Try Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 You know that he is cheating with her, and he knows that you know but does not care. If you make excuses that accept this, you will only be dragging out and painfully delaying the inevitability end of this relationship. If you cannot change your partner from their cheating ways, you need to change partners. Somewhere out there is a person that would wake up every day thanking God that they have you in their life. That person is not your current partner. The longer that you waste your life in this relationship, the longer it will take to find a happier life. I said this to a friend when he found out that his wife was cheating on him, and he was doing the pick me monkey dance to try to save his marriage. Now just 3 years later, they are divorced, and he is now engaged to be married to a beautiful and wonderful woman that is openly in love with him. The future wife is a major upgrade, it is not even close. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kindnessmatters Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 If they are talking strictly about say a child they had together etc. an occasional text is fine but outside of children there should be no emotional attachment at all left. If that is occurring then yes it is a form of cheating just like watching porn behind a spouse's back is a form of cheating too. All forms of cheating start emotionally. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted February 2, 2018 Share Posted February 2, 2018 The secrecy makes it cheating. Friendships happen out in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 (edited) If you don't want to bring up seeing the messages....if it were me...I'd just say I'm not happy in the relationship anymore and want to split. If he asks why...I'd say I believe he still has feelings for his previous AP...that I don't want to be drawn into a discussion about it...and would rather focus on how we split up amicably. I've little patience for such nonsense...especially as you don't share children. I don't like drama or big showdowns...I much prefer to extricate myself fron the situation. I had this with an Ex..and when he called I just said bit to bother calling me again..he asked why..I told him I knew he was still with his Ex...he tried to argue. I just hung up. Edited February 3, 2018 by sandylee1 typo Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 3, 2018 Share Posted February 3, 2018 It is emotional cheating. It doesn't have to be sexual, but it is attachment motivated by romantic feelings. He's addicted to it, that's why he is very defensive and protective about it. He is the one initiating most of the messaging. Since you are so invested and you are seeking a solution, the only one I can give you is to go to couples counseling. And before you do this, you need to stand up for yourself, and don't let him down play the situation...explain to him he needs to go or you are walking....you will be getting a lawyer. (Personally I would seek legal counseling first just to see your options and get prepared). Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted February 4, 2018 Share Posted February 4, 2018 Him pulling the "you're crazy jealous" ploy is gas-lighting. You saw the texts, you're not jealous, you are legitimately concerned for your relationship. Makes me wonder if he's Cluster B disordered; people like that pull moves like this. Either way I'm very sad to say it is my sincere belief you need to leave this man. Don't give *your* valuable life to someone who loves someone else. He's cake-eating. You're better off alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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