Most men are intimidated by successful women ? True or Myth??

[Cookiesandough]

Or at least ones more successful than them?

 

One of the things I’ll never need to worry about ha, but I was having drinks with some acquaintances last night. One is a 34 yo PhD Spanish linguistics professor single for years. She is a really cute youth ful girl with a sweet personality. She’s down to earth with no aggressive or higher-than-thou personality at all.

 

She says she meets guys on match and okc but it never goes very far. Whenever she likes a guy, they go after one of her friends or it just never works out. Everyone was saying it’s bevause she’s too good in that her success intimidates men.

 

That’s really sad if it’s the case. It’s not the first time I’ve heard this either. It’s just stuff I’ve read online and also couples around me. When the woman makes substantially more than the guy it just seems a lot less likely to work out . I’ve heard studies about this too. What do you think? Is this a very common phenomenon in your xp and why is this??

Edited January 31, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[CardsFan01]

I think it’s a myth. If it’s an issue, they weren’t compatible in the first place.

[jay1983]

I don't think it's so much intimidation, it's more so because women like that are looking for someone equally as educated or accomplished. So it's a waste of time.

 

If every guy is turning out to be uninterested, then there's probably more than what's been alluded.

[Happy Lemming]

I dated a female doctor (MD) who also had a PHD.

 

She made substantially more than me, I mean A LOT!!

 

We had a lot of fun, I was not intimidated at all. Things were great!! The relationship lasted about 2.5 years and things were starting to get serious.

 

Then her father stuck his nose in and convinced her she could do better than me. He bad mouthed me, said all kinds of derogatory untrue things about me, generalizations, etc. etc... So she dumped me. I can't believe a grown, super intelligent woman would still need to please her daddy...

 

But I digress... I guess it depends on the individual man and if he is confident in himself. Some men may need to make more money to feel superior, I guess. I never cared.

[Mr.Me]

Define successful.

 

A successful mother who has of is raising children into respectful and hardworking adults is crazy sexy.

[alphamale]

yes its true

[staggerlee71]

she likes ambition, not "success"

[carhill]

Some, sure; most? IDK. IME, men like women who they are attracted to sexually. Her success doesn't usually figure into that equation. In my experiences, as an adult anyway, I had no clue as to the lady's success, or not, when attraction was established. However, that could be anomalous because I rarely to never met single women in my social circle as all were married so ended up meeting a lot of unknown strangers whom I knew nothing about prior. The more a man knows, all else being equal, the more likely some prejudice such as intimidation might raise its head. Spur of the moments and chance meetings? Less likely IMO.

[basil67]

Perhaps her life goals aren't compatible with what the guys want in a partner? Or she's not great talking with men? Not flirty enough? Etc Etc?

 

There's so much more to the equation than how successful she is in her career.

[Mr. Lucky]

One is a 34 yo PhD Spanish linguistics professor single for years. She is a really cute youth ful girl with a sweet personality. She’s down to earth with no aggressive or higher-than-thou personality at all.

 

She says she meets guys on match and okc but it never goes very far. Whenever she likes a guy, they go after one of her friends or it just never works out. Everyone was saying it’s bevause she’s too good in that her success intimidates men.

 

She's been single for years despite meeting many men - and you think the problem is everyone else?

 

OK...

 

Mr. Lucky

[S2B]

Personally I don't think it has anything to do with how much money a person makes - heck, when you first meet most people they can't know how much you may make.

 

I know tons of very wealthy folks who look like they have no money.

 

 

I think it has more to do with a persons energy/persona...that may be what intimidates some potential dates.

 

 

I tend to have a strong/secure personality and I highly doubt weak and timid men would be attracted to me. On the flip side - I am often attracted to men who have a strong sense of self and a strong personality to go with it... that's not to say the have to be outgoing and totally social - that's a different subject.

Edited January 31, 2018 by S2B

[callmegm]

My ex-boyfriend's friends used to tell me that I was too headstrong. That I had to learn to submit so that he wouldn't feel too intimidated by me. He never really said anything like that but whenever I complained about he didn't seem to disagree with his friends. And that's one of the reasons I broke up with him. There are plenty of reasons but this is up there.

 

It's not really a matter of who makes more - even though I did - but the problem was he wanted me to be something I'm not. I have ambition and I am headstrong, and I am just not your typical quiet conservative girl that most from my culture are.

[basil67]

My ex-boyfriend's friends used to tell me that I was too headstrong. That I had to learn to submit so that he wouldn't feel too intimidated by me.

 

I wonder if by 'submit' they meant 'compromise'. I'm especially thinking about compromising without pointing out that we're compromising. Being in a relationship does involve each of you taking 'one for the team' on a semi regular basis.

[Els]

Nah, not true for most men. Honestly, MOST people are incompatible with most people. Everyone regardless of career has had bad relationships/dates with incompatible people, everyone has been turned down. While people in good careers sometimes assume their career is the reason, in many cases it isn't so.

 

In some cases the career IS the reason, but not in the way that you think. For one thing, high-flying careers often require a huge amount of investment, time, and effort. They may have to travel frequently for work, they might have to work long hours or nights/weekends, they may not be able to take time off for vacations with their loved ones. This is a sacrifice that some people are willing to make, but not all (and that's their prerogative).

 

For another thing, it's fairly common also for women in high career positions to require that the man be in an equally high-paying position (whereas the reverse is not usually true). Again, that is the woman's prerogative, but it does narrow her choices somewhat.

[littleblackheart]

It's true to some extent. I have a few degrees (including a PhD) and I've noticed some men need more time than others to go beyond the stereotypes around more educated women. It's easily done when they start to get to know the woman better, though, in my experience.

 

I work in academia and most of my colleagues hold a PhD or are working towards one. The younger female ones (under 35) are mainly single, but I think it's more a life choice because they want to focus on their career.

 

Is your friend ok with idea of being with a less educated man than her? Because she'll have to be, if only to expand on her dating pool. There are plenty of very smart guys around, not all of them with a formal education.

[Chilli]

Total bs. why would they be there's plenty of very successful men around.

A successful man would probably love a successful women. As long as she's still a warm and fun person.

l think that stuff just comes like a lot of things do as excuses from women why no one is going for them. Truth is though the real reason is they can be very high maintenance,chips on their shoulder and have no time always busy and stressy and often a hard and cold sorta person.

Things like that are more the real reasons, what guy wants that type of stuff.

[d0nnivain]

I have a fancy degree, an intimidating job & own my own business. When I was dating DH I was frequently in the newspaper. My professional accomplishments were not the subject of our dates. At the time we met, DH had not even graduated from college.

 

As an adult I was always a serial monogamist, never going for more then a few months between long term relationships.

 

None of my academic or professional success had anything to do with my relationships. At home, I'm not my job.

 

In this day & age I don't think "most" men feel any particular way. Sure, some men are going to feel intimidated & turned off but some men prefer blondes over brunettes & vice versa.

 

Any accomplished woman who is habitually having trouble finding a man needs to look in the mirror not at the sheepskin on her wall, especially if she finds herself using that framed diploma to bash men over the head with it.

[littleblackheart]

Total bs. why would they be there's plenty of very successful men around.

A successful man would probably love a successful women. As long as she's still a warm and fun person.

l think that stuff just comes like a lot of things do as excuses from women why no one is going for them. Truth is though the real reason is they can be very high maintenance,chips on their shoulder and have no time always busy and stressy and often a hard and cold sorta person.

Things like that are more the real reasons, what guy wants that type of stuff.

 

It may be an excuse for some women but I know from experience it's not total bs.

 

I don't date and don't look to date so my perspective is not tainted by relationship compatibilities issues. Men being at the very least wary of successful of highly educated women on first impressions (maybe not intimidated as such) are very common when they don't know the woman well. It doesn't need be a problem because this can be explained away with an open mind, but it is a fact.

[Chilli]

So true don.

 

Yaknow on this subject funny thing l remembered something from just a few wks ago.

One of my sisters friends . 40s was complaining men get approach anxiety with her she called it and so she has no luck with men.

Approach anxiety l laughed to myself thinking god there's a name for everything these days huh. What'll they think of next

Anyway sounds like she's been under the impression her whole life that she's just so smart and clever she intimidates them.

 

l said to her umm, there's certainly no shortage of very smart men around why would you but l hate to tell you but your kinda coldish and smart assy , no guy is interested in that type of thing.

She nearly fell over, she's never crossed her own mind.

Truth is though l can't even stand talking to her.

[d0nnivain]

I'm cold & smarty-assy. On more then one occasion even here in LS my communication style has been criticized as being too blunt / mean. I'm direct, not mean. I know have the skill to intimidate many people. I try not to do that but it can be handy in the right setting.

 

When dating, I know I have to turn it down. That can be hard because it's my suit of armor. When I'm scared or nervous that is the self protective side of my personality that comes out. Being vulnerable rather than tough as nails is terrifying.

 

Everybody has things that make them attractive and unattractive. The trick is to be more self aware & compensate for the bad stuff.

[SevenCity]

....

 

 

I tend to have a strong/secure personality and I highly doubt weak and timid men would be attracted to me. On the flip side - I am often attracted to men who have a strong sense of self and a strong personality to go with it... that's not to say the have to be outgoing and totally social - that's a different subject.

 

I’m not weak and timid, but I am turned off by women with this type of personality.

 

I prefer women who don’t challenge me for the sake of challenging. I like soft and sweet.

 

Many “successful” women don’t possess those qualities, but some do. I’ve been surprised how a woman can want to dominate in her career yet want to be dominated in a relationship.

 

Biologically, women look to men as protectors; they go against programming when they are “stronger” than the man and become resentful as a result.

 

As for Cookies’ friend, it’s not them, it’s her.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I’m not sure if education so much as affluence. I do believe men aren’t that keen if the woman has substantially more “resources”.

[d0nnivain]

I’m not weak and timid, but I am turned off by women with this type of personality.

 

I prefer women who don’t challenge me for the sake of challenging. I like soft and sweet.

 

Many “successful” women don’t possess those qualities, but some do. I’ve been surprised how a woman can want to dominate in her career yet want to be dominated in a relationship.

 

Biologically, women look to men as protectors; they go against programming when they are “stronger” than the man and become resentful as a result.

 

As for Cookies’ friend, it’s not them, it’s her.

 

That is the other side of the coin & the basis for the idea that men don't like successful women. We're told that we have to hide part of who we are.

 

When I was looking for DH one of the things I said I wanted was a man strong enough to let me be weak. That is a rare guy indeed but I found him.

 

I have to be competitive all day long at the office just like any other successful business professional. I have zero desire to continue to be that way at home but I'd be d*mned if I'm going to be in a relationship with somebody who doesn't like simply because I can do what he can do. My grad school BF dumped me because he didn't want to compete with me. It was ridiculous. We met in school. What the <bleep> did he think I was doing there -- learning how to knit? Until the day he dumped me I didn't know he had a problem with my success. I was hurt & pissed because I felt like he led me on.

 

I really don't think "most" men dislike successful women but I suppose I do think many men prefer more classic general roles especially in the beginning.

 

Even on TV the roles are evolving. You see female characters that are strong & sexy: Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Kensi on NCIS--LA; the female FBI agents on Criminal Minds, the movie Wonder Woman etc.

Edited January 31, 2018 by d0nnivain

[Shanex]

I'm not. I don't have a PhD but I have a decent education nonetheless that I acquired from personal research, reading books, watching good documentaries etc. Oh and a short stay in college.

 

I like a smart woman, since I don't want to date someone dumb and boring. Even then, I don't care if my current date is scrubbing toilets or works at Burger King for a living. At least she is financially independent.

[nospam99]

Tsk, tsk, Cookies. Don't ask a 'most men' question on LS and expect to get a 'statistically representative sample'.

 

But there ARE psycho-biological factors that MAY mitigate such a phenomenon. How many discussions here (and elsewhere) deal with men having evolved to be 'providers' and women 'nurturers'? Doesn't anything that stresses that paradigm have a lot of potential to intimidate BOTH men and women? Ha! I'm answering 'yes' to both of my rhetorical questions.

 

FWIW, I don't feel intimidated by successful women. However I'm not dating Marissa Mayer . I'm willing to believe that most men are. Me Tarzan, you Jane. (Was going to continue the metaphor with Cheetah until I remembered that chimps are strong and vicious enough to tear humans apart.)