Standards of physical attraction vs 'out of your league'

[thefooloftheyear]

All I was saying is that I am personally finding it difficult to judge someone's level of attractiveness by a photo. I'm not really visual and I would need to see them in the flesh, and also spend some time with them, to decide whether I find them physically attractive. I doubt I'm the only one. Even men feel the same way.

 

Clearly, physical attraction works differently for everyone. On first impressions though, there are many 50+ women where I come from and where I live whom I would consider just as attractive objectively. My campus is filled with attractive 50yo women.

 

 

Does a little guy walk around saying "de plane...de plane" where you live??

 

TFY

[MidwestUSA]

Depends which George Clooney we are talking about. He was pretty good looking for a decade or two in his middle ages, but these days he's looking more like a polished corpse.

 

 

How about Sam Elliot?

 

No, nevermind.

 

BACK OFF!

[littleblackheart]

Does a little guy walk around saying "de plane...de plane" where you live??

 

TFY

 

This is totally lost on me, sorry...

 

I come from France, and women of any age take pride in looking after themselves and the way they look. In my place of work, many women (academics in position of power) are also very attractive physically. Coincidentally, they are mostly married but child-free.

[jay1983]

Does a little guy walk around saying "de plane...de plane" where you live??

 

TFY

 

I'm curious of what this is too.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

LOL, do you feel old now, FTY?

[carhill]

 

Everyone was in Ricardo Montalban's league

[nospam99]

I'm curious of what this is too.

 

For 'you youngsters', the reference is to a TV show called Fantasy Island where the premise was that the weekly guest stars' characters got to experience their personal fantasies. As the show evolved it became STRONGLY implied that the Ricardo Montalban character accomplished the fantasies by very powerful supernatural means.

 

I took TFY's reference to suggest that LBH's assertion of a campus filled with attractive 50 y/o women was a fantasy. (Whether it's his fantasy is left to the imagination. It is certainly my fantasy ...... Boss, boss, when do I get to have my fantasy, too?)

[jay1983]

I see, I thought it was some type of derogatory term. Lol

 

Anyways, yeah she's attractive, but not celebrity hot. I've seen a lot of women who look like that in the nice suburban areas in South Jersey/Philly.

[nospam99]

I see, I thought it was some type of derogatory term. Lol

 

Mildly derogatory. 'You're on Fantasy Island' equates to 'you are not being realistic'.

[littleblackheart]

For 'you youngsters', the reference is to a TV show called Fantasy Island where the premise was that the weekly guest stars' characters got to experience their personal fantasies. As the show evolved it became STRONGLY implied that the Ricardo Montalban character accomplished the fantasies by very powerful supernatural means.

 

I took TFY's reference to suggest that LBH's assertion of a campus filled with attractive 50 y/o women was a fantasy. (Whether it's his fantasy is left to the imagination. It is certainly my fantasy ...... Boss, boss, when do I get to have my fantasy, too?)

 

Thanks for the explanation!

 

My PhD thesis supervisor (mid 50s at the time, still working now) is the most stunning woman I have ever seen. There are a few others I can think of in my department alone, so she really isn't an exception.

 

In France, trying to look your best is standard at any age - not trying is what makes you stand out.

 

Still now at 43, I reguarly get an earful from my mother and sisters for daring to go out without make - up on (I don't really care about my image personally, for better or worse, but I'm also not looking to attract men; not that it acts as a deterrent - I have a feeling quite a few men would try it on with anyone with a pulse).

 

Maybe 'physical leagues' exists but this can be counteracted by so many 'exceptions' they are almost rendered pointless, in my opinion.

[thefooloftheyear]

LOL, do you feel old now, FTY?

 

Nope...

 

You should have seen me a few hours ago....wow...

 

TFY

[CptInsano]

[...]

My PhD thesis supervisor (mid 50s at the time, still working now) is the most stunning woman I have ever seen. There are a few others I can think of in my department alone, so she really isn't an exception.

[...]

 

I would keep in mind that we see our own gender with very different eyes. I look at older guys and see the experience, the laugh lines from a well-lived life, and there is a lot of beauty in that. Guys I love to talk to.

 

Women see these men probably from a different viewpoint. I know a woman who is in her early sixties, and she seems very content and happy, generally positive, with a very alert mind. Her voice sounds like the one of a teenager.

 

Would I consider her beautiful? Yes, absolutely, and I do admire her spirit. But am I physically attracted to her? No, definitely not.

[littleblackheart]

I would keep in mind that we see our own gender with very different eyes. I look at older guys and see the experience, the laugh lines from a well-lived life, and there is a lot of beauty in that. Guys I love to talk to.

 

Women see these men probably from a different viewpoint. I know a woman who is in her early sixties, and she seems very content and happy, generally positive, with a very alert mind. Her voice sounds like the one of a teenager.

 

Would I consider her beautiful? Yes, absolutely, and I do admire her spirit. But am I physically attracted to her? No, definitely not.

 

I take your point. That's how I perceive beauty in everyone, not only women but I think I know what you're saying. I do believe there is beauty (even physical beauty) in most of us, especially when good qualities like kindness shine through.

 

That is the point I was trying to make more generally, though - I will never find a man physically 'out of my league' because I don't look at attraction that way. I know I'm not the only one thinking that way - that's why, to me, 'physical leagues' as a concept is skewed from the off. Too many exceptions

[CptInsano]

I take your point. That's how I perceive beauty in everyone, not only women but I think I know what you're saying. I do believe there is beauty (even physical beauty) in most of us, especially when good qualities like kindness shine through.

 

Yes, there is beauty in people in general, and this type of beauty is what I can associate with groups of people. Or to use your example, I will concur that there are many beautiful French women in their 50s, but that says very little about how much I would be attracted to them.

 

That is the point I was trying to make more generally, though - I will never find a man physically 'out of my league' because I don't look at attraction that way. I know I'm not the only one thinking that way - that's why, to me, 'physical leagues' as a concept is skewed from the off. Too many exceptions

 

I think I wrote before that l believe that leagues apply more to socioeconomic status, or educational, religious or ethnic backgrounds. I agree that attraction is highly individual and very hard to categorize broadly, even if limited to physical appearance.

 

The women I've been with spoke English, German, Swedish, Spanish or Portuguese natively, and didn't look much alike at all. How would you even define a league as a general concept when appearances are all over the place?

 

On the other hand the idiom "out of your league" does however apply individually where a person will not consider the other romantically based on looks alone.

[preraph]

These days in the US "de plane de plane" means there's a bomb threat.

[nospam99]

To clarify at least what I mean by 'out of your league'... Women (and men for that matter) have ideas about their own personal physical attractiveness. Plenty of them, for whatever reason, actually have these self-impressions which are for the most part congruent with how most men think of them. Many of these women expect to be approached by men that they (the women) feel are sufficiently physically attractive to them (again the women). If a man who is not sufficiently physically attractive to 'pass' such women's 'filters' asks them out in whatever context (OLD, bar, gym, party, whatever), that man is going to be in the context I wrote 'out of his league'.

 

Of course it works both ways. Women may go out of their league, too. The situation usually applies to men because we men are usually the ones who are expected to make 'the first move'. In my OP of this thread, my purpose was to question other people's opinion of how going out of one's league related to standards of physical attractiveness. My own thought is that, purely as an example, a woman who looks like Lori Greiner, keeping her age and wealth in the discussion, may very well feel that for some of the men here on LS who don't think she is attractive to approach her they'd be going out of their league. Again stating my opinion, situations like this may frequently be factors in why people 'strike out' when asking for a date. Hope this makes as much sense to the rest of you as it does to me and you understand why I bring it up after having read other threads here at LS.

[road]

To clarify at least what I mean by 'out of your league'... Women (and men for that matter) have ideas about their own personal physical attractiveness. Plenty of them, for whatever reason, actually have these self-impressions which are for the most part congruent with how most men think of them. Many of these women expect to be approached by men that they (the women) feel are sufficiently physically attractive to them (again the women). If a man who is not sufficiently physically attractive to 'pass' such women's 'filters' asks them out in whatever context (OLD, bar, gym, party, whatever), that man is going to be in the context I wrote 'out of his league'.

 

Of course it works both ways. Women may go out of their league, too. The situation usually applies to men because we men are usually the ones who are expected to make 'the first move'. In my OP of this thread, my purpose was to question other people's opinion of how going out of one's league related to standards of physical attractiveness. My own thought is that, purely as an example, a woman who looks like Lori Greiner, keeping her age and wealth in the discussion, may very well feel that for some of the men here on LS who don't think she is attractive to approach her they'd be going out of their league. Again stating my opinion, situations like this may frequently be factors in why people 'strike out' when asking for a date. Hope this makes as much sense to the rest of you as it does to me and you understand why I bring it up after having read other threads here at LS.

 

Lori G would be attractive if she was not wealthy. She would still

be attractive if she had a ten dollar an hour job.

 

And as you stated women have their filters.

 

When a man gets rejected it is because he did not get past the

filters.

 

Some say he did not measure up.

 

Or he did bring the goods to the table to close the deal.

 

No matter how it is said it all means the same. She was out of

his league.

 

Some men will not ask out a "10" because he knows he has

no shot.

 

Some men will ask out a "10" even when they know the are a "5"

or they are delusional.

 

Some men will ask out of their league knowing it but will ask

anyway. This is why you sometimes see an average Joe married

to a "10".

[Cookiesandough]

I agree with littleblackhart. Insofar as leagues exist, you’re still selling yourself short if only date dating/approach out people you perceive to be in your physical ‘league’. Plenty of people care about way more than looks after all.

[littleblackheart]

How do you know a woman gives you a pass because she thinks you are out of her league (or you don't match her physical filters)?

 

I personally reject everyone on the principle that I have no interest in being approached by a man I don't know from Adam. That may well be a strategic mistake on my part, but that's just how I'm wired; also, I really like being single. This has nothing to do with the way the 'approacher' looks.

 

I can't speak for all women (because no one can!) but in the very unlikely event I suddenly get bored of being single, I would ask friends to set me up with someone they know. Even then I don't ever imagine having a sense of urgency about finding the right partner, therefore I wouldn't really care how long it took.

 

I don't think I'm an outlier on this, but even if I was, I think people should approach whoever they are attracted to and let the chips fall as they may without concerning themselves with filters and leagues. If it's mutual, great. If not, on to the next!

 

If it's meant to be, etc.