Men: Peacocking or Insecurity

[What_Did_I_Do]

I've recently started seeing a fellow again after a 6 month hiatus. We are both in our 50's so plenty of life experience under our belts.

 

Last summer when we would go on dates, each time he would mention how many women would want to sleep with him. Heck, he even told me that he was at a convention and a lesbian lady took a shine to him, said if she wasn't gay she'd be making a play for him. We went out again last week and he again brought up his 'unfortunate' situation where he has to politely decline the sexual advances of his dates.

 

We are not exclusive so the first 5-6 times/dates he brought this topic up I just brushed it off as insecurity and the need to impress me verbally would wane. He's not drop dead handsome but from what he's told me he is well off financially so I'd imagine this is a draw for some women. If we didn't have so much in common I would have stopped seeing him after last week's info session.

 

My question: this is peacocking, but is it only to get me to sleep with him (which we haven't done and won't if he keeps this up) or is it just plain ol' insecurity? And why would he think this unnecessary data would make me want to climb across the table and rip his clothes off?

[carhill]

This is as old as the hills. I was first introduced to it decades ago at the race track, watching how the 'hot' drivers would gather attention. It wasn't with their head down, working the car, merely winning races. It was bravado, bragging, self-promotion. That's why they were popular. Plenty of other drivers, myself included, would win races, help out other racers, be consummate sportsman but it was instructive who got the attention from the fans and media. The 'peacocks' did.

 

Men do this because it works. Men are pragmatists. Formulists. You see it all the time on these forums where men, usually young men, seek a formula to get chicks. They want a 2+2 = get laid. When they figure out what 2+2 gets them laid the most, that's what they go with, honing it over time.

 

The guy you encountered is a typical guy. That he impacted you enough to post this thread tells me he's attractive enough to not be dismissed by you immediately by otherwise boorish behavior and he impacted you emotionally. It works. On everyone? Nope! But enough that his dance card stays full. That's what men like him want, and also have found success in achieving. Winning. Just like at the track.

[Miss Spider]

He's bragging to make himself seem more desirable.

[Gaeta]

I don't think it's any of it. I just think men that do that are ignorant and emotionally immature. If I were you, no matter how in common you have, I'd be looking for a real gentleman. Not a little joe-know-it-all like he seems to be.

[CptInsano]

It's a sales technique called "false sense of urgency" overlapping with "artificial scarcity". He is trying to create the illusion that you are missing out by not sleeping with him.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm in my 50's, as well and I don't think this is appropriate at all. At 50+, we have all had life experiences and there is no need to discuss/brag/peacock or whatever, with someone you are dating. If he wants to "locker room" talk with his male buddies, I guess that is OK, but not with you.

 

I'm in a LTR and I don't talk to my girlfriend about past relationships. She did have one question about my past, I answered it, the subject is no longer discussed. She was briefly married before, I asked my questions about that situation, then it was done. We have other subjects to talk about and other adventures to explore.

 

Perhaps say something to him, be direct... Hopefully, he will drop this behavior/subject.

[RecentChange]

I don't know what it's source is, but I would find this highly obnoxious and a huge turn off.

[Jj66]

I disagree on the artificial scarcity manipulation. He doesn't need that. The scarcity of men our age is real. At least where I live I would say there are 60 or more women in the dating pool for every 40 men.

 

This is why, in case you haven't noticed, once we get to our 50s men are almost in complete control of the dating scene. In our 20s, women were the masters. Now the tables have turned. The fact that you are here talking about this instead of nexting him for outrageous behavior shows just how much the tables have turned.

 

Women probably ARE flirting with him and he doesn't know how to deal with it properly having never experienced this type of thing before when he was younger. His peacocking could also be overcompensating for a previous serious narcissistic injury.

 

He is likely exaggerating the extent of it all but I can tell you that it is very real at least in my life. The majorettes, the cheerleaders, the homecoming queens, and the fashion models of yesterday who wouldn't have given me the time of day back then are pursuing me nowadays. Just last week when the former homecoming queen saw the former model put her hand on my knee she completely lost it like a middle school child. I was never pursued to my knowledge when I was younger but it is so common now that I've almost come to expect it in my 50s.

 

I can say this stuff here because nobody knows me and I might talk about this some with my guy friends but it's just boorish to to talk about it with a dating prospect. I don't do it. In fact I down play it because I don't want to make my dates feel insecure.

 

If it is real for him the way it's real for me then he needs to learn to be mature about it, accept it for the flattery that it is, gain confidence from it and move on. He needs to learn that if it's real there is no need to brag about it to anyone and especially not someone you are trying to date.

[CptInsano]

I disagree on the artificial scarcity manipulation. He doesn't need that. The scarcity of men our age is real. At least where I live I would say there are 60 or more women in the dating pool for every 40 men.[...]

 

That is fine and dandy, but what is the point of him telling her that?

[mikeylo]

For a sensible woman, it would be a turn off. Balanced people get over this HS stuff before they leave HS

[Chilli]

What so there's a term peacocking now too.

Bloody hell . they're gonna have to make a whole new dictionary soon just for dating terms.

 

Ya get women peacocking too about all the men chasing them, often they think they're discising it making it all sound like a burden or something they hate .

Very transparent , it's just bragging just like your bf.

 

But what his other motives if any, no clue.

Depend on his tones and the way he says these things.

 

Maybe if women can say why some women go on like that too , we get the answer , dunno

[Mr. Lucky]

That is fine and dandy, but what is the point of him telling her that?

 

Exactly. Even were it true, a real "keeper" wouldn't bring it up once, much less repeatedly. At the very least, it would be presented in a self-deprecating manner.

 

Time to return him to his adoring fans...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Chilli]

I disagree on the artificial scarcity manipulation. He doesn't need that. The scarcity of men our age is real. At least where I live I would say there are 60 or more women in the dating pool for every 40 men.

 

This is why, in case you haven't noticed, once we get to our 50s men are almost in complete control of the dating scene. In our 20s, women were the masters. Now the tables have turned.

 

 

 

 

Haha funny, brings back memories.

They were the masters because we wanted that hot little body of theirs so bad .

 

lt's kinda nice in a way being older now because the women don't look like that anymore so it's a lot easier to use our brains instead.

[GorillaTheater]

I think I got over this stuff shortly after I got done being a teenager (and yeah, I'm in my 50s now). If I'm going to peacock at all, it's going to be with my actions, not words.

 

 

This guy just strikes me as lame.

[preraph]

All I know is that if you married him, you'd get sick of all that pretty quick. It's worse than a swivel-head.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I knew a few women like this in my college years and a little bit afterward. Insecurity. It's very annoying. I would not be able to date a man like that.

[gaius]

I think it's just a lazy way to try and get women interested. Like an instant mix for slovenly guys who don't want to make the effort to develop an interesting and/or sexy personality.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love telling people how great I am, but at least be creative about it. Most of the women they're bragging about probably don't even really want them.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it's just a lazy way to try and get women interested. Like an instant mix for slovenly guys who don't want to make the effort to develop an interesting and/or sexy personality.

 

Don't get me wrong, I love telling people how great I am, but at least be creative about it. Most of the women they're bragging about probably don't even really want them.

 

Yes, that's the thing! This is usually the case.

[Logo]

Personally, I find it immature. I’ve had women do that on a first date with me and it only validated in my view that they felt insecure. But that’s just me.