Update to Found "Unusual pictures" girlfriend took

[Whatsgoingoninmyhome]

I spoke with my GF about the unusual pictures that she took of her friends on the bedroom floor, and of her gay friend in the shower. She said that her friends asked her to take some sexy photos for them, and that the gay friend had asked her also to take some nice photos since he had just broken up with his boyfriend, and wanted to make his boyfriend jealous. I guess I basically believe her that she really was just trying to do favors for them, but that I was still bothered that she did intend to do this behind my back. Once again, she has lived with me in my home which I pay for 100% and support her 100% financially. Perhaps I am getting more and more irritated that despite my repeated encouragement, she as not gotten a job to help at least pay her bills. I have mentioned to her before, that I feel uncomfortable about having people come over to my house that I have never met, she met online, and quite frankly, she really knows very little about. She admitted that she did not tell me about it because she thought I may not like it, but that in my mind, just reinforces that she really disregarded my desires in my home. She apologized and left in tears. Perhaps this just points to the fact that we are very different people. She is very open and sociable, and I am very quiet and private. I think one of the main factors for why she likes me is that I have alot of financial stability, and am very ambitious in my career. I understand that she is a different person from me, and I have been totally open and understanding to her going out and doing what she wants with her friends (on my dime), but I guess I draw the line when she brings her friends home to do things in my shower and bedroom floor.

[she_9325]

i followed on the other thread a bit but didn't post a reply.

 

all i can say is, she needs to respect your wishes regarding YOUR home whether she likes or agrees with it or not. that isn't up to her, love means respect and if she can't respect your wishes then that's bunk. it doesn't matter if her or anyone else thinks them coming over and her taking pictures is no big deal, SHE knew ahead of time that you didn't want unknown people in YOUR HOME. she disrespected you. and one minor point, those pictures were in the recycle bin because she knew she was asking you to look at her computer and wanted to delete them before you sat at her computer. too bad she wasn't smart enough to purge them out of the recycle bin. but anyway, all for the better. now you know that it happened in the first place and know that she tried to hide it from you / not be 100% honest and tell you about it etc etc.

 

don't let her walk all over you. she has an easy ride right now with you supporting her 100%. she has a lot to lose, not you. you can do better than her mooching as*. f* lady, go out and get a job.

 

sorry, harsh.. but that is my 2 cents.

[Outcast]

Well the theory would be that it is home to both of you and that neither of you should require permission of the other to see friends.

 

It is unwise of her to have people over that she's only met online, however. I could see you requesting that she not give out your address to these sorts of strangers or to invite them over but she should be able to have her regular friends over without your 'permission'.

 

And if you want her to get a job, talk to her about it. Offer to help her find one.

[Art_Critic]

Originally posted by Whatsgoingoninmyhome

She admitted that she did not tell me about it because she thought I may not like it, but that in my mind, just reinforces that she really disregarded my desires in my home. She apologized and left in tears.

 

You are on track with this thinking ..

 

The tears are to keep you off track and move the disagreement to you and how she feels

 

It's good that you talked with her about it .. You have to know which battles in a relationship you fight for and which ones you let drop.

 

Let her be the guide and if she gives you some comfort then forgive and never forget might be in order

[Bryanp]

Huge red flags.

 

1) you pay 100 percent of everything

2) she does not have a job or contributes anything financially

3) she contact strangers online and meets with them which puts her at risk

4) You tell her never to bring strangers to your home and she does.

5) She brings strangers home so they know where everything is if they would wish to rob you.

6) She takes pictures of them in the shower and bathroom withhout your knowledge

7) She tells you that she does not tell you what she is doing because she knows you would not like it. This is called lies of omission and is totally disrespectful to you and shows she is untrustworthy.

 

From what you have written I find it hard to believe you could not find someone better. The implication is that she is lazy, sees you financially stable and able to provide for her (sugar daddy)

does not tell you the truth about her activities and continues these types of activities after you tell her to stop it. It sounds like she has very little respect for you. You judge a person by their actions and not by their words. Unfortunately for you her actions speaks volumes. You can do much better my friend. Her reaching out to strangers on the web and bringing them home is a guarantee in the long run something bad will happen. I think you know this also.

[Toni_no12002]

well really it is your house so its up to him to say who can come in etc.she hardly knows these people so id be annoyed.shes bringing them into your house,fair enough if it was her house but she has nothing to lose by bringing them to yours.i think he has every right to know who comes inside his house etc.if they knicked something or broke it its HIM who will have to pay not her!

[RecordProducer]

I think we finally came to the point where assumptions become reality. You DO think that it's YOUR home and that you should control her because you pay for everything.

With that kind of attitude you can't keep her.

Another example why a woman shouldn't rely on a man financially. Because sooner or later he starts seeing things as "this is my house as I am paying for it and you're my slave as I am supporting you."

[Outcast]

Gee, RP, you're sounding like a feminist to me

[elijahBailey]

I'm with RP on this...

 

Dude, you gotta loosen up. So she make a mistake. Just let it go. No need to go into the details on the ownership of the house...

[quankanne]

I've got to agree with Bryan here ... your post has a bunch of red flags ("she as not gotten a job to help at least pay her bills," "I have mentioned to her before, that I feel uncomfortable about having people come over to my house that I have never met (who) she met online," " she admitted that she did not tell me about it because she thought I may not like it,") which lead me to think this girl is using you big time.

 

if it were an equal relationship, she wouldn't be pulling crap like this because she understands that bringing complete strangers she's befriended through the internet into the abode they share is a very unsafe thing to do.

 

the point is not that she relies completely upon him financially, but that she's not being responsible with what they do share. There is a huge X factor involved having strangers come into the house, people she has no idea who they are ...

 

maybe he's being uptight, but better uptight and understanding completely the safety issue here than to find someone has broken into their house wanting to take their possessions or their lives.

[onlyhuman]

I'm kind of on the middle on this one, that is why I did not post before.What are your intentions with this girl? Is she marriage material? Did she ever acknowledge she was getting a job or wants one? Concerning jobs, whats her skills?

 

I don't think your trying to control her, I think a lot of things have made you re think this whole relationship and its all coming out.My big issue is not with the photos but the combination of no job for so long and making friends on the internet and having them in the home.Believe me there is a lot of truth in bad internet experiences, I had a friend have his house cleaned out by his internet girlfriend of two months, it happens.

 

Your big question is this the personality type you want long term.

 

BTW: I find it really yucky knowing starngers were posing in my bedroom,,,GROSS, but thats just me, to each his own.

[Cecelius]

He's only making her a slave if he DOESN'T want her to get a job or discourages it. His post indicates that he DOES want her to contribute, but that she is not.

 

He is not controlling her. He is irritated because she's being lazy, and then takes advantage of what should be thought of as hospitality. There is a huge difference.

 

When I was married, worked (went to school, walked uphill in the snow both ways, etc.) and my wife (who did not work) was spending what appeared to be approx. 4-5 WHOLE hours per week on caring for the household (and that includes trips to the grocery store, laundry, when it got done) I was pissed too. Being pissed is not being controlling.

 

If the sexes are equal, then it means that if one is not carrying their fair share, they get sh#t for it proportionate to their failure. Maybe they get a discout for love, but no man in this day and age need worry about whether they are oppressing anyone.

[JPMorgan]

If the sexes are equal, then it means that if one is not carrying their fair share, they get sh#t for it proportionate to their failure.

 

That's beautiful!

 

I'm married and neither my husband or myself would bring someone into our home without the other knowing about it! If it's open and honest there wouldn't have been a problem with her saying "Honey, some friends I met on the net are coming over. They want me to take some pictures of them" and there not being a problem. The fact that she hid it screams that there are serious problems in the relationship.

 

OP: Moving into someone else's home is hard enough -- did you two discuss who makes what decisions beforehand? Did you invite her in and say something like "I want this to be your home too" which implies that she can make some decisions without your direct approval?

 

The relationship you describe sounds more like a parent/child relationship. You focused on your paying for everything makes me think of my father saying things like "when you make a payment on the TV you can watch what you want" whenever I wanted to watch something that dad didn't.

[Topper]

Lets see if the roles were reversed if he was not working inviting friends over and taking questionable photos. I would bet that he would now be homeless. Who said that men should put up with this kind of behavior from women? From what you have said I would not be suprised that she is engageing in other risky things.

[Jtizzle]

I think we finally came to the point where assumptions become reality. You DO think that it's YOUR home and that you should control her because you pay for everything.

With that kind of attitude you can't keep her.

Another example why a woman shouldn't rely on a man financially. Because sooner or later he starts seeing things as "this is my house as I am paying for it and you're my slave as I am supporting you."

 

 

ooooh amen girly..i agree 1000%..thats why i never would let a man take care of me 100%..it'd be 50/50 all the way..because most dudes will pay for stuff act cool about it and then wen something goes awry they'll be like well i did this and this for you, i pay for that, i got you this, blah blah..and i be damned if ima live my life feeling like i owe someone something. Ive been in that situation before, where my ex would offer to pay my bills or so. i let him, and then we broke up and he brought it up as if i "owed" him something..So i wrote him a check for everything he ever ever bought me and sent him on his way..

 

Most folks who pay for everything will think they have the power, so true..if you TWO come to the conclusion that you will pay for everything finacially and she stays home then thats a 50/50 deal and you shouldnt be actin like you control things just because your bring home the bacon...so are you saying that when she gets a job and starts contributing to the bills that itll be called "OUR" home and then she can bring whom she pleases to yall house?