Everytime we fight she ignores me for a atleast a day

[LoneWanderer4200]

Just wondering how normal this is. I am 26 she is 36. We have been in a relationship long distance for almost 2 years now and have visited each other multiple times. Everytime we have an argument and she gets mad, even if we both come to an understanding, she ignores me for the rest of the day and the next day. It's getting really hard to deal with and just brush off because I feel like if we live together this will cause a real issue later on.

[Happy Lemming]

You're 26... Go play the field, locally. Seriously, go have fun with women your own age.

 

Why do you want to put up with the immature "Cold Shoulder" treatment from someone who is supposed to be a middle aged adult?? And why would you even consider living with someone like that??

 

NEXT!!

[lovecanbeharsh]

Lets get more into the psychology behind her behaviour.

 

As everyone knows relationships are a relentless power struggle, where partners fight for control of the relationship.

 

By ignoring you for a day she puts you on hold, while she cools off and makes you wait like a puppy for her to return to when she pleases.

 

Since you are in a long distance relationship she holds a lot of power over you, so I would suggest you have a talk with her about her behaviour when you guys are on talking terms and make sure she adheres to the agreement.

 

Tell her that is not how a healthy relationship works and that she needs to change that part about her no matter how hard it may seem in the heat of the moment. For all I care she can make a sticky note and hang it somewhere as a constant reminder what not to do in case of emergency.

 

If she disagrees with a solution I suggest you either 1) do the same to her 2) do the same but with an extended period of time to the point of her fear losing you for good or 3) if it's a dealbreaker for you, let her go, at least until she develops a new coping mechanism.

[basil67]

I think that perhaps the way the two of you handle a disagreement could be a lot to do with it. There are good and bad ways to handle a disagreement, and doing it a bad way would make her need a bit of time to lick her wounds afterwards.

 

The last time this happened, what had you disagreed over? And how did the discussion go?

[Rainah]

I think give her a taste of her own medicine

[Chilli]

You're 26... Go play the field, locally. Seriously, go have fun with women your own age.

 

Why do you want to put up with the immature "Cold Shoulder" treatment from someone who is supposed to be a middle aged adult?? And why would you even consider living with someone like that??

 

NEXT!!

 

 

Yep , couldn't agree more.

Wth are you doin OP , go have some fun man with your own age.

[preraph]

I'm one of those who will ignore and get scarce if I don't like something that went down. I do it after we've already talked about it and there's no remorse and nothing is going to change. During that time, I would be out having a good time if work permitted. Why? Because I'm still looking since this isn't working out.

 

Now, it doesn't even sound like you two live in the same town because you said you've "visited several times." So not sure there's any real level of commitment here, but feel free to clarify.

[purpleowl]

I could understand a few hours to cool down/sleep/eat/exercise after a fight, as that seems semi-reasonable even for couples living together to maybe be in different rooms or something. However, giving the silent treatment the rest of the day and the next is, in my opinion, really immature and not okay.

[justwhoiam]

You're 26... Go play the field, locally. Seriously, go have fun with women your own age.

 

Well, certainly I can't disagree with the above piece of advice.

 

I don't believe in power struggles. If I "run away" due to frustration, and not even receiving an apology, I'd expect him to look for me and provide one. And without engaging in justifications. I hate when instead of an apology I get excuses. The truth is that when something goes wrong, he seldom feels he did anything wrong, right?

 

I say only let a woman be if - when you're all lovey-dovey - she clearly stated that she needs to be on her own after a fight/argument. In any other case, it's better you don't, because in most cases it's gonna play against you.

 

That said, I'm against all sorts of repeting negative behavior, because in the long run it will make the relationship unhealthy. And that's on both of you, 50/50.

Edited March 3, 2018 by justwhoiam

[kaitlynlily6]

Have a talk with her. Being in a long distance relationship is already hard and its harder to have this kind of attitude with one partner. It's understable if she wants to cool her head but if the day progresses into days of ignoring, better talk with her otherwise give her a taste of her own medicine.

[bathtub-row]

Why are you wasting your precious years on an LDR?? Seriously. That's just something I wouldn't do at any age. She's geographically undesirable, age-inappropriate, and has huge communication issues.

 

What the heck?!

[Romantic_Antics]

The silent treatment is narcissistic absuse. It's also a LDR. End it immediately or be in a ridiculous amount of pain later.

[Steve51]

Actually a survey on this showed that wives stayed mad for one day so it is normal. That is how it was with my wife for most of our 45 years of marriage. In our old age knowing that we only have each other to care for the other since we have no kids and only enough to support ourselves if we stay together, the anger lasts for only a few minutes before we go back to normal.

[CommittedToThis]

The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse and is possibly indicative of more serious disorder issues.

 

For me it's a non-negotiable red flag, a deal breaker.

[stillafool]

 

I say only let a woman be if - when you're all lovey-dovey - she clearly stated that she needs to be on her own after a fight/argument. In any other case, it's better you don't, because in most cases it's gonna play against you.

 

.

 

That would be game playing on the woman's part and imho a good reason to break it off. No one has time for childish games and to coddle a middle aged adult.

[vickyp]

The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive form of emotional abuse and is possibly indicative of more serious disorder issues.

 

For me it's a non-negotiable red flag, a deal breaker.

 

I've been in this exact situation. I can only say run run run. It will get worst. It starts a day, then a week, then longer. It's mentality draining.

[isolatedgothic]

Is her silence due to the fact that she feels like you don't listen to her? Does she feel like she isn't validated when she tries to explain her side of things? Does she know that her words and opinions matter, or are her words walked over and/or dismissed?

 

I've worked with people before who do this, and it isn't because of narcissism or trying to punish the other person. It's the fact that they are conflict avoidant and don't feel as though their words matter to the other person, so they "take a break," so to speak, to keep things from escalating beyond repair, or engaging in a possible screaming match.

 

Make sure her words are heard, that she knows she matters, and that even if you don't agree, you still love her. Don't just think to yourself, "She knows she matters!" Tell her. Many women value words and reminders that they matter, and that their opinions are valid...not that you agree with her all the time, but that her feelings are valid.

 

If those things do not work for the relationship, then the relationship could be too traumatizing for both of you, and it's time to cut ties.