mrstang69 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Married 12 yrs, the other morning I found a text to a coworker at 7:30 in the morning. The text read hope you had a great shift, get some rest. (With a hug emoji). I didn't say anything at first but a week later, text my wife that it hurt my feelings and I didn't know how to tell her. She never responded with a text or apologize for it. I dont think a wife should text another man even if they are "just friends" to see how his 8hr shift went. I work a 20hr shift and she never seems that concerned. I feel disrespected. Also i made a comment about an Instagram photo she posted and said i was accusing her of cheating. Then turns around and makes her acct private and removes me. This just furthers make me feel disrespected and feels like something going on. Am i crazy for thinking like this ? Not sure what i want to do anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Mrstang, I looked at your history for some context. Your history with clashing over wife's social media has been an issue for quite some time. And there's the lack of sex. Hate to say it, but it sounds to me like your wife has checked out of the marriage. She doesn't want sex with you and she's seeking emotional engagement elsewhere. It's time to stop looking at these issues as individual things and look at the bigger picture. It's not good! I would suggest you get into marriage counselling pronto. Instead of blaming your wife over individual issues, talk about being worried about the disconnect these issues represent when all put together. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 I can't say whether she's being disrespectful, or if you're being overbearing and paranoid. The truth is probably somewhere in the middle of that. Her text to her coworker could have been completely innocent, or it could have been crossing boundaries. We're missing a lot of context. Also i made a comment about an Instagram photo she posted and said i was accusing her of cheating. So, you accused her of cheating, right? Did you make this comment in private, or did you post the comment on instagram where other people could see it? It would probably help if you provided a lot more background info. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 The text to the co worker is nothing compare to the other stuff. 1. You raise a problem and say you're feel hurt, and she doesn't respond... 2. She removes you from her instagram and publish that you acuse her with cheating. This is no marriage. This is a marriage who need a serious overhaul and repair work, or admitting it's over and splitting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
grassisorisntgreener Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 There is no doubt in my mind that she is cheating on you. Either emotionally or physically, probably both. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 She doesn't know it yet but she is getting emotionally attached to this person. She may feel it's just a happy go lucky co-worker bonding friendship, because there is nothing "sexual" between them. But in reality it's the start of an emotional affair. She just doesn't see it as such. She thinks it's all very innocent and you are being intrusive. Anyways it's like an addiction and with addictions come denial...this is where she's at. What can you do? Start reading some articles about emotional affairs. Find one that explains her actions, and send it to her or show it to her. Don't be apprehensive or pushy, angry. Just be claim and straight forward. simply tell her she may not understand or recognize the signs, but at least it will give her something to think about in what she is doing. Yes there are appropriate interactions among co-workers BUT she is over stepping her boundaries for a married woman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 Being kind to a friend is not disrespectful to you by itself. It is also not indicative of cheating but it does raise concerns. Calmly talk to your wife. Tell her that it hurt your feelings that she was reassuring some other guy when she does now bestow that level of attention on you. Ask her how the two of you can get back to a loving relationship. Do not start by attacking or accusing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 It's really quite simple: Go see a lawyer. Your wife is in the throes of an emotional affair at best. From the backstory presented by your other posts, she is exhibiting typical wayward behavior. Let me guess...She is around that magical age of 40? The age where some people just HAVE to know that they are still desirable by anyone other than their spouse. It happens with both genders in many marriages and relationships at about that point. And it's usually at this point they leave a trail of nefarious behavior. As their need to be wanted by somebody new overrules their common sense and they generally get sloppy. Your wife is getting sloppy. For your own wife to remove you from her social media is about as obvious as it gets. She wants somebody..and it ain't you. So give her what she wants and kick her out before you end up kicking her ass. Which is not too far off at the rate this marriage is going tits up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Time to hide a VAR in WW's car. Also hide one in the house where she takes most of her home phone calls. Also hide a real time GPS in WW's car. Sit back, when you get info get back to us first to plan out your next step. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 I just read back over your previous posts regarding your wife. I agree with other posters, a little detective work is in order, you have plenty of reason to be suspicious, and maybe consider getting yourself a good lawyer, (but don't give her any warning of this). Obviously she takes you for granted and even thinks you're a bit stupid, and yes, what she's doing is hugely disrespectful. You need to draw a line in the sand with that social media stuff, and she needs to grow up. I'm guessing your relationship has moved past the stage where counselling could help, mainly because if she cared about the marriage she wouldn't be behaving the way she is. I'd do the quiet detective work first, that way you'd have your evidence ready for when she starts with the gaslighting. Just my opinion, but anyone who gaslights a partner is a creep and you can't believe anything they say. Just make sure she doesn't take the house. Link to post Share on other sites
Peacemaker1 Posted February 9, 2018 Share Posted February 9, 2018 Hi Mrstang69, I am sorry to hear that this is happening in your marriage. This sometimes happens when a marriage becomes routine and lackluster. Have you considered that maybe you have not been giving her as much attention as you used to? We all need to be appreciated, especially by our loved ones. Maybe you can also rekindle your relationship with some time together. My friends have read a book called “Love and Respect” where it explains that women need to be loved and men need to be respected. It certainly helped them. You might want to check it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mrstang69 Posted February 11, 2018 Author Share Posted February 11, 2018 Thank you all for your feedback I really appreciate it. I have to see what i want to do with this marriage. Does she want to be married to me or her phone and social media. She already made me feel guilty for not being around with im working my long weeks. Hell if you want a nice house and bills paid, i need to work the extra shifts. God knows she won't. Link to post Share on other sites
RonJames21 Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 The fact she didn't initially respond to you speaks volumes. What was her excuse for this? Link to post Share on other sites
sn3akerlover Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Contrary to popular belief, emotional cheating is still cheating. It does lead to other things eventually. The lack of care she seemed to display towards your concerned feelings just nailed the coffin- that's 100% disrespectful. I suggest taking a deep breath, collect your thoughts and think if the marriage is still salvageable for YOU. You may just end up suspicious of her actions forever even after marriage counseling. That's surely no way to live. You might want to do a bit more detective work if you are gearing up with a lawyer. If not you might get hit with abandonment instead of her with infidelity. Wish you the best in either case. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted February 12, 2018 Share Posted February 12, 2018 Hi Mrstang69, I am sorry to hear that this is happening in your marriage. This sometimes happens when a marriage becomes routine and lackluster. Have you considered that maybe you have not been giving her as much attention as you used to? We all need to be appreciated, especially by our loved ones. Maybe you can also rekindle your relationship with some time together. My friends have read a book called “Love and Respect” where it explains that women need to be loved and men need to be respected. It certainly helped them. You might want to check it out. LOL what a load of Crap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jamess1 Posted February 16, 2018 Share Posted February 16, 2018 Take it easy. . . .they are just friends, so she shouldn't have male friends anymore ? They probably love each other like brother and sister. Link to post Share on other sites
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