Is dating even worth it anymore?

[SevenCity]

Wouldn't put it exactly like that but a bit yeah. Hell l dunno , no plan, maybe l just trust my good nose for women but l think you were in my thread about someone l've just met so you'd have some idea from there.

But nope . l've never dated or ever been single except for awhile after divorce.

 

But eh . the date date date thing seems to work for some and glory to them. l know the trouble l'd be getting myself into though haha.

 

This is the first time I’ve really been single since I was a teen and have been dating as a result. I agree it seems pretty pointless with the exception of sex.

 

I have a date tonight and am dreading it. The entire process is exhausting for me.

[Chilli]

Ah you , man that is weird. It's a shame really , the things we do eh.

l hope it turns out fun anyway .

[Chilli]

Tell you what almost made me give up earlier.

 

About two years after my divorce l went on a date site for a short stint, first time ever.

l was talking to a lot of people but one l was actually pretty keen on and we text for a mth often through the day and usually at night saying goodnight and stuff too. phoned a few times but taking it slowly. She was also 6 hours away too so meeting was awkward and taking awhile.

 

But then one night after talking and messaging for a mth, lots of photos and dozens of convos, l messaged how ya doin @@@@ - nick name , and she said back oh l'm fine thank you very much.

l thought to myself WT , fine thank you very much. what's wrong with her tonight.

 

l sent something back and then she said back , could you remind me please of whom l am talking too ?

Huhhhhh ????????

You could imagine.

l said @@@@@ WT . stop messin round.

She says . just refresh my memory a bit l'm sorry but l don't remember you.

 

l'm still picking my jaw up off the floor every time l think of it.

[js_77]

Hooking up and casual sex is complicated, having a serious relationship is complicated, getting married is the most complicated of all (that's why I don't think I would get married again in my life)...Anyway, something is wrong with relationships nowadays!

 

I don't understand why people say I love you to each other but it's cheating behind their back. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say because some women here will get angry with me, so before I want to say I'M SORRY...but most women these days [] sleep around, they love the attention from other guys on social media, they play games, some of them are gold diggers, the cheat, lie in front of you... I know there's a lot of guys who are [jerks] as well, I'm not a saint but it seems women are getting much more worst!

Edited February 1, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs, redact language and member moderated

[Gaeta]

Hooking up and casual sex is complicated, having a serious relationship is complicated, getting married is the most complicated of all (that's why I don't think I would get married again in my life)...Anyway, something is wrong with relationships nowadays!

 

I don't understand why people say I love you to each other but it's cheating behind their back. I'm sorry for what I'm about to say because some women here will get angry with me, so before I want to say I'M SORRY...but most women these days [] sleep around, they love the attention from other guys on social media, they play games, some of them are gold diggers, the cheat, lie in front of you... I know there's a lot of guys who are [jerks] as well, I'm not a saint but it seems women are getting much more worst!

 

Sounds like you've been looking for women in the wrong type of places, OR you don't know how to read early warning, you endure what most people would not endure and you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship.

 

The trick of finding an easy relationship it so dump asap anything that smells bad. You don't give 'chances' and you don't ignore early red flags. You move on at the first offense this way you don't end up burnt like you are.

[littleblackheart]

I've never dated. I find it artificial, constrained, un-natural and nerve-racking. I don't see the excitment in going through a series of meetings with strangers and behave in a more or less standardised way to get a more or less predictable result.

 

That being said, it may well be the only way for those who are impatient or who like to be a relationship more than they like to be single.

[newyorker11356]

I've never dated. I find it artificial, constrained, un-natural and nerve-racking. I don't see the excitment in going through a series of meetings with strangers and behave in a more or less standardised way to get a more or less predictable result.

 

That being said, it may well be the only way for those who are impatient or who like to be a relationship more than they like to be single.

 

Ah, that's how dating is supposed to be. How else are you supposed to find someone you want to be with long-term?

 

It's also normal for it to be nerve-racking a bit.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm pretty sure that when we get to the end of our lives, the memories we're going to look back on most fondly are fun times with people we love.

 

I just had surgery, so I've been sleeping a lot to promote healing, which means I'm dreaming a lot. The happiest dreams are all about people I love and care about appearing and making these sweet connections.

 

What made it much easier to get through the ordeal has been the support and good wishes of friends, family, and colleagues who care about me.

 

Myself, I haven't found the right romantic match. I could have if I'd been more willing to compromise, but that's just not who I am. I'm open to romantic love and hope I find it, but right now I'm not actively looking. I'm just doing my thing and seeing what I naturally attract.

[littleblackheart]

U

Ah, that's how dating is supposed to be. How else are you supposed to find someone you want to be with long-term?

 

It's also normal for it to be nerve-racking a bit.

 

 

You ask friends to set you up? There is always someone who knows someone who knows singles. That's what I would do if I were actively looking.

 

Nerve racking is ok if the process is a least a little bit exciting - dating to me suggests a very sanitised way of meeting people. I imagine people who do that often fall into habits, they are almost conditioned and go through the motions like they go shopping.

 

I don't really know to be truthful - it's all academic to me. I'm occasionally asked out by men I don't know and my answer is invariably no. I don't t enjoy making small talk at the best of times.

Edited February 1, 2018 by littleblackheart

[newyorker11356]

U

 

 

You ask friends to set you up? There is always someone who knows someone who knows singles. That's what I would do if I were actively looking.

 

Nerve racking is ok if the process is a least a little bit exciting - dating to me suggests a very sanitised way of meeting people. I imagine people who do that often fall into habits, they are almost conditioned and go through the motions like they go shopping.

 

I don't really know to be truthful - it's all academic to me. I'm occasionally asked out by men I don't know and my answer is invariably no. I don't t enjoy making small talk at the best of times.

 

Easier said than done. Some people would prefer not to have their friends set them up, or your friends may not know any current single people or know anyone who knows single people. Plus, even if you do get set up, who knows if you'd even be compatible or find them attractive.

 

Also, regardless, you're still going to end up going through the dating motions anyway. You're not going to avoid the dating portion regardless of how you meet. Funny that you mentioned being impatient, since asking your friends to set you up is the opposite of being patient, heh.

 

Most of my dating is usually done through online dating since real life has never worked for me. Currently dating and talking to a girl I've met through the Bumble app, and things are going very well so far.

 

I've always found dating to be a bit nerve-wracking (in a good way) and exciting. To each his own, I guess.

Edited February 1, 2018 by newyorker11356

[Purepony]

I'm pretty sure that when we get to the end of our lives, the memories we're going to look back on most fondly are fun times with people we love.

 

 

I don’t know about that one. Sometimes things you accomplish on your own could also be significant. When I look back it’s not always some memory of people I dated or know or even knew

[Cookiesandough]

To me dating is the single best way to learn about people. I have learned more about human nature/people in my one and a half years of “dating” than I have in all the years I’ve collected data and researched. Nothing beats hands on experience

 

Edited: tried to clean up some grammar

Edited February 1, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[Hopeforall]

It depends obviously on the relationship but dating is hard. There is definitely a cheating culture out there these days and frankly the internet has made it easier. That being said, the argument could be made that dating is better than getting married these days. If you are dating and it doesn't work, you can move on.

[Chilli]

U

 

 

You ask friends to set you up? There is always someone who knows someone who knows singles. That's what I would do if I were actively looking.

 

Nerve racking is ok if the process is a least a little bit exciting - dating to me suggests a very sanitised way of meeting people. I imagine people who do that often fall into habits, they are almost conditioned and go through the motions like they go shopping.

 

I don't really know to be truthful - it's all academic to me. I'm occasionally asked out by men I don't know and my answer is invariably no. I don't t enjoy making small talk at the best of times.

 

 

 

Yep. don't believe it . Finally someone else that sees all that the way l do, l don't date either, never have.

l find all the same things the way everyone talks about it .

Disbelief tbh, couldn't imagine putting myself through that.

But then it's a whole new world , mentality and society now to when l was last single. Or maybe that's just online stuff and not the real world, not sure .

[CrazyKatLady]

I just got out of a 6 month "relationship" in December. He left and I am glad, actually.

I don't get stood up, taken on dates where I get left alone at a table while he chases women around, I don't get cheated on emotionally and possibly even physically, I don't have to feel like I'm not good enough, or die trying to please him when the guy could have cared less about me anyway.

I got on Amazon, ordered a "male replacement" and I am starting to feel happier now!

I won't be dating again anytime soon...but, I do believe in love, I do believe the right man would be worth it.

In the meantime, until he comes dashing into my arms, I am just going to take it easy and not sweat the little things in life. Hang in there buddy, your day will come...

[Chilli]

Sounds like you've been looking for women in the wrong type of places, OR you don't know how to read early warning, you endure what most people would not endure and you find yourself in a dysfunctional relationship.

 

The trick of finding an easy relationship it so dump asap anything that smells bad. You don't give 'chances' and you don't ignore early red flags. You move on at the first offense this way you don't end up burnt like you are.

 

 

The problem is though , in a way that's exactly what a lot of people complain about now so it's a fine line.

You see dozens of people on here everyday , saying next over one tiny little thing.

 

But like my dad always said , you never find perfect in life .

Well people aren't perfect either and there'll always be something with somebody new, especially as we get older. So with somebody you really like but there is a thing or two , as there is with anyone anyway, where's the line yknow and meanwhile feelings become stronger while your finding out more, so it's a tricky business.

 

People don't seem to know that anymore if the internet is anything to go by. No one would've ever have been married and none of us would exist , if people ran back when as easy as they do now.

 

But then there is also a lot of problems out there in people now too , so many effd up people out there it's surreal . or maybe it's just that 20yrs later so many have been through the wars in that 20yrs,.

 

But media and internet is also really messing with people , young and not so young.

People have also lost so much of what were once just natural senses and communication and real life experience , they don't seem to exist anymore with many.

It's all too easy to jump onto a computer now asnd texting and media and read all this stuff rather than be in touch with our inner selves anymore the way would would have had to do just naturally , for all of time before.

Edited February 1, 2018 by Chilli

[Chilli]

Bloody sad really.

 

Date sites now just encourage it even more so l think , everything seems to. Throw away mentality society.

[LB2016]

I’m about to give up! It’s nonsense.

[Mkn1010]

The problem is though , in a way that's exactly what a lot of people complain about now so it's a fine line.

You see dozens of people on here everyday , saying next over one tiny little thing.

 

But like my dad always said , you never find perfect in life .

Well people aren't perfect either and there'll always be something with somebody new, especially as we get older. So with somebody you really like but there is a thing or two , as there is with anyone anyway, where's the line yknow and meanwhile feelings become stronger while your finding out more, so it's a tricky business.

 

People don't seem to know that anymore if the internet is anything to go by. No one would've ever have been married and none of us would exist , if people ran back when as easy as they do now.

 

But then there is also a lot of problems out there in people now too , so many effd up people out there it's surreal . or maybe it's just that 20yrs later so many have been through the wars in that 20yrs,.

 

But media and internet is also really messing with people , young and not so young.

People have also lost so much of what were once just natural senses and communication and real life experience , they don't seem to exist anymore with many.

It's all too easy to jump onto a computer now asnd texting and media and read all this stuff rather than be in touch with our inner selves anymore the way would would have had to do just naturally , for all of time before.

 

 

 

Yes^^^^ I wholeheartedly agree with this post and my beliefs align with this.

[Chilli]

I’m about to give up! It’s nonsense.

 

 

 

Yaknow what . seriously considering it myself and yet l'm one of the lucky ones . but still , l'm realizing almost every problem, talking huge problems, like divorce, children, property. and heartache l've ever had in life has been one way or another , due to the opp' sex.

 

Yet l get along with women really well always have and l've been very lucky and in many ways have had what many only dream of, that's not really the thing.

The thing is that even still , even when best intentions or the biggest of loves, still one way or another , it effs me up.

 

Funny . buying my house alone and mostly living along this last 18mths is lately shaping up to about the most stress free hassle free life l've ever had.

Maybe l buy a dog , or a robot .

It's really no wonder so many people want out of this crap.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Chilli

[js_77]

One of the worst things I see these days is how feminism changed relationships, anyway for me it's sad to be alone but complicated dating someone? What's wrong with me? And I don't understand why every woman I'm with after a few months or years start to talk about marriage, kids, etc. I was married before but I don't want this again right now in my life, I'm 32 and dream about living abroad. About living abroad, I didn't talk about this seriously with my new girlfriend but I know we have to talk about this seriously one way or another because it is very serious!

[Chilli]

Wwell there then you don't really have a problem as such if they feel that way.

And unfortunately your at the worst possible age for that stuff, No women wants to waste those years going no where in a relationship it's a crucial time they're very aware of.

 

ps , maybe she might wanna move with ya, if ya love her , a lot, if not , bad idea.

Edited February 3, 2018 by Chilli

[act00]

Dating has many benefits. You are embarking on a more intimate relationship with someone you presumably want to have a long-term, committed relationship with, and you need to know what you want, what you don't want, what your deal-breakers are, and where you can be more lax and accepting. You won't know until you try. There are a lot of misses. There are a lot of disappointments. It can take some inner reflection, and that's the hard part. What is it that YOU'RE doing that is causing no one to stick. It could be simple incompatibility, but do you have habits, views, or behaviors that make women/men run? Is this something you can change? Is it something you cannot change and this person has to accept whatever it is? Can you do anything to improve upon yourself...permanently? Dating is an experiment. You determine what works, what doesn't. You won't land yourself a wife/husband without some work, heartache, and learning and awareness. It's worth it, but take a break when it starts to punch you in the face. Do yourself a favor and back off when you need to, then get back on that horse.

 

It is definitely worth it, and I'm always happy to get some smoochies.

[hotpotato]

Yet again I'll point out the difference in dating for men vs women. Most men can count their dates. With women having "countless" it is just a matter of time before you find someone.

 

I probably would lick my wounds a bit better from heartbreak if there were countless women lining up to date me.

 

I've never had 'countless' men lined up to date me. For sex? Yes, but I've had very few men bother trying to get to know me.

 

Dear op, maybe it's time for a break!

[hotpotato]

One of the worst things I see these days is how feminism changed relationships, anyway for me it's sad to be alone but complicated dating someone? What's wrong with me? And I don't understand why every woman I'm with after a few months or years start to talk about marriage, kids, etc. I was married before but I don't want this again right now in my life, I'm 32 and dream about living abroad. About living abroad, I didn't talk about this seriously with my new girlfriend but I know we have to talk about this seriously one way or another because it is very serious!

 

After a couple of years, of course, many women will talk about marriage and kids. I think its,best to tell them asap your intentions to live abroad.

 

After a few months is reasonable, too. If her goal is to be married with kids, it's best to not waste time.