bunnygrl07 Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Why would my boyfriend think that I enjoy having my boobs or my butt grabbed? And I don't just mean a little pinch. It's like he's honking a bicycle horn a couple times throughout the day at random. "Hi honey! *Honk-honk*" He says it's his way of showing appreciation or affection for me sometimes. I don't find it affectionate. I've told him repeatedly that it makes me uncomfortable. It can even be painful if I'm PMSing. But he still does it. Usually he grabs me when he gives me a quick kiss before leaving for work, when I'm studying, or if he is sitting down and I pass by. It's gotten to the point where I cringe if he gets near those regions. And no, it's not some random guy that I can just drop. We've been together for 4 years. This has become an issue over the past couple months. I've tried grabbing him back, but he just doesn't seem to get it. He gets plenty of sex, affection, and opportunities to see me naked, so that's not it. So why would a guy get a kick out of grabbing his girlfriend's boobs all the time? How can I make it clear that I want him to stop without hurting his feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
Neptune Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Kick him in the balls one time when he does that. That will get his attention Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Amazing how thick some people can be. Every time he does it look him in the eye and say 'STOP DOING THAT - I HATE IT'. Don't smile or laugh. Just tell him in no uncertain terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunnygrl07 Posted August 26, 2005 Author Share Posted August 26, 2005 Yeah, I've tried that a couple times. Then he just becomes all defensive and gets that wounded animal look. Acts all pouty and starts with "Fine, then I won't touch you," like a 5 year-old. I love you, but I'm not 40 yet. I don't need a breast exam. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by bunnygrl07 It's like he's honking a bicycle horn a couple times throughout the day at random. "Hi honey! *Honk-honk*" Gosh, this one made me laugh so hard! :lmao: I know it's not funny at all actually. I've had a BF for 6 years who was like that. He was biting my butt so hard that I was frightened for a long time after we broke up when my ex-husband would approach my naked butt. It took me a while to get rid of the Pavlov's reflex. So this a**h***, who did all kinds of unforgivable things to me (but I was too young to be aware of what a piece of sh*t he was), would not care about my complaints whatsoever. I would tell him that it hurts me and he'd say "It's passion!" Passion, my ass! It's passive aggressiveness or something bad in any case. Also when we would play cards, if he was winning, he would start hitting my cheeks. Yes, like slamming me. Not hard, but it'd piss me off every time. So once he did it many times and I told him I was really mad, but he still wouldn't stop. So I hit him hard and he got angry. I felt sorry... that I didn't hit him much harder! He was totally disrespectful toward me overall; he thought a woman should cook, clean, work, raise children, etc. and men should make money, drink, and burp. He was selfish in bed, stupid, messy, stubborn.. ugh... the list is way too big. He was using me for sex for straight two years and I was still a minor. He was 6 years older. I mean, you can do it to a grown woman, but not to a 16-year old girl who's in love with you. However the worst thing about him was that he liked my step-father (and he knew that he molested me in the past; my mom didn't know at the time). He was wealthy and the ex-BF hoped he would work for him and inherit his company some day if he marries me. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Originally posted by bunnygrl07 Yeah, I've tried that a couple times. Then he just becomes all defensive and gets that wounded animal look. Acts all pouty and starts with "Fine, then I won't touch you," like a 5 year-old. I love you, but I'm not 40 yet. I don't need a breast exam. When he get defensive and the wounded animal look don't fall for it... Tell him AGAIN I'm not ASKING you to stop doing it, I'm TELLING you to stop doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Funny situation but I understand what you're going through! My exBF from many years ago used to goose me ALL the time, not only from behind but would basically stick his fingers so hard in my crotch, thinking it would turn me on...Boy was he ever wrong!! It pissed me off, got my undies crammed up there too! He'd just reach over and do this as I walked by...Could be carrying a plate, didn't matter WHO was around, he'd do it. Yuk!!! So, let me tell ya, payback is a beyotch!!! How can I make it clear that I want him to stop without hurting his feelings? You have two choices...No, actually three choices... 1) Whenever he walks by try to stick your finger up his a$$. Grab his penis and balls ALL the time. Smile and say, "You liking that babe??" Even make noises and be crude. Say, "Oh yeah, Chooo chooo train!" or something! 2) Tell him HOW much it bugs the crap out of you that he does this! It doesn't turn you on, and infact it makes you feel like a piece of meat. Maybe that isn't his intent, but his actions make you feel that way. If he wants to show affection, suggest a kiss or a cuddle would be nice!!! 3) Lose it and cry! Tell him that you hate when he does that and if he does it one more time you're breaking up with him! Yeah, the last one is not the right way of handling it, but he seems to NOT be "hearing" what you're saying. He needs a shocker or a taste of his own medicin! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 26, 2005 Share Posted August 26, 2005 Just give him atomic wedgies regularly and when he complains that it hurts, tell him it's as much fun as his grabs. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 You know, you've got the immediate problem of how to deal with the behavior, but I think you also owe it to yourself to give some thought to how the two of you communicate, his level of empathy and respect, and his ability to understand and respond to your needs. Now, I'm way on the other end of things, near the end, most likely, of a 13 year marriage - we were very respectful and yet over time, somehow we still missed out on communicating and meeting some of each other's important but basic needs. If you're starting out with him unable to understand that you don't want your boobs grabbed, is it likely to get better or worse as time goes on? To do it once may be a mistake. To not hear and understand your protest is disrespectful. To continue doing it again after being told clearly and unambiguously NOT TO borders on physical abuse, and for him to act hurt and withdrawn in response - I think - is a controlling behavior. Can you say with confidence that this is the only sign of this kind of unacceptable behavior or disrespectful interaction in this relationship? I'm a guy, but even just as a human being - if I haven't made it clear already - his behavior really pisses me off. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 30, 2005 Share Posted August 30, 2005 I think Trimmer posted a wonderful piece of advice. Where is Bunnygrl anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bunnygrl07 Posted August 31, 2005 Author Share Posted August 31, 2005 where i am? what do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 where i am? what do you mean? I meant you haven't posted in your thread in the last 5 days. People usually write some feedback to the reponses they get. Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted August 31, 2005 Share Posted August 31, 2005 This is an excellent post . . . and from a man . . . who isn't even joking about it. You know, you've got the immediate problem of how to deal with the behavior, but I think you also owe it to yourself to give some thought to how the two of you communicate, his level of empathy and respect, and his ability to understand and respond to your needs. Now, I'm way on the other end of things, near the end, most likely, of a 13 year marriage - we were very respectful and yet over time, somehow we still missed out on communicating and meeting some of each other's important but basic needs. If you're starting out with him unable to understand that you don't want your boobs grabbed, is it likely to get better or worse as time goes on? To do it once may be a mistake. To not hear and understand your protest is disrespectful. To continue doing it again after being told clearly and unambiguously NOT TO borders on physical abuse, and for him to act hurt and withdrawn in response - I think - is a controlling behavior. Can you say with confidence that this is the only sign of this kind of unacceptable behavior or disrespectful interaction in this relationship? I'm a guy, but even just as a human being - if I haven't made it clear already - his behavior really pisses me off. Link to post Share on other sites
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