I No Longer Need A Girlfriend To Be Happy

[GuitarGuy7]

For the past 2 in a half years, I desperately wanted to know what it was like to have a girlfriend. I watched as others seemingly hooked up and got into relationships and heard people talking about their past success with women, and I desperately wanted to know what that was like. But I was constantly getting ignored; every rejection, every ignored message on POF, every left swipe on Tinder sunk me into a deeper level of depression. I had a lot of things in life going for me, but what was always missing was someone in my life and this is what was holding me back.

 

The truth is, my self-esteem and self-worth was based upon whether women liked me or not, no wonder I was never truly happy. I did everything I could to make myself more appealable; I tried working out, dressing better, becoming more socialable but I was still getting rejected and ignored.

 

 

But then something happened... I came to the realization that I just wanted to be happy.

 

You see, iv'e been chasing women for these past 2 in a half years that iv'e been anything but happy. I sunk to a low level of loneliness and depression because I based my self-worth on the approval of women when I should have based my self-worth on the approval from myself.

 

Forgive my cynical view but my jaded opinion of love is understandable given my circumstances. Iv'e come to the realization that a woman isn't going to make me happy, I need to learn to be happy on my own because if I base my worth on the ability to find love, then I will die a bitter old man.

 

 

I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.

[Chilli]

Glad to hear it but yaknow , when you want something that bad especially things you can't just go and do , not like it's earning more money or hobbies or something, sometimes wanting it too much actually pushes it away in life.

So backing off and just living your thing will do you good and who knows what might happen along the way.

Besides , all those things you mentioned , they're all very very artificial ways of hoping to meet somebody real anyway, if ya lucky at that. But getting back to real life instead is still the way most worthwhile relationships happen.

Read that somewhere haha.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

 

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.

[FilterCoffee]

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.

 

Hey ES. I’ve heard this before but couldn’t understand why. Even women in their 30s are inundated with interested guys right? So wouldn’t they have lots of options?

[Eternal Sunshine]

Hey ES. I’ve heard this before but couldn’t understand why. Even women in their 30s are inundated with interested guys right? So wouldn’t they have lots of options?

 

Not really. Early 30s women still have some options but they are on the decline, especially once they hit 35 or so. The problem is that women have a biological clock and a small window to have children. Most want marriage and children so if they are still single at that age, they start to panic and greatly lower their standards. Men on the other hand have all the time in the world to have children.

 

Also many men in their mid-late 30s show a strong preference to dating 20 something women compared to women their own age. This is because younger women tend to look better (on average), they can brag to their friends that they have scored a younger woman and they also have more time to date them and have children later (if they want to). So win-win-win. This leaves women their own age left in the cold and more desperate than ever.

 

If you think it sucks to be a 20 something dateless man, try being 35+ woman

[FilterCoffee]

Not really. Early 30s women still have some options but they are on the decline, especially once they hit 35 or so. The problem is that women have a biological clock and a small window to have children. Most want marriage and children so if they are still single at that age, they start to panic and greatly lower their standards. Men on the other hand have all the time in the world to have children.

 

Also many men in their mid-late 30s show a strong preference to dating 20 something women compared to women their own age. This is because younger women tend to look better (on average), they can brag to their friends that they have scored a younger woman and they also have more time to date them and have children later (if they want to). So win-win-win. This leaves women their own age left in the cold and more desperate than ever.

 

If you think it sucks to be a 20 something dateless man, try being 35+ woman

 

Haha I’m guessing you’re the 35+ woman

You make an interesting point. I’m 26 and I’m considering doing a Ph.D. and my worry is that by the time I finish my program, which would be around 32, it would be too late to look for an ltr. However, if what you say is true, then that would be the best time to look!

[unit1]

.

 

You see, iv'e been chasing women for these past 2 in a half years that iv'e been anything but happy. I sunk to a low level of loneliness and depression because I based my self-worth on the approval of women when I should have based my self-worth on the approval from myself.

 

Forgive my cynical view but my jaded opinion of love is understandable given my circumstances. Iv'e come to the realization that a woman isn't going to make me happy, I need to learn to be happy on my own because if I base my worth on the ability to find love, then I will die a bitter old man.

 

 

I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.

 

Cheers!

a girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't bring happiness, sometimes bring a lot sadness and trouble, cos u care about a person u will worry and u will not able to sleep or eat unless u r sure they r safe.....

love is the biggest pain, but we need this pain, too, some day in future Lol

[drakon12]

I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

 

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.

That post made me cry in joy

 

I'm in middle of my 20s and it's been a bad ride. But I think after reaching my goals in my career and hobbies, I will feel happier and more fulfilled. Also I think if I make more money, I will have the means to go out with more women.

Edited February 4, 2018 by drakon12

[CptInsano]

I am not sure how old you are but I will tell you a secret. You don't have to try or do a thing.

 

Once you hit early 30s, or better yet 35+, your market value will skyrocket. You will suddenly have your pick of women. I have seen this happen time and time again to men that couldn't get a date to save their life in their 20s. All married to hotties now.

 

It's not necessarily the case, but if as a guy you stay in shape, are somewhat social and have your life basically in order and haven't turned bitter, you are indeed correct. It may be perfectly enough to be out and about and look halfway friendly.

 

That change struck me again last night, and I was going out with somebody.

Edited February 4, 2018 by CptInsano

[CptInsano]

That post made me cry in joy

 

I'm in middle of my 20s and it's been a bad ride. But I think after reaching my goals in my career and hobbies, I will feel happier and more fulfilled. Also I think if I make more money, I will have the means to go out with more women.

 

Trust me, it's not the money. The currency is confidence/courage and attention. And while it may get easier, there is no reason to wait or simply hope for better times. There is no shortage of women in most western countries, and you really don't know what time will bring. Or as Auden said it:

 

‘In the burrows of the Nightmare

Where Justice naked is,

Time watches from the shadow

And coughs when you would kiss.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

 

I want a girlfriend but I no longer need one to be happy. I'm happy on my own, happy to be single, happy to finally be a free man.

 

Aren't you in your early twenties? You definitely need to enjoy your time as a free man before settling down . You've plenty of time to find a mate!

[Jj66]

Do not know about 35 since I was married then but by the time the upper 40s arrive men are almost in complete control of the dating scene if they are willing to date women their own age.

[drakon12]

Trust me, it's not the money. The currency is confidence/courage and attention. And while it may get easier, there is no reason to wait or simply hope for better times. There is no shortage of women in most western countries, and you really don't know what time will bring. Or as Auden said it:

 

‘In the burrows of the Nightmare

Where Justice naked is,

Time watches from the shadow

And coughs when you would kiss.

To me, it's about money. If I had money, I wouldn't still live with my parents, I'd have my own car, I'd attend to activities that would fasten my personal growth. For example, people really like my voice. They say I have a deep and soothing voice. I'd really like to take a professional dubbing training and see where it'd go. I'd take professional help in just about anything I need, be it going to a therapist or working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. I'd dress better. But I can't afford these things and I think it's hindering my growth.

[Happy Lemming]

...working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. I'd dress better.

 

I can't speak to all of the items on your list, but I know you can get a book on fitness, weight loss and a low calorie/carb cookbook at a used book store for cheap. As for personal trainer, all you need is a good pair of walking shoes to lose weight. As far as weight training there is a lot of used equipment out there for that, and maybe a DVD could be your personal trainer.

 

In regards to your wardrobe, I've NEVER purchased a new suit. I've always found them at used clothing or consignment stores. I found this great Italian suit that fit, for cheap!! I doubt the previous owner wore it twice. When I worked in an office that required a suit, no one knew where I purchased my suits. Last week I found a new dress shirt (at a thrift store) for a couple of bucks and it was name brand. Wander into these stores and just look around, I bet you'll find something for pennies on the dollar!!

[CptInsano]

To me, it's about money. If I had money, I wouldn't still live with my parents, I'd have my own car, I'd attend to activities that would fasten my personal growth. For example, people really like my voice. They say I have a deep and soothing voice. I'd really like to take a professional dubbing training and see where it'd go. I'd take professional help in just about anything I need, be it going to a therapist or working with a dietitian and a personal trainer. I'd dress better. But I can't afford these things and I think it's hindering my growth.

 

I've only once been to a therapist who told me I didn't need a therapist. I took one free lesson from a personal trainer that I got when I joined a gym, and I adjusted my diet and workout on feedback from friends and co-workers, as well as the things I learned in the military. A lot in this life is available for free if you just ask and are willing to give in return.

 

I remember hauling my date around town on the luggage rack of my bicycle when I was a student. Probably not the most convenient form of transportation for me and her, but it definitely showed that I was willing to put in the effort, both literally and figuratively. I had no money to spend on clothes in those days.

 

HL's advice about second hand clothes is spot on. Used suits are great, and you can have them changed for not a whole lot. I buy most of my dress shirts for under $20, which is easy, because styles change relatively slowly. Invest in some good shoes and belts and you are set. As a guy you have the advantage that you really don't need that many outfits.

[Chilli]

Yeah to right , l couldn't effg believe it in my 30s , women were literally everywhere , even if l was with my wife , made no difference they'd still try their luck right in front of her.

Def' a great age for a guy , about the best l'd say and if you look young for your age you can look forward to it running up till early to mid 40s.

Edited February 4, 2018 by Chilli

[Cullenbohannon]

Aren't you in your early twenties? You definitely need to enjoy your time as a free man before settling down . You've plenty of time to find a mate!

 

Can't believe that play .CA. Your boys better pull it off.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think this depends on the woman. If she thinks she is gonna be treated like a princess the way she was when she was younger, hotter, and likely just all around more appealing, then she will have a rough time in her 30's. If she doesn't waste all of her time trying to go after guys that are no longer interested in her, she will be fine. Plenty of guys still date women 35+ but it might not be that rich, good-looking, successful doctor she has her eye on.

 

See, I believe that I am still a catch in pretty much every way, despite my age. I refuse to settle for anything less than my equal. I don't want the "age-adjusted" version of my equal.

 

It's either that or nothing for me

[ZA Dater]

I think you have taken a very positive step but I caution you about thinking that magically in your early 30's dating will be easy, I am nearly 34 and that simply isn't the case for me, its as impossible as its ever been.

 

 

What I do think is you have realised wants versus needs and being happy is a need of sorts and is possible without any people at all.

 

 

Your post resonates with me because I went down the same road basically and found myself in the same mire of unhappiness as a result and I wont lie there are difficult days.

[Cookiesandough]

I think you have taken a very positive step but I caution you about thinking that magically in your early 30's dating will be easy, I am nearly 34 and that simply isn't the case for me, its as impossible as its ever been.

 

 

What I do think is you have realised wants versus needs and being happy is a need of sorts and is possible without any people at all.

 

 

Your post resonates with me because I went down the same road basically and found myself in the same mire of unhappiness as a result and I wont lie there are difficult days.

 

Yeaaah, I didn’t want to be discouraging, but this notion that age instantly makes dating easier for you is a tad misleading. Maybe it works that way for some people, but don’t be disappointed if you just wait around doing nothing and think once your 30th birthday rolls over you automatically become a chick magnet.

 

It’s really more what you do with that time and hopefully positive growth/self improvement. Predominantly your social skills and getting financially secure. I think women in general may become less discerning about appearanvd as they age. That’s 100% conjecture and could be 100% wrong though. I believe you should use all this time you have for learning/practicing/getting xp for the best result

 

NGL, I was an awkward child and I remember my dad’s friend telling him, “Watch out, you’re going to be batting them off when she’s a teenager.” I put no effort in changing

 

Teen years rolled around and I was an awkward teenager. Sure, I had a few guys interested and I had a ‘boyfriend’ for a month at 18 (I wasn’t attracted to), but that’s just by virtue of my sex. If anything, that made it worse. It was nothing like my friends who serial dated. I don’t know if I even cared much most of the time.

 

But I do remember bemoaning to my mom about it and she told me 21 would be when the fun starts. So I waited and still made no changes.

 

By the time my 20s hit, I had long given up on success with dating. Only recently I developed this ‘ devil may care’ attitude and just trying to get some xp to level up in the romance area.. I think that’s the biggest thing that comes with age; the insecurities (hopefully) lessen. You stop caring so much what others think of you and realize it’s a now or never type thing...So yes, only recently I’ve had more luck with opposite sex than ever

 

I’m still very awkward. It’s such a weird thing with that, because it’s so hard to put your finger on what’s wrong. It’s a conglomerate of things. I suppose too many nail down. I think people can sense it on a visceral level. I do think there’s a bus I missed awhile back and I will never be completely caught up. Oh well.

 

That aside, I still have a lot of hope for you, guitarguy7. You seem intelligent , funny, and have a good head on your shoulders. Your threads are thoughtful I think you’re going to school rn? Keep doing/working on you. You have a lot of time for the headache of a gf. It seems like when you stop caring, things come.

Edited February 5, 2018 by Cookiesandough