Lack of chemistry/spark excuse

[alphamale]

I once told a woman there was "no spark' because I didn't like the shoes she was wearing

[joseb]

I once told a woman there was "no spark' because I didn't like the shoes she was wearing

 

I'm not sure I've ever noticed what shoes a woman is wearing on a first date!

[Eternal Sunshine]

For most people, "lack of chemistry" is due at least 90% to lack of physical attraction, up to 10% other factors.

 

I've declined to go on a second date with a few super hot guys who had zero substance and were clearly just looking for a hookup, but it seems I'm in the minority here. Most women just sleep with the hot guy and hope they can get him to make a commitment.

 

As for men, 99% of them are going to try to keep seeing her if they're physically attracted, whatever else she does or does not bring to the table.

 

 

Exactly. I have this time and time again. Doesn't matter if a woman is severly mentally ill, has been arrested, has mutliple baby dadies...you name it. Men are willing to put up with anything is the woman is hot enough.

[SevenCity]

Exactly. I have this time and time again. Doesn't matter if a woman is severly mentally ill, has been arrested, has mutliple baby dadies...you name it. Men are willing to put up with anything is the woman is hot enough.

 

To have sex with, perhaps. For a long term relationship? Not nearly as many.

[mrs rubble]

I once told a woman there was "no spark' because I didn't like the shoes she was wearing

Hahahahaha!! Absolutely fabulous reason to not date someone.

[DKT3]

It's all physical attraction, I mean how often have you been in a situation where someone becomes more physically attractive to you over time? That means you are attracted to something in them beyond physical. First dates are all physical attraction.

 

Too explain farther, my wife has a group of friends, only one is single. The other day I over heard a conversation where this lady spoke of not having much in common at all her comments were "I don't know, he doesn't seem all that interesting but I'm going out with him again because he is so sexy" point is physical attraction will cause you to over look other factors but a lack of physical attraction will blind you to other great qualities.

[basil67]

For most people, "lack of chemistry" is due at least 90% to lack of physical attraction, up to 10% other factors.

 

Well yes, chemistry is physical attraction. But physical attraction can come from more than just looks.

[todreaminblue]

i don't feel one date is enough to determine if there will or will not be a spark.if i agree to date a guy i am willing to give it a chance ...first dates for me personally more often than not are not a true reflection of the person you are dating..peopel are more complex than thAT...true reflections come later....that comes later......that means more than one date...

 

the only time i wont consider another date when i have already agreed to go on dates with the guy is if he turns out to be disrespectful of me or others on that first date...groping ......spitting ...weeing in public....ogling other women..agressiveness.....cynical......they are behaviors that arent suitable for me to overlook or any woman for that matter.....

 

....i date normally because there's something about them...doesnt have to be physical or sexual...i go by my heart.can be simply theri voice....a calmness i hear a softness ... but theres passion there....

 

.when i have been iffy about accepting...its always been right..my heart feels it.....i just tell the truth..and say im not right for you.....i dont want to waste your time...i dont really find anyone boring.....people have layers.....like shrek said.....deb

Edited February 3, 2018 by todreaminblue

[Happy Lemming]

...weeing in public....deb

 

Stop the presses, you actually were on a first date and the guy "wee'd in public"... OMG!

 

More Details, please.

[todreaminblue]

Stop the presses, you actually were on a first date and the guy "wee'd in public"... OMG!

 

More Details, please.

 

he was indigenous....and that behavior was highly unattractive.....he did have kidney problems though.....

[newyorker11356]

Exactly. I have this time and time again. Doesn't matter if a woman is severly mentally ill, has been arrested, has mutliple baby dadies...you name it. Men are willing to put up with anything is the woman is hot enough.

 

Maybe other guys think this way, but I don't.

[act00]

I think there's something, physical attraction, sexual, personalities blend, pheromones? First dates can be awkward, and for me, if there's something there, even though not a grand "spark," or major butterflies, I'd like to have a second, but there has to be a little something going on, on the first one. Maybe it's an underlying subconscious sexual attraction, maybe it's intellectual, similar humor, interests, or the person isn't physically attractive to them, but overall, "no chemistry" just means something isn't working; they're not "feeling it." It's a fine excuse. It can be used instead of saying something hurtful, the real reason, or maybe there is no reason that can be defined, but rather something just isn't there...don't know what it is yet and don't plan on trying to find out.

[Logo]

It’s not so much as a trick or an excuse, but a nicer way of putting it

 

 

Also know as a convenient way to weasel out of the situation because the person is not mature or brave enough to say, “I don’t feel that we’re compatible.”

 

 

It’s a fine line between being nice and being a hypocrite.

[Chilli]

l mean that really includes all of the above so it could be some of it or all of it.

Either way though they ain't feelin it.

[joseb]

Also know as a convenient way to weasel out of the situation because the person is not mature or brave enough to say, “I don’t feel that we’re compatible.”

 

 

It’s a fine line between being nice and being a hypocrite.

 

I don't really see much difference between saying "I don't feel the spark" and "I don't feel that were compatible"

 

I don't see how the later is any more honest, brave or mature.

[road]

I was thinking about when people say this as to why they don’t want a second date and I think it means either a) I’m not physically attracted to you or b) you’re boring. What do you think?

 

It is a gentler way of saying I do not want to date you, you are

not even worthy of being friend zoned, damn I would not

even let you be an orbiter.

 

When a woman tells a man it is not "you" it is "me".

He hears and understands she is saying: it is not her

it is that she finds him lacking.

 

No chemistry

 

No spark

 

It's not you it's me

 

All mean the same thing. That she is not going to ever let

you near her ovaries.

 

What ever the reasons are that she does not want to date

do not matter because a man can only be who he is. He can

only offer what he has.

 

So it is disappointing to be told to get lost. Though at least they

were kind enough to say it in a manner that will let the man

be able to pretend that he got to save face.

 

Easy for a man to come back from being told that there was

no chemistry and move on with your life.

 

How do you come back from being told you are too short?

Vitamins are not going to help.

 

How do you come back from you are bald?

 

How do you come back from your love tools are too small?

 

Much better to be told a white lie.

 

 

 

Wife: do these pants make my butt look big?

 

Husband: no your butt makes those pants look small!

[road]

I once told a woman there was "no spark' because I didn't like the shoes she was wearing

 

Birkenstocks (feminists required foot wear), Dr Scholl's flip flops,

earth shoes?

[road]

I'm not sure I've ever noticed what shoes a woman is wearing on a first date!

 

I notice everything that a woman is wearing, and how she

does her hair and face.

[road]

Exactly. I have this time and time again. Doesn't matter if a woman is severly mentally ill, has been arrested, has mutliple baby dadies...you name it. Men are willing to put up with anything is the woman is hot enough.

 

Back in the days when cars where real cars every man wanted

a Cadillac. Some got them right off of the showroom floor, never

even test driven.

 

A few more men could get a Cadillac a few years old and very low

mileage.

 

Some men can only get a Cadillac with at least 10 years on it

and the clock turned (odometer) on it twice. And that Cadillac is

still better than a new Vega could every be.

 

 

Edit to add:

 

Men are hunters, evolution and biology has done this to us.

This is why we are very visual driven.

Men take what they can get.

Edited February 4, 2018 by road

[thefooloftheyear]

It could easily just be a canned answer with no real deep intent and meaning...

 

TFY

[road]

he was indigenous....and that behavior was highly unattractive.....he did have kidney problems though.....

 

As some men get older their prostrates act up. One of the

problems is that all of a sudden a man feels a strong urge to

urinate and he has three seconds to get to a bathroom or else.

 

In an emergency better to not wet your pants.

[road]

Also know as a convenient way to weasel out of the situation because the person is not mature or brave enough to say, “I don’t feel that we’re compatible.”

 

 

It’s a fine line between being nice and being a hypocrite.

 

I don't really see much difference between saying "I don't feel the spark" and "I don't feel that were compatible"

 

I don't see how the later is any more honest, brave or mature.

 

I agree it is not being more honest it is just another variation of

the it's me not you story.

[Mysterio]

Why can't people grow together. Relationships are built. They can't be great from the start. If it was like that. Then mating would be easier. My friend MO. His wife was not into him, whne they met. They were sort of both pushed towards each other at a social, when another guy was hitting on MO's wife, before MO and M really got together.

 

My buddy MK and his now wife JK. She was wanting to settle down and even went to him as a patient, as MK was just a new Chiropracter and J was friends with MK's Female boss MD. MK said for him. She was just another patient. J and her were at a social and MD hinted that J liked him. I remembered him saying that he was being set up, and he will see that happens. When he told me how they connected, it was not lets have sex, which they did not until they were married 2 yrs later. The link for him was the conversation. I met her a couple of months later and was very impressed. Another friend of MK's who drove me home, after we met her said the same thing. Its very rare that we meet people and are impressed by them.

 

Bottom line. Everything can't be based on the physical. The Physical lies to us all the time.

 

I personally think a woman is going to have to do more with me, beyond the physical, to get me to commit to her.

[basil67]

Why can't people grow together. Relationships are built. They can't be great from the start. If it was like that. Then mating would be easier. My friend MO. His wife was not into him, whne they met. They were sort of both pushed towards each other at a social, when another guy was hitting on MO's wife, before MO and M really got together.

 

My buddy MK and his now wife JK. She was wanting to settle down and even went to him as a patient, as MK was just a new Chiropracter and J was friends with MK's Female boss MD. MK said for him. She was just another patient. J and her were at a social and MD hinted that J liked him. I remembered him saying that he was being set up, and he will see that happens. When he told me how they connected, it was not lets have sex, which they did not until they were married 2 yrs later. The link for him was the conversation. I met her a couple of months later and was very impressed. Another friend of MK's who drove me home, after we met her said the same thing. Its very rare that we meet people and are impressed by them.

 

Bottom line. Everything can't be based on the physical. The Physical lies to us all the time.

 

I personally think a woman is going to have to do more with me, beyond the physical, to get me to commit to her.

 

Thing is though, relationships CAN be great from the start. It can be easy. Sure, not all relationships, but it can and does happen. When you've experienced having it great from the outset, it's hard to go back and settle for a ho hum start.

 

And having a physical connection doesn't mean that a couple can't do more together from the outset.

[Chilli]

Good story Mysterio, same .

 

This is why every time l read all the physical stuff everyone goes on about and blurts out in every post to the whole world, along with all their do's and don'ts lists, l always think to myself , they've never had a real relationship, they don't understand what it is.

The physical stuff is second, or third, it's like the icing on top. Not sayin attraction , that's a different area again. Just the physical.

And the best most lasting of it all comes from real feeling , real connection , you can't survive on physical alone even a few years let alone a lifetime, you end up bored out of your brain and with zero respect for each other. empty.

 

l think this is like what my older brother and his wife have done, they're chalk and cheese, opposites, yet they've out survived everyone. They've just built on it and just kept building over 30yrs, you can see it in them.

 

lf l'm ever lucky enough to get another shot at love , l'll be way open to the building thing.

Edited February 4, 2018 by Chilli