mia251 Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 My boyfriend’s grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend can’t be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like it’s my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I can’t stop thinking about him and everything that he’s going through. It’s hurting me that he’s hurting. He’s opened up to me though, told me that he’s been crying and that which surprised me because I didn’t think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. I’ve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didn’t feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and it’s killing me to know that he’s hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through. Link to post Share on other sites
ZayKayWill Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 My boyfriend’s grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend can’t be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like it’s my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I can’t stop thinking about him and everything that he’s going through. It’s hurting me that he’s hurting. He’s opened up to me though, told me that he’s been crying and that which surprised me because I didn’t think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. I’ve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didn’t feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and it’s killing me to know that he’s hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through. You just answered your own question. Empathy. You feel for him because you've been through it yourself so you know exactly how he feels. You're feeling the pain that he is feeling. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 I'm not sure there's an easy fix other than to have some perspective, which it sounds like you do, and give him some space if he needs it (or if you need it from him). Also, if you know what he's going through then don't forget that feeling even when he's at his lowest. When my mom died, it hit me hard because I was young and I'd never lost a family member before. I'm sure my girlfriend at the time wanted to be supportive but she couldn't really empathize, and my misery probably got to be too much for her eventually. My dad just died recently and remembering what happened the last time, I'm trying to be a lot less open about it with my current gf because as much as she assures me I can be sad, open, etc, I feel like if she actually sees me struggling with it then she'll think differently about me, to no fault of her own. I'm not sure there's an easier answer other than to know what you're each comfortable with and to take some time with it. However you get through it, it won't be overnight. Best of luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 My boyfriend’s grandad sadly past away on Monday. He lived abroad so, my boyfriend can’t be there for the funeral because of work commitments. His loss makes it feel like it’s my loss too. I feel so sad and devastated for him. I cry too. And I can’t stop thinking about him and everything that he’s going through. It’s hurting me that he’s hurting. He’s opened up to me though, told me that he’s been crying and that which surprised me because I didn’t think that he would be so open with me regarding his emotions. Why am I hurting because of his loss? I never knew his grandad. I’ve never felt this way before. Like my friends, in the past few months have lost their grandads too but I never felt like this. I was sad for them but I didn’t feel so hurt like i do for my boyfriend. I love him so much and it’s killing me to know that he’s hurting so much. I lost my grandma a few years ago and it killed me. I know what he is going through. Because empathy. When we care about someone we hate to see them hurting. You understand how bad loss hurts from experiencing your own loss. My condolences. Heart goes out to you and your bf. <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mia251 Posted February 8, 2018 Author Share Posted February 8, 2018 Thank you. I didn’t think of it that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mia251 Posted February 8, 2018 Author Share Posted February 8, 2018 He is really comfortable with me and open in many ways as I am with him. That’s the best thing about our relationship... Even though I hate that I lost my grandma, I’m glad I can empathise with what he is going through. I ask what he’s doing and how his day has been. I never ask how he is because I already know. I give him his space because I don’t want to be in his face all day. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2018 Share Posted February 8, 2018 He is really comfortable with me and open in many ways as I am with him. That’s the best thing about our relationship... Even though I hate that I lost my grandma, I’m glad I can empathise with what he is going through. I ask what he’s doing and how his day has been. I never ask how he is because I already know. I give him his space because I don’t want to be in his face all day. Make a few meals and drop it off for him. I'm sure he'd appreciate that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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