drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Hello all. I really like a girl. And I suspect she likes me too but I'm not sure. Sometimes, spending time with her is the best thing on Earth but sometimes, she just disappears. She's full of life, energetic (even hyperactive), talks a lot and is generally a source of joy and happiness, sometimes. But sometimes, she doesn't even leave her home. She cuts off all contact with people (at least me), sleeps a lot, is tired and sad, sulks all the time, etcetera. I even called her one time at 1:30 PM and she was asleep, woke her up. So I think she might have the bipolar disorder. Have you ever dated with such a person? I'm pretty sure it'd be an emotional rollercoaster and it would drain me but I still want to do it. But I wonder how tangible is a relationship and/or marriage with a person with bipolar disorder (no offense). Thoughts?
js_77 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I dated one once, never again! OP, run and break up with her!!!!!!!!!
Rockdad Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I was thinking immediatly you better getting ready for a roller coaster ride and then came to that in your post. I don't have experience dealing with a person with this issue. I have watched 3 employees over the years that their wives were bi-polar, saying it was difficult for them is an understatement.
carhill Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 How long have you been dating? Has she self-disclosed bi-polar or are you speculating? If confirmed, has she demonstrated adherence to treatment like medications and/or psychological therapy? I've never dated a BP1 but have dated a couple BP2's and, medicated, I'd be stretching to complain about any significant problems. BP2's swing much more gradually and over weeks to months, not minutes to days like a BP1. How does it go for you? Would I marry a diagnosed and confirmed person with bi-polar ? Nah, did the mental illness thing as a caregiver so, lovely as they might be, I'd pass. If they otherwise were interesting socially no problem socializing but I'd head for the exit if they went sideways and not look back, no different from a woman cutting me off if not liking my behaviors. Fair is fair. There's always going to be some guy who thinks his book of tricks is superior so, if the lady is otherwise attractive, she'll never lack for male interest. Does your dating partner self-medicate with recreational drugs and/or alcohol? I ask because of the sleeping during the day thing. I noted with mental illness when caregiving, as well as interactions with alcoholics, that sometimes they reverse days and nights if not otherwise required to function during the day. 2
Shanex Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 You are right. Dating someone with bipolar is like being on an emotional rollercoaster. One day you are their best friends ever, the next day their worse enemy. Their needs for acceptance make them fickle. If they follow and take their meds and do not abuse alcohol, and steer clear of any drugs though, they are pretty normal. Moody like everyone else. Best.
Lorenza Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 It's tough dealing with someone with bipolar disorder. Be ready for drama, unreasonable behavior, unexplainable mood swings, moments of elation and a world of darkness. My cousin is bipolar and I pity his ex girlfriend who left him after few years of suffering with him. He shifts from fun and laughter to wanting to kill himself. Sometimes the same day
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 She suffers from depression and not necessarily being "bi-polar" Personally I don't think she is. I know you get a wonderful boost when she is on a high, but you are right it will wear you down when she's down in the dumps.....she needs to seek out medical help asap. You can suggest it, but you can't make her go. Anywho, I would walk.She needs to figure this out on her own. 1
central Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 It's difficult dating someone with bipolar - and that's assuming they take their medications reliably, and get counselling on an ongoing basis. My ex was bipolar, and that played a part (not the major part, though) in my choosing to divorce her. If this gets serious, you marry, and want kids, she may have to go off some medications and/or substitute others that are safer. This may result in unstable behavior, especially combined with hormonal changes. It's possible she'll spend some of that time in a locked ward, for her own safety. However, if she is stable on her meds and takes them reliably, she may be a good match. However, it sounds like her stability is already in question.
carhill Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Yeah, re-reading the OP's post, it appears he's bundled some observations together and is wondering out loud *if* she's bi-polar. I missed that first time around. My suggestion would be to think less, in this case about a psychological diagnosis, and feel more, how one feels when encountering the behaviors. Do the interactions work in the realm of dating and romance for you OP? 1
kendahke Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Thoughts? Like her from a distance unless you want to constantly be caught up in this. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 It's tough dealing with someone with bipolar disorder. Be ready for drama, unreasonable behavior, unexplainable mood swings, moments of elation and a world of darkness. My cousin is bipolar and I pity his ex girlfriend who left him after few years of suffering with him. He shifts from fun and laughter to wanting to kill himself. Sometimes the same day I dated a guy w/bi polar for a short amount of time. He was crazy controlling and even after a great day together, he would burst into tears. Def not worth it, he felt way too sorry for himself and talked about dying, yeah no thanks. 3
kendahke Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I don't have experience dealing with a person with this issue. . I do. When he was up, he was way up and living at warp speed in the future; when he came down, he was unnecessarily nasty and mean. He has a bad relationship with his children because he was horrible to them as they were growing up. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I do. When he was up, he was way up and living at warp speed in the future; when he came down, he was unnecessarily nasty and mean. He has a bad relationship with his children because he was horrible to them as they were growing up. Granted I only dated him a short while, so I didn't experience fully (thankfully!), he would manipulate me and try to make me feel bad for no reason.
Author drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Thanks for all the answers people. I don't KNOW that if she's bipolar or not, but there are many reasons that make me think so. I've never seen her go from manic to depressive in one day, so she might be BP2. When I told her friends I liked her and we were seeing each other, their answer was "don't, for your own sake". Then they told me she was fickle and she dumped her BFs for no reason at all. Also, she told me that she never "loved" someone in that way but she had like 9 boyfriends. Not sure what that means lmao. About alcohol and drug abuse, she has friends who smoke pot but she never mentioned doing so, she doesn't even smoke tobacco. And says she rarely drinks. When it comes to dating and romance, I don't know. Sometimes it feels like she's really into me and sometimes I feel like I'm in the "friendzone". I was happy about being with her but we haven't talked for a loong time. I'm just asking in case of she wants to come back to me. If not, guess I'll find someone with less problems.
carhill Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 OP, also, and this blends in with the difficulty in giving it (the relationship/dating experience) up, is the lady in question, when 'almost hyperactive', also displaying hyper-sexual behaviors, trending to nymphomania? Is ask because in the florid mania it's easy to get sucked into a female's sexual vortex. Her filters disappear and it's open season and men come out of the woodwork. Seen it happen with married women. Also boundaries, normally firmly in place otherwise, can dissolve. Boundaries which inhibit or prevent infidelity, as example. A married woman who'd otherwise find infidelity abhorrent when stable can go completely sideways in the manic phase, doing things she'd never do otherwise. If you see any signs of hyper-sexuality or rapidly fluctuating libido that's something to pay attention to because one, it can be tough on a relationship and, two, it's hard to give up, presuming you like sex 1
Author drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 OP, also, and this blends in with the difficulty in giving it (the relationship/dating experience) up, is the lady in question, when 'almost hyperactive', also displaying hyper-sexual behaviors, trending to nymphomania? Is ask because in the florid mania it's easy to get sucked into a female's sexual vortex. Her filters disappear and it's open season and men come out of the woodwork. Seen it happen with married women. Also boundaries, normally firmly in place otherwise, can dissolve. Boundaries which inhibit or prevent infidelity, as example. A married woman who'd otherwise find infidelity abhorrent when stable can go completely sideways in the manic phase, doing things she'd never do otherwise. If you see any signs of hyper-sexuality or rapidly fluctuating libido that's something to pay attention to because one, it can be tough on a relationship and, two, it's hard to give up, presuming you like sex Well, I thought about that too. But thinking about it discomforts me so I don't think about it too much. She's sexual, but I don't know about if she sleeps around or not, at least never heard a word from anyone. As you said, she says she has a moral code when it comes to relationships and sex but I'm not sure if she follows through. If we were to be in a relationship, yeah, I'd be concerned about if she'd cheat on me or not. Manic state can make people hypersexual, yes, but do they always act on it? There are women who can make you dive in a relationship without questioning anything, and there's this girl.
kendahke Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 When I told her friends I liked her and we were seeing each other, their answer was "don't, for your own sake". Then they told me she was fickle and she dumped her BFs for no reason at all. If the people who know her way better than you are saying this, you really need to heed their warnings about her. They've seen her chew through men and I dare say it's not a comfortable thing to keep on witnessing. The dude I was dealing with--- when he was on his manic trajectory, he made comments a number of times about doing something in the future "if you don't end up hating me..." I used to wonder where the hell is that comment coming from until his depressive side landed on our heads--then I saw what he was talking about. Vicious. Also, she told me that she never "loved" someone in that way but she had like 9 boyfriends. Not sure what that means lmao. That's called one of the methods she uses to self medicate. About alcohol and drug abuse, she has friends who smoke pot but she never mentioned doing so, she doesn't even smoke tobacco. And says she rarely drinks. Which side of her said that, though? A lot of people with this self medicate. The dude I was dealing is also a recovering alcoholic. I'll bet dollars to donuts that she does drink.
Author drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 If the people who know her way better than you are saying this, you really need to heed their warnings about her. They've seen her chew through men and I dare say it's not a comfortable thing to keep on witnessing. The dude I was dealing with--- when he was on his manic trajectory, he made comments a number of times about doing something in the future "if you don't end up hating me..." I used to wonder where the hell is that comment coming from until his depressive side landed on our heads--then I saw what he was talking about. Vicious. That's called one of the methods she uses to self medicate. Which side of her said that, though? A lot of people with this self medicate. The dude I was dealing is also a recovering alcoholic. I'll bet dollars to donuts that she does drink. I don't know which side of her told me that, since sometimes I can't tell whether she's depressed or manic. She seems to have some middle ground between. I know she drinks, but says that she drinks occasionally. Also yes, I don't know what she's been through but it seems like she likes to "chew through men". But I'm a hard nut
olivetree Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 (edited) I think you should pass. It's already a roller-coaster, and her own friends have warned you to boot. Toss in her terrible track record of 9 bf's she dumped and never loved. Sounds like a recipe for a broken heart. I'm guessing you have some kind of fixer/white knight mentality. You cannot save this one. Edited February 1, 2018 by olivetree
Author drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 I think you should pass. It's already a roller-coaster, and her own friends have warned you to boot. Toss in her terrible track record of 9 bf's she dumped and never loved. Sounds like a recipe for a broken heart. I'm guessing you have some kind of fixer/white knight mentality. You cannot save this one. I know. It's logical and apparent I should just drop her, but I don't want to unless I have to. Because I think we're really compatible and we have potential. It is true that I had a fixer mentality. Now I'm fighting with it.
CrazyKatLady Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Well, hon, a lot of people would probably tell you not to date her. It is strictly up to the amount of YOU that you want to invest in her. I have had a man tell me I am bipolar and that is simply not the case...I never seemed to be bipolar when his pants were down around his ankles...get my drift... So, before you label someone, maybe just try asking her what the deal is...maybe she just needs someone to talk to or therapy. Maybe instead of asking a forum full of strangers about how to live your life...try asking her, and then if you want to commit more of You into her life, go from there...women respond best when we can trust a man to not judge everything we say and do as a mental problem. She sounds depressed if you ask me...the last guy I was with depressed me so much, made me feel so small inside, that I just quit trying months before he left...ask her what is best for her because you are concerned-but only if you mean it. Otherwise, jump off the bandwagon so you aren't wasting anyones time. Good luck! 1
smackie9 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I know. It's logical and apparent I should just drop her, but I don't want to unless I have to. Because I think we're really compatible and we have potential. It is true that I had a fixer mentality. Now I'm fighting with it. Shining knight syndrome......you are going down a dark dark path with this one. Listen to your friends.
Author drakon12 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Shining knight syndrome......you are going down a dark dark path with this one. Listen to your friends. I just might. But I don't know. I'm not the one to "fix" her, I know it for sure. She needs to work on herself, if she's willing to do that.
basil67 Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 I don't know which side of her told me that, since sometimes I can't tell whether she's depressed or manic. She seems to have some middle ground between. I know she drinks, but says that she drinks occasionally. Also yes, I don't know what she's been through but it seems like she likes to "chew through men". But I'm a hard nut People who have bipolar aren't always either manic or depressed. It's a cycle. One of my friends is bipolar. From the depression state, his mood gradually picks up over the period of a month or so until it gets to the point where he's manic. Then he crashes and the cycle repeats. So this leaves about half the time where he's comparatively normal (I say comparative because he's got a whole host of mental health issues and a head injury, so he's never "normal"). If he didn't have the other issues, I'd venture a guess that he'd be normal like anyone else for the middle of the cycle. I've also got a couple of other friends who have bipolar II. Again for them, there are long periods of 'normal'.
alphamale Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 People who have bipolar aren't always either manic or depressed. It's a cycle. One of my friends is bipolar. From the depression state, his mood gradually picks up over the period of a month or so until it gets to the point where he's manic. Then he crashes and the cycle repeats. So this leaves about half the time where he's comparatively normal (I say comparative because he's got a whole host of mental health issues and a head injury, so he's never "normal"). If he didn't have the other issues, I'd venture a guess that he'd be normal like anyone else for the middle of the cycle. I've also got a couple of other friends who have bipolar II. Again for them, there are long periods of 'normal'. these people need to be on meds 3
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