Author RN2017 Posted August 26, 2017 Author Share Posted August 26, 2017 If a guy asks you what do you want from me that you are not getting from me..does that mean he cares about the friendship/relationship....and he is still interested .... Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted August 26, 2017 Share Posted August 26, 2017 It sounds like he cares but he is wondering if he is making you happy. Perhaps he thinks you are not happy with him for some reason? Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 26, 2017 Share Posted August 26, 2017 What is the context in this?? IS this a relationship or just friendship? This could be interpreted as you are complaining he isnt doing something. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Yes, I would think a question like that means he cares, and not only does he care, but he's asking you specifically what it is you want/need. I don't see this as a good thing that the question needs to be asked in the first place. What is the background story to this text? It's really not a good sign for the relationship as a whole, if he has to ask you to define your needs. Maybe he's new to dating and you need to guide him, or maybe you're evasive and don't know what you want, so anything he does isn't good enough. This question is vague, but I would think that if a guy asks, specifically, what you want, it means he's interested. How is this an enigma for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 Needs more context Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 27, 2017 Share Posted August 27, 2017 I guess it depends the context and what when she said it like what was going on right before that and then also the tone that he said it, whether he was being loving or being irritated and impatient. If he was calm and you hadn't been having a disagreement about something and he just brought it up then that's caring but I expect something took place to make him broach the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 (edited) Would a guy hold back how he really feels and what he really wants if there is somebody else in the picture? There is somebody else in my life but things are on the rocks but we still love together and are technically together...but I have friend who I have known for 4 years now and we have dated of and on.... The other day I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture then maybe u know....so then he said we are friends having fun....then he went on to ask me what do I want from him that I am not getting...and then when u told that I will have to move on he told that I wasn't moving anywhere... I wondered if he still likes me and still interested...he offers to do things for me which I take as he cares or likes me..( for example....he works with cats and he offered to role my mileage back on my car for me which I know is illegal but I didn't let him do that) so he offered I didn't ask...and he asked why didn't I bring my car to his shop when I needed something but I told him that was when he was out of town..... I am really thinking about letting him go and moving on bc emtionally I can't take it anymore...also I told him I can't do the one foot in one foot out thing and he told me to take a foot out...I don't know if he meant take a foot out from him or my current relationship .... Edited August 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge threads Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 You have a BF & you have a male friend. Yet you are wondering why your male friend won't tell you how he feels? Seriously? He already told you it's useless to talk about it until & unless you are no longer in a relationship Although I think you would be moving too fast & you are probably already emotionally cheating on your present live in BF, you need to end that relationship if you are unhappy. Only after you are free should you consider starting another relationship but you are dead wrong to expect your friend to declare some sort of emotional intent for you while you are living with another guy. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 the other day I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture then maybe u know Seems to me he has told you exactly how he feels. He would like to progress your relationship but won't make a move because you're with someone else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 BAsically, you're trying to monkey bar to him and he's telling you he ain't that one. Let go of your present relationship, first, be by yourself for about 6 months to get that relationship out of your system and then see what your friend is talking about. I don't blame him for not wanting to be a part of your fantasy. You're being unfair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 Folks, Moderator ~6 merged five threads on a similar topic for continuity and the thread starter is on moderation for gross ignoral of our cross-posting rules so their responses may be delayed. Please read back for continuity and thank you for your responses and advice. We'll work to keep all the content on this relationship issue in one discussion. Please continue! Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 A little background....There is somebody else in my life but things are on the rocks.but I have friend who I have known for 4 years now and we have dated off and on.but the other day I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture then maybe u know.so then he said we are friends having fun.then he went on to ask me what do I want from him that I am not getting.and then when u told that I will have to move on he told me that I wasn't moving anywhere" So fast forward I didn't call text or stop by his work I just fell off the planet.but neither did he..so in 2 week he text me and ask me was I good I said yes and u and he said yeah( this was because we had a bad hurricane coming) so a week later he texts me what's up I said nothing .he asked when was he going to see me.I asked why do you want to see me he said. Its like that now.I said well you have been wishy washy and he s aid I can say the same about you...I said I have my reasons...he asked can you tell me your reasons.I said bc I feel you have been seeing someone else and did not tell me.so he took a while to reply and then I said ..I forgot it doesn't really matter we are friends having fun(I was being sarcastic though).so he said so lets have some fun tonight.i said you didn't answer my question are you seeing someone else. He ignored it.never answered back.so then I said I know you got my text and since you didn't answer I am going to take that as a yes.so whoever you have been making priority have fun with the. Tonight.his response was Lol.so I was offended by the response bc nothing is funny.but my friend said he was just. Trying to see if he still got you because I had told him 3 weeks ago I was going to let him go and move on.but why ask me what's my reasons but you don't answer the question.he could even lie and say no.my friend once he saw he still had me it was like I got her where I want her. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 If I'm understanding this correctly, you're totally okay with the arrangement when you have a boyfriend (or someone you're seeing), but when he meets someone and wants to go out with her, you get uptight. Either be a couple or don't. You can't have him on the sidelines waiting for you. Has he seen other women throughout this four years or has he been single while you date and waits on the sidelines? You said you needed to move on - move on from what? This guy you're seeing or him? Please clarify. If you didn't clarify that with him or he didn't know what you meant, he could have taken that to mean you're just not into him that way, so he asked someone out. Did you tell him he has to move on? Okay then, he did. So I'm a little lost on the conversation, but I think the bottom line is you have to decide if you want to have more with him or not, and if not, then it's friends only, and he may stick around, he may not...friendships evolve and change and sometimes fade. I think part of your upset is that now, during a time when your relationship is not going well, you're also seeing the potential of your friend being your boyfriend (even temporarily) slipping away, and it hurts. If he's been keeping you on the sidelines, then you need to decide if you want to stick around and keep waiting, accept the friendship as just friends, even when/if he hits on you or flirts, create a boundary, or move away from this friendship. I don't understand this on-again-off-again, but it seems to work for some people, but it's really just a filler until you move on to greener pastures, it seems a little confusing and that maybe one person uses the other during dry spells? Pick one - romance or friendship. I just don't see how mixing it up is stable and can cause this hurt and jealousy and confusion. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 No I think YOU are trying to drive HIM crazy! He tells you that he won't have a relationship because you have a boyfriend. But you keep pursuing him, and expect him to pursue you back. Then you flip out hypocritically accusing HIM of having another woman. Look you need to make your mind up here. Either split up with your boyfriend and date the new guy, or stop leading the new guy on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 A little background....There is somebody else in my life but things are on the rocks.but I have friend who I have known for 4 years now and we have dated off and on.but the other day I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture then maybe u know.so then he said we are friends having fun.then he went on to ask me what do I want from him that I am not getting.and then when u told that I will have to move on he told me that I wasn't moving anywhere" So fast forward I didn't call text or stop by his work I just fell off the planet.but neither did he..so in 2 week he text me and ask me was I good I said yes and u and he said yeah( this was because we had a bad hurricane coming) so a week later he texts me what's up I said nothing .he asked when was he going to see me.I asked why do you want to see me he said. Its like that now.I said well you have been wishy washy and he s aid I can say the same about you...I said I have my reasons...he asked can you tell me your reasons.I said bc I feel you have been seeing someone else and did not tell me.so he took a while to reply and then I said ..I forgot it doesn't really matter we are friends having fun(I was being sarcastic though).so he said so lets have some fun tonight.i said you didn't answer my question are you seeing someone else. He ignored it.never answered back.so then I said I know you got my text and since you didn't answer I am going to take that as a yes.so whoever you have been making priority have fun with the. Tonight.his response was Lol.so I was offended by the response bc nothing is funny.but my friend said he was just. Trying to see if he still got you because I had told him 3 weeks ago I was going to let him go and move on.but why ask me what's my reasons but you don't answer the question.he could even lie and say no.my friend once he saw he still had me it was like I got her where I want her. YOU are making yourself crazy. And, yeah, he knows you're on the "edge" with your boyfriend and don't have the stones to break it off like you should before you start playing with another guy's heart. You guys decided to be "friends". You dropped off the planet. He reached out and you got sarcastic/pissy with him because he didn't chase you. You are trying to money branch -- have the next boyfriend lined up and hooked before you end it with your boyfriend. You aren't going to break it off with your boyfriend until you know for sure you have someone "better". You will stay with your boyfriend even if you aren't really happy because you can't be alone or without a boyfriend, I'd say. whoever you have been making priority have fun with the. Tonight.his response was Lol -- You have no right to be questioning who or what his priorities are. If anything, since he is your "friend" you should be happy for him if he's found someone. Sh*t or get off the pot. As in, end things with your boyfriend and then start dating other people instead of jerking yourself and some other guy around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 (edited) A little background....There is somebody else in my life but things are on the rocks.but I have friend who I have known for 4 years now and we have dated off and on.but the other day I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture then maybe u know.so then he said we are friends having fun.then he went on to ask me what do I want from him that I am not getting.and then when u told that I will have to move on he told me that I wasn't moving anywhere" He was pretty clear by the above that you are already seeing someone so I don't know why you even asked him about another girl. He might want some sex on the side because he knows you want him but that is probably as far as he wants to go with you. Edited September 18, 2017 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 The guy may just be, vulturing, waiting for her to get to the point where she decides to cheat on the boyfriend instead of ending it. Or, hopefully, he's just a good guy who understands "where" she's at and keeping his distance. I really think he's on to her monkey-branch thinking though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 I was saying I A moving on from him...he said I wasn't moving anywhere and said later....I don't think he took me seriously....so my friend said he was just trying to see if he still got me....but my thing is why can't he answer the question yes or no...if he is seeing someone else...if we are sleeping together I think I have the right to know....plus he is still legally married to his wife but they don't live together... Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted September 18, 2017 Author Share Posted September 18, 2017 We have been seeing each other off and on for 4 years... Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 I was saying I A moving on from him...he said I wasn't moving anywhere and said later....I don't think he took me seriously....so my friend said he was just trying to see if he still got me....but my thing is why can't he answer the question yes or no...if he is seeing someone else...if we are sleeping together I think I have the right to know....plus he is still legally married to his wife but they don't live together... Oh, paleeze . . . you're in a relationship, he's married and you're sleeping with each other. And, if there is another woman, I might venture to guess that it's the wife which could be the reason he's secretive about it . . . plus, it's none of your business. You are sleeping with him under "questionnable" circumstances, but you want him to treat you with respect because you are sleeping with him? You reap what you sow. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 (edited) I had told him 3 weeks ago I was going to let him go and move on so why are you still dealing with him if you said this to him? I asked him what we are doing and he said there is not much we can do because there is somebody still in the picture if they were no longer in the picture He's marking time with you... even worse, he's cheating on his wife with a woman who is fine with adultery. Stop being "that" woman and move on. Edited September 18, 2017 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted October 1, 2017 Author Share Posted October 1, 2017 A guy I have been. Seeing off and on for 4 years I told him I wanted to be just platonic friends. Reason for me is I feel like I am waisting my time and I don't feel the relationship isn't heading where I want to go. Now I didn't tell him this. He hasn't even asked why? He just said once you go there you can't go back. Which I believe is BS bc people do it all the time... So the next thing he asked could be rent my mom's house I told him he can rent under one condition he has to respect how I feel about being platonic friends...he responded back LOL...I feel like if he wants to rent it what's the problem just say ok...I am trying to end things with him on that level like a mature adult.and on good terms...I almost feel like I have to ignore his phone calls and text message and never talk to him again...but I don't want to do it that way bc I care for him. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 Some people can. Most people can't. It's impossible in the short run when one wants more then friends. If you want just friends & he wants sex him renting from your mom & hanging around is going to cause him a lot of pain. He'd be better off disappearing from your life for a while (think years). With him being around, are you strong enough not to fall back into bed with him out of boredom? Link to post Share on other sites
Author RN2017 Posted October 2, 2017 Author Share Posted October 2, 2017 Yes I am bc it's not what I want...I deserve much more than what he is giving...and I don't think he is capable of doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mysterio Posted October 2, 2017 Share Posted October 2, 2017 I am friends with my ex. Sometimes its hard, because she can be moody. We were very intimate in the start. We went out in June of 2012. Broke up in Nov of 2012. We are still friends. I dont' know how to explain it. Sometimes I feel that sexual tic towards her. Sometimes I don't. We have not crossed the line. Other than a hug. That is the only physical contact I have. Its not like I feel like I am going to sleep with her. Unless the woman is like a sister. I have to fight the desire to crave physical affection. The way I am right now. I am not seeking anymore female friends. If it happens it will be by default. My head space is always romantic prospect if I can help it. My ex wants a kid. So I would be weary to sleep with her. If it does happen. She would have to be very playful and affectionate with me. In order for that to happen. So I limit my socializing with her. Every couple of months is all I do with her. 5 times a year tops. Link to post Share on other sites
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