes may be 'off'. But I see younger (20-something) people of both genders looking to get laid. I see 30-something women worried about the biological clock. I see divorced fathers looking for flings or trophy wives. And I see single 'seniors' like me desiring a companion for 'the time that's left'. All related to age.

[salparadise]

So you'll get just as many flakes, fruitloops, nutjobs, eccentrics, emotionally damaged/unavailable people as you would in real life.

 

Just as many? It's a collection of these. The trick is being able to recognize the few who do not fall into this category.

 

It's a numbers game, so just keep going

 

Yea, in one sense it's a numbers game, but not quite that simple either.

 

We can categorize them into three basic groups... a) flakes, fruitloops, nutjobs, eccentrics, emotionally damaged/unavailable, b) optimizers with completely unrealistic expectations, which is probably a defense mechanism to avoid risk, and c) those who are willing and able to connect emotionally with an appropriate partner, have the ability to sustain long-term relationships, and are not holding out for a unicorn/prince/knight in shining armor.

 

Only group C have potential. The others are time wasters.

 

It's sort of like in sales... a good salesman intuitively knows, or can quickly determine, who is a buyer and who is a browser. If you can't tell the difference, the numbers game is working against you.

[Chilli]

Yeah that's pretty well about it too.

Whenever l read that numbers game thing l always think its ridiculous like the date date date thing to me, pointless, no using picker.

 

Why bother especially on a date site when you can pick 3/4 of them anyway.

it's on their page, often even one line or even a few words gives them away, or a pic.

Don't even waste ya time on those.

[LuckyM]

A large number of women are window shopping. That's all. On a free site like POF it costs nothing to look through the window of each man and act like you might be interested. Often it means nothing. Of course they never admit to window shopping. They are waiting for Mr. Classy Knight who is perfect and take them to a romantic fantasy. They may not know what they want but thatis true of so many people.

 

In my experience, what goes on in OLD stays in OLD.

[Logo]

Is it just me? It seems like women these days in my age bracket 51 just don’t know what They want. Especially women on the on line dating apps. It’s like they’re on these applications just to get some attention but not actually meet. When I was first single nine years ago or so it was so much easier.

 

So guys what Its like lately? At times I think I should just give up. The effort is just not worth it

 

It's not just women in their 50s. I'm in a younger age bracket and I still wonder why women don't seem to know what they want.

 

I think it's a symptom of online dating, not necessarily you or your age.

 

I've given online dating way too many chances and I'm close to calling it quits.

 

I think the women on there are looking for something that doesn't exist. It's like browsing a shopping catalog, flipping through its pages, and then putting it back down on the coffee table when nothing seems to be PERFECT. They're the kind that would love to go to a seamstress and have her custom make a dress or an outfit to their exact specifications.

[Chilli]

But no , it just "appears" to be endless options and it does put that mentality into peoples heads.

 

But men or women , still end up wasting years and years on it getting no where and getting burn out from trying, or doesn't anyone read the 50 posts a week right here saying all that.

 

And it's that appearance , the allusion , that l see messes people right up. It's all just one more stone on top of the throw away mentality of the world today.

 

And yet , real love , is harder to find now than it's ever been in my opinion, again just read around LS, or any other forum.

Edited February 4, 2018 by Chilli

[Chilli]

It's not just women in their 50s. I'm in a younger age bracket and I still wonder why women don't seem to know what they want.

 

I think it's a symptom of online dating, not necessarily you or your age.

 

I've given online dating way too many chances and I'm close to calling it quits.

 

I think the women on there are looking for something that doesn't exist. It's like browsing a shopping catalog, flipping through its pages, and then putting it back down on the coffee table when nothing seems to be PERFECT. They're the kind that would love to go to a seamstress and have her custom make a dress or an outfit to their exact specifications.

 

But many . most . in the older brackets have forgotten to look in the mirror for 20yrs too and rate themselves far more than they'd ever really get in RL

[dichotomy]

Interesting,

 

I would have thought in their 50's women (and men) would have been leaving long term marriages, possibly ones that had grown cold or distant for years, kids mostly in college or near college, and ready for some outgoing adventures - not wanting anything but some travel, new hobbies, fun and a little affection (some sex not a ton).

 

I suspect as they got to late 50's early 60's marriage again (nice not to be alone has 60's come along)

 

The women I know in their early 40's divorced were often looking for a bit more of a wild time - acting like they were 20 or 30 again.

 

But what do I know ?