How to be a Good Wife

[clandestinidad]

Whoa!!! I just got this in an email. Its from Housekeeping Monthly 1955:

 

"Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

 

Prepare yourself. Take 15 min. to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

 

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

 

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

 

Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.

 

Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

 

Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the childrens' hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

 

Be happy to see him.

 

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him

 

Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours

 

Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax

 

Your goal: Try to make sure you home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit

 

Dont greet him with complaints and problems

 

Dont complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day

 

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him

 

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

 

Dont ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him

 

A good wife always knows her place"

 

I'd love to know what everyone thinks about all this!!!!! Here we go........

[johan]

They forgot: Carress and lick his butthole.

[quankanne]

you mean, "they forgot to mention giving good head"

 

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

 

oh, yeah, I BET it'll make his day a little more interesting with some lesbo love action waiting for him at home!!!!!

[TUDOR]

Ya I fail to see how any of that constitutes a good wife with no sex of any kind in the instructions!

 

It is very simple ladies, feed us and f*ck us and not necessarily in that order!

[quankanne]

I thought providing ice cream was the ultimate "good wifey" deed -- even beats out a good boinking!

[Blackfrost]

Feed me, Please me, Where's the remote?

[TUDOR]

Originally posted by quankanne

I thought providing ice cream was the ultimate "good wifey" deed -- even beats out a good boinking!

 

Depends on how you're serving the ice cream!

[Woggle]

Both husbands and wives should treat their spouse the way they would want to be treated.

[Pyro]

Originally posted by Woggle

Both husbands and wives should treat their spouse the way they would want to be treated.

 

i agree completely. I believe that a relationship is 50/50. The husband should do as much for the wife as she does for him, IMHO.

 

That was from 1955. Things were completely different back then. Women were only expected to stay at home and be a housewife. Now that many women are in the workforce, men must learn to take care of themselves when the occasion comes up.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Seriously, in a strange way I agree with most of that list outside of the blatantly subservient or emotionally masochistic stuff (typical of the time period, I guess).

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Blackfrost

Feed me, Please me, Where's the remote?

 

Never heard of cyber-feeding...

[rble618740]

Actually, I don't think it's weird to agree with some of this stuff. I think it's the way some of it is presented that's a little unsettling. I do think there are a few comments that aren't appropriate for this day and age. I am conservative and old-fashioned by today's standards (even though I'm young), but I find the following statements the most troubling:

 

"Let him talk first- remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours."

 

Now, someone has to go first, and - because my husband works from our home and I work away from home in an office - I can appreciate that the person coming home might need some unwinding time. I don't think, however, that my husband would ever believe that his topics of conversation are "more important" than mine. Nor would I believe that my topics of conversation are more important than his.

 

"Dont complain . . . if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day."

 

Since we're both working, we have similar strife throughout the day. We are still accountable to each other as husband and wife. I can't tell him he can't stay out all night, but as a matter of respect he wouldn't do that without talking to me. Nor would I stay out all night without letting him know my plans.

 

"Dont ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him."

 

I believe my husband is a man of good judgement and integrity. I also believe that, all other things being equal, someone has to have decision-making power in the case of a difference of opinion between spouses - in our house, my husband has that power. Even if he does something against my advice, I know that he made that choice in the honest belief that it was best for us - and I support him. I have to support him even when he makes mistakes, otherwise he might become "afraid" to make decisions for fear that I will be among the people criticizing him if he fails. All of that being said, my husband asks for, and I give, my opinion on the decisions made in our household. Even if he doesn't decide my way, he is always respectful of my position. If I felt that he was making a selfish or unfair decision, I would lovingly tell him that and ask him to think about the motivation for his decision.

[Outcast]

outside of the blatantly subservient or emotionally masochistic stuff

 

That's pretty much most of it. The lines rble18740 pointed out were especially troubling. There are plenty of sensible 'how to be a good spouse' articles and books available which are relevant to this day and age.

 

It would be amusing to read how women were considered inferior in every way - if it wasn't appalling.

[jerry59]

the article is good. the advice is good. the failure of modern american marriage is in the confused sex/gender roles of our "culture". wives want to be both husband and wife, and resent the men for supporting them. the wife also wants to have her "career" and be a mom. in such cases, both are generally done poorly. mom's should support their husbands and raise their children. our high divorce rate is a direct result of the feminism of the 60s and 70s. feminism has totally failed, and just about ruined american domestic relations.

 

disagree? bring it on.

[whichwayisup]

Originally posted by Woggle

Both husbands and wives should treat their spouse the way they would want to be treated.

 

See? Short, sweet and to the point. Perfectly put!

 

I'll add in afew too.

 

1)Never go to bed angry with eachother.

 

2)When fighting or arguing, never cross that line. Always remember as pissed off as you feel, don't disrespect your spouse. Name calling and trying to make somebody else feel like s*** just isn't right. Leave the room and take a breather if things are getting heated in a not-so-good way.

 

3)It's not what they always say, it's what they do! Many parts of loving somebody is HOW they are with you. The littliest things matter the most. It's nice to hear I love you daily, but seeing it other ways is just as special. Helping eachother out and picking up the slack when the other is stressed or busy.

 

4)Laugh and be silly. Enjoy eachothers company when together and feel happy apart. We aren't put on this earth to entertain our spouses, so it is healthy to have things to do apart...Hobbies, hanging out with friends or just alone time to watch tv etc...

 

5)TELL your SO that you love them! How important they are.

 

There are tons more but that's enough for now!

[clandestinidad]

I agree that some of this is great info, but the way its presented and worded is disturbing to me. It comes across as attempted brainwashing IMO. Especially telling us/them that nothing we have to say is as important as his....and the part about coming home late or not at all, and not allowed to tell him that it upsets you....the wording of it makes me very sad b/c its manipulative.

 

Also, it makes me think that there must have been a lot of women who either didnt do these things, or did them but didnt want to, since they felt compelled to instruct women in such detail.

 

I wonder if it was written by a male or female

[quankanne]

written by a well-meaning female -- or an out-and-out flamer -- because of the language and style used, feels like a "woman to woman" conversation to me.

 

I don't disagree with a lot of those recommendations, but in the 1950s, relationships weren't exactly promoted to be on an even keel, IMHO. Women were expected to be subservient, and mutual respect wasn't something you talked about or aimed for simply because of the subservient factor. I'm glad I live now, and not then, or I'd have been thrown in jail for abusing men that I didn't agree with. And probably called a strident hussy.

 

the failure of modern american marriage is in the confused sex/gender roles of our "culture". wives want to be both husband and wife, and resent the men for supporting them. the wife also wants to have her "career" and be a mom. in such cases, both are generally done poorly. mom's should support their husbands and raise their children. our high divorce rate is a direct result of the feminism of the 60s and 70s. feminism has totally failed, and just about ruined american domestic relations.

 

disagree? bring it on.

 

the failure of modern american marriage is due to lack of communication and lack of respect for each other and for the marriage. People want their cake and to eat it, too. Or, as it was termed by the priest on my Marriage Encounter Weekend team, "You want to live like a married single. You want all the good stuff that comes with marriage, but you don't want to give up those things that came with being single."

 

show me a woman who says she can be both career woman and mom, and I'll show you a woman who is torn because she cannot devote the kind of time she'd like to either without the other one suffering. I know women who feel so damned guilty being out on maternity leave, then cry because they have to drop their infants off at a daycare center when they go back to work. I don't think there are a whole heck of a lot of women who get to do both because they want to -- most working mothers understand that it takes two incomes to support the family, even if it's just one or two kids.

 

women should support their husbands ... yes, and men should support their wives in every way possible, even if it means giving up their selfish desires so that their wife's needs are met. Case in point? Andrea Pia Yates, the Houston mom who drowned her kids. She suffered mental problems, and at one point the psychiatrist treating her told her husband that the woman should not have any more children because of her fragile mental state. So what does old Rusty do? Knocks her up several more times, all the while going about his merry way to work and leaving his wife to care for the kids, school the kids, care for the house 24/7. Oh wait ... he *did* allow her one hour a week for herself. He was more concerned that his wife live up to an agreement made during their courting days that she be the stay at home mom while he worked and provided for their kids; he refused to amend that "gameplan" to allow for problems created by her fragile mental health, now he's got no kids and an exwife in an East Texas state mental facility.

 

how in hell does that kind of attitude make for a good marriage, especially when one spouse reaps all the benefits and the other all the responsibility? It has to be an equal contribution to the marriage by both parties to make it work, period. I guarantee, unless she is as seriously stuck in a time warp as Rusty, no woman is going to give him a second look.

[SixthSt.Girl]

Ha, ha, I can't believe anyone, male or female, thought that men were ever deserving of that kind of treatment. Where are the "How to be a perfect husband" articles? I'm not married, and stuff like this reminds me of why I never want to be married. Because, so many women even today buy into this kind of logic. I know many married men who, even though they work the same amount of hours as their wives, still expect them to make dinner and clean house. I talked to a past co-worker who says she's put on 20 lbs. because she didn't bother with fixing good meals when she was single. Now, her husband expects a complete every night. I was like, WTF, tell him to cook for himself if you don't feel like eating that much. Guess I wouldn't make a good wittle wifey....

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by SixthSt.Girl

Where are the "How to be a perfect husband" articles?

 

There are Poems.. Books written ... Articles and Studies all on How to be a perfect husband..

This was a post about how to be a perfect wife.

 

all written in the same tone as this article and if I read them I don't get a

"reminds me of why I never want to be married" feeling.

 

You have to take things like this with a grain of salt ..

[TheDiva]

Sounds like that was written by a 'Stepford Wife'

Really shows me how times have changed!

 

Jerry59

 

I fail to see exactly where you are coming from.

 

the failure of modern american marriage is in the confused sex/gender roles of our "culture". wives want to be both husband and wife, and resent the men for supporting them.

 

Exactly where were the roles confused? When some men decided they wanted younger women and left the old "nags" (wives) with no job and his children to raise, what else was supposed to happen? It may be that I am just a little bitter because my father couldn't hold up to that bargain, preferring to spend his entire checks on an OW and gambling and he was never home..... HMMM Yeah my mother should of just been subservient

 

 

Women as well as Men share the blame in divorce rates, but then again if more people would, Look a little deeper before they make the leap, marriage and divorce rates wouldn't be so high.

 

quankanne hit it that nail on the head.

 

You really want to know how to be the perfect wife/husband....discuss it with your SO.......preferably BEFORE marriage.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Originally posted by quankanne

you mean, "they forgot to mention giving good head"

 

Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

 

oh, yeah, I BET it'll make his day a little more interesting with some lesbo love action waiting for him at home!!!!!

 

That's the first thing I thought of when I read that one!

[Woggle]

Originally posted by SixthSt.Girl

Ha, ha, I can't believe anyone, male or female, thought that men were ever deserving of that kind of treatment. Where are the "How to be a perfect husband" articles? I'm not married, and stuff like this reminds me of why I never want to be married. Because, so many women even today buy into this kind of logic. I know many married men who, even though they work the same amount of hours as their wives, still expect them to make dinner and clean house. I talked to a past co-worker who says she's put on 20 lbs. because she didn't bother with fixing good meals when she was single. Now, her husband expects a complete every night. I was like, WTF, tell him to cook for himself if you don't feel like eating that much. Guess I wouldn't make a good wittle wifey....

 

And women do deserve that treatment? There are many articles telling men how to be a perfect husband. Juts watch Oprah or any talk show and they try to whip men into submission. Honestly I could care less who does what chores. I don't believe that women should do all the housework but she damn well better treat me with the same respect she demands.

[quankanne]

she damn well better treat me with the same respect she demands

 

exactly precisely, woggle ... don't demand of your mate what you refuse to give in return, is my thought

[Woggle]

Originally posted by quankanne

she damn well better treat me with the same respect she demands

 

exactly precisely, woggle ... don't demand of your mate what you refuse to give in return, is my thought

 

I truly believe that. Despite my misogynist views I am actually a believer in equal relationships. The problem with many relationships these days is that women expect the worst of men before they even give them a chance. This way no matter what the man does she will look at it with suspicion and think he has ulterior motives. This is why many men feel like they can do no right and no matter what they do she is always angry with him. I would just walk away from a relationship like this but many men try over and over again to please an unpleasable woman and he becomes a shell of a man. That is one of the reasons that modern marriage has so many problems.

[RecordProducer]

I think we all view this article in similar ways so I won't comment much on the points stated there. Obviously everyone wants to be treated nicely and having a nice home, organized life, good kids and everything is important.

 

But I can't resist thinking that it's not what really would make a man 100% happy. I think every man wants his wife to be sexy. Sexy is when she has some career or hobbies or both, friends she appreciates and who appreciate her, men who chase after her; when she looks pretty and takes care of herself, shows interest in intellectual development (art, culture, books, etc.)...

 

Men fall in love with women when they present their girl's side and fall out of love when they become housewives. Spotless house, fantastic meals, full dedication to the kids, and servile behavior are not the things that make our spouses stay in love forever. Besides, the day has only 24 hours.

 

In my opinion, the best marriage is where you create balance between these two parts. Life in a marriage has to be in order, but we should also strive to retain the initial interest of our spouse and stay independent and free-spirited. I think both parties will be happier with this approach.