Happy Noodle Boy Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Well, I gotta say the last topic brought up a lot of interesting points on the nice guy issue and friend zone. I'm currently sitting in the friend zone right now with a girl and while I've been here before (with every girl I've liked) its become so bad that I don't think I even want to be her friend anymore. I don't know what to do because I like her WAY too much to just act like a normal friend but I can't loose her. I'm forcing myself to not like her so I can at least be a regular friend and not some punch drunk love weirdo. Everyone tell me I should just let it ride, maybe some good will come out of it but I feel so hurt already I don't think I can put up with it anymore. I've been waiting for a person like her to come along and now that I've finally met her and can't do a damn thing about it. Its killing me inside. Despite how much I'd love to be with her, I don't feel like I can hold out much longer. When it comes down to it.....she just dosen't feel the same as I do for her. I should mention she lives pretty far away from me and on top of everything....I MISS her everyday. How do normal people deal with someone they want to be with way badly but can't? Yes I'd rather be lonely than have a "good friend" around and feel like **** all the time....but there's a voice in my head that dosen't think that would work either. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted August 25, 2005 Share Posted August 25, 2005 Are you sure this girl doesn't like you? I'm going to assume that you haven't spoken to her about it and you don't know for sure. First of all, regardless of everything else, some people are not interested in LDRs. Secondly, I don't know how old you are. I think the younger you are the less likely this would work. My personal philosophy is that if you don't take a risk, you'll never get the reward. I spent many years not being "rewarded" because it was safer for me to just stay put. Once I started taking the risk I started being rewarded. I also started losing out big time. There are a lot of ups and downs in love but it's worth having known them than not knowing them at all. If you feel that you would rather put away your feelings, and it doesn't sound to me like you're capable of that, then just let it ride. I say if your decision is all or nothing then go for it. Also, keep in mind that your friends that have advised you know your situation far better than we do. Link to post Share on other sites
Saidar Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 Happy Noodle, you really brought tears to my eyes. I'm in EXACTLY the same situation that you are. I got a friend(I'm 17 she's 16), she lives 50km from me. We have been friends for 18 months, I fell in love with her after 3 months. I told her, she wasn't interested, but told me she still wants to be my friend. We make very good friends, but I can't lose this crush that I have for her. I've NEVER dated a girl before, because I believe in true love. She's the PERFECT girl for me, so I'm going to hold on to her until she finally gets interested in me. But like you said, it's really tough coping with it. Last year I missed her so badly I got sick for a month(stomach problems because of depression and stress). But I learned to cope with it. I know it's really awful and bad, but I'm not going to lose, that I promised to myself. I know there's still a chance for me cause she actually likes me, but doesn't think I'm the right person atm. My advice to you is tell her you have feelings for her. If she gets freaked out, and ignores you, don't stop making contact with her. Show her how mutch you care. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted September 3, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 3, 2005 Happy Noodle Boy and Saidar, I want you both to read this, because it is extremely important for you guys to do what's best for your own lives. Maybe if you both read, think about, and absorb the ideas that follow, you won't do as I did. First and foremost, I'm not going to try to stand in judgement of both your situations. I'm also not going to try to say that I know how your female friends really have seen things. You both know your own specific situations better than I do. What I will say though, is that as of about 2 years ago, I got into a VERY similar situation with a girl. I went through the same "wow" experience with the level of "chemistry" we both appeared to share. I saw the smile that came over her face when I came into the same room. I saw her curl up in a chair when we talked, at complete ease, as we enjoyed each other's company. I won't lie to you ... I know this girl was sexy as hell. Tall, beautiful, bright eyes, wonderful smile, friendly, warm, etc. However, I am also not lying when I write that her physical attractiveness was not the biggest thing that touched a chord with me. I never felt a "blind lust" or "wanna rip her clothes off and do her" type feeling. It felt like so much more. I felt an electricity in the air when we were around each other. Everything felt new, exciting, and yet calming at the same time. I felt there was an almost indescribable connectedness that we had. We appeared to just "understand each other." I was smitten, and asked her if I could take her out. She told me of her boyfriend, yet immediately asked me if we could be friends. I said yes to the idea of friends, while over the next several times we communicated, I felt my heart being lost to her. I also heard her ask me on one particular day of when I was going to be around again. The summer ended, and we parted ways, without so much as a hug. She said that perhaps we would see each other around town. I felt gutted. The fall without her felt awful. That January I said hello to her at a store ... she barely feigned a "hi." That whole winter I felt like a battle-worn heartsick fool. I found the courage to move on from those feelings, and although hurt, after a couple months, I started opening my mind to new possibilities. Long story short, I know I did wrong when she asked about the friends idea. I should have said the following, "No, we can't be friends. I don't know how I would ever be able to JUST be your friend. It was great getting to know you. Bye bye." I would have saved myself so much heartache. Guys, take it from one who knows. Once you're classed as "friends," these girls have to be just that, and you have to live with the idea that as much as you want them as lovers, they will likely only ever be your friends. Oh, sure, there are those who say friends CAN turn into more with time, and should the conditions be right ... and if the moon is in line with Saturn on the 25th day of the month, right after a rainstorm in the florida keys .... What am I saying? Obviously, it will not happen. but I'm not going to lose, that I promised to myself. I know there's still a chance for me cause she actually likes me, but doesn't think I'm the right person atm. I'm sorry to sound abrasive here but you've already lost. She is using you for the touchy-feely stuff, while she does another guy. Never be friends with a girl you really want as your GIRLFRIEND! It is more than likely that even if you tell her you have feelings for her, she will almost see it as an awkward thing, or worse yet, a betrayal of the friendship she has had with you. You are a safe male friend for hers ... almost a male "girl friend." I know this sounds awful. It didn't feel any better to me when I came to realize it for myself. I know you may very well not do what I say, but the only good thing you can do for you right now, is to say, "Goodbye." Move on and find someone who wants you as much as you want them, guys. Peace Curt Link to post Share on other sites
nosybear819 Posted September 3, 2005 Share Posted September 3, 2005 Hey guys Curt's right you oughta push on and find a girl who likes you as more than a friend. I had a couple guy friends who thought that if we hung out more it would develop into a "real" relationship boy were they wrong When I only want to be friends with a guy and I sense that he wants more it makes hanging out weird and can result in the friendship ending And Saidar you better slow down sounds like your situation is turning into an obsession Link to post Share on other sites
Saidar Posted September 4, 2005 Share Posted September 4, 2005 That is very good advice you two gave me, I think you are right. Life's unfair... Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Everyone tell me I should just let it ride... You can't really control how you feel, so just "letting it ride" isn't gonna work. Don't bother being a girly friend to someone you are interested in and attracted to. She's the PERFECT girl for me... Come on get real, you're cracking this girl up way more than what she really is. There are TONS of girls out there and when you start to meet a lot of them (and espcially ones that like you) you'll wonder why you were so caught up with this friend of yours for so long. so I'm going to hold on to her until she finally gets interested in me. Come on don't be a fool. The old hang around as a friend routine never works, it's just setting you up for heartache. Don't sacrifice yourself for this one chick, trust me. I know there's still a chance for me cause she actually likes me, but doesn't think I'm the right person atm. That's just typical bs. Fact of the matter is if she liked you she would want to be with you. If she says (or you know) that you aren't the right person at the moment, she is just afraid to tell you the truth and is trying to let you down easy. The fact of the matter is she isn't interested in your as anything more than a friend, and probably never will be. Both of you guys should either a) go for it and ask them out on a date and see what happens, or b) slowly stop hanging out with them until you two aren't their male girlfriends anymore. If you try a) and it fails (it probably will) then move on to b). Otherwise just do option b) to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
Jayhawks Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 My advice to both of you is to not feel ashamed to express your feelings for someone. That you like her and see your relationship as more than mere friendship is not a weird or awkward thing. If she tells you she only sees friendship for the two of you then thank her and tell her you cannot be just her friend. When you are looking for love, friendship will not fill the bill. Wish her well and if you see each other speak and be cordial. Do not try to get close again and risk your feelings. She does not see you as a dateable male. Most women that have male friends value their friendship but they also have selfish motives for most know that the man feels more than friendship for them. They do not like it when he pushes for more and she has to end your friendship. She feels cheated at the loss of the friendship. Don't let her feelings rule you. Her needs are not important. Do not hope, wish, beg, and do anything to stay close to her. She will not respect you any more by being a needy man. Hold you head high and be proud you cared for her but she could not return your interest. The real lesson here is to never become friends with a women that you are physically attracted to if you want more. Next time be bold and tell her what you want upfront. She will respect you for taking the chance even if she says no. Lose your fear of rejection and you will stay out of the friend zone and there will open up a whole world of women who love a decisive, confident man. Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted September 5, 2005 Moderators Share Posted September 5, 2005 My advice to both of you is to not feel ashamed to express your feelings for someone. That you like her and see your relationship as more than mere friendship is not a weird or awkward thing. If she tells you she only sees friendship for the two of you then thank her and tell her you cannot be just her friend. When you are looking for love, friendship will not fill the bill. Wish her well and if you see each other speak and be cordial. Do not try to get close again and risk your feelings. She does not see you as a dateable male. Most women that have male friends value their friendship but they also have selfish motives for most know that the man feels more than friendship for them. They do not like it when he pushes for more and she has to end your friendship. She feels cheated at the loss of the friendship. Don't let her feelings rule you. Her needs are not important. Do not hope, wish, beg, and do anything to stay close to her. She will not respect you any more by being a needy man. Hold you head high and be proud you cared for her but she could not return your interest. The real lesson here is to never become friends with a women that you are physically attracted to if you want more. Next time be bold and tell her what you want upfront. She will respect you for taking the chance even if she says no. Lose your fear of rejection and you will stay out of the friend zone and there will open up a whole world of women who love a decisive, confident man. Well put. Amen. Link to post Share on other sites
Saidar Posted September 5, 2005 Share Posted September 5, 2005 Guys/girls. you made me feel so much better. While I'm reading those posts I'm actually starting to get angry and I'm telling myself why I'm such a bloody fool. Thanks for helping me Link to post Share on other sites
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