relationship advise

[drewdawg]

I have been dating my girlfriend for the past 3 years (all while in college). Lately, I've been feeling that this relationship may not be right for me (just little things ranging from me feeling as if my feelings/needs aren't as important has hers, to thinking about other girls I have met recently). I have never, nor would I ever cheat on her, but I feel more and more compelled to do so. Each time I try to talk about how I am feeling and that we may need to take some time and space, she gets all emotional and I stop talking about it. I know that at times, it is important to put yourself ahead of others, but it has always been hard for me to do that. I keep telling myself that I can make myself happy no matter what, and frankly, it's starting to scare me. I by no means want to get deeper into this relationship (by this I mean engagement or getting married) if I have to be "making" myself happy. I realize that this is something I have to do on my own, and whatnot, but does anyone out there have any advise on this subject...I'm sure I'm not that only person in the world that has had a similar problem. Thanks.

[Ed]

Each time I try to talk about how I am feeling and that we may need to take some time and space, she gets all emotional and I stop talking about it.

 

You shouldn't be surprised that she doesn't want to talk about it. It scares the hell out of her. Most of the time, when people feel the way you do, the relationship is history. But, she needs to realize that the relationship is not worth having, on either part, if she doesn't gracefully let you go about having your space and finding out what you really want.

 

There are a lot of posts here, from people in the same situation as your girlfriend. They go something like this, "My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. Everything has been going fine until the other day. He told me he doesn't know what he wants anymore and needs some space." The advice usually given to someone in this situation is to drop you like a hot potato and move on! You might mention to her that she visit this sight to help her deal with things too.

 

If you expect to have all your needs fulfilled by another person, you are in for a rough time. It's OK to want it all, but to expect it, is irrational. It is unlikely that any one person will meet all your needs. Although, some will come closer, and with less effort, than others. Of course, that's what can make it so hard to commit yourself to one person for an extended period of time. No one ever knows for sure what things will be like later.

 

No one can "make" you happy. You either are or you aren't. If you aren't happy, there really is no denying it. You can smooth it over and overlook it, but, you know it. It's what you do about it that counts. Don't expect other people to make you happy and don't blame other people when you're not. It's your choice. You are the one making the decisions that lead you to where you are at any particular time in life.

 

That being said...if you want a long term committed relationship with someone and after three years of seeing them you are still not sure, I think it is time to move on.

[sky]

If you can not see yourself with this person in the future what is the purpose in pursuing a dying relationship. Enjoy your youth and have fun, you do not need to be weighed down with worries like this, and it is a really bad sign if you can not sit down and discuss things. Girls do tend to get emotional and quite often this is how we get things to go our way. Good luck

Each time I try to talk about how I am feeling and that we may need to take some time and space, she gets all emotional and I stop talking about it. You shouldn't be surprised that she doesn't want to talk about it. It scares the hell out of her. Most of the time, when people feel the way you do, the relationship is history. But, she needs to realize that the relationship is not worth having, on either part, if she doesn't gracefully let you go about having your space and finding out what you really want. There are a lot of posts here, from people in the same situation as your girlfriend. They go something like this, "My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. Everything has been going fine until the other day. He told me he doesn't know what he wants anymore and needs some space." The advice usually given to someone in this situation is to drop you like a hot potato and move on! You might mention to her that she visit this sight to help her deal with things too. If you expect to have all your needs fulfilled by another person, you are in for a rough time. It's OK to want it all, but to expect it, is irrational. It is unlikely that any one person will meet all your needs. Although, some will come closer, and with less effort, than others. Of course, that's what can make it so hard to commit yourself to one person for an extended period of time. No one ever knows for sure what things will be like later. No one can "make" you happy. You either are or you aren't. If you aren't happy, there really is no denying it. You can smooth it over and overlook it, but, you know it. It's what you do about it that counts. Don't expect other people to make you happy and don't blame other people when you're not. It's your choice. You are the one making the decisions that lead you to where you are at any particular time in life. That being said...if you want a long term committed relationship with someone and after three years of seeing them you are still not sure, I think it is time to move on.

[Betty]

Hi,

 

I am actually in a similiar situation as you. My boyfriend is like you. He isn;t sure what he wants and doesn't see me in his distant future.

 

I understand the pain your gf is feeling and at the same time I know how you are feeling too. First of all, you say that you are not cheating on her, so how come you are going out meeting other girls and keeping your options open??

 

Why couldn't you be more honest with her and tell her how you are feeling without having to meet other girls to do a comparison. This is unfair to your girlfriend. No matter how emotional she may get, just tell her! is there no way that the two of you could work things out?? If the feeling you used to have for her aren't here anymore than prolonging the relationship is going to make her and you miserable.

 

The best thing I could tell you here is to let her know...gently.. It will be tough for the two of you but keeping the lines of communication open would be the best solution here. As for me, I have tried to talk to my bf about his feelings but no matter what I do he just clams up.

 

I have ended the relationship recently and have decided that I move on with my life.. I rather be alone than unhappy.

 

I hope you will talk to her. Good luck!

 

Betty

I have been dating my girlfriend for the past 3 years (all while in college). Lately, I've been feeling that this relationship may not be right for me (just little things ranging from me feeling as if my feelings/needs aren't as important has hers, to thinking about other girls I have met recently). I have never, nor would I ever cheat on her, but I feel more and more compelled to do so. Each time I try to talk about how I am feeling and that we may need to take some time and space, she gets all emotional and I stop talking about it. I know that at times, it is important to put yourself ahead of others, but it has always been hard for me to do that. I keep telling myself that I can make myself happy no matter what, and frankly, it's starting to scare me. I by no means want to get deeper into this relationship (by this I mean engagement or getting married) if I have to be "making" myself happy. I realize that this is something I have to do on my own, and whatnot, but does anyone out there have any advise on this subject...I'm sure I'm not that only person in the world that has had a similar problem. Thanks.