queenie01 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Is there a time limit on when your ex might possibly have regrets and try and get you back? I am just wondering how long it takes before "dumpers regret or remorse" sets in...if it even does at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Your grasping ... Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 If there is a time limit, it's a long one. The first ever Juliet recently resurfaced in a VERY friendly mood, after 11 years... Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I bumped into an old, old ex a couple of years back and had a brief, friendly chat with him. It had been a short, teenage relationship (4 months) that just seemed to fizzle out. Anyway, a couple of weeks after meeting the guy, I received a letter (sent to my work and opened by admin staff despite being marked personal!) from him. If you imagine the literary equivalent of someone beating themselves with a nail covered stick to atone for past misdemeanours, this was it. I was dumbfounded as the specifics of the relationship were pretty much lost in the mists of my memory. The letter ended with an invitation for a date which I declined. Whatever real or imagined sins he may have visited on me, I wasn't going to give him an opportunity to repeat them Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 I can honestly say I've never regretted ending a relationship... My EXH and I are still "Friendly" but when I see him, I have zero feelings of anything even remotely romantic and If anything I am always reassured I did the right thing in divorcing him... Link to post Share on other sites
vix Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Hi queenie. Art Critic says you're grasping & whilst you might be, it can happen. I was with my ex for 4yrs & ended the relationship because i doubted my feelings & wanted to be on my own. We kept in regular contact on the phone & saw each other a few times & whilst i knew i'd made a mistake after approx 6mnths, i needed to be sure so as to not mess with his feelings again. I realised after 14mnths that i wanted him back in my life for keeps & whilst reluctant at first, he did come back. Whilst i'd love to say we're still together, he walked away 3 mnths ago. I'm hoping he'll return but i don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Share Posted August 25, 2005 Vix, so you broke up with him because you doubted your feelings? I think thats why mine broke up with me...he just said "somethings missing" I also feel that our relationship got too routine and boring but communication could have solved a lot of that. Its been 4 months and we barely talk, no phones calls etc...every once and awhile i get an email from him, i think its just to keep my interest ? what do you think? He emailed me 2 weeks ago to see how ive been and if im dating anyone, i told him i was good and ignored the other question. Did you remain in contact with your ex throughout those 6 months you were doubting your feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by queenie01 Its been 4 months and we barely talk, no phones calls etc...every once and awhile i get an email from him, i think its just to keep my interest ? what do you think? It could be to keep your interest. However, I have been in his position and kept in contact simply because I still felt friendly towards the girl, wished her well and wanted to check how she was doing. Did you remain in contact with your ex throughout those 6 months you were doubting your feelings? The best advice IMO is low or no contact. Let him take the initiative. And at the very most, be available only half the time. Get on with your life. This is the best advice in the (likely) scenario that he never comes back. Ironically, it's also your best shot at making him doubt his decision. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 My EXH and I are still "Friendly" but when I see him, I have zero feelings of anything even remotely romantic and If anything I am always reassured I did the right thing in divorcing him... Merin How long were you married.....our the kids you speak of his? Did you once love him very much and can remember great memeories and now over time, you have zero feelings? How long did it take to get to that point. I want to be there. Link to post Share on other sites
vix Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 HI everyone Queenie - I left for a range of reasons: the LD aspect of the relationship put alot of pressure on us; i was going though a v tough time at work & needed to concentrate on that 100%, i'd just bought my first house & the pressures of full renovation etc was awful. I guess that the probs that i was having made me question what i was doing & made me doubt my feelings. We stayed in regular contact over the full 14 months (weekly & more phonecalls) - i didn't want to loose him as a friend but he (as it turns out), held on in the hope id go back. When i realised that id messed-up, i had to be sure & knew i couldn't say/do anything if i had any doubts because it wouldn't have been fair. The problem ive got now is that he left for the same reasons (doesn't know how he feels & lots of probs going on in his life). Whilst im still hoping that he'll do the same, i don't know if he will. We text to see how each other is doing but everytime he initiates contact/replies, i find myself reading into it more than i should & giving myself false hope. I last text a week ago, saying that i hope he has a great time on holiday & he replied saying 'thanks, i'll try. Hope you are very good.' I didn't reply & know now that i can't initiate anymore contact. I guess i need to know that he wants to contact me but then again, that isn't enough. Until i hear the words 'im sorry, i regret what i did & i want you back', i can't read into anything that's said/done as much as i want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 I agree with all of you and NC or minimal contact is best for me. Its just so hard because i do see him all the time, like yesterday i saw him twice and didnt even look at him. Is that the wrong approach to take? I saw him at the gym after work and when i was done working out i just walked right past him to leave but didnt look nor say hi. i felt sort of bad? Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 queenie----do you want him back? I assume yes, but I am no sure? Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 29, 2005 Author Share Posted August 29, 2005 Yes Beth, unfortunately I still want him back : ( Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted August 29, 2005 Share Posted August 29, 2005 have you told him. I know that you have mixed feelings, but maybe you need to tell him? Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I'm not sure if this is the best way to go, i think if he wants to be with you Queenie, he will be...he'll make sure of it, despite what you make clear to him. He should be the one to come to the conclusion that you should be together, let him make that decision up for himself and pursue you. Protect yourself, that's all I'm saying. He ended it, he should be the one to act if he wants to get back together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 Yes I agree francis, i dont think I will tell him that i want to be with him. I agree if he was interested he would let me know...but at the same time i havent made any effort in 4 months either, i basically walked away myself. Tonite I am planning on sending him a text message, it will be the first one in 4 months...I dont expect anything out of it either. He is leaving for vacation with his family and i was suppose to be going with him.. i plan to send a text just saying "hope you have a nice time with your family in mi...drive safe and have fun" I have nothing to lose by sending it in my eyes... I think he will be caught off guard completely tho since i havent contacted him once in 4 months and dont even look at him really when i see him. Link to post Share on other sites
francis Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 so i think you can gauge something from his reaction to this...this is your step at reaching out subtley, so see what he does from here...be careful not to fall into the trap of friends though Queenie...THAT is much worse...dont put yourself through that and pretend to be all buddy buddy with him Link to post Share on other sites
Author queenie01 Posted August 30, 2005 Author Share Posted August 30, 2005 Yes I think i will tell somethng from his response if i even get one at all but you are right, this is my way of subtley reaching out and i havent done anything like this yet at all. I dont want to be friends with him, so im thinking this will be my last contact unless he has something worth me listening too. No small talk. Link to post Share on other sites
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