When she isn't her

[holms]

So, I am on my second date since my break up. I kind of like this woman but my issue is... she isn't "Her."

 

Since my breakup I have been on one date, got another 2 set up for this weekend with a new woman, and yet another for the weekend after. I'm not having a problem getting dates, but my problem is... they aren't my ex.

 

I hate this. I don't want to project the feeling of "Not available" but I fear that I am. How do I shake this.

[TeddyPSmith]

Im having the same fear. I just know that any girl I go out with now will be compared to my ex.

 

 

Maybe enough time hasn't gone by since your breakup? Maybe these girls are just tools to help you move on? I definitely see the value in dating to help you move on but I wonder how fair it is to the girl. Good luck to you buddy.

[hurtsbadjusthurts]

One thing i found is to just be honest. It removes a lot of the pressure. I've been on a few dates with someone i'm getting to know.

 

I've been up front and told her i'm looking to make a friendship first and if anything else happens, great. She seem to really respect the honesty.

 

Just mean i can enjoy the now and not worry about "things that don't exist"

 

Things are going really well. Also treat people for the people they are, not comparing them to someone else. Or you might miss something great about them.

 

Plus just concentrate on enjoying people and experiences again.

[Zahara]

You shouldn't be dating. You're still emotionally affected by your ex. Until you heal some and find some level of indifference, you'll never realize the potential of another woman because you're still blinded by your ex.

 

Plus, it isn't fair to those coming to the table with emotional availability and healthy expectations while you're lost somewhere else pining for an ex. Don't use people to distract you from your pain. Learn how to manage it on your own -- that's how your grow and become stronger versus relying on a crutch.