mortensorchid Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I just now realized I am suffering from a form of PTSD. I said I am going to restart myself, work on the self esteem issues, work on things with my career, realize I am worth more, etc. Just recently I have connected with someone on a dating website - I am screening them more carefully now and being adult about things. We have been texting the last few days, he seems alright based on the little I know of him thusfar. And just tonight, he asked via text if I would like to meet up soon. Before I sent my response, I felt myself suddenly change. It was like a shiver that came over me. I started reliving things and hearing all those negative messages in my head ("You're ugly", "I hate you", "You're weird", "You said [blank], etc.) I didn't actually hear the voices of those who said it in my head, in some cases I could identify the people who did/said what they did/said, but I felt all that hurt coming at me that was making me crazy and chipping away at my self esteem over time. But I caught it right at the moment it happened, which had never happened before. Now that I know, I have to find a way to combat this. Suggestion? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 4, 2018 Share Posted January 4, 2018 I assume you've been formally diagnosed with PTSD. The voices you heard which were telling you these awful things about yourself...have you ruled out schizophrenia? It's not uncommon for people to have more than one mental illness. The way to deal with the voices is the same path as the PTSD - you use the help of a psychologist who is skilled in the area and perhaps even a psychiatrist if required. Mental illness needs professional help. It's not something you can combat on your own. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted January 31, 2018 Author Share Posted January 31, 2018 We all talk about having certain "issues" or "baggage" or whatever you want to call it from the past. I have worked hard to get past that and to not let that affect my future or whatever else may or may not happen. But I cannot be not haunted by some things from my past. The nonsense, the excuses, the anger, the horror story of things. How others have hurt me either physically, emotionally or verbally in the process. Is it PTSD? As this affects my dating life, I think it might. I remember over and over the phrase from the past "I am not interested in you romantically." Someone told me that once. That was the last time I had a true crush on someone. And I walked away and I never spoke a word to him again. I tried to maintain my dignity. I spy on him on Facebook still, like an idiot. But I moved on in all other aspects of life - career, friends, family, etc. Do I have PTSD from this? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 I think its good that you write/type about these issues on the forum. You can get them out and talk about them... Then when you close your door to your home and go out to meet that new date, all of those issues can stay behind (trapped on your hard drive, if you will), while you go enjoy yourself. I'm not qualified to answer if you have PTSD. I do think you were hurt, but at some point you need to let it go, and turn the page. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 Mortensorchid... I'm new to the forum, so this may have already been suggested. Have you ever thought of going to a Pub or Bar and just sit down, have a drink, pretend to watch whatever game is on the TV and see if someone approaches you?? What do you think?? At least the guy who approaches you will have some confidence... I had an old girlfriend call me up and she asked me to take her to a pub/bar to attempt to meet someone. So, I told her I'll walk in first and sit at the far end of the bar, you come in 5-10 minutes later and find a seat at the other end of the bar and see what happens. I was only there as her Emergency Safety Net if she got scared or in over her head. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 What is PTSD? Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a particular set of reactions that can develop in people who have been through a traumatic event which threatened their life or safety, or that of others around them. This could be a car or other serious accident, physical or sexual assault, war or torture, or disasters such as bushfires or floods. As a result, the person experiences feelings of intense fear, helplessness or horror. do you feel horror or intense fear do you have flashbacks?....deb Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 31, 2018 Share Posted January 31, 2018 (edited) You were discussing this a couple of weeks back Have you sought out a psychologist since then? Edited January 31, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) i have been called many names.......and i have had them chanted at me by more than one person.....surrounded and publicly humiliated after school knocked down and called retard because i wouldnt throw one punch...hearing the chant hit her again hit her again ...i have been surrounded and stoned in a public park had bait thrown in my long hair.... ......and i hear them all...remember it all..and when i am weak... i have periods of self doubt when these names come back.the standing alone and copping it feeling comes back..... ..but when i am strong...i know my worth.and i know who loves me.. who are they to tell me who i am or what i am or more importantly what i can become..they didnt break me then ....and they are not going to break me now......they are not my enemy....i am my only enemy.....but i am also my own warrior..i beat myself up more than anyone else ever could.....there's only two words you ever need to know when you go through this period of voices in your head .or feelings of low worth.....be your own warrior...and say...STOP IT...and remember they didn't break you....only you can break you...so....STOP IT...and see your beauty ...feel it....feel it in your soft heart and a kindness you can give to someone else....as much as someone has been mean and nasty and cold...you be gentle and flowing and warm....more so...... and no one can ever be...your enemy you see people in a whole different light.....even the mean ones..you see their own brokenness.....suffocate them in kindness..surround them in gentle...and you will see....change....not only in them ...but in your feelings towards yourself.....be a gentle warrior...guys do find that attractive and....a mystery..know your worth just as you are...broken..accept your broken bits and love them....love your scars...they are part of you.....and you will heal if you can accept who you are...others find it so much easier to accept you...not that it matters...any more...ps...i am not quite there yet.....i like it when i am accepted.....maybe everyone does...deep down...deb Edited February 1, 2018 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 When you first get a puppy and have to train them, they are totally out of control. You train one by praising them when they're good, but the puppy is always cute but rarely "good." So you end up waiting for a time it's just calm and not nipping, not squawking, not whining, not chewing up your shoes. But this moment, when it comes, is very brief. Momentary. Still, you must seize that moment when the pup is calm and being nondestructive to pat the pup and say "Good girl, good girl." Because that is the beginning; that is the chink you were waiting for to get that training and praise in. When you've been hurt and maybe you have a touch of PTSD or just negative narrative with yourself holding you back, it's hard to find a way to have a positive experience. But what works is finding a positive experience, waiting for it, jumping on it, and successfully overcoming that self-narrative just for a moment. The goal is overwriting the bad narrative in your brain by taking chances and taking some emotional risks to get that one good experience and begin overwriting that bad rut your brain is in. Learn what works for you to do that. If looking for love never works out, then build your positive narrative with interests and hobbies and pets and whatever works for you. Don't stay mired in something that makes you unhappy. If you can find a good experience looking for love, great, but if it simply always leaves you drained and unhappy, put that aside for a bit and do things that don't tear you down and drain you. Build yourself up. Finding a man/woman isn't the only path to happiness. Fortify yourself by bolstering yourself in ways that positively reinforce you and then try again. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 We all have triggers, and some are worse than others. A self diagnosis of PTSD is a hot button with me right now, similar to people throwing around the term "narcissist" willy-nilly. It is possible to retrain your brain and not let this anxiety overwhelm you with negative self-talk. I definitely recommend going to therapy specifically for this issue, because it can really help. In the meantime, during a time you're NOT feeling that way, write a list of positive things that have happened in your life, accomplishments you've made, compliments people have given you, reasons you are lovable. Read through it every day and keep it with you to pull out at any time those thoughts start to creep in. You're not perfect, but I guarantee there's more positive than negative about you, so your brain needs to just be trained to "remember" that . 3 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 1, 2018 Share Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) i have always had a companion animal....i have since moving out of home always had lots of animals but there would always be one that stayed by my side....till now...but anyway....their presence and their unconditional love ...the fact you have to care for them ......helps with anxiety and ptsd....i knew of one lady who had a collie ...the collie would know when she was about to have an episode of epilepsy and would pull on her to a safe spot ...her bed.....and stay by her with his paw on her until she came back from the episode..... animals are in tune on a whole other level with their owners and companion animals.... instinctively know what their owners need and desire...with me it is always about my personal security and safety...my first rottie bear....would sleep on the end of my bed.....and when my ex would comeback from working away....she wouldn't let him in my bed unless i said its ok bear.....be nice.....and she would stop snarling....and go back to snoring.....the funny thing is....i didnt train her.....she just did it.....because she knew i needed to feel safe a next door neighbour told me once i have seen how bear is with you so sweet and loving.... and i have seen how bear is when you arent around and its like they are not the same dog.....she is horrible when you arent around.....well she wasnt horrible she was just protecting our home.... my last rottie who died recently...xena sheba warrior princess(yes that was her official pedigree name..:0))..the fighting and tension around me ...between my family was getting me really down triggering severe anxiety and flashbacks.........triggering me....when it would start she would come into my room hop up on my bed and put her head on my pillow right next to me......never really trained her either......if anyone asked her to get off my bed the lounge or to go outside...she would just look at them or worse turn her head away and look in my direction...and wait for me to say it......and then she would do what i told her to do..sometimes if i was anxious even if i asked her to go .....she wouldnt go....... i think thats the difference with a companion animal and a pet.....is that animal responds to you...lives for you...and unconditionally loves you till their very last breath.........as you do them.......no one can change that or take that away from you...their love is constant...no one can take them away from you and they never leave you.....until god takes them...which i must admit...wish he gave me more time with xena....i am missing her badly....still crying.... when my mum was really struggling i convinced her to get a shepherd....i researched the breeders and found a reputable one with good bloodlines.....they had one puppy left....and mum went on a day trip to the country and got her......now this shepherd.....ate her bedroom wall......her mattress....two fly screens and the bottom of a front door BUT there was not a more loyal dog....who would sit at my mums feet sit outside the toilet door....the bathroom....anywhere my mum was there was tahnee when mum had the mg up and running tahnee would sit in the passenger side with her seat belt on and would wait patiently while mum ran into the shop with the top down.....no one tried to steal mums car.....lucky tahnee would have taken their head off...tahnee saved my mum...literally...mum was suicidal.....runs in my family.....depression.....my maternal grandmother also had dogs.....all through her life.....and a monkey......that got donated to a zoo because it tried to scalp her.... you are probably bored with my stories so ill get to the point....seriously consider a companion animal ...dogs in particular ......i know of so many wonderful stories....its not only what your companion brings to your life....but what you can give back on a daily basis.....what you do for them ...is as much as what they do for you....when you go out....to places like dog parks ...you meet other people...you hear their stories you make friends......and life just seems a little easier.....a little more fulfilling...and illnesses, conditions and disorders a whole lot more manageable. personally i like big dogs.....i dont feel as vulnerable..i have had a rhodesian ridgeback, a mastiff and two rottweilers...rotties are my fit.......but any companion animal ....will bring something special to your life...and that specialness ...is what you can give them back...which is unconditional love...as much as you possibly could...they will take it..and give you more than you could ever think you deserve........i wish you well.....deb Edited February 1, 2018 by todreaminblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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